8/10 Had a crush on me? (Calls and Chat for a week) - Then says she had a boyfriend

[Lucasxp64]

I got fucking mindfucked today. I was so full of fucking assumptions about her. I thought she was single (presumably she isn't), keep reading...

My game was to keep it ambiguous, boil the frog slowly... Until I got a hard "NO, I have a boyfriend, and he doesn't like how you're talking recently."

😂 Full online game. Met her in a language exchange platform. She is of the same country as I am, and traveling abroad with her family for over a month. I was able to keep her engaged for a whole week, even had phone calls with her, I slowly added plenty of sexual and romantic innuendo in the conversation, and kept increasing the intensity as I felt like she was accepting it...

... As I noticed, she wasn't complaining hard, just some "Oh gosh, what... 🙊": SHE WOULD DO THIS LAUGHING ON AN AUDIO and say it all cute, like teasing: "Oh [name] [nameeeee] [nameeeeeee]... Stop joking around like that."

And she NEVER EVER would say some hard no: "NO! Stop saying that! I have a boyfriend!🙊" (UNTIL SHE DID IT TODAY!!)

She never told me she had a boyfriend: 

• Even after she mentioned having an EX at some point (I teased her not being redhead, and it reminded of her ex that said the same).
• Even after I mentioned meeting with her.
• Even after I mentioned my EX (That she said to me, that it was okay for me to open up emotionally - part of my game to open up gradually and say it takes time to open up, so it feels like she is winning me)
• Even after I mentioned and sent a meme and joked about: "Talking about EXs is like putting beans inside an ice-cream container": And she said she was sorry about mentioning her ex.
• Even when we spoke on the phone, and she had a pet she loved and treated like a child, I asked her if she had a human child: She said no.
• We spoke about travel, we spoke about different places she wants, places I'd like to go, I spoke about possibly meeting her in places she has never been before.

---

And yesterday, after she went to sleep, I got kinda pissed off with myself that I wasn't quite sending the message and getting the acknowledgment I craved (because that's the value I'd get from an online-only girl), and what I did was to send some somewhat super romantic/sensual audios speaking how I'd kiss her (didn't mention it sexually, didn't mention her body, breasts, my cock or her pussy, or her getting wet, etc etc)... Like if we're going to do it for the first time for building emotional comfort.... 

And I framed it as being just the kind of content I listen online (alongside a suggestive asmr video, that wasn't crude. Just GF role-play), and I said those things as an example of what I like to hear (Nothing explicit, just loving stuff with kisses and long eye-gazing), so I could give myself some plausible deniability for her and me if she confronted me negatively on it.

Alongside some other witty stuff like: "I hope you're not the kind of girl that likes whipping👿... hehe I don't like that 😰", and also positive things like: "Oh, if it's respectful and reciprocate", so that I could weight some naughtiness (teasing on her) and with some more down to earth vibe.

Here is the bombshell:

But I think she was the kind of girl that I had to say things LITERALLY to her for her to fully get it.

Specially that lately she seemed kinda distracted and busy. So perhaps during my messages before I was just leaving too much cognitive load for her, but this time I was much clearer.

Today, I woke up to the message that she said something along the lines

(I translated as perfectly as possible):

Quote

"Heyy [Name], good morning!! Dude, lately u are with some strange conversations, and that's not cool. I don't know if I told you, but I have a boyfriend. So, he was alright with our friendship [up until now?], he's not jealous, but he saw that u are getting past the limits a little."

I'm just documenting it to get it past emotions. I done journaling. I recorded some audios to myself about that. A lot of reflection on how my life is in a mess economically and in dating (not doing enough approaches/opening enough chats conversations), and it wasn't good game at all (in an overall sense): The logistics are completely out of my reach, I should open chats with girls that are at bus away at best... But online game without geographic restrictions tends to work better for me, but it might be survivalship bias since I do that the most.

I'm just mindfucked that I assumed she was single, and I probably screwed up this possible friendship, or possible "contact" if one day she became single. Because we really vibed, it was a nice chit-chatting.

• Perhaps she is single and that's her game to friend-zone me (In which case! Still GOOD, I can get in the Social Flow speaking with her!)
• ...
• Perhaps she had a boyfriend (maybe a bad one) but didn't want to say in case she thought I was more valuable than him, up until now. (I fucked up because I didn't close a date fast enough before she "came to her senses" or she lost interest on me).
• ...
• Perhaps she had a boyfriend AND enjoyed it, but he eventually saw the messages on her phone and she was trying to hide it from him: Example, she sent a disappearing photo, after she got excited that I sent mine (but just the upper half of it on the dark) and she seemed excited to see more, and sent hers (a bit suggesting, she was laying down on it, with a tight blouse, accentuating her breasts, with a very naughty smile). She complimented me on "Oh it was nice meeting you, you're so mysterious." (I learned this from past girls, I try to be as mysterious as possible, and not drop low sexually market value stuff early on anymore, frame my life in the best positive light possible without lying).

 

 

Edited June 30 by Lucasxp64

[Lucasxp64]

By the way I was really in a social flow this month/last week.

I had found another girl of my country on that app too, and I had long many phone calls with her at night before sleep, that was a nice confidence boost, and she said she liked listening to my voice (I'm working on it, my past long-distance GF hated my voice, but we barely spoke and she made me feel like shit all the time).

I was learning how to have good conversations: For example... I talk too much and don't leave room for her to think. I fixed that as soon as fast as she told me that.

I'm already talking with another girl daily from mexico (She speaks english) - she is doing a psychology major (we had some great deep conversations), got her contact roughly at the same time as girl on the post.

I got back on the app this week after being out of it for a while, after the first girl had some death in her family and she wasn't as chatty... I got back on it, because on a rainy day, I went out for some errands and I opened a conversation with a cute girl on the bus station that I walked by (I didn't go for a number close, didn't develop the conversation beyond neighbour stuff).

But I think I'm getting better. I think that Just being able to have those neighbor-like conversations, or friend-like conversations for hours is quite valuable for building comfort and some basic social experience.

Edited June 30 by Lucasxp64

[Lucasxp64]

Btw, I send her an apology (I said that I thought she was single and that it was ok to say those things), I didn't see her answer yet, and I don't want to see it now, or if there's an answer at all... Because I'm procrastinating on getting shit done, and I was mismanaging my mental focus when I was talking to her, and when I talk with other girls like that. That's something I need to work on.

[numbersinarow]

Not even the title.

[Lucasxp64]

@numbersinarow Of course not, in retrospect, she was just being chatty. I should learn to waste less time like that.

[Yimpa]

2 minutes ago, Lucasxp64 said:

@numbersinarow Of course not, in retrospect, she was just being chatty. I should learn to waste less time like that.

Not less… more! 

[NoSelfSelf]

Ofcourse you need to be direct and say what you mean so she can understand.Point of being direct and lead is not to waste time.

[Leo Gura]

Simple solution, you just ask a girl if she's single within the first 2 mins of talking to her. Done.

DO NOT try to sneak your way into a girls pants over a course of days and weeks. Make it clear what you want.

Also, DO NOT invest energy into a girl unless she's going on dates with you. Stop trying to build a connection with a girl over text or online. It's BS. If she's not agreeing to dates then screw off. Waste of time.

If a girl is interested in you, you don't need to make any effort to butter her up. You just invite her on a date and she eagerly agrees. If she makes excuses that means she isn't attracted to you and it will never happen.

STOP CHASING WOMEN. Just invite them out and if they don't come out, drop her.

Edited June 30 by Leo Gura

[nerdspeak]

14 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Simple solution, you just ask a girl if she's single within the first 2 mins of talking to her. Done.

DO NOT try to sneak your way into a girls pants over a course of days and weeks. Make it clear what you want.

Also, DO NOT invest energy into a girl unless she's going on dates with you. Stop trying to build a connection with a girl over text or online. It's BS. If she's not agreeing to dates then screw off. Waste of time.

If a girl is interested in you, you don't need to make any effort to butter her up. You just invite her on a date and she eagerly agrees. If she makes excuses that means she isn't attracted to you and it will never happen.

STOP CHASING WOMEN. Just invite them out and if they don't come out, drop her.

You can’t pay for advice this good. 

[VictorB02]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

If a girl is interested in you, you don't need to make any effort to butter her up. You just invite her on a date and she eagerly agrees. If she makes excuses that means she isn't attracted to you and it will never happen.

STOP CHASING WOMEN. Just invite them out and if they don't come out, drop her.

HEADLINE:

"man on forum distills all of dating and attraction down to 5 sentences"
 

56 minutes ago, nerdspeak said:

You can’t pay for advice this good. 

You experience it!

[Princess Arabia]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Simple solution, you just ask a girl if she's single within the first 2 mins of talking to her. Done.

DO NOT try to sneak your way into a girls pants over a course of days and weeks. Make it clear what you want.

Also, DO NOT invest energy into a girl unless she's going on dates with you. Stop trying to build a connection with a girl over text or online. It's BS. If she's not agreeing to dates then screw off. Waste of time.

If a girl is interested in you, you don't need to make any effort to butter her up. You just invite her on a date and she eagerly agrees. If she makes excuses that means she isn't attracted to you and it will never happen.

STOP CHASING WOMEN. Just invite them out and if they don't come out, drop her.

Yippity yip. Perfect. Don't like games either. 

[integral]

Young girls are clueless, they want friendship and so they think that random guys That talk to them also want to be friends. It’s only true some percentage of the time.

 

Edited July 1 by integral

[Lucasxp64]

On 30/06/2024 at 7:07 PM, Leo Gura said:

[...] you don't need to make any effort to butter her up. You just invite her on a date and she eagerly agrees. If she makes excuses that means she isn't attracted to you and it will never happen.

STOP CHASING WOMEN. Just invite them out and if they don't come out, drop her.

😪 For the benefit of every reader, to learn from my wasted youth doing that...

I was low self-steam early on in life, specially when it came to dating.

The worst part was that I had some success doing that whole thing I just described. It happened to my own demise.

(2013-ish ~ (gap didn't speak to her) ~ 2017) The first:

Began this weird online game back when I was 15 years old with a lady, and ended up having sex with her when I was 19. We met at a hotel and stayed together for a week, it was just a hookup.

I got used to that dating strategy.

I ignored actual real-world girls that were interested in me, and didn't learn to date without buttering her up like that...

Didn't have the courage to talk to, showing interest in them in real world, or responding to their interest on me, because I always felt low self-steam - Reason: I thought my clothing sucked, and that I was ugly. But when girls that I actually liked showed interest, I had that lack of experience/emotional blockage. "Thought that they wouldn't like me anyway." Weird. I know. It's not logical, it's an emotional wound.

It wasn't so much for her, but for me to feel that reassurance.

I had that insecurity of making her fall in love / build attraction with me even before we met each other (I know, actual sex has to happen for her to have investment)

(2019) The second:

When I was 21, did the same. Felt lonely, and for a whole week of opens on Facebook, one of them ended up having attraction for me (among other girls that showed interest in dates too, but lived too far). This time I was "wiser" in my thirst for connection: She at least lived a city away.

But I didn't also have the resources to met her often, neither did she. So we would just be interacting passionately online for months.

We ended up meeting once in a cinema, kissed and fondled.

(2020-2022) The third:

A girl that I've been buttering up commenting on her Instagram posts. Didn't even try to slide into her DM, until I made she do it first.

She was a fundamentalist Christian. Had bipolar disorder. Didn't even live in my country. Lived in a country I didn't even like. 💀

I build a rapport for months. She ends up "falling in love with me", and after a bit says she thinks I'm a turn-off because I wasn't muscular enough, yada yada.

She even helped me out with some money here and there, she was being sweet and wanted to see me grow, but at the same time she had her own issues. Almost Every single fucking month, she almost wanted to "break up" and didn't. She even made it public that we "had a relationship".

This was a dumpster fire that burned like radioactive waste for 2 straight years. That push and pull.

I fucked up.

I must admit this here.

I logically know that's a shitshow of nuclear proportions (even back then), but I feel for it emotionally, I wasn't just trying to be sneaky, I genuinely was trying to also fall for all of them too. I bullshitted myself.

Wasting a week building rapport with this girl was me falling back into those old sub-conscious patterns, and I realized it strongly after years of staying away from those "long distance relationships" and looking inwards into the emotional wounds.

Thanks GOD this girl (A few others too) this time didn't get romantic back.

💀💀💀💀💀

Do your shadow work, guys.

 

Edited July 2 by Lucasxp64

[Lucasxp64]

I know what direction to go when it comes to dating, I know I should be as efficient as possible with my time and energy, and make as many quality opens as possible and move to real world dates fast.

But it was a bit tempting to get that attention/connection. I was feeling lonely.

Likewise, I should instead refrain myself from building connection extensively with a girl that has no interest/can't meet with me in person, and enjoy the friendship for some of that emotional connection, so I'm not thirsty for that. Even then, even friends should be in person. Prioritizing phone calls over texting was even a step forward from there. It just feels much better for my mood. I hate chilling out through texting. 

Logistics. Logistics. Logistics. Logistics. Logistics. Logistics.

The goal is finding a girl that I can actually meet (at a bus away at best). Any others are for friendship right from the start, and keep that clear.

Edited July 2 by Lucasxp64

[Lucasxp64]

On 01/07/2024 at 8:48 AM, integral said:

Young girls are clueless, they want friendship and so they think that random guys That talk to them also want to be friends. It’s only true some percentage of the time.

 

I wanted friendship too, but my priority is to have an actual girlfriend. But I was trying to kill two birds with one stone. I gotta stop that, it makes me ruin possible great friendships (I was blocked before many times for that), and be too inefficient on actual dating. Too murky.