Obsessed with women, also regrets?

[BojackHorseman]

I started dating veeeery late (35)

Then got married

Now I regret a bit not having had more expérience with women, but even if I wanted now, I couldnt anyway

I'm old, not very attractive or outgoing and had a terribly flat life.

But I cant help but feel those feels. I love all women, am attractif to all of them. I Ish to have sex With a lot of different women, experience mant strange kinks (some that I did already), and, a bit more shameful, I regret that I will never be able to have sex With young women

And this hurts me a lot, because since I was a virgin and alone up until 35, I actually never experienced being with a young woman.

Am I just a dirty old pervert that shoumd shir up and has missed his life? I can't help but feel immense regret, that goes further than just sex.

This seems stupid but is a huge burden to me and I'm not sure how to fix it.

 

Edited June 29 by BojackHorseman

[LastThursday]

The story you're telling yourself is wrong in a number of ways.

Being 35 is not old. In fact I'd say for men 35 is a great age for dating. Women will go for emotional maturity, (financial) stability and (social) confidence and healthiness. If you want to attract women, then you can go a long way by learning to project those attributes. 35 is a sweet spot, because you're not too young and immature and not too old and unhealthy - and by 35 women expect you to have your life sorted out and will project that on to you.

People are not very good judges of their own attractiveness. Let that sink in. You should always be looking to maximise and improve on what you do have though. Some women will care about what you look like, but many won't, like I said above other things like confidence and maturity are more important, maximise those. Women will like a man who knows what they want and is comfortable in their own skin and looks after themselves physically - work on those things. As long you as you don't dress like a tramp, and go around feeling sorry for yourself, you'll attract someone, eventually.

Stop feeling regret, it's a waste of your emotional energy. You need to get past the feeling like a being a pervert leering at young women, you're not. Young women are the most attractive to all age groups, because, biology. But I would caveat that by saying that a lot of young women are immature and inexperienced - you should question whether you really want to deal with that. There are plenty of very attractive women at all ages, broaden your tastes, see what older women have to offer. Any woman worth going after will require work on your part, it's part of the game.

In short, stop telling yourself lies and put the work in and improve those things that women find attractive in a man.

[integral]

Pay to have sex with a young woman?

Edited June 29 by integral

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1S03yRaJwc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p53Xet8fAT0

https://www.shinzen.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/art_urges.pdf

[Salvijus]

Just suffer

 

[WillCameron]

If you don't mind me asking, I have a few questions that will help my next response:

1. How old are you now?
2. Are you still married?
3. Do you watch porn?

[LordFall]

Would your wife be open to joining the swinging scene/be into an open relationship? Just probably do a lot of self-improvement before then as she'll be way more attractive to random men then you will be to random women otherwise. 

[Math]

@BojackHorseman Yeah you're not old get out there!

[BojackHorseman]

 

On 29/06/2024 at 1:55 PM, integral said:

Pay to have sex with a young woman?

Feels weird to me
But I know realistically that's the best chance at this

 

On 30/06/2024 at 10:08 PM, LordFall said:

Would your wife be open to joining the swinging scene/be into an open relationship? Just probably do a lot of self-improvement before then as she'll be way more attractive to random men then you will be to random women otherwise. 

Sadly I don't think so
There's also another problem currently (she wants kids and I don't) which is making me question how the relationship is still working, but we do like each other and despite concluding that the only thing we could do is divorce since I'll probably never change my mind about kids, it's so hard to split and none of us wants to do it. I know this is ridiculous...)

 

On 30/06/2024 at 7:32 AM, WillCameron said:

If you don't mind me asking, I have a few questions that will help my next response:

1. How old are you now?
2. Are you still married?
3. Do you watch porn?

44

yes

yes (but less than before)

[Javfly33]

The issue here is that at the age you have, you should not be investing any of your mental energy on women or sex.

Is very simple mate.

You fucked a bit, you got married, now It ended. Move on.

 

Personally I also Lost virginity quite late and once it happened and a had 2-3 more sexual encounters, i completely lost interest. Nowdays if a women comes great, but i dont move a finger. Completely nonsenical. Being human IS not about sex as a priority. If It happens great but investing consciously energy in that is crazy.

 

I dont know what is wrong with society, the fact that you are thinking about this as It has some importance shocks me.

You have a brain and body that is the most advanced and evolved of the Planet, but you are too busy thinking about simple biological act like is sex or if you are not going to fuck Young Girls now. LOL. 

Edited July 7 by Javfly33

[LordFall]

@Javfly33 So what should he focus on? I feel you're just spiritually bypassing and judgmental around sex. 

 

[Javfly33]

9 hours ago, LordFall said:

@Javfly33 So what should he focus on? 

Im not a Life coach, i can not know what he is interested in. But maybe not invest his Mind energy and focus on trying to sleep with Young women. 

Not that im judging It thought , I completely understand why he wants.

Is just not something one should have revolving around his head as a priority. But if It happens great, Enjoy It.

9 hours ago, LordFall said:

@Javfly33 I feel you're just spiritually bypassing and judgmental around sex. 

 

Not at all, just yesterday a girl ask me for my number, i gave It to her and if something sexual happens I won't oppose myself to It lmao.

Is just that i won't spend a single neuron of my brain towards actively pursuing It. 

That i dont pursue does not mean i can not Enjoy It if the situation arises.

 

I mean... If one hasnt gotten any sexual experiences with a human and spent all his Life into porn, i would say, ok, maybe is not bad idea to experience real human contact for once. 

But OP has already been married. So what is the excuse now? Why Keep investing time and energy into trying to date now?

Edited July 8 by Javfly33

[Schizophonia]

It’s just your ego 👍 

[LordFall]

@BojackHorseman Do you feel like you have a personality that's in general avoidant of commitments? You might very well be in a green is greener on the other side situation where your life is exactly how you need it to be but you have to let go of some deep-rooted fear/trauma about being trapped or something of that nature. That's what you saying you don't want kids and want to break up with a good partner to go chase young tail tells me. 

On 29/06/2024 at 0:31 AM, BojackHorseman said:

And this hurts me a lot, because since I was a virgin and alone up until 35, I actually never experienced being with a young woman.

Am I just a dirty old pervert that shoumd shir up and has missed his life? I can't help but feel immense regret, that goes further than just sex.

This seems stupid but is a huge burden to me and I'm not sure how to fix it.

I think @Schizophonia is right and it's your ego. I've also felt envious of my more extroverted friends that have an easier time getting laid than I do but the more I watch it in detail and understand what's going on; the more it just seems like a dysfunctional social matrix I don't really want any part of. Like most of dating is just two people kind of storytelling to each other random nonsense and then humping for a bit to dissipate stress and then avoiding each other until they do it again with another person or do it a few times. It's not particularly deep or meaningful.  

[BlueOak]

We are similar ages, and I've had similar thoughts/feelings.

Part of me wants to say you seem to need validation from others for your own internal world, like you've been splintered or cracked open. I see the same from my brother a lot. At one time, I was the same.

Part of me wants to say that it is understandable to seek some sort of social support like this when you are uncertain of something related to other people, and I certainly do the same thing. I still feel like the connection of someone reaffirming a belief is nice once in a while.

So I decided to tell you what both parts of me wanted to say. To offer a balance.

The other was a practical notion:

Can you spice up your sex life with your partner? Don't assume anything, ask. Approach the topic with some maturity, let her know you want to try new things to keep it interesting, meet her halfway, and give her the same opportunity to ask. I understand that it won't be the same as sleeping with an entirely different partner, but you can make it very different, or buy a few books on the topic and have a look at them. When she feels secure that you are not going to cheat on her, if you've reached that kind of place in the relationship where you can be totally honest with her, you can talk about the reasoning behind these sorts of thoughts. It might bring up some understandable anxiety on her part, but you can assure her that's why you've come to her with these feelings, seeking different sexual experiences with her. But if you don't ask you'll never know.

Because the experience is what you'll remember. Not whether the girl had blonde hair, black hair, blue eyes, or green eyes, so if I can be blunt aim for that rather than just a different body.

As for anyone telling you sex isn't something you should think about, the entirety of reality is about fertility, it's a womb of constant creation we are sitting in, and the drive for sex is the most natural and spiritual thing 'in the world'. Birth, death, and rebirth are worldly alchemy, and they require sex as a fundamental part of them, so it's on everyone and everything's mind here.

Edited July 9 by BlueOak

[Yeah Yeah]

On 09/07/2024 at 10:01 AM, BlueOak said:

As for anyone telling you sex isn't something you should think about, the entirety of reality is about fertility, it's a womb of constant creation we are sitting in, and the drive for sex is the most natural and spiritual thing 'in the world'. Birth, death, and rebirth are worldly alchemy, and they require sex as a fundamental part of them, so it's on everyone and everything's mind here.

Yeah dude so why is none of it in my own life like at all what is going on 

[TheGod]

On 29/06/2024 at 0:31 AM, BojackHorseman said:

I started dating veeeery late (35)

Then got married

Now I regret a bit not having had more expérience with women, but even if I wanted now, I couldnt anyway

I'm old, not very attractive or outgoing and had a terribly flat life.

But I cant help but feel those feels. I love all women, am attractif to all of them. I Ish to have sex With a lot of different women, experience mant strange kinks (some that I did already), and, a bit more shameful, I regret that I will never be able to have sex With young women

And this hurts me a lot, because since I was a virgin and alone up until 35, I actually never experienced being with a young woman.

Am I just a dirty old pervert that shoumd shir up and has missed his life? I can't help but feel immense regret, that goes further than just sex.

This seems stupid but is a huge burden to me and I'm not sure how to fix it.

 

1. Divorce your wife.

2. Become independent emotionally and financially

3. Go to Amsterdam where you can have sex with as many young women as you want (I did it a lot of times)

[ICURBlessings]

A lots of good inputs from others... I am  not sure if what I have to say here, is what you want to hear, in any case it might help you later,  once you have journeyed on this painful path a little further.

You are tortured by unconscious forces, including the survival of the human specie. Of course having kids would take that one force out! And there are other forces much deeper at play, interfering with your peace of mind.

What you are experiencing is rather common, and it is one of the element of the midlife crisis. But this is no consolation.

Ok now I will tell you what you don't feel because you don't know, and may not really want to know:

If you had all that which your heart desires it would be fun for a while but you probably would find it "addictive" - kind like alcohol, drugs, sugar, and many other types of addictions. Eventually you would find yourself into a not so fun phase, . That is one scenario. There are many scenarios, some better than others but ultimately, the journey leads to the realization that the promises of such relationships and sex are highly deceptive. Nothing is as promised, and "there is no-satisfaction"! It is a search that leads to empty hands - other than the LESSON that the syren's call leads the ship to crash into the rocky shore. The syren's call sounds beautiful and hypnotic... but that is where the beauty ends.

"Sex is overly rated" is a powerful statement  simply because of the truth that it embodies. There was a time where this statement made no sense to me. That was a time when body pleasures and body pains were clearly two separate things. That was when I was under the spell of the syren's, it was even to a certain degree, after I started to tell that the promises of orgasmic-bliss were feeble in contrast to the true capacity of the soul's field of experience.

Man the ultimate truth is that you have missed nothing. The gifts that the mortal shell offers are hollow and empty of substance. Happiness is not found there and will not be found there.

[Schizophonia]

Me too.

"Mhh girllllllllllllls."

 

[Keryo Koffa]