Feeling very stuck

[Christopher03]

Hello everyone

I have been lurking on this forum for awhile now. I was afraid to post but here we are 

I’m 20. I was bullied and heavily shamed growing up in a third world country. I am now in a better place, but I have been very stuck in my life for the last 5 years. I suffer from social anxiety and poor self-image/esteem.

I got through highschool barely talking to anyone. Now I just stay at my parents house. I didn’t go to college. No friends. No job. Never had a gf.

I am currently taking baby steps on bettering my condition (meditation, reading, exercising) but the main reason why I am stuck is my social anxiety. The fear of being judged and humiliated or looking dumb is too painful for me. If I could just be socially free it would make a night and day difference on building my life.

To those that have overcome or had any experience with tackling this anxiety any recommendations or tips it would be really appreciated. Much love 

[Rafael Thundercat]

42, and still sometimes feel socialy anxious, not because of shyness of feelings of inferiority, but because I am more aware in who and what I spend my attention and energy. If I am in the middle of a buch NPC's and Unregulated Nervous System people I dont interact to much, safe my energy to my own. But if I feel I am in a safe enviroment and feel energic I can be very extrovert. Of course maybe because I am 42 the time and experience made me much more grounded in myself that is very difficult to be moved or care about whatever happens around me. Is important to take care of your diet and neurvous system balance. Sometimes I feel that when I lack minerals like zinc,potassium magnesium etc.. I dont want to intereact to much and overall when I am tired. There is less psychic energy and I dont even feel like looking people in the eyes. 

Is a great feeling to be around of likeminded people of course, so you need to find them. Or have fun with the Normies if is all you have.

[thenondualtankie]

You should have tried to get help & support from parents etc (you still can). Maybe your culture didn't allow for it though.

Is there anything available on meetup.com? Meditation group maybe?

Any ideas for what action you can take which involves interacting with others?

[Asia P]

I dont know if this will help you, but i think that the fact thay you see yourself like an anxious or dumb guy, is making people see you as such.

The first one who's judging yourself is you. I suggest to try to change this attitude, through accepting yourself as you are.

[shree]

I would suggest you four things:

 

1. Start going to gym. (Don't make your training at home)

2. Fix your diet

3. Force yourself to have a small conversation with 3 people every single day, even if it's just asking for time.

4. Check Patric Teahan on YouTube and consider payed subscription on his website if it resonates with you. 

 

[Christopher03]

Thank you for the responses 

@thenondualtankie Whenever I’m out for jogs I try to look and smile at people I pass by, especially the elderly walking their dogs. Sometimes it ends up in small talk. I feel like I could be more proactive on initiating conversations though but it is a start. 

 

@Asia P Yes that is definitely the case.. I’m working on being less judgemental and negative to myself. Lately when meditating I am becoming more aware of my negative thought patterns and I try to replace them. But when I am out and about I guess these thought habits still happen unconsciously. Do you recommend any books or resources on this?

 

@shree Thanks for the suggestions, I will check him out. I struggle a lot on forcing myself to converse with people. My mind talks me out of it for most attempts but I will keep trying. 

[Willie]

10 hours ago, Christopher03 said:

The fear of being judged and humiliated or looking dumb is too painful for me.

That fear is valid and comes from past experiences, but you should keep it in the past. Have the courage to stay in the present and stop bringing the past with you.