Letting go

[aklacor727]

I have a friend that suffers immensely.. and I’ve come to realize he very much tends to hold on to his past. So i’ve been bringing up lately that him working on letting go of those things would help him feel so much better.. while I was trying to understand what’s been making him hold on for so long he made a comment, “what if I don’t want to let go”. I asked, why would you want to hold onto something that makes you sad? And it’s sounding like him letting go in  his mind means he doesn’t care. So basically, certain things from his past that make him very sad, he also holds dear to him. I didn’t really know what to say to that because it does kind of makes sense. But also, it doesn’t, because you can still care and hold certain things dear to you while letting go of the attachment? What would you say to someone you very much care for that is has this mindset? He’s such a good person and deserves to be happy so I very much appreciate any advice! 🙏

[Keryo Koffa]

Sadness it the reconciliation of the profoundness of one's life with its loss

That which makes him hold onto it is the same thing that keeps you alive and happy and all of us active

What you're saying is actually counter-productive, as it would suppress his emotions

What he needs is actually the opposite, to be allowed to experience it deeply and profoundly, support him, listen and don't try to distract away, he will move at his own pace.

Imagine how you would feel if your family was murdered in front of you and someone told you to stop whining, stay positive, stop dwelling on the past and hit up the gym instead, how would that make you feel? As you said, what's the point of holding on, right?

He needs time to grieve and a listening ear, perhaps solace, but definitely not advice

Edited June 26 by Keryo Koffa

[aklacor727]

@Keryo Koffa by letting go, I mean being willing to feel it, not suppress it… I’m trying to encourage him to let it out so it can be let go. And of course  here for him as he does that. I guess I wasn’t clear enough with what I meant by that. 
I’ve always known he tends to hold onto things but I brought it up after he mentioned that he wants to cry a lot but pushes it away and gets down on himself about it, things like that. Can’t remember exactly what it was he said.
But I don’t think advice always has to be a negative or intrusive thing anyway..There is a way you can bring things up to people to help inspire them, influence, etc….But yes, my main concern is being a loving, emotionally supportive friend. ❤️
 

[Princess Arabia]

Believe it or not, some people like the feeling of suffering. It comes in different degrees, so depends on the context and to what degree. I guess it makes them feel alive, or they might just have a habit of living in the past. There are no rules saying we have to be happy and run from sadness. Humans are just known to prefer the happiness state and always strive for that. You saying he deserves to be happy is just a bias and preference of yours.

This is not about accepting, but embracing. Embracing all walks of life. You might want to examine if his sadness is what's affecting your wanting to feel happy all the time and being around him makes that difficult for you.