What Psychedelics Should I Use For Toxic Shame?

[eTorro]

Hello.

I plant to use psychedelics to understand more about my ingrained childhood trauma.

I'm dealing with toxic shame as "my core identity." I'm not identified with toxic shame but it's very persistent because it manifests unconsciously.

It gets triggered when I'm in public or around people. It's so powerful that it completely overwhelms me — it's basically overpowering me.

Humans are triggering my toxic shame, which makes me anxious around them and highly self-conscious. Words don't come out naturally when I talk to people — they're always forced, and an interpretation of what people are saying.

I somehow understand how the mind creates reality but I'm still unable to relinquish that toxic sense of shame that is murdering my authentic self.

What type of psychedelics should I use for toxic shame? What do you guys recommend?

Are psychedelics a viable option for understanding why I'm shame-based and unable to relate with people?

Edited June 24, 2024 by eTorro
To add a line.

[Yimpa]

3 minutes ago, eTorro said:

I plant to use psychedelics to understand more about my ingrained childhood trauma.

Cannabis!

I am biased, of course, but that is what helped me. I also use it for medical purposes and not strictly recreationally. 

How you use psychedelics is key. Any psychedelic can be abused.

Quote

Are psychedelics a viable option for understanding why I'm shame-based and unable to relate with people?

Absolutely. You will deepen your understanding of yourself, and more.

[Davino]

I would recommend MDMA, a full pill in two doses so that the come up is comfortable, but just take it once. It will help to actually open all that stored trauma in a way no other psychedelic hits. However, more use will not do it, but it will heal a lot and give you the Love you craved.

Then I would recommend 2cb or blue bliss pellets, to keep on working if you liked the above experience.

On the top I would say 5meo Malt would be the most helpful and healthy long term.

Remember psychedelics boost whatever you are already doing. Regarding personal development that's how they usually work.

[bambi]

Its crazy that people suggest MDMA for long term healing, I have done so much of it, and it always left me with severe comedowns, I dont actually class MDMA as a true pscyhedelic so far

Edited June 24, 2024 by bambi

[Davino]

1 hour ago, bambi said:

I dont actually class MDMA as a true pscyhedelic so far

It's a psychedelic

1 hour ago, bambi said:

Its crazy that people suggest MDMA for long term healing

Not the best option agree. But it's a good first emotional opener to start the healing process. I've heard mdma works great for ptsd and autism, but still don't think it's good long term.

For clarification, I recommend MDMA just one time and do it till you get the ecstasy state of consciousness. It will make you much good, but at maximum once a year, not more.

1 hour ago, bambi said:

I have done so much of it, and it always left me with severe comedowns

Yes, that's the worse about mdma. Comedown is very bad

[Yimpa]

Don’t discount comedowns or bad trips. They are vital to the long-term healing. 

[Javfly33]

3 hours ago, eTorro said:

 

Are psychedelics a viable option for understanding why I'm shame-based and unable to relate with people?

Because of identification. 

You can not chose your Karma but you can chose to be free of it. 

I recommend 4-aco-dmt. 

Edited June 24, 2024 by Javfly33

[integral]

24 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

4-aco-dmt

Each substance works differently for every person. 

[eTorro]

37 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

Because of identification. 

 

Consciously — I'm not identified with toxic shame.

The issue is that toxic shame is unconscious; it gets triggered because it has its autonomy. It's a subconscious mechanism that I have no control over.

It's so pervasive that it can't be easily relinquished. I need to wait until it subsides.

[shree]

4-ACO-DMT

[eTorro]

34 minutes ago, shree said:

4-ACO-DMT

Can I find it in pharmacies? 

[What Am I]

7 minutes ago, eTorro said:

Can I find it in pharmacies? 

Maybe, depending on where you live. It's in a gray area of legality in most of the world. If you live in Canada, you can pick it up pretty easily domestically. I've heard it's been sold at head shops under the title "synthetic shrooms". You can also buy it online from research chemical vendors.

I was laughing because it's not the kind of thing you'll find at your local CVS pharmacy or anything like that. At least not yet I guess.

Edited June 24, 2024 by What Am I

[bambi]

IS -4-aco-dmt the same as psyilcibon?

[What Am I]

26 minutes ago, bambi said:

IS -4-aco-dmt the same as psyilcibon?

I'm not sure as I've never taken it, but it's theorized that it converts to 4-HO-DMT (psilocin) when taken orally. I've heard various reports from different people that it's identical to mushrooms, slightly different, and completely different. So I don't really know what to expect. Everyone does seem to agree that it's awesome though.

[LambdaDelta]

MDMA is neurotoxic, no wonder it leaves people with bad comedowns. As such it can (/should) only be used rarely, despite being quite effective for this purpose. You might want to try LSD. Almost nothing that little shit can't do. It's actually also a powerful entactogen, that's rarely mentioned, but I was reminded of this fact just a couple days ago when testing the new sheet I bought. At low-ish doses (100 micrograms or so for a regular person), you won't have many visuals getting in the way, and plenty of time to introspect or whatever else you need. Intention, or at least a correct situation are necessary. I wasn't planning on it, but during the trip I had to talk on the phone to my parents, and each conversation led to a powerful trauma release, I cried intensely twice with joy and bitterness, left me feeling much better afterwards. And that was with trauma I didn't even know I had, if you set a concrete intention and laser in on it, I imagine you'll get good results.

4-AcO-DMT is something you can basically only get from Canada or China as it's illegal in the Netherlands which's the RC capital of Europe. It's a powerful psychedelic, but IME it doesn't quite hit the notes you're looking for.

Edited June 25, 2024 by LambdaDelta

[PsychedelicEagle]

On 6/25/2024 at 2:26 AM, LambdaDelta said:

MDMA is neurotoxic, no wonder it leaves people with bad comedowns. As such it can (/should) only be used rarely, despite being quite effective for this purpose.

Great point. I've heard the estimated lifetime MDMA trips one should do is 50x (assuming 120mg + 80mg booster), with more than that risking changing sleeping patterns (whatever that means, heard it from a psychedelic researcher). I've done MDMA 3x in my life, in party settings, and all those trips helped me increase my will to be more social. I don't think it's fundamental for healing, but if one wants to do it please test it and weigh it carefully, MDMA requires great care.

That said, most healing in my life happened with Ayahuasca. Including childhood & other traumas/perceptions that unlocked me to have more meaningful social interactions.

Psychedelics were a big part of my process but really, I think the best medicine is constant social exposure and developing yourself. There are no shortcuts! It is a slow process. @eTorro, at this point in my life I can say I've healed from toxic shame. 7-8 years ago (when I was ~25yo) I was unable to talk to girls that were generally beautiful or of high social status. I felt deeply inadequate. I read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" & many other pickup/relationship books for men. One that helped me A LOT was "How to be a 3% man" from Corey Wayne. Another is "Models" from Mark Manson. I went to personal development forums, consumed thousands of hours of personal development videos (here I have to give proper thanks to @Leo Gura -- I have yet to create a post in this forum sharing the importance that Actualized.org had in my whole life, but I want to do it in a separate post & the proper way -- in the context of this post Actualized.org teachings were fundamental to help me navigate rejection in a mindful way at a crucial moment of my life). I can't remember how many times I cried because a girl rejected me and I could not figure out what was going on or even what was the right way to behave. There was a time when I would cry every night. Now I got to the point where I can easily go and talk to whoever I want. I date beautiful girls I'd never thought I could. The only caveat is that it is a slow process (IME -- it took me 8 years!) and requires you to build confidence through grounded personal development. Once you are following your life purpose, you are happy with your fitness goals, the trajectory of your life, it all becomes a lot easier. Then comes the social exposure, you can have a goal to talk to one person per day, start salsa/dancing classes, it doesn't need to be everything at once. You work in these areas in parallel as your life unfolds and one area helps you become more confident in the others.

Apologies for the long post -- there's much more I could share, feel free to ask if anything.

Edited June 27, 2024 by PsychedelicEagle

[Javfly33]

On 24/06/2024 at 7:45 PM, integral said:

Each substance works differently for every person. 

So? I used the word 'That's why I Used the word 'Recommend'. 

On 24/06/2024 at 8:00 PM, eTorro said:

Consciously — I'm not identified with toxic shame.

The issue is that toxic shame is unconscious; it gets triggered because it has its autonomy. It's a subconscious mechanism that I have no control over.

It's so pervasive that it can't be easily relinquished. I need to wait until it subsides.

I get that. 

However toxic shame is something you picked up from outside, whatever is in form of external situations, thoughts, memory or even genetic (if you belief in that sort of stuff).

Clearly if you are not experiencing toxic shame at all times, is certainly not you, isn't it?

Please tell me, if sometimes toxic shame is not happening, clearly that is not you. 

Quote

autonomy

It has no autonomy. Is not alive. Is just there.

But if you give it attention and you identified yourself with it, then its a problem.

Is not a problem moving a suitcase with wheels, but if I put inside my head and try to walk with it, I´m not going to go very far. You know? How am I going to move with a suitcase in my head?

So what I´m saying is, I don´t care what your karma is. You ultimately have choice to identify with it or not. 

You keep getting identified with it because you don´t who you are. You think you are those accumulations. Until there is not a clear space between what is you and what is your accumulation (toxic shame), good luck winning this game.

As I said, get the damn suitcase off your head. 

 

Edited June 28, 2024 by Javfly33

[mrPixel]

The best thing you can do is find a loving, accepting community to be a part of. Find a good therapist to accompany you on your healing journey.

[shree]

2 hours ago, mrPixel said:

 Find a good therapist to accompany you on your healing journey.

Unfortunately , This is almost a mission impossible.

[bambi]

I think LSD should be one of the best all round pscyhedelics it hits the broadest range of receptor sites, DPT also does this, then psyilocybin shortly after