Shadow Work

[Evan Gill]

Bad habits that need to change:

1) Laying in bed scrolling on the phone so much

This is literally getting disgusting. You are wasting your whole life away doing this. You need to be more conscious of this. Yes, laying in bed is very comfortable. But its a trap.

2) Constantly having to check the youtube account and obsessing over views and subscribers

I know you want it to grow, but checking it constantly isn't going to make it grow faster, just post the content and be done with it. You’ve made a lot of progress in the past 2 years. You know from experience that the more you obsess over it, the more you hinder your results. Just focus on creating good content.

3) Watching YouTube 

YouTube has a lot of interesting and fascinating things. And since you love to learn, YouTube is the most convenient way to do this. You’re able to learn anything you want by clicking a few buttons. But there needs to be a limit. You can’t spend hours consuming. You don’t even retain it anyway. Also, you waste a lot of time watching garbage on there like reality tv.

3) Not committing to things

You complain that you don’t have enough time but that is BS, you have more than enough time to do everything you want. You just waste your time on nonsense. You committed to learning Spanish for about 6 months but it was kind of half-assed. If you had dedicated more time to it you would have been speaking conversationally by now. 

[Evan Gill]

Things I Am/Was Wrong about:

1. The way that I treated people in the past. Especially women. i acted selfishly and immaturely. I constantly replay this in my mind and I regret it.

2. Spending most of my 20s using drugs and chasing quick pleasures. I can't believe how stupid and irresponsible I was.

3. I was wrong in the sense that I didn't devote more time to building conscious relationships with people because I never really valued human connection that much. Although, there is a lot of nuance to this. 

4. I am wrong about the way I justify my current job. Working for a corporation like this does not align with you and your values. But the $$ is good. I wasn't wrong for initially taking the job. You didn't know any better. But you should have left once you started awakening and realize you have a greater purpose to serve.

5. I am wrong in the way that I judge and criticize others. Spiral Dynamics has opened my eyes to this. Everyone is evolving at their own rate.

Things You Are/Were right about:

1. Having enough self awareness to recognize your faults and change them. 

2. Becoming a content creator even though it was tough in the beginning. Smartest move you made.

3. Leaving University and going back to community college and then ultimately finishing your degree even though you were going through such a dark time. Good job!

4. Parting ways with all of the narcissists in your life.

5. Accepting the position at your current company, it made the most sense at the time.

 

 

[Yimpa]

40 minutes ago, Evan Gill said:

2. Becoming a content creator even though it was tough in the beginning. Smartest move you made.

You should add your social links to your forum signature. Free advertising! 

[Evan Gill]

1 hour ago, Yimpa said:

You should add your social links to your forum signature. Free advertising! 

Apparently I can't until I reach a certain number of posts

[Yimpa]

6 minutes ago, Evan Gill said:

Apparently I can't until I reach a certain number of posts

I’ve been here way too long to remember that was a thing 

[Evan Gill]

Saturday 6/22

Although the heat is unbearable, today was rather enjoyable. I am grateful to have simple things like air conditioning and a decent apartment to myself. What makes a day more or less enjoyable? How active the mind is. Everything is mind. On days that are "bad", your mind is acting up and causing problems. On days that are "good", the mind is quiet. This is why some days you are unhappy, depressed and want to leave everything. It's because you haven't been keeping up with meditation, letting go and self-inquiry. It's very rarely the actual circumstances or anything external. Its always just your thoughts and emotions weighing you down. On the days you feel good, motivated and content, the mind isn't racing.

I have been doing significantly better with spending my time more wisely. I have been practicing Spanish a bit more and reading often. Right now my main goal is to practice Kriya yoga on a daily basis. Once in the morning, once at night. Also while keeping up with my self-inquiry practice all throughout the day. 

EG

[Evan Gill]

I found a Kriya Yoga channel on YouTube and I really love it. The guy gives practical demonstrations on how to actually do Kriyas. Most of the stuff I watched before was a bunch of Spiritual theory. There needs to be a balance of theory and practicality. One thing I have learned about myself, especially since getting into philosophy and spirituality, is that I am very pragmatic and practical. I just want to figure out what works and how to apply it. I don't enjoy sitting around discussing a bunch of Spiritual mumbo jumbo about Reality, God and Infinity. Just tell me how to get there. Perhaps this is one of my downfalls but oh well.

Edited June 23 by Evan Gill

[Ishanga]

10 hours ago, Evan Gill said:

I found a Kriya Yoga channel on YouTube and I really love it. The guy gives practical demonstrations on how to actually do Kriyas. Most of the stuff I watched before was a bunch of Spiritual theory. There needs to be a balance of theory and practicality. One thing I have learned about myself, especially since getting into philosophy and spirituality, is that I am very pragmatic and practical. I just want to figure out what works and how to apply it. I don't enjoy sitting around discussing a bunch of Spiritual mumbo jumbo about Reality, God and Infinity. Just tell me how to get there. Perhaps this is one of my downfalls but oh well.

This forum is all about this sort of stuff, God, Infinity, Absolute, Imagination, talk talk talk lol, I don't how ppl get so into it, as it leads to nowhere and the threads repeat themselves over and over...Its good to be practical and just wanting to know how to apply it, that's no downfall!

[Evan Gill]

38 minutes ago, Ishanga said:

This forum is all about this sort of stuff, God, Infinity, Absolute, Imagination, talk talk talk lol, I don't how ppl get so into it, as it leads to nowhere and the threads repeat themselves over and over...Its good to be practical and just wanting to know how to apply it, that's no downfall!

@Ishanga haha yes... it gets so repetitive. I do enjoy some discussion around spiritual topics, but as you said, we just go in circles on here.

[Evan Gill]

6/23/24

On Solipsism:

Have been going back and forth about this whole solipsism thing. I watched Leo's video a handful of times it's very convincing. But then again, if he made a video saying "the world is made of pudding" people would probably believe it. I think he may just want Solipsism to be the truth. Of course if you do 100+ trips on 5-MEO you are going to believe crazy shit like you're the only mind that exists . That's literally what Psychedelics do. They change the way you think and perceive reality. I'm not ready for it personally.

Ramana Maharishi saying "there are no others" is a good argument, but perhaps we are misunderstanding what he actually meant. 

This is my current stance:

Why does it matter if other minds exist? 

My consciousness is the only thing I'll ever experience and that's it. Whether there are other minds or not is irrelevant.

Solipsism can't be proven or falsified. So it's not that I don't believe it, I definitely am still open to it, and the thought of it being true definitely doesn't scare me at all. 

EG

 

Edited June 23 by Evan Gill

[Evan Gill]

6/25/24

I'm at about 6 days of Semen Retention and I'm trying to go for 60-90 days. I have done this in the past and I always feel phenomenal when I completely cut out sex for this time frame. The energy, ambition and spiritual connection is indescriable. This includes cutting out any kind of adult content along with self-pleasure. You also need to eliminate thinking about it. Sex really controls us so much and it's all ego. I have proven many times to myself in the past that sexual experiences do not fulfill me. In fact, most of the time, they drain me. Yet, the ego still chases them. This does not include sexual experiences with a girlfriend or someone you are genuinely interested in. Those are okay. Which is why I still allow myself to talk to women. 

I believe the SR practice mixed with a daily practice of Kriya Yoga is a good combination. Yoga and meditation are a great way to transmute the sexual energy.

EG

[Evan Gill]

6/25/24

I used to be very depressed and nihilistic, but I have dedicated the last 5 years to finding some kind of meaning and purpose in life. 

I want to list out some of my discoveries during this time. I can probably list about 100 things, but here are some I just thought of that I would like to share.

Some of these may be obvious and a bit cliché. Perhaps even consistently repeated, but that’s because they work. They may not necessarily work for everyone, but it's definitely a good start if you're struggling.

1) Adopt a minimal, simple lifestyle ~ Let go of your desire to impress others and own expensive, lavish things. This doesn’t mean you should be poor or avoid building wealth for yourself. You can still live a comfortable, nice lifestyle. In fact, having a home you feel safe and comfortable in is very important. But the excessive desire for more than we need is creating much of our misery.

2) Drop the victim mentality ~ We have all been through terrible situations in life, some much worse than others. I am not undermining the fact that we were victims in those instances. But we must be careful not to carry this with us for the rest of our life, because it will hold us back. Once you heal from the pain caused by your trauma and begin to let go of the past, you will see what I mean. You can’t control the things that happen to you, but you can control how you react to them. Take full responsibility for the trajectory of your life. This will be more difficult for some, depending on what you have been through.

3) Be grateful ~ If the health and safety of yourself or your family isn’t being threatened, you probably have a lot to appreciate. It’s the nature of the mind to constantly want things to be different. Whenever you feel like you’re lacking in some area of life, be grateful for what you do have. Even if it's just the fact that you were given a chance to have this human experience. Even if its just for this moment.

4) Stop running from emotions ~ Stuck emotions are holding you back and you need to allow them to surface. Don’t ignore them or try to escape them. They play a very big role in your growth. Learn to relax and feel, no matter how scary or painful it may be.

5) Suffering is necessary ~ Without dark, we wouldn’t appreciate light. Learn to approach your suffering with love and acceptance, not resistance. Pain and suffering will always pass when you let it.

6) Meditate daily ~ Adopt a regular meditation routine and make it a priority. Your thoughts and emotions are the largest source of your suffering. The stories in your mind are what keep you depressed and miserable. Meditation is about anchoring yourself to reality. You must train your mind to stop thinking so much and to anchor it in the now.

7) Learn to be alone ~ Spend time alone and learn to enjoy it. Use this time to embark on creative, meaningful endeavors. Have a few good people in your life that you can grow with and rely on. Move on from the people who are just distracting you and holding you back.

8) Be patient with yourself ~ Be patient with anything you do. Anything worth it in life, will take time. All the things I mentioned here will take months and years to truly understand and apply to your life. You won’t see a difference right away. At some point, you will look back and realize how much your life has improved.

[Evan Gill]

“There’s something within you that knows what to do. There is a power greater than you that knows how to take care of you without your help. All you’ve got to do is to surrender to it. Surrender your thoughts, your mind, your ego, to the current that knows the way. It will take care of you. It will take better care of you than you can ever imagine.” ~Robert Adams