So many practices causing burnout

[Carbon]

Recently, an epiphany hit me that has led to a lack of motivation and questioning of how to cultivate happiness. 

For context, I'm 22 and I started studying and applying Leo's teachings about 9 months ago. I did the life purpose course, have read some booklist books, watched at least a hundred hours of the videos. The material results have been really good! I have a much better sense of direction, I have a greater appreciation of mastery in others, and I am much more open-minded. 

However, another feeling that has arisen from all of these teachings (or perhaps has just been made more conscious) is that I am never doing enough. I can always optimize further, always read more books, always be more open-minded, always go more meta, and it creates an incredible burnout. It's like I have become my own slave. 

I had a job that I really did not enjoy while I started the teachings, and through some hard work as well as luck I got invited to work on a start-up with a friend I went to college with. I left everything behind in the town I had developed a strong social network in, thinking that this would cure my dissatisfaction with myself. For a while it did, but it has come back now. The goalpost got moved and now I am feeling constrained by this job as well. It is still not "exactly" aligned with my life purpose (for context, my life purpose is developing intentional communities to serve as incubators for new types of societies and ways of being) I tell myself. I do enjoy it more because I have the chance to be more creative, but my dissatisfaction just changed form. The content is different but the feeling is the same. 

I have this habit of always perceiving myself as below others, or as incapable, and that I have to work extra hard to make up for this lack I have. 

I have tried many material means of affecting this feeling. Life coaches, zen retreats, breath-work, contemplation, even finding a wonderful girlfriend who lets me be my authentic self. It is like a hydra that always grows new heads. 

I guess my question is, if satisfaction, or feeling "complete" does not come from any of these things, where does it come from? There is the cliche spiritual answer of "it is inside you". I do believe that is true, but my belief comes from no direct experience.

Edited June 17 by Carbon
Added age for context.

[LastThursday]

I get exactly what you feel.

Being 22 should be a time for experimenting and exploring different avenues and having many different experiences. In fact your twenties should be for this. Don't get too bogged down in any one thing. When you're older you can settle more.

Counterintuitively you should use your dissatisfaction to motivate you instead of letting it slow you down. Instead of spending energy trying to get rid of it, just accept that for a while you will be dissatisfied, probably with everything, even if the feeling is uncomfortable. The message of dissatisfaction is telling you directly that you should be trying something new: go do it!

[Leo Gura]

Just remind yourself to be patient with the whole process and have a 10 year time horizon. You are slowly investing in yourself and there is no rush to reach some imagined end. Enjoy the process.

You have at least 2 decades of work ahead of you. So pace yourself. You are not going to reach my level within a few years. That is impossible. I have been doing this work for 15+ years.

Edited June 21 by Leo Gura

[Rafael Thundercat]

@LifeIsObviouslyALie Thank you for your text. Both for the content and the chance for me to had a good ideia. Sometimes people here post this text with low level of " easy readability" and I see others complaining about it. So instead of making a Ranting I just asked GPT to "edit this text for easy readability" So it made the pharagraphs and so forth. 

[Rafael Thundercat]

47 minutes ago, LifeIsObviouslyALie said:

burnout doesn't truly exist.

Wrong. It exist.. I know many people that had it I had it too. 

[Raphael]

On 17/06/2024 at 5:37 PM, Carbon said:

My life purpose is developing intentional communities to serve as incubators for new types of societies and ways of being.

I love your life purpose!