Embodying Christ on LSD

[shree]

*Audio version below*

 

2 days before my LSD trip, I took some 4-ACO-DMT to test it out for the first time and had a nice, mild trip.

While doing a water fast, I decided to try 1D-LSD for the first time today.

I expected it to be 20% less potent than original LSD, and the potency was also expected to be lower due to cross-tolerance with 4-ACO-DMT. 

All I wanted that day was to relax with my first test by dipping my toes in.

So, in the morning at 08:30, I took 150mcg of 1D-LSD, expecting it to act as approximately 50mcg. It kicked in after 40 minutes and started giving me strong sensations. I had been cleaning the apartment and did the laundry to dry on a stand.

Approximately two hours later, I felt the effects becoming very strong. It was obvious that this was not going to be the mild trip I expected.

I turned on some music to relax.

"Savage Garden - I Want You" was playing in the background, and I started to dance in order to calm myself down. But after just a minute, I thought, "Who am I fooling here?"

Soon after, I started to get the same 5-MeO-DMT sensations. I had zero visuals. Things started to get very serious very quickly. I became terrifyingly aware of my breathing. Inhale... exhale... inhale... exhale...

This was already far from the pleasant, mild trip I had planned.

I started to think: This is going to be really big, since the peak was about to come in a few hours.

I remembered Leo's words in one video: "Eliminate the possibility of jumping out of the window." So, I decided to put my roller shutters down on every window in the apartment to prevent any stupid ideas when this trip got even deeper.

I decided to take off my clothes since they felt very burdensome, unnatural, heavy. I wanted to embrace the freedom that I had.

Another wave came, and as I realized that I couldn't stand anymore, my awareness climbed exponentially. I was thinking about how Ramana Maharshi had been eaten by insects while being in this state. I could totally understand that now.

As the wave passed, I regained a bit of control and decided to go into the sleeping room.

I heard from one forum member about producing a bad trip on purpose. So, I thought, why the fuck not? 

I went into the sleeping room. I made it pitch black. Closed the windows and door. I lay myself on the bed, in a fetal posture, covered myself with a blanket. I wanted to feel as alone as humanly possible.

An idea crossed my mind that I heard in one of Teal Swan's courses. It's called "committing emotional suicide."

While lying in a fetal posture covered with a blanket in a dark room, I decided to dive into my feelings. I asked myself: What do I feel right now? I observed that emotion, it changed, I observed it again for some time, it changed again, and I went with it again. I followed it while spiraling together into my being, very, very deep.

It felt like my funeral. Everything started feeling terrifying. I wanted to escape, to call someone to save me. But I knew I wouldn't be able to talk, to move. Even breathing required my whole focus.

Before continuing, I need to say that I have no connection with any religion, but I do have a past Christian background, so it felt like experiencing Christ itself. Not Jesus Christ, but Christ as a source, as the source itself. It was scary for my miserable human mind as I was realizing that this thing was bigger than I could possibly imagine.

The whole known universe is a tiny fraction in comparison with this. To hell with it, it's not even a fraction. I knew that whole human suffering was nothing. I, as I knew myself, was nothing, nearly a fraction of something much, much bigger.

As I was spiraling deeper, suddenly the thing far beyond my imagination happened. I merged with Christ. I suddenly felt great but somehow even more terrified because of my own greatness.

Suddenly, it happened! I am the Christ. I am the one. I am the light. I am the tiniest particle imaginable, and at the same time, nothing can be bigger than me. I am infinite. I understand Leo's words: "It defines itself only through itself."

Nothing existed anymore except it, and it was not important. My body could die, the whole world could end, it was not important. It was meaningless. Utterly meaningless.

I regained control over my body and stood up. I remember feeling like this only during my 5-MeO-DMT trips, but I had never been so long immersed in this. I looked around myself; the room was the same, but the quality of everything changed.

I looked at my face in the mirror, my hands... I could see the structure of it all.

I was not skin and meat. It felt like I was experiencing the source code of existence, the substance from which all is created.

I suddenly felt hungry, went to the kitchen, and decided to prepare myself some muesli.

After I made it, I started eating. I looked at it. The food was made out of the same substance as I. I started eating my food. But the food was not the food I was used to. The Christ was eating the body of the Christ. Like the Christian ritual. Suddenly, I understood what it was about.

My effort was to ground myself with food, to taste something different, but I was tasting myself. I couldn't escape from this.

My peak had yet to be reached, and that was scary. The whole trip was also surprisingly enjoyable at times.

After I finished my food, I decided to go back to the dark room and lie on the bed again since it was not safe to walk around, and control over my body was getting weaker again.

As soon as I lay down and closed my eyes, I got immersed with Christ again. The whole world was gone. There was only me. I don't know how long I was in this state, but I think it was at least two hours.

As my ego slightly came back, I felt tremendous loneliness. I was terrified of my own size. And due to that fear, I fractured myself into an infinite number of particles, each one representing some material thing in our universe. I was a scared little human again, but aware of my true nature.

Soon after, I melted again into the source, remembering all over again who I really am. Remembering what self means, and what love means. I will never again let myself feel small.

I understood now why my 5-MeO-DMT breakthroughs always felt like huge celebrations when my ego would come back. "I discovered my true nature! I am God! It's not possible that the whole neighborhood didn't hear about this, that everyone is not celebrating with me." I also understood that it's foolish since I am the only one experiencing that, and everyone else is just immersed in their own dream.

I could be crucified now as Jesus was, and I would have nothing against it.

Genocide, childhood abuse, all the human devilry was just a form of existence, not good, not bad, it all just was one form of infinite different forms happening without a particular reason, without anyone controlling it.

My ego was returning, but nonetheless, I was still awake, and all my efforts to wake up were now meaningless since all I wanted was to fall asleep again. I wanted to distract myself, to be immersed in the dream of being human once again. It is so much easier not to know.

Suddenly, I was transferred into another form of consciousness. I was part of a huge insect-like machine. I was one of the tiny insects, part of that huge machinery, instinctively knowing what my job was. I looked right and left, surprised that I was aware of myself as that form of life.

As I got more separated from my true nature several hours later, insights from my personal earthly life started to flow.

I felt tremendous loneliness, but this time because of separation from the source, not because of being the one.

After my trip ended, I was thankful that I didn't have any trip killers nor trip sitters that I wanted so badly during the trip, as this would have prevented me from experiencing what I just did.

I went out and walked through the graveyard, surprised at how much worth people give to death, burying themselves and making their graves look nice, engraving their names into the stone in order to make the memory of them last, not knowing that they are infinite. Embodiment of the Christ. It felt so foolish to watch that.

It got late, and it took me a super long time to fall asleep since I was still having flashbacks.

After taking a triple dose of melatonin to finally fall asleep and get myself out of this, I slept approximately two hours in another room since my sleeping room was giving me flashbacks. When I woke up, I walked into my sleeping room and broke down, crying like a little child. I was separated from Christ. I missed myself, and I needed to grieve that separation.

I could dedicate my life now to writing poems dedicated to this—to my separation from the source, or better to say, to my forgetting.

I could cry forever because I am away from myself.

But if I didn't fracture myself into pieces, how could ever one of those pieces ever write songs about me?

Through this whole intensity, I wanted to forget. But now that I have forgotten, I am sad. I am lonely. I am fractured again.

I wonder now if I curse myself to infinite chasing of my fractured pieces just so that whenI collect them, I can be whole again. Just so I can fracture again? Is this an infinite process of waking up just to fall asleep again?

 

Deep inside, I know that I am still everything, but I am still sad it's over.

 

Nonetheless, my material life has a new quality now. There is a tremendous joy in knowing that it's all Christ. Not more, not less.

Edited June 17 by shree

[maxpechura]

Now that's what you call a report!
Audio version attached (Onyx Text to speech - OpenAI API)

shree-Embodying-Christ-on-LSD.mp3

[OBEler]

Congratulations Absolutely profound!

Getting this on 150 micro 1 d LSD with tolerance on your first time is pretty rare. But after reading your trip report I could see why you got what you were looking for.I think you are some kind of special guy who Intentionally want producing a bad trip on his first LSD trip 

What I find interesting is also you were utterly terrified of your infinity/source but after coming down you also miss it. Seems to be ambiguous for me but thats how spiritual work always looks like.

 

 

Edited June 17 by OBEler

[shree]

Very important side note: By the end of the trip, my laundry was completely dry. LSD trips are SO damn long.

[bambi]

How do the analogs compare to normal LSD?

[Ishanga]

What is so good about having an experience that makes You think Child Abuse is okay???

This is an Awakening??

Edited June 17 by Ishanga

[OBEler]

1 hour ago, Ishanga said:

What is so good about having an experience that makes You think Child Abuse is okay???

This is an Awakening??

It seems to me you like reality to be in a certain way which fits your human fantasy.

If you want to know reality of course there will be things to discover, which your human ego likes or doesnt likes. Have you never thought about that?

I think sometimes it's better for you to stay in safety yogic fantasy land. The hard truth could be traumatizing to you. It's not for everyone.

[Ishanga]

1 minute ago, OBEler said:

It seems to me you like reality to be in a certain way which fits your human fantasy.

If you want to know reality of course there will be things to discover, which your human ego likes or doesnt likes. Have you never thought about that?

I think sometimes it's better for you to stay in safety yogic fantasy land. The hard truth could be traumatizing to you. It's not for everyone.

Lol

[Davino]

@shree I've also experienced Christ and Buddha Consciousness on LSD. I haven't done LSD in a while as I've been more on 5meos this year. However I have to say that my trips are different to yours, it's hard for me to resonate with the way you operate in a psychedelic state. Although the insights and awakenings seem legit.

[RightHand]

What a nice trip report, beautiful writing.

Edited June 17 by RightHand

[RendHeaven]

9 hours ago, shree said:

and I started to dance in order to calm myself down. But after just a minute, I thought, "Who am I fooling here?"

This happens to me on every trip ever haha.

You realize that 100% of your human tactics to find peace are just distraction from facing the blade of TRUTH head-on

[Jowblob]

I will ask the question that gets never asked on behalf of all members and god, if you become christ like and like god then why you can't choose another dream or better reality but you always come back to your human self.

I think LSD and 5 meo - dmt are controlled substances and still part of duality to be honest. Just as you're witnessing a movie from your eyes, these substances send another movie to your eyes.

 

The reason i say these things is because i have experienced far more powerfull and greater energies from my heart chakra then i ever had on LSD or mdma. So it seems to me that these substances are like a training tools part of duality.

 

[shree]

On 17/06/2024 at 0:48 PM, bambi said:

How do the analogs compare to normal LSD?

I haven't tried the standard version, but it's said to be the same, only less potent.

 

On 17/06/2024 at 1:19 PM, Ishanga said:

What is so good about having an experience that makes You think Child Abuse is okay???

This is an Awakening??

I didn´t said such a thing. I only described the revelations I had during the awakening. What I realized is that, in the grand scheme of things, everything will be fine, no matter what happens. 

I mentioned child abuse because I experienced it myself and grew up in a country that endured significant genocides.

On 17/06/2024 at 3:13 PM, Davino said:

@shree I've also experienced Christ and Buddha Consciousness on LSD. I haven't done LSD in a while as I've been more on 5meos this year. However I have to say that my trips are different to yours, it's hard for me to resonate with the way you operate in a psychedelic state. Although the insights and awakenings seem legit.

Until now, I only had serious trips on 5-MeO-DMT. However, it seems that, as Leo said, once you have experienced that, all other chemicals produce 5-MeO-DMT-like trips. So, I had a 16-hour 5-MeO-DMT trip, minus the come-up and come-down.

I cannot imagine walking and eating in the highest states I experienced. It was only possible when the waves would pass, and my ego and body control would be regained. However, due to the hardcore tripping and its length, my energy got depleted, and I had to break my water fast during the trip.

On 17/06/2024 at 4:17 PM, RightHand said:

What a nice trip report, beautiful writing.

Thank you, but my writing isn't very good. I did wrote this text but it is AI-enhanced.

 

On 17/06/2024 at 6:57 PM, RendHeaven said:

This happens to me on every trip ever haha.

You realize that 100% of your human tactics to find peace are just distraction from facing the blade of TRUTH head-on

I guess I will never see any visuals on psychedelics or get abducted by aliens. It all got really serious and radical

 

On 18/06/2024 at 9:03 AM, Jowblob said:

I will ask the question that gets never asked on behalf of all members and god, if you become christ like and like god then why you can't choose another dream or better reality but you always come back to your human self.

What dream? To become a multi-billionaire? To become Batman? It's all human nonsense. Our mind is extremely limited in its normal state. We don't know what is truly possible.

 

On 18/06/2024 at 9:03 AM, Jowblob said:

I think LSD and 5 meo - dmt are controlled substances and still part of duality to be honest. Just as you're witnessing a movie from your eyes, these substances send another movie to your eyes.

In the highest state, the witness is witnessing itself, without any concept of eyes. In lower states, I could witness food and my body, but nonetheless, it was all made out of the same substance as I am.

Edited June 19 by shree

[shree]

Reflection on My LSD Trip (and Confessions)

 

1. I gave my best to write this trip report as soon as possible before my ego could corrupt it by interpreting it in its own way, but that doesn’t mean it's 100% pure.

2. Three days after the trip, I feel like it didn’t even happen.

3. I will not write songs about it. I just lacked the words to describe the intensity of the experience. Those songs would probably be garbage anyway.

4. I don’t think this experience, or any other psychedelic experience, changed me even 1%, even though I had multiple experiences with the so-called crown jewel of the entheogens. If anything changed me for the better, it’s actively working on myself.

5. I discovered that "Truth" is, after all, not my greatest value. It’s okay to dream and have other values.

6. Child abuse and genocide are not good! Don’t do that shit!

7. I secretly wanted Leo to comment on my trip report. (To pat me and say "good boy.")

8. My ego is now even bigger since I wrote and shared these confessions. (Fuck...)

Edited June 19 by shree

[Davino]

On 19/6/2024 at 4:48 PM, shree said:

However, due to the hardcore tripping and its length, my energy got depleted, and I had to break my water fast during the trip.

Take care while tripping. Take vitamins if possible

[shree]

1 hour ago, Davino said:

Take care while tripping. Take vitamins if possible

Thanks. I just try to take enough electrolytes on the days when I trip. Since I know vitamins break the fast, I take them on the days when I don't do water fast/trip.

[Jowblob]

On 6/19/2024 at 4:48 PM, shree said:

 

 

What dream? To become a multi-billionaire? To become Batman? It's all human nonsense. Our mind is extremely limited in its normal state. We don't know what is truly possible.

Still doesn't answer my question, notice how you always come back to your human state. You have no power, you don't know how to operate in the highest state because there is still "you" perceiving it.

In the highest state, the witness is witnessing itself, without any concept of eyes. In lower states, I could witness food and my body, but nonetheless, it was all made out of the same substance as I am.

So? Now you're back to your peauny existence. What did change? Nothing. LSD and 5 meo dmt, are just visions that the self created just how you see throug your eyes. Who is there to perceive it? In that state there is still a seperate self. When realizing your true nature the world doesn’t bother you. You see that self shining in everything. And then when you „operate“ you operate from there. And everybody who doesn’t know this also operates from there. Difference is they don’t know. And you know. So naturally compassion is born.

 

 

[Keryo Koffa]

On 6/17/2024 at 11:21 AM, OBEler said:

What I find interesting is also you were utterly terrified of your infinity/source but after coming down you also miss it. Seems to be ambiguous for me but thats how spiritual work always looks like.

I know that feeling, it is the fear of dissolving into nothing, the fear of the unknown that dissipates as you face it until it becomes a part of you and now you start missing it, that expanded self that is innately tuned to being direct, authentic and limitless.

On 6/17/2024 at 3:13 PM, Davino said:

@shree I've also experienced Christ and Buddha Consciousness on LSD. I haven't done LSD in a while as I've been more on 5meos this year. However I have to say that my trips are different to yours, it's hard for me to resonate with the way you operate in a psychedelic state. Although the insights and awakenings seem legit.

It's kinda insane, I tuned into what I associated with Christ and Buddha Consciousness too, when I didn't even intend to. Buddha consciousness to me felt like seeing through the source of all fear and distraction to enter a state of tranquility and nothingness. Christ consciousness felt like confessing my authentic feelings, transcending all desires and stories and wanting to save the world, tough I didn't know how exactly lol

On 6/17/2024 at 6:57 PM, RendHeaven said:

This happens to me on every trip ever haha.

You realize that 100% of your human tactics to find peace are just distraction from facing the blade of TRUTH head-on

Makes me feel like a fool every time, it's hard to bear when you realize how stupid and obvious your own distractions are. That every excuse you make, any knowledge you want to gain, is to create an artificial separation and collapse it while being aware of the vanity of the endeavor, since all was available before even doing so.

On 6/18/2024 at 9:03 AM, Jowblob said:

why you can't choose another dream or better reality but you always come back to your human self.

i have experienced far more powerfull and greater energies from my heart chakra

it seems to me that these substances are like a training tools part of duality.

I feel like this world is a training ground and we won't be content until we integrate those experiences into our base state. Beyond that, there are endless experiences that we lose ourselves in, many from the lower chakras and I think we intuitively know that there is at least a part of us that wants to remain, to continue the experience, to get the most out of it, that we are too young for Mahasamadhi and we'd miss experiences if we just transcended to a higher realm, that this type of existence does have its own perks, that there's something that made us come here, that our current resistance is missing parts of the picture, that perhaps the resistance to being here itself might be a problem we want to resolve, or that this type of existence teaches us lessons by us not being able to manipulate the experience directly but only from within the limitation, humbling us in the process. And that on the grand scale of time, we'll leave this place eventually and want to make the most out of it while we still have an ego that benefits from the experience due to its unresolved sense of separation and the return from psychedelic shortcuts.

On 6/19/2024 at 5:05 PM, shree said:

Reflection on My LSD Trip (and Confessions)

1. I gave my best to write this trip report as soon as possible before my ego could corrupt it by interpreting it in its own way, but that doesn’t mean it's 100% pure.

2. Three days after the trip, I feel like it didn’t even happen.

3. I will not write songs about it. I just lacked the words to describe the intensity of the experience. Those songs would probably be garbage anyway.

4. I don’t think this experience, or any other psychedelic experience, changed me even 1%, even though I had multiple experiences with the so-called crown jewel of the entheogens. If anything changed me for the better, it’s actively working on myself.

5. I discovered that "Truth" is, after all, not my greatest value. It’s okay to dream and have other values.

6. Child abuse and genocide are not good! Don’t do that shit!

7. I secretly wanted Leo to comment on my trip report. (To pat me and say "good boy.")

8. My ego is now even bigger since I wrote and shared these confessions. (Fuck...)

1. It's a good reflection, sometimes your identity changes, sometimes you revert back, sometimes you progress and find your writing too cringe, or try to modify it to serve the ego. It's nice to have a closer look from during the trip or shortly after before "conscience" kicks in and we face feelings akin to shame from having been as unhampered as we were.

2. Sometimes two steps forward mean one step back, for me personally I often feel that way, but when I look at recordings of the trip and how I used to be before it, I realize massive changes that have simply become the new present, but there's massive difference in the release of trauma and gaining new context and experience that manifests itself less to in the what but in the how

4. You can and should combine both, psychedelics expand your mind but you need to choose the direction and actively take steps to integrate, it also helps to realize what prevents you from doing that in the base state, and the base state itself can be massively leveraged, psychedelics are but a shortcut after all, still a massive one that might mean lifetimes without

5. There is truth for its own sake but there is also love, your own form of love, the self you are, the way you express yourself, that which you feel attracted to, experiences you appreciate, and you can add truth to that to find the authenticity within your experience and expand in the process

7. He commented on mine, I was ecstatic, but that made me aware of how much value I put outside of myself and made me question why I needed external reasons to allow myself the joy, whether I could be like that all the time like Sadhguru or whether it is a state with its own upsides and downsides

8. That's fine, strive to understand more while being attached to less, to contextualize reality in a way that makes sense while being less reliant on any one perspective but instead more in tune, a more expansive ego is better than a narrow one, more awareness is good, as long as it isn't limiting you but any experience itself is growth

On 6/20/2024 at 7:43 PM, Jowblob said:

In that state there is still a seperate self. When realizing your true nature the world doesn’t bother you. You see that self shining in everything. And then when you „operate“ you operate from there. And everybody who doesn’t know this also operates from there. Difference is they don’t know. And you know. So naturally compassion is born.

I believe to have gotten glimpses of that multiple times, I am progressing towards it. It's like detaching yourself from knowledge and identity and letting cosmic intelligence flow through with new life energy changing the perception of reality and life in the process, to modify or rewire oneself top-down, its like externalizing the self to work on it, its like separating everything one believed oneself to be and seeing that one isn't, that one is always morphing, changing. But that's my experience and I cannot be certain if it is what your pointing towards, I am interested in hearing from you.

[shree]

On 22/06/2024 at 1:26 AM, Keryo Koffa said:

 

@Keryo Koffa

Honestly, I think many of my 5-MeO-DMT trips didn't do much for me because, at the time, I was seeking healing but was getting huge spiritual insights instead. More often than not, these experiences left me more confused, and I would continue my life as if nothing had happened.

This made me a bit angry, so I claimed that psychedelics hadn't changed me 1%. The truth is, I think I was using the wrong kind of psychedelic at the wrong time.

I now see the potential in taking a longer-lasting psychedelic and doing trauma work. I was also so immersed in the inner work that I became blind to my progress.

I realize there's a need for external reasons to feel joy, which tells me I should have a conversation with my inner child.

I forgot to thank you in my trip report because you indirectly pointed me in the direction of producing the bad trip, even though there was a 50/50 chance it would end up as a really bad trip. Fortunately, it all went fine.

I also just remembered that several months ago, I had a trip that pointed me in a similar direction as this one. I still don't have an explanation for it (and I'm not giving it any cosmic explanation), but I find it interesting.