Is it possible to really have a successful marriage?

[UpperMaster]

Hey everyone,

I've been thinking a lot about marriage and relationships recently, and I wanted to get your thoughts on it. I recently watched a podcast featuring divorce lawyer James Sexton, and it really got me curious about the reality of marriage.

In the podcast, Sexton mentioned that more marriages fail than succeed. Even among those that don't end in divorce, many people stay together just to avoid the pain of separation or for the sake of the kids. This made me wonder, can marriages truly be successful?

I'm curious about how one can achieve a successful marriage, considering these points. Is a marriage that lasts a lifetime something worth striving for, or should we lower our expectations?

 

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts and experiences.

Thanks!

 

 

[Princess Arabia]

Wrong place for this question. People here can't even get dates much less marriage. Quitting porn and cold approaching is more of a concern here; not marriage. One step at a time please. We gotta get through all the hating and anger towards women first.

 

[NoSelfSelf]

I guess no, because someone on the podcast said it and now you believe him, so you need us to confirm or deny it.

Instead you should know if you can do it.Queastion should be more like, am i like everybody else,will i find a way to succede or am i going fall into statistic? How much effort you gonna put into marrige to make it work ,like if statistic has 90% fail rate and nobody in those 90% has game then that will define you that you will fail to? If you think like that then yes you will fail...

 

[UpperMaster]

6 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

We gotta get through all the hating and anger towards women first.

 

Wow ahaha, I guess you're right. The reason I wanted to know peoples opinions here is because I really want to understand what to expect from a relationship. Like my Parents are married and plan to stay married, but they also have a very unique situation, their marriage was built on sacrifice and they have the same values. 

But my friends parents, a lot of them are divorced, I mean it was crazy to me how common cheating was. Is it part of human nature to want to cheat?

Because if I find out that the cost of marriage outweighs the pros, then I might instead try to have very fruitful relationships that don't last forever. Just seeing what ppl think yamean.

Maybe that's more possible. idk.

Edited June 14 by UpperMaster

[UpperMaster]

4 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

I guess no, because someone on the podcast said it and now you believe him, so you need us to confirm or deny it.

Instead you should know if you can do it.Queastion should be more like, am i like everybody else,will i find a way to succede or am i going fall into statistic? How much effort you gonna put into marrige to make it work ,like if statistic has 90% fail rate and nobody in those 90% has game then that will define you that you will fail to? If you think like that then yes you will fail...

 

Yes I know, I'm not asking you guys to tell me the answer for myself. I'm trying to see your opinions and experiences. 

[Princess Arabia]

51 minutes ago, UpperMaster said:

Wow ahaha, I guess you're right. The reason I wanted to know peoples opinions here is because I really want to understand what to expect from a relationship. Like my Parents are married and plan to stay married, but they also have a very unique situation, their marriage was built on sacrifice and they have the same values. 

But my friends parents, a lot of them are divorced, I mean it was crazy to me how common cheating was. Is it part of human nature to want to cheat?

Because if I find out that the cost of marriage outweighs the pros, then I might instead try to have very fruitful relationships that don't last forever. Just seeing what ppl think yamean.

Maybe that's more possible. idk.

I think you're getting way ahead of yourself by saying you'll try to have very fruitful relationships that don't last forever. We can't really help what we're attracted to. It just happens. We fall in love unexpectedly too. We don't say I'm going to fall in love with this person, it just happens. Going into a relationship with intentions of breaking up someday might not happen either. It might lead to falling in love and breaking up isn't in the picture, then you decide to go for the ride, even decide to get married then, boom, here comes divorce or separation. Life is meant to be lived, not figured out. It is spontaneous and things may happen when you least expect them to. The work is not in the trying to figure it out or trying to avoid, it's in the response; the coping mechanisms, the how to live and love, not "let me be one up and prepare for let downs". We only need to prepare for natural disasters, retirements, work-related and job-related stuff because of practicalities. 

Life has a way of knocking us down, it's in the coming back up that needs to be figured out and dealt with. Worrying about this and worrying about that only breeds anxiety and unnecessary fears. Life cannot be calculated and figured out totally. There will be unsuspecting twists and turns. Your resiliency is what will determine how well you bounce back; and marriage can only be worked on; not predicting the outcome because of the statistics of others. Every situation is different.

Be brave and meet life head on. Don't be so concerned with the "what if's, because it's in the "what if's" where the mind starts to see problems and gives continuity to certain destructive thought patterns that probably wouldn't be there if the doubts and fears weren't there to begin with.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MatNmzXRKnc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4QNI2rM0KNc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjDonXWvAg0

 

[NoSelfSelf]

@UpperMaster Well you just said as i qoute you "i want to see what your guys opinions here is, because i want to know what to expect".That means you looking for us to tell you how its going to be like for you.Like our experience matter in this regard.I mentioned that before you said it and its the whole f up, in that reasoning like all the red pill,manosphere where if i cant do it so you cant,if i suck at marrige so you will also.Who knows what level you willing to work for or naturally is to have a great marriage or not.You cant even expect to have one ,if your mindset is :what others success is thats what i should expect for myself.

Edited June 14 by NoSelfSelf

[UpperMaster]

23 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

Be brave and meet life head on. Don't be so concerned with the "what if's, because it's in the "what if's" where the mind starts to see problems and gives continuity to certain destructive thought patterns that probably wouldn't be there if the doubts and fears weren't there to begin with.

Your post is very well written, and this part really touched me. I think you are right, I am getting ahead of myself. 

 

 

[UpperMaster]

19 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

if your mindset is :what others success is thats what i should expect for myself

Yes I agree on what you're saying. but let's not pretend that a lot of marriages end for very similar reasons. Like there are defenitly patterns to recognise. 

But yea I am different from you so my problems are going to be different from yours. 

[NoSelfSelf]

@UpperMaster Well when you get over the stage of being defined by outside things.Then we can look at what is the cause and the cause is million different things, but again look at yourself do you know how to lead yourself,to you have great sexual skills,why would a woman marry you,whats the program of how you will spent time?  i can go deeper into 1000 different reasons but it all starts waaay before you get married its inside you.

Its like me playing Vs Grandmaster in chess its already decided whos gonna win because i lack 100s of skills and understandings of the game.

I can now ask you what did you built and work on this week to improve on yourself in context of the dating game more importantly about yourself? If answer is nothing you will fail if you dont find super understanding woman.

Edited June 15 by NoSelfSelf

[Princess Arabia]

5 hours ago, UpperMaster said:

Your post is very well written, and this part really touched me. I think you are right, I am getting ahead of myself. 

 

 

❤️

[UpperMaster]

19 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

can now ask you what did you built and work on this week to improve on yourself in context of the dating game more importantly about yourself? If answer is nothing you will fail if you dont find super understanding woman.

Not much. 

So you're saying that there are 100 pieces that fit the puzzle, and I have to focus on trying to get all the pieces one by one. That there isn't a single reason why marriages work/don't work, that I must focus on trying to acquire skills before I even think about getting married. I hope I'm getting the gist of your message correctly.

 

Yes, the grandmaster example makes sense to me. Alright I'll get to work. Thanks for the reply.

[NoSelfSelf]

@UpperMaster Yes,there are many many components that need to work together to make it work.Like one thing can destroy it all let me give you analogy.Think about it like a car,car cant really drive without the tires so that one thing make it not work,but when you get tires you gotta make sure the engine works,the technology,all the little parts working together it all connects to run it smoothly.

So one thing can destroy it all like lying in the beggining can make it all fall apart 5,10 years later ,you set yourself up to ruin it.But every other part needs to work too.

Like if you dont really know yourself, you must know yourself really really well in the game,because if you dont every other part will suffer because of it.People take it lightly but its a complex matter and the more you know ,the more you make the car tuned in ,the better level its gonna operate on, same as everything else.

If you have holes in the knowledge and not understanding what parts need work on then it wont run.

If you just looking at the side at all other cars without working on yours you gonna set yourself for failiure.

But remember car is you.

Edited June 16 by NoSelfSelf