Fear and being nice to people

[Selfnaught]

Last night at work an altercation broke out in my store and I was the cause. A doodasher came in and literally walked into our kitchen saying he was here for his order and wasn’t waiting. Obviously just looking for a fight, but we all matched his aggressive energy . Due to this a fight broke out between him and another manager once they got involved and the man was arrested.

taking a step back and reflecting on the situation, I realize that could have easily been my fight.

This exact scenario is why I usually am just chill and don’t say anything or just give in - to avoid altercations due to my disability, one hit could kill or paralyze me. As a manager of my store though I do need to have a backbone. 

The reason why I’m usually nice and respectful to people is not because it’s the right thing but out of fear. It’s selfish and egoic. The real me without the disability would just match anyone’s aggression but because of it I have to remember I can’t.

how to stop living in this fear and to be more my real self? 
 

 

Edited June 12 by Selfnaught

[Sugarcoat]

What you did sounds reasonable I don’t think it needs changing

[gettoefl]

2 hours ago, Selfnaught said:

Last night at work an altercation broke out in my store and I was the cause. A doodasher came in and literally walked into our kitchen saying he was here for his order and wasn’t waiting. Obviously just looking for a fight, but we all matched his aggressive energy . Due to this a fight broke out between him and another manager once they got involved and the man was arrested.

taking a step back and reflecting on the situation, I realize that could have easily been my fight.

This exact scenario is why I usually am just chill and don’t say anything or just give in - to avoid altercations due to my disability, one hit could kill or paralyze me. As a manager of my store though I do need to have a backbone. 

The reason why I’m usually nice and respectful to people is not because it’s the right thing but out of fear. It’s selfish and egoic. The real me without the disability would just match anyone’s aggression but because of it I have to remember I can’t.

how to stop living in this fear and to be more my real self? 
 

 

every incident one forgives affords another day of breathing and possible awakening ... not forgiving can easily lead to violent incidents and death

your job is to stick around, for your own sake as well as those you hold dear

Edited June 12 by gettoefl