Emotions, Sadness, Melancholy

[Keryo Koffa]

I find myself in a sentimental mood, it's like the world is made up of endless possibilities, possible hobbies, relationships, experiences, but the impermanence of reality also means that any one thing will be forgotten in the scale of time, that all the lose ends, uncompleted activities, broken up conversations, interrupted events, ended friendships, words left unsaid, stores of cities left unexperienced, flowers left unseen and unsmelled, food not eaten, skills not acquired, profound moments passed, relationships discontinued, opportunities missed, words left unsaid, love left unseen, understanding uncommunicated, experiences left at a surface level, parts of the world not witnessed, songs unheard, cultures dissipated, families disbanded, friends unmet.

It feels sad to think about all the bygone moments, the singular experiences that were interrupted by others, linear time preventing multiple focus and the infinite patterns that led to the manifestation of every single experience having ended it there and instead creating more, but a singular focus on any one part prevents alternate developments, yet all these possibilities are unexperienced all the same.

I am aware that my psychological makeup is focusing my lens of attention through a specific filter which attracts all phenomena that feel alike, but that doesn't diminish the reality imagined and remembered that seems to break off at so many points.

Impermanence is what allowed me to be where I am and having experienced what I have, to be locked into any one experience, one would miss the infinite others that follow it. One might become bored as well, but that's another matter that would give one agency, maybe the carpet wraps up before desensitization kicks in, or maybe the real childlike wonder stretches infinitely and knows no end and it is simply the focus on achievement and ever new experiences that perpetuates itself.

One might say we are actors in a cosmic drama, maybe there are infinite more, but sometimes I wish I could free roam and visit different places, project myself into past and future experiences, visit alternative timelines, complete the unfinished, remember each profound moment, fully burn the karma and be able to access it anytime. Though one might say that the ego that creates the distinction of a self that craves those experiences is something to transcend upon which the desire is annihilated, but that sounds like apathy to me.

Edited June 11, 2024 by Keryo Koffa

[Keryo Koffa]

It's strange, once a certain peak of emotional intensity is reached and felt through, it dissipates like clouds after rain.

Yet I know it is a dimension my experience connecting many others, a polarity of pent up karma, a heartful expression.

But the disconnect after is quite strange, it's almost like a mystical experience, feeling it is different from remembering it.

[Davino]

It makes the mind wonder

When I'm in such states I enjoy it, but I also feel some sensations of lack in my chest, like lost paradise