Leo -- According to you what is Frame ? And how to develop it ?

[Past-Philosopher-562]

Hello there 

I have actually contemplated this question and did a lot of work and wrote a lot of details and examples , but I really wish you would help me in this , I want a second opinion about Frame ? -- According to you , since you mentioned it in your dating topics , can you give me  a definition when we say he has a strong Frame and how to develop a strong Frame ?

[mmKay]

@Past-Philosopher-562

"Frames" in Social Dynamics are the different possible lenses through which your interaction or relationship with the girl or people can be interpreted through . The facts of a situation only matter if looked through a particular context .

It's the context that runs in the background that makes sense of the entire situation.

 

There is ALWAYS a context or frame. Most of the times it's unconscious, implied or implicit.

You can re-shape your own frame to make it more empowering or convenient through your beliefs about yourself . For that, you need to notice your conscious and unconscious beliefs, challenge them, provide an alternative and internalize them.

Some beliefs are harder to break than others and require a lot of real world reinforcement and proof ( not once but over time ) for you to actually believe it.

Sometimes you dont even know what your beliefs are or that you are holding a belief. It's deeply unconscious and it takes time and effort to pull it up to the conscious for your to work through it .

in that case you need to Inquire and look for potential anwsers until you find what feels accurrate: What do I belive about myself? What do i belive about others ? What do I belive I'm entitled to ? Why? What do I currently belive about X for me to be getting Y results? Why do I belive that? is that valid? How else could I see this situation for it to be more empowering to me?  ( this is an example of how to Inquire or search for your unconscious beliefs )

Psychedelics can also massively help you with building your inner game and uncovering your beliefs ( careful, they do much more than that and even more so depending on your genetics )

Eventually your new beliefs and that frame you will deeply internalize and it will become part of your character, and therefore it will be your implied frame about yourself.

 

The next step is  how you convey and communicate your frame .

 

A HUGE part of your frame is "subcomunicated" ( big key word )  through your tone of voice, loudness, eye contact, body language, emotional reactions, facial expressions, , level of entitlement, social status… 

But also it is subcomunicated through your intent : Looking for validation, looking for aprooval aprooval, outcome dependance , having an agenda… not wanting to be embarassed, judged, shamed, not wanting to feel awkwardnes, loosing your status or honor … Are you acting needy? It conveys you don't have a lot of choices and therefore you're not a valuable mate.

This is the reason why you can often hear that " it doesn't matter what you're talking about with a girl,"  It's because they are actually unconsciously listening (mostly) to the subcomunication for who you are . It's all about " how you come across " 

For example, if you are speaking in a rapport seeking tonality and are saying things or doing things that seek for her validation of you ( aka self-qualifying ) , it implies a frame that you are lower value than her, she's on a pedestal, she's the prize, that you are trying  " win her over " ,that you have low status, that in the past people have not been nice to you, that you yourself belive you're not good enough for her , and all of that is grounded by yourlife experience thus far)

This mechanism is very clever. Evolution and reproduction doesn't f*ck around ( pun not intended ). This right here is Gene selection and survival of the fittest in action. Her reading your subcomunication . She is looking at Honest signals of Value ( can't be faked easily ). Dishonest signals of value would be mentioning you get laid a lot ( can be a lie ).

 

One mechanism women screen and test for honest signals of value are " shit tests " . They test your congruence and how grounded you really are . You may appear confident for the first 30 seconds, but are you really confident ? Do you flinch when she disaprooves you ? do you get bitter when she doesnt give you that much attention? do you beggin to self-qualify? do you crumble under social pressure ?

There are multiple different frames in a social interaction , some of them are : who you think/convey you are, who you think/convey she is,  who she things you are, who she thinks she is, who you two ( strangers, friends, lovers, partners ), your role if a relationship happened between you two ( lover or provider ) ...

There are also social frames that stem from the environment or culture. They can be challenged or re-framed to a certain degree but not completely disregarded

If you dont know who you are,  what do you want, what your values, standards and boundaries are , what do you not want , you have a weak frame . You will be reactive and ungrounded .

If two people meet, two worlds of frames meet. In an interaction there is allways someone reacting more to the other person, at least to a slightest degree. If contradicting frames meet  , and these frames are very differnt,  a dynamic we can call " frame battle " occurs, where you are two people try to settle the dispute.

If your inner frame is that i'm the buyer not the seller. She has to qualify herself to me. I have abundance,  I'm fun, interesting . She has to win me over. I have standards and I screen her through my filter. I'm a cool guy with a lot of value because I'm  grounded in who I am, and my intent is perhaps just to meet a person, maybe find out a little if you we compatible, but mostly have fun, I wont be self-qualifying or looking for aprooval / validation,   then and words and actions and emotional reactions will be different.

If the girl is attractive and secure of herself she will also have "a strong sense of reality".  She will see herself as the prize, and belive that you need to impress her and win her over for anything to happen.

So, in the frame battle,  the one with the stronger sense of reallity wins , and then THAT frame becomes the agreed upon reallity and it is accepted and followed by the person/group

An example of a strong frame is the cop frame. Imagine a cop pulls you over for speeding. He inmediately owns the frame. He doesn't need to sell you on why you're getting a ticket or what can happen if you refuse to colaborate . It's all implied . His authority, legal , physical and moral upper ground . If you have to logically explain your authority or advantage, you don't have a strong frame. If you logically try to explain why it would be a good idea to hook up with you, it's likely not going to work ( I've witnesed my friend doing this lol )

You build your strong sense of reallity by inner work but also through consisten reinforcement from the external world.  It starts in your mind, but then you have to be congruent ( aligned with your words, thoughts and actions )

Edited June 11, 2024 by mmKay

[NoSelfSelf]

Its a strong grip of who you are that nobody can push you off of...

[mmKay]

Another example or sub-comunication would be  this:

if I hold up a rose 50 cm away from your face and tell you to describe it as detailed as possible, then ,  depending on what you do, dont do , say , dont say, it implies different things about you or me.

If you don't tell me it's red it implies you're colorblind.

If you don't say many details it implies you're either not very creative or have bad near distance vision 

If you describe things about the rose because I told you to do it, it implies compliance 

If you're not able to stay on topic it implies lack of attention span 

If you say it in a very dry way not very poetic or creative it implies you're overly analytical 

If you say things about how to make a business out of it it implies you're ambitious 

If you speak very fast, stumble on your words , don't come up with anything, it implies you're nervous 

 

It's just an example for you to see the ramifications and ripple effect of your words and behavior and  another way of how sub-comunication works 

Edited June 11, 2024 by mmKay

[Leo Gura]

It just means that you a so grounded in your sense of who you are and what reality is that you are non-reactive to the opinions and judgments of others. It's about not using other people to define your reality.

Its opposite would be approval-seeking, caring what everyone thinks of you, bending over backwards to please people, and inability to assert yourself.

Basically frame is confidence.

Edited June 11, 2024 by Leo Gura

[LostSoul]

@Leo Gura How to start developing It? Are there any good resources, like would you recomend any YT channel?

Edited June 11, 2024 by LostSoul

[Rishabh R]

@Leo Gura so frame or confidence is the belief in oneself despite others judge you or criticize you ?

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, LostSoul said:

@Leo Gura How to start developing It? Are there any good resources, like would you recomend any YT channel?

Confidence comes from experience. So all you have to do is subject yourself to massive experience and be patient.

[Past-Philosopher-562]

@mmKay Thank you very much for the work you have done for me . I really appreciiated . I have cop pasted your answers in a document ,and I will contemplate it .

It's really good . Love it 

I have some questions on this , I have developed a mental model which guides me in how to develop frame , and I just sometimes don't know which to pick . I really want to work on maslow's hierarchy of needs , and then sometimes , I think I should work on Physical , intellectual and emotional Pillar of my frame and then develop vision and that would be how to create a frame . I have designed a lot of mental models , I don't know what to select any one of them given that I want to be self actualized working through multiple models in order to reach torqoise level embodimenet . Any help here

[Past-Philosopher-562]

@Leo Gura Thank you 

I want to develop a personal framework for self-actualization, but I feel overwhelmed by the many mental models I’m trying to integrate. My main idea is the "Pillars of Frame," which includes four key pillars: physical, intellectual, emotional, and vision.

However, I'm struggling to connect these pillars to broader, more established models like Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and Spiral Dynamics. This indecisiveness is making it difficult for me to progress.

I want to have a strong frame—confident and assertive—while also addressing different needs [ Maslow's needs] and ultimately reaching the highest stage, which is Turquoise. But I'm having trouble seeing how to integrate all these concepts into a holistic framework . 

The only holistic framework seems to the Pillars of Frame , but I have no idea why I am resistant .

[Leo Gura]

@Past-Philosopher-562 I suggest you invest less time theorizing about it and more time actually gaining new experience and gaining confidence is particular areas of relevence to you.

You can theorize about it afterwards.