incels need to learn to love themselves first

[Chives99]

this post is for anyone who feels inadequate because they're a virgin or not having sex or getting female attention. Just recognise that you are already whole and complete, you are perfect exactly as you, even if you die a virgin, you can change how perfect you are, even if you sleep with 1000 women you are no more perfect then when u started. Just feel the love inside of yourself, think of time you were with a friend you had a deep connection with maybe you were on holiday or at  a nightclub together, think of good times with coworkers laughing and joking and being together. think of nice times you had with your family. Did you need to prove yourself to them then? no, you are perfect. when you feel this love inside of yourself it does al the leg work for attracting women, even if you make a social mistake you'd brush it off and laugh and she'll probably forgive, you wont believe our lovely women , they have so much empathy, when you feel this love inside of yourself you will be lightyears ahead of the cocky asshole chads, with the emotional took kit of a donkey, just because you can stand up straight and say a load of lines in a nightcluv doesnt mean they are good partners, this self love you feel is going to be answer to learning how to attract and sustain a relationship , i mean sure you can take pointers from people but its self love which you need to trust uttermost as these pointers there just guildlines you have to rust your own innate judgement system 

 

if you dont all you've be left with is anxiety in you head, completely unable to do anything or make any kind decision when talking to someone  

[Tenebroso]

@Chives99 With respect these kinds of posts don't help, you have not said anything nobody has heard before, just a sequence of empty new age cliches. Not every problem can be solved by "loving yourself". If you are a 30 year old man and  have only known rejection and indifference from women and society "connection", "love", "wholeness" are alien concepts.

People like yourself underestimate the psychological and emotional toll that exclusion has on someone from a young age it just builds exponentially. It's like living with a bad heart or terminal disease, once it happens you are never the same again. The best you can do is find meaning and self worth outside of sex and relationships, without all the spiritual crap that people write mindlessly without understanding themselves.

If you had been in the shoes of the people you speak about you would not write what you have written. Women do not have empathy for unattractive, low confidence, women are not lovely and wonderful. Right now, in this very moment a violent, abusive man who isn't filled with love is sleeping with multiple women and has endless options. You make posts like this not out of genuine concern to help but to shut down conversation and put incels in their place. Try being awkward in a London west end nightclub and see how far that gets you.

[Chives99]

3 hours ago, Tenebroso said:

@Chives99 With respect these kinds of posts don't help, you have not said anything nobody has heard before, just a sequence of empty new age cliches. Not every problem can be solved by "loving yourself". If you are a 30 year old man and  have only known rejection and indifference from women and society "connection", "love", "wholeness" are alien concepts.

People like yourself underestimate the psychological and emotional toll that exclusion has on someone from a young age it just builds exponentially. It's like living with a bad heart or terminal disease, once it happens you are never the same again. The best you can do is find meaning and self worth outside of sex and relationships, without all the spiritual crap that people write mindlessly without understanding themselves.

If you had been in the shoes of the people you speak about you would not write what you have written. Women do not have empathy for unattractive, low confidence, women are not lovely and wonderful. Right now, in this very moment a violent, abusive man who isn't filled with love is sleeping with multiple women and has endless options. You make posts like this not out of genuine concern to help but to shut down conversation and put incels in their place. Try being awkward in a London west end nightclub and see how far that gets you.

nothing  more attractive than someone that loves themselves , you're putting the cart before the horse , before anyone should start with  learning social skills and attraction etc they need to built the foundation with self love, self love is bedrock no amount of any skill or knowledge is any use  without self love and when you learn to love yourself  all this learning how to attract someone just becomes second nature , relying on intuition rather than intellect. Nothing can hurt your chances with someone more than self loathing and negativity, with self love you stop being so self centered and just focus on giving to the other person which is worth the world more than any gimmick or trick that you use to manipulate someone into bed which is inauthentic anyway , women can smell inauthenticity from a mile a away it just reeks of desperation as you NEED the person to be complete.

 

 

Just start seeing yourself as being whole and complete already unconditionally , the alternative is to hate yourself which will mean you can never love another person, maintain your self loathing go ahead see how it works out for you, but you could one day to drop all the rules for self love. Please tell me how hating yourself will get you anywhere.?????????

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Tenebroso actuality critically analyse what @Chives99 is saying here. 

 

You claim 'With respect these kinds of posts don't help' yet your post achieves nothing in the way of a solution or constructive steps. You don't even propose a counter argument 

[bebotalk]

Well, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. good intentions mean little, ultimately. I have to agree, this post won't help the most hardened of incels. They've probably tried this and it doesn't work. Or they'd say it still keeps their problems. 

What can help incels is they didn't learn basic points as youths. Maybe due to a mix of neurodiversity or wilful ignorance. As most incels tend ton be neurodiverse, they slipped through the net, or had no family or friends who were willing or able to guide them.

[Schizophonia]

Incel should have 0 second dedicated to spirituality, philosophy, politics, and things like that.

[Consept]

Truly loving yourself is the answer to 99% most of life's issues. The reason why people can't do it is that their belief in needing to be something or needing something is stronger than their belief in loving themselves as they are. 

In this threads example, the incel believes that once they get sex, girlfriend, relationship etc, then they will be worthy of love. They come to the conclusion that they are not able to get these things and are therefore unlovable. If they gave themselves unconditional love, none of this would matter and counterintuitivly they'd be much more likely to attract someone. 

But when in that state its hard to switch mindsets, because they're beliefs reinforce the outcomes that happen. So because they are bitter and have a certain world view that women are only attracted to certain guys which doesn't include them, they no longer try to engage and if they do it's coming from a negative place, this then creates their reality that women aren't attracted to them. 

 

[Chives99]

5 hours ago, bebotalk said:

Well, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. good intentions mean little, ultimately. I have to agree, this post won't help the most hardened of incels. They've probably tried this and it doesn't work. Or they'd say it still keeps their problems. 

What can help incels is they didn't learn basic points as youths. Maybe due to a mix of neurodiversity or wilful ignorance. As most incels tend ton be neurodiverse, they slipped through the net, or had no family or friends who were willing or able to guide them.

its a mental health crisis , mental health support , connections and opportunities to socialise and be part of something is certainly missing . We are  a social species , how ironic now that we all live in cities and can connect with each other with a touch of a button ,yet are more isolated than ever. Ignoring incels wont make them go away, I suppose this post is guidance for incels that are not at the point of needing psychiatric treatment.

 

I go to neurodiverse meetups easy to talk to people there than regular drinking ones, other than that go to socials which are relevant  your passions like if your into coding , you'd go to a tech meetup or if you like wrestling they'd be something for that etc

Edited June 13 by Chives99
.

[Chives99]

@Consept

5 hours ago, bebotalk said:

Well, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. good intentions mean little, ultimately. I have to agree, this post won't help the most hardened of incels. They've probably tried this and it doesn't work. Or they'd say it still keeps their problems. 

What can help incels is they didn't learn basic points as youths. Maybe due to a mix of neurodiversity or wilful ignorance. As most incels tend ton be neurodiverse, they slipped through the net, or had no family or friends who were willing or able to guide them.

 

1 hour ago, Consept said:

Truly loving yourself is the answer to 99% most of life's issues. The reason why people can't do it is that their belief in needing to be something or needing something is stronger than their belief in loving themselves as they are. 

In this threads example, the incel believes that once they get sex, girlfriend, relationship etc, then they will be worthy of love. They come to the conclusion that they are not able to get these things and are therefore unlovable. If they gave themselves unconditional love, none of this would matter and counterintuitivly they'd be much more likely to attract someone. 

But when in that state its hard to switch mindsets, because they're beliefs reinforce the outcomes that happen. So because they are bitter and have a certain world view that women are only attracted to certain guys which doesn't include them, they no longer try to engage and if they do it's coming from a negative place, this then creates their reality that women aren't attracted to them. 

 

In zen there is a concept calling 'standing in your own way' self sabotage basically where you cut yourself from what you want by pretending that you are seperate from it and need to acquire something to be worthy of it. The irony is this mechanism is what fuels seperation in of itself

[Tenebroso]

On 09/06/2024 at 9:06 PM, Chives99 said:

nothing  more attractive than someone that loves themselves , you're putting the cart before the horse , before anyone should start with  learning social skills and attraction etc they need to built the foundation with self love, self love is bedrock no amount of any skill or knowledge is any use  without self love and when you learn to love yourself  all this learning how to attract someone just becomes second nature , relying on intuition rather than intellect. Nothing can hurt your chances with someone more than self loathing and negativity, with self love you stop being so self centered and just focus on giving to the other person which is worth the world more than any gimmick or trick that you use to manipulate someone into bed which is inauthentic anyway , women can smell inauthenticity from a mile a away it just reeks of desperation as you NEED the person to be complete.

 

 

Just start seeing yourself as being whole and complete already unconditionally , the alternative is to hate yourself which will mean you can never love another person, maintain your self loathing go ahead see how it works out for you, but you could one day to drop all the rules for self love. Please tell me how hating yourself will get you anywhere.?????????

"Women can smell inauthenticity from a mile away it just reeks of desperation" This is the kind of rubbish that annoys me. Supposedly women can 'smell' inauthenticity yet the most abusive, negative, narcissistic men attract the most women. Either this intuition is a myth used to shut down conversation or women actively choose these kind of men and people like you try to gaslight unattractive men to shut down conversation because it makes you uncomfortable to acknowledge the truth.

Self loathing and negativity only matter if you are unattractive, if you are nobodies type. It is not as if everyone other man and women out there is completely free of negativity and always confident and positive. Human beings are a constant work in progress, there is no finish line to development yet people find themselves in relationships at various stages of psychological, emotional and spiritual stages of development. If you are the 6'5 with blue eyes dream man that women all over social media obsess over you can be as hateful and imperfect as you wish. The never ending treadmill of self development is pushed to unattractive men to mask the true ruthless of attraction. It has nothing to do with self love and being whole.

[Tenebroso]

On 11/06/2024 at 2:54 PM, Natasha Tori Maru said:

@Tenebroso actuality critically analyse what @Chives99 is saying here. 

 

You claim 'With respect these kinds of posts don't help' yet your post achieves nothing in the way of a solution or constructive steps. You don't even propose a counter argument 

My counter argument is that reality does not match with what he is saying at all. Human beings are shallow. We try to pretend that we live in a world where all these internal qualities matter despite the fact you don't even get noticed in the first place if you are not attractive or high status enough. No women is interested in the wholesome, emotionally intelligent, self-aware man unless he is attractive enough to be on her radar in the first place. Young men are being told women don't like you because of your self loathing, personality etc Yet toxic men have zero problems attracting women.

Since you know better why don't you present a "solution or constructive steps".

[Tenebroso]

On 13/06/2024 at 6:27 PM, Consept said:

Truly loving yourself is the answer to 99% most of life's issues. The reason why people can't do it is that their belief in needing to be something or needing something is stronger than their belief in loving themselves as they are. 

In this threads example, the incel believes that once they get sex, girlfriend, relationship etc, then they will be worthy of love. They come to the conclusion that they are not able to get these things and are therefore unlovable. If they gave themselves unconditional love, none of this would matter and counterintuitivly they'd be much more likely to attract someone. 

But when in that state its hard to switch mindsets, because they're beliefs reinforce the outcomes that happen. So because they are bitter and have a certain world view that women are only attracted to certain guys which doesn't include them, they no longer try to engage and if they do it's coming from a negative place, this then creates their reality that women aren't attracted to them. 

 

Loving yourself is not the answer to 99% of life's issues. Loving yourself won't stop you from being hideous and having people unable to hide their repulsion towards you. Deluded.

You would have a point if the only relationships that existed were between perfect, always positive, completely spiritually and psychologically developed. I think we can agree that is not the case, so evidently being attractive is obviously not contingent having these traits. Abusive murderers are doing just fine attracting women and getting laid, even getting married. Evidently the inner quality of a person counts for little until it's time to gaslight unattractive men about how terrible they are. Yet who is being toxic, cheating and mistreating women well that could only be the supposedly internally perfect, wholesome men who deserve relationships according to your point of view.

 

[Emotionalmosquito]

I may not be full of self love or anything, but I’m also nowhere close to being self hating. I have way too much hatred directed at everyone else and most of the world to have any leftover for myself since I’m not the one that did anything wrong. All I ever did was be myself and all it has gotten me is permanent virginity. 

But let’s say I magically wake up tomorrow with maximum self love and tons of happiness resulting from it. Then there won’t be nearly as much bliss in getting laid as there would have been had I gotten it when I really needed it. The whole point of doing anything is to fill a void. Food doesn’t taste good at all when you’re already full. There would be no point in building a fire if your house already had a good heating system, etc. 

I’ll leave you with this: Who do you think would get a better experience out of having a hot girlfriend; an ultra horny, basement dwelling NEET who hasn’t seen a woman in person for years, or a high status, fully self actualized alpha who can get all the girls he wants and has had plenty?

[PenguinPablo]

@Emotionalmosquito too many variables to consider in the two examples. Presumably, the guy in the desert will appreciate water more than the guy that has an endless supply. What do you mean by have a better experience, exactly? Highly subjective... But if you say highly self actualized individual than this also presume they operate from a higher state of consciousness. Hence, the neet incel may experience a higher peak of relief, but ultimately coming at this from a lower place

idk

[BlessedLion]

I’m also kind of tired of this “self love is the solution to everything” narrative. Some guys truly need to sack up and just get their shit together and stop being an online victim/whiner. If you’re an incel that’s something that definitely needs to be addressed 
 

 

[Myagooshki]

"Love" yourself is bad wording. Think about your favorite band and how it feels to listen to that. Think about your favorite TV show and how it feels to watch that. Think about your favorite park to walk in and how it feels to do that. Think about some of your favorite people and how it feels to think about them. Now try to think that way about yourself. 

You don't need to "love yourself" in order to have a girlfriend. Lots of dudes hate themselves and attract women with charisma. And they often have avoidant attachment. Incels are usually anxious attachment. But, if you enjoy what's coming out of your mouth and everybody who doesn't like it is an idiot, then you can say whatever you want. Within reason I guess, but I'm not putting any pussy on a pedestal, and that goes for both men and women!

[Emotionalmosquito]

On 7/5/2024 at 3:48 AM, PenguinPablo said:

What do you mean by have a better experience, exactly?

I mean who would derive an objectively greater amount of pleasure from having her. You could even measure it by looking at their brain waves. The person who needs it more because they’ve never had it will obviously enjoy it more. This is a problem because we keep being told to start loving ourselves and enjoying life first and only then will the women appear. But by then it won’t be as special to us because we’re already feeling as good as we need. That’s why I think we need an international girlfriend redistribution campaign to bring justice to the dating market.

On 7/3/2024 at 9:26 PM, Tenebroso said:

Loving yourself is not the answer to 99% of life's issues. Loving yourself won't stop you from being hideous and having people unable to hide their repulsion towards you. Deluded.

You would have a point if the only relationships that existed were between perfect, always positive, completely spiritually and psychologically developed. I think we can agree that is not the case, so evidently being attractive is obviously not contingent having these traits. Abusive murderers are doing just fine attracting women and getting laid, even getting married. Evidently the inner quality of a person counts for little until it's time to gaslight unattractive men about how terrible they are. Yet who is being toxic, cheating and mistreating women well that could only be the supposedly internally perfect, wholesome men who deserve relationships according to your point of view.

 

Still waiting on someone to answer this. I greatly hope it isn’t true but nobody has disproven it yet.

[Kid A]

Rejection is probably the main thing that leads men to abuse and murder women. Who do you think handles rejection better: A man who has many other options or a man who basically has no other options?