Little shrooms and a bad trip?

[El Rio]

Late in 2022 I considered myself somewhere between an atheist or an agnostic.  And then I experienced some wonderful mushroom experiences that showed me the love of God. And in the course of one evening I came to know God at least partially.

Skip ahead to last Saturday night. I'm leaving for Alaska for 3 months and decided to do one last "journey" and clean out the older jar of mushrooms that I grew (legally in Colorado). But all that was left were these little tiny shrooms that had filtered to the bottom of the jar. Many were "aborts" that would never had matured correctly.

So I weighed out 4 grams and ground them up and made a tea. Within 10 minutes they were coming on strong. And I mean strong.I got comfortable with some good tripping music and closed my eyes.  I started feeling this intense pressure around my 3rd eye area and just figured the shrooms were helping with my request for spiritual growth during this journey. But it got amazingly intense to the point that it was causing pain. I could feel intense pressure on my eyeballs and even down to the roots of my top, front teeth. "Does it have to be so painful" I asked? and the intensity did decrease a bit. I then noticed that instead of beautiful colors, there were NO colors at all. And no messages either. I was blocked completely from everything! "Something is wrong" I said. "What is wrong"? No answer.

I got up and the shrooms were coming on even stronger. I went outside, but could hardly stand up. I began to wonder if perhaps some form of bacteria had infected my crop and poisoned me. I stuck my finger down my throat to try to throw up but it had already been an hour and nothing came. I walked around a couple rooms for 45 minutes certain that I was going to die. My wife was upstairs and knew I was tripping. I thought about telling her what was going on, but I knew that would end up with me going to the ER and a bad trip would no-doubt get worse. Cops, name in the paper? I mean who knows. So, I thought to myself. "If you can wait this out, you may not die. Or if you lay down and resign yourself to death, you might. But walking around worrying isn't helping shit"! So I laid down and decided to die like a man. I closed my eyes and instantly a white flash of light came into my mind. "Well there it is, I've probably just crossed over".

I really don't know what happened over the next hour, but when I regained consciousness I was talking about love. Love in all things. That went on for another 30 minutes and slowly I came back to my normal state of consciousness.

I went into this like always, very respectfully with meditation first and serious questions for Mother Mycelium. So what happened? I've read anecdotal reports that the "aborts" are twice as strong as the mature shrooms from the same batch. So was my 4 grams more like 8 grams?  are the "aborts" not capable of transmitting a valuable lesson? Or did I just piss the entity that teaches through the shrooms off somehow? Did a part of me die? I have lots of questions and wouldn't mind some possible answers from you experienced psycohnauts. But one thing is certain, I'm not ingesting "aborts" EVER again!

[Keryo Koffa]

Well, my 70g truffle trips sure made me feel like I was dying/disintegrating as well. My first one, I felt that if I tried to fall asleep, my awareness would forever disappear and the remaining self would continue living an unconscious boring life, so I didn't surrender to it. On my second, I tried leaving everything behind and dissolve as much as I could, realizing the lesson of love in the process, I learned that nothingness is perfect and somethingness can be too depending on how deeply we accept it are are able to embody it.

It might be, that the large dose made the come up chaotic or your fear of being poisoned and preoccupied with those small ones materialized in fear of death or they being aborts contained elements that brought you into an emotional state of feeling those dying mushrooms. It could also be that it was a harsh process that was meant to get you to lie down and surrender completely. Maybe you had an out of body experience you couldn't bring back, maybe a part of you transitioned beyond or got dissolved in love, leaving your memory. Maybe it was a kind of strong release process of traumas, perceptions and energies within you that created massive resistance and led to an unpleasant experience. I can't really tell, gotta hear how you're feeling since.

[El Rio]

Thanks Keryo.

 

How I'm feeling? I'm not afraid to try again but I won't use the aborts. Those will go in the compost bin in the future. Cubensis has opened a door for me and I gratefully walked through it. And no doubt there is more to learn from this entity.

I started out very relaxed and trusting. But once I realized the door was closed during this experience (no colors eyes closed or open!) is when I got up and started resisting. The final surrender saved the experience and maybe my self. At least it felt that way.

You know that very day I was watching a YT video on how to use this entheogen for maximum spiritual gain and the creator said, "Before you take them, reach down inside yourself and ask or the universe if taking the mushrooms at this time is permissible."  I thought that was great advice and then spaced out the doing of it. I won't forget next time because inner knowing or intuition is seldom wrong for me.

 

Thanks again.