I Keep Getting Hostile Rejections After Things (Seemed) To Be Going Well

[Brent Rothwell]

I can’t tell what I’m doing wrong but I have this issue where I seem to have found someone else I’m compatible with and we get along well but then during the conversation I say something that totally offends them, and they suddenly want to get away from me and I never see them again. This has happened at least four times to me now. 

The first was a girl I dated from cold approach who acted as if she was attracted to me and interested in seeing me again. But then after the date I get a long, angry and hostile text message about how I should not have kissed her because she did not want me to and my behavior was totally inappropriate. Even though she did not say stop. And she also claimed that I insulted her multiple times too. Although I don't know exactly how because she continued being nice to me during the date as if everything was fine.

The most recent times this has happened were people that I matched with from tinder.

One of them was a guy I hooked up with (I’m a guy) but he walked out on me immediately after sex when I told him I was feeling physically sick. And claimed he felt hurt by this. 

The other was a nonbinary person who I was spending hours each day video calling and having very long texts messages with getting to know them and we were planning to go on a nice date.

But then they immediately unmatched and blocked me after I told them that I used to be an incel and watched pick up artist videos.

They must have interpreted our great chemistry this whole time as some kind of pick up artist manipulation scheme because they told me that I made them think that I was the only one for them. And I need to completely drop pick up and incel ideology. (even though I only briefly mentioned these things and don't take them seriously)

Oh and another girl I messaged on tinder who got offended when I asked her if she needed help losing weight (because she is plus size and I'm into fitness), and she proceeds to tell me that she is only going to date me if I have a big dick because that’s what you need for the sex to be good. Otherwise have a good day.

These rejections felt much worse than just approaching someone and they say they are in a relationship and then I just leave. Because they were prolonged interactions beyond the initial approach. 

Making me think this was leading to a relationship. And I was still being polite and friendly the entire time, so I don’t get it.

What things could be causing this?

 

Edited June 3 by Brent Rothwell

[something_else]

Asking a woman if she needs help losing weight is a terrible idea. But other than the last one, it doesn’t really sound like you did anything too wrong. Some people are just more sensitive than you and it’s a good thing that you filter them out early so you find someone that matches your sensitivity level.

[Basman]

These are all people having grievances over something indirect you said or did that they interpret to be about them but not communicating those grievances with you.

Telling a fat girl if she wants help to lose weight is the most blatant example here. Of course she is going to be insulted because you are calling her fat in a way that comes of as fat being a problem. The Incel thing sounds to me like she had a very negative preconceived notion of what Incel means, plus pick-up artistry, it is like saying you're a former Nazi to certain people.

[Atb210201]

@Brent Rothwell Make sure to not come off as rude or a dick

Just make sure of this and be aware of your words and behaviours

That should do it for you

[Raze]

Do you have autism? Telling a woman she needs to lose weight or that you are a incel studying pick up artistry are obvious glaring errors. It sounds like you totally misread the cues of the girl you kissed.

Edited June 4 by Raze

[Brent Rothwell]

@Raze Does mentioning terms like incel, pick up artist and red pill automatically cause most people especially women to make negative assumptions about misogyny, toxic masculinity and being far right? Or is this mostly dependent on their political views because I have pretty much only been able to attract people who are LGBTQ and they tend to be far left.

I kind of just thought that incels are mainly guys with social anxiety and shyness, and view pick up as about improving your social skills to become more attractive. And that they're not directly related to the stigmatized labels mentioned above but it can be easy to see them that way because of the loudest voices saying the most controversial things which can easily grab attention.

Edited June 4 by Brent Rothwell

[Kid A]

In my experience, you can’t even admit to a girl that you had an unhappy childhood without losing her if you haven’t had sex with her yet. You’re pretty much doomed if you open up about inceldom and pickup, especially if it happens early on.

[Basman]

16 hours ago, Brent Rothwell said:

@Raze Does mentioning terms like incel, pick up artist and red pill automatically cause most people especially women to make negative assumptions about misogyny, toxic masculinity and being far right?

Yes. It is better to just not mention it, ever. They are too charged and stigmatized.

People have different definitions of what words mean. Perception trumps truth in normal human interactions.

People mostly learn of these words through biased sources that use these concepts as an extreme example to make some kind of argument about men or society. And most people just don't care enough to research the topic beyond that. Saying your an Incel is like saying you support seal clubbing.

[Mada_]

You sound pretty young, so just general inexperience could be a cause of this.

The main issue here is calibration, you’re possibly being extremely open in your communication, like you would to a close friend, but it’s causing you to air dirty laundry in the presence of someone you’re trying to attract. This is definitely not the place to do so. “I feel sick” after having sex with someone is probably the worst most offensive time to say something like this, mentioning incel and pickup ideology on a date is literally the worst time to bring up these topics -

This is communicating to me you have a history of isolation and lack of friends. You haven’t exposed yourself to a lot of social situations so you have trouble ‘sensing’ in what situation to say one thing, and in what situation to say another. 

Remember in Leo’s getting laid video he talked about the law of state transference. Think about how you felt in your body, physically and emotionally when on these dates. Were they fun? Or were you tense and nervous? Still trying to be philosophical?

 

But what’s awesome is you are exposing yourself to new situations, and you’re getting feedback on a self help forum - average person doesn’t do this. 

Keep dating, keep getting rejections, and reframe beliefs. Super important that you are working on limiting beliefs. If you have a belief that you’re low status for example, you could be using that belief to avoid meeting people “they are cool and high status, I’m a loser I shouldn’t meet them”, which would literally be stopping you from solving the problem, because the only way to elevate your status is to meet more people. Do you see what I’m saying? You could have beliefs that cause you to avoid solving your problems. 

what would someone have to believe to get the results you’ve described in this post? 

[Brent Rothwell]

@Mada_ Actually things seem to be really working out for me since I made that initial post because I actually hooked up with another girl just now who I started talking to on tinder. And this happened immediately after that last painful rejection from the other person who thought I was an incel.

And I'm pretty sure I did well because this time I got a text message after the date thanking me for such a good time. And I was also paying very close attention to her body language the whole time to make sure she was comfortable with the escalation and asking if she was ok with what I was doing. 

Although the main issue that I'm having now is that I was very tense and anxious for the majority of the date because I was expecting things to go terribly wrong at any moment if I made a wrong move, like with previous encounters.

Edited June 5 by Brent Rothwell

[integral]

@Brent Rothwell on every dating app click on the filter option and filter by spirituality, make sure that you only see women that have spirituality somewhere in their Description. The purpose of this is just to figure out a strategy to filter out 99% of people you’re not compatible with. Find the ones that you’re most probabilistically compatible with using the tools available and in this case it’s filtering and one of the simplest options is a spiritual filter.

You are only compatible with people that have some competency in self development, do not waste any time with lower level people because they are not open for open minded discussions.

Your Naturally just to open, growth minded and exploratory for the average person.

A conversation about growth literally offends most people. A communication about how you feel can offend most people, because most people cannot bear the burden of someone else’s emotions.

[integral]

16 hours ago, Brent Rothwell said:

Although the main issue that I'm having now is that I was very tense and anxious for the majority of the date because I was expecting things to go terribly wrong at any moment if I made a wrong move, like with previous encounters.

Yes because at any moment you might just be your authentic self and she won’t be able to handle it. Lmao this is the issue dating women that you’re not compatible it is that you need to tiptoe around them.

Random women on Tinder are all Normies, you need to limit yourself and really understand their psychology to fit there puzzle piece so they can have a good interaction with you. long-term this is not ideal and there’s just gonna be conflict.

but you should definitely just keep trying until you acquire all this experience and knowledge for yourself

Edited June 5 by integral

[MAHAVATAR_-_BABAJI]

Forget about them. They are simply pop-ups in your life. You cannot live fearing what you said to 3-4 humans which have mental illnesses. It just will cause hatred and  frustration 

[Husseinisdoingfine]

Tinder somewhat works for me, but the women are not high quality. Highest quality women are met through social circle. 

[BlessedLion]

You must be deeply unaware of how you’re coming of in social situations