Life Purpose Question For Leo + Blackpill Video

[Clarence]

Leo, could you share with us what made you come back? Especially from a stage where you were out of purpose and not knowing whether you would come back, to recovering a sense of purpose again. Was this particularly difficult and did you have to put a lot of conscious effort into getting your life purpose back, or did it come back naturally after resting and going through the suffering and the new understandings you had to go through?

I kind of wonder to what degree one can force themselves to recover when being in such deep states of suffering and out of touch with all meaning.

As a side note:

I can't wait for the video in which you will blackpill us (I already am pretty badly) and the one in which you will talk about how to develop hope and optimism in the face of all of that. I've been blackpilled very early in my life, as I could deeply feel the suffering of others at school and of the world at a very young age (6-10 years old), and then as a teenager (13-14 years old) as I started to look closely into the suffering inflected to animals (I spent hours watching the worst kinds of suffering inflicted to them, especially in slaughterhouses and factory farming, as I thought that "not turning a blind eye" was the right thing to do).

As if that wasn't enough, I then turned my focus on the suffering inflicted to humans, and in particular, to scenes of tortures, litteraly (for example, people chopped into pieces alive, people face skinned alive, parents hanging themselves in front of their children, people forced to be eaten alive by dogs, etc). I thought it was necessary to be able to face the devilry humans were capable to commit in order to better understand the harshness of reality, and at the same time, I felt that it was well deserved for humans to suffer that much too, as many were so heartless towards animals - or just, so heartless.

All this completely structured my psyche in a way in which I now deeply despise humanity. I hate the world, I hate this planet. But more so, I completely stopped caring about the planet, about humans and their so limited level of consciousness and intelligence. I have deep pain and aversions within me I can't find how to revert. I feel like no "beautiful thing" in the world can compensate for the suffering that takes place all around us and for the lack of consciousness within humans.

I turned my mind inside out so deeply that I wonder whether I will ever recover. But at the same time, I still am capable of loving, and in particular, of feeling metaphysical love. But I really struggle about living in this world and about caring for the material and human domains of life (having a career, sex, status, success… none of this makes sense to me nor interests me).

The only real interests I have are to reach the highest states of consciousness, to really deeply understand Consciousness, and to understand why I even exist here as this particular limited self on this particular planet - if that can even be answered. Also, I deeply desire to understand the functionning of my own mind - why I am the way I am, precisely, and how I can transcend the suffering that comes with the special wiring of my mind.

The sad thing is that, even though I can feel an extremely high interest for spirituality and God Consciousness, it doesn't connect with me on an emotionnal level. I can't feel that passion I know I really have deep down, because I suffer and because I've suffered so much. And this absence of positive feedback/feelings makes me feel a lot of despair and it burdens me deeply, because I wonder how and why to fight for a life I somewhat know I could desire, if I can't feel nor imagine any joy or fulfilment coming from actualizing it.

Thus, this question I have about how and why you got back in touch with your life purpose and what it entailed. Even though we have a very different life journey and psyche, it could be insightful in some way, whatever the answer is.

Edited June 1, 2024 by Clarence