Do people hate you?

[NineHfanbase]

This seems to be my situation. From my perspective, I only have good intentions for people and try to make things easier for them. I go out of my way to help people and I become happy when people feel good about themselves. If there’s a scenario where someone is upset or embarrassed or ashamed, I want to make them see that it’s not so bad and they did the best they could, etc. 

it seems like everywhere I go, people have a problem with me. They talk shit about me, make subtle jabs to hurt my feelings. They gang up on me. I get to a point where it gets excessive and I blow up, and it doesn’t look good. Almost like “see? That’s why no one likes you”

I could be deluded, because I know how sneaky the ego is. But the one thing I know for sure is that I don’t like when people feel bad. This affects me deeply. I want others to feel good. So how bad of a person can I be?

Could being more “aware” trigger people? I notice in general when people walk by me, they look happy. My presence has a very positive affect on them. This is all the time, so I know I’m not imagining things. I’ve been meditating for years. I’m usually alone by preference because I don’t have much in common with most people. 

I’m just confused. I don’t want conflict, but it seems like I’m always In the centre of it with all fingers pointed at me as the problem. 

Has anyone experience something similar that could give a new perspective?

[NoSelfSelf]

 

Well when people sense weakness in you then they will attack you,its like they are healing their psychological problems and you are just an easy mark to push around for their benefit.When they see you want to help,when they see you are sensitive then they immidietly tell themselves this guy is weak also dishonest, he is a good guy lets attack his whole weak worldview its repulsive, expecially if you are dating it will be attacked because she wants to know shes secured with you, if you too emotionaly sensitive she wont feel safe.

Also you should give specific piece of conversation that happened that led to the attack for better clarity..

Edited June 1 by NoSelfSelf

[NineHfanbase]

1 hour ago, NoSelfSelf said:

 

Well when people sense weakness in you then they will attack you,its like they are healing their psychological problems and you are just an easy mark to push around for their benefit.When they see you want to help,when they see you are sensitive then they immidietly tell themselves this guy is weak also dishonest, he is a good guy lets attack his whole weak worldview its repulsive, expecially if you are dating it will be attacked because she wants to know shes secured with you, if you too emotionaly sensitive she wont feel safe.

Also you should give specific piece of conversation that happened that led to the attack for better clarity..

Thank you for the input.

it will be hard for me to explain because I’d rather not say what I do for work. 

To sum it up, I work a group of 6 people. The workplace is very competitive with few top positions people are fighting for. Your reputation means everything. The dynamic is constant shit-talking and gossiping, and ripping on people they perceive as “fuck ups”. Because of increased awareness over the years, I’m very good at my job because I see what needs to be done without interference from mind. It’s helped me become more efficient. I admit I have a tendency to isolate myself with my headphones in. I notice they don’t like when I mind my business. I just don’t care for their conversation because it’s all shit talking and ranting. I don’t say anything, I just go somewhere else. I got picked on a lot when I started. I started confronting them, and from what I can see we were all good for a while. We generally get along and crack jokes. Today I finished up a big project that I’ve been working on for a while - it worked out for me. It got some attention from the higher ups.  They all suddenly turned on me. There’s a significant amount of paperwork required after it was done, and we usually all help each other do it. Nobody wanted to help me. When I asked for stuff, they shrug and say “I mean you’re the one in charge of it”. Then one of them whispered when I was in the other room, still close enough for me to hear “I guess that’s what happens everyone hates you”, and they all burst out laughing. Then two of them decided to confront me for coming in 20 minutes late, even though this has literally NEVER been an issue. We don’t have direct supervision and can basically come in whenever we want. They come in late, I come in late, it was never a thing. I also never confront any of them about coming in late or doing anything, cause I don’t care.

It’s just frustrating. I help people whenever I can, I wish well on others (sounds cheesy but it’s true). I had a flash of an enlightenment experience some years back and I genuinely do not care about material prospects.

even at home, my sister is constantly picking on me for things she always done. Literally going into a rage, calling me scum. All I’ve been doing lately is trying my best to mind my business and everyone is angry. If I ignore it, it gets worse. 
 

im honestly not sure what to do. Im tired of conflict. It seems to be everywhere. Could I be delusional? It’s a possibility. 
 

Has anyone experienced something similar?

Edited June 1 by NineHfanbase

[Applegarden8]

People hate themselves and project it to the world, this is none of your business and their decision. If you are relating to them, you have to reduce and destroy this fear and powerlesness of being disliked and hated. If you reduce the pattern of feeling that somebody is your enemy, your enemy gets weak.

You can help people who want to be helped. The other people will not need help, ignore or hate you for helping.

[Schizophonia]

Yo yo mirror n°98 293

It's your fault, stop trying to controlling others people, explaining life to them. 

You feel obliged to help people because of some psychological pattern and so your mirrors reflect back to you "what the fuck is this asshole bothering the world, I didn't ask him anything", or something like that.

It's what you actually think unconsciously and what you provoke in matter.

 

Edited June 1 by Schizophonia

[Schizophonia]

To give a little guidance, if you tend to feel in conflict with others, it means YOU ARE CONFLICTUAL.
When you say "I love people, I want people to be well" you actually have to understand:
"I suffer from my emptiness, I can't stand seeing emptiness in others so I tell them their 4 truths to guide them in the process (correcting my own problem in this case through the phalic position, by projecting it on "submissive" people), I obviously come into conflict with these egos and they are angry with me."

He's an ordinary type of persona that you're playing, this is your theater role, there are a lot of people who will despise/hate you and others who will love it.

That's it. 

 

 

Edited June 1 by Schizophonia

[Schizophonia]

1 minute ago, Schizophonia said:

To give a little guidance

 

mirrorception

Edited June 1 by Schizophonia

[NineHfanbase]

1 hour ago, Schizophonia said:

Yo yo mirror n°98 293

It's your fault, stop trying to controlling others people, explaining life to them. 

You feel obliged to help people because of some psychological pattern and so your mirrors reflect back to you "what the fuck is this asshole bothering the world, I didn't ask him anything", or something like that.

It's what you actually think unconsciously and what you provoke in matter.

it’s not so much I go around being “the light of wisdom”. That makes me cringe. I mostly mind my business, but if someone is working on a project on my team I can ask if I can help. Or if one of them needs a ride to pick his car up from the garage, I offer a ride. It’s always in the context of the situation. I dont talk about spirituality unless it’s brought up or somehow relevant to what we’re already talking about.  

[NineHfanbase]

1 hour ago, Schizophonia said:

To give a little guidance, if you tend to feel in conflict with others, it means YOU ARE CONFLICTUAL.
When you say "I love people, I want people to be well" you actually have to understand:
"I suffer from my emptiness, I can't stand seeing emptiness in others so I tell them their 4 truths to guide them in the process (correcting my own problem in this case through the phalic position, by projecting it on "submissive" people), I obviously come into conflict with these egos and they are angry with me."

He's an ordinary type of persona that you're playing, this is your theater role, there are a lot of people who will despise/hate you and others who will love it.

That's it. 

 

 

What you’re saying makes sense. I had my suspicions that it was a sneaky ego thing at least to some extent. How can everyone be wrong and me always right? Shits wild

but yeah I wouldn’t say I “love” people, if that were so, my preference wouldn’t be to be alone minding my business. In general I like when good things happen to other people, and when they are sad it makes me a little sad. But relationships with other people is conflict-ridden 

[MAHAVATAR_-_BABAJI]

On 5/31/2024 at 8:29 PM, NineHfanbase said:

This seems to be my situation. From my perspective, I only have good intentions for people and try to make things easier for them. I go out of my way to help people and I become happy when people feel good about themselves. If there’s a scenario where someone is upset or embarrassed or ashamed, I want to make them see that it’s not so bad and they did the best they could, etc. 

it seems like everywhere I go, people have a problem with me. They talk shit about me, make subtle jabs to hurt my feelings. They gang up on me. I get to a point where it gets excessive and I blow up, and it doesn’t look good. Almost like “see? That’s why no one likes you”

I could be deluded, because I know how sneaky the ego is. But the one thing I know for sure is that I don’t like when people feel bad. This affects me deeply. I want others to feel good. So how bad of a person can I be?

Could being more “aware” trigger people? I notice in general when people walk by me, they look happy. My presence has a very positive affect on them. This is all the time, so I know I’m not imagining things. I’ve been meditating for years. I’m usually alone by preference because I don’t have much in common with most people. 

I’m just confused. I don’t want conflict, but it seems like I’m always In the centre of it with all fingers pointed at me as the problem. 

Has anyone experience something similar that could give a new perspective?

This happens to me to. I got fired from LA fitness after people made up rumors about me(the only black person there and I'm in the suburbs). I was the hardest worker and was complimented  by the founder of "Midtown Athletic Club". 

You speak too much. Never give out personal information to others. They pretend to want to know you and simply will exploit you when a time comes. 

I keep to myself at this point(24) and meditate all-day if not doing other important tasks. So, I feel like we share something in common.

I have a commonplace book filled with questions and answers and this question you seek still has no real answer. Maybe it's your environment, race, tattos, doormat, vocal tonality, sobriety.

 

They trashed the Janitor closet and blamed me. They said I showered in the women's locker room mid-shift. They broke the handle off the door and said I did it. Haha i wanted to hurt them badly. I see their bullshit as training grounds for becoming a true sage later in life!

Edited June 6 by MAHAVATAR_-_BABAJI

[MAHAVATAR_-_BABAJI]

The more meditative you are the less friends you will have unless you live in Vegas or Las Angeles where diversity is high. 

This is because you communicate with people differently than the average person(I'm assuming). You might be like me and speak in a very centered osho like manner. They weren't popular when they were young. They don't tell the hell they've gone through. Think of it as "Sage BootCamp".

[Tenebroso]

Contrary to popular belief being nice and treating people how you want to be treated will make you seem weak. People respect fear and the ability to dominate. Society gaslights men into believing otherwise, while the spoils of life go to the most horrible men.

[Basman]

From your writing, it sounds like you try to keep the peace by placating what you perceive to be other people's wants as opposed to making your personal needs a priority and maintaining boundaries, I.E. it sounds like your needy.

Needy = trying to get what you want and avoid conflict by being "good" to others.

People might treat you badly because they sense this paradigm in you. It gives them a sense of power because you care about how they feel. The work culture at your job sounds kinda toxic as well. Very competitive and jealous.

[MAHAVATAR_-_BABAJI]

^How would you know if he is being needy? What if he is just being nice because that is his being? Not everyone is nice to someone else just to get what they want from them. That is a poor way to look at socialization.

[NineHfanbase]

On 2024-06-01 at 3:31 AM, Applegarden8 said:

People hate themselves and project it to the world, this is none of your business and their decision. If you are relating to them, you have to reduce and destroy this fear and powerlesness of being disliked and hated. If you reduce the pattern of feeling that somebody is your enemy, your enemy gets weak.

You can help people who want to be helped. The other people will not need help, ignore or hate you for helping.

I missed this comment. Really insightful perspective

[NineHfanbase]

On 2024-06-01 at 3:31 AM, Applegarden8 said:

Mahavatar — that’s the frustrating part is it’s a no-win situation. I don’t even wanna be there, I don’t even wanna compete, but I don’t wanna be homeless neither lol. It’s like you MUST get entangled whether you like it or not. Just minding your own business is unacceptable. It’s so weird how much that triggers people. 

[NineHfanbase]

15 hours ago, Basman said:

From your writing, it sounds like you try to keep the peace by placating what you perceive to be other people's wants as opposed to making your personal needs a priority and maintaining boundaries, I.E. it sounds like your needy.

Needy = trying to get what you want and avoid conflict by being "good" to others.

People might treat you badly because they sense this paradigm in you. It gives them a sense of power because you care about how they feel. The work culture at your job sounds kinda toxic as well. Very competitive and jealous.

Hmm this is interesting. I do have a bad people-pleasing habit. It could potentially be masked as the need to liked. But on the other hand, they come to me a lot to make decisions about our work projects. I do feel like they respect me, Then suddenly they decide they don’t like me. I’ve been ignoring them since last Saturday, and it seems like they’re wanting to patch things up based on how they’re acting. I’m exhausted though I’m genuinely so tired of people. I don’t want conflict, I don’t know what to do. If we patch things up I’m sure the pattern will repeat itself and I don’t even enjoy their company to be real they’re lames. 

it is extremely toxic. Huge MASSIVE egos. My job has one of the highest rates of mental illness also 

[NineHfanbase]

On 2024-06-05 at 8:08 PM, MAHAVATAR_-_BABAJI said:

Haha i wanted to hurt them badly. I see their bullshit as training grounds for becoming a true sage later in life!

I know me too. That’s the funny part is I could have tore them to shreds by the amount of times they've fucked up and made horribly misguided decisions, if I really wanted to be a cu**, they’re so dumb and give me ample opportunity. but I don’t care to make them feel bad about themselves. It does nothing for me like it does for them. It takes a lot of energy to hate, energy you could use to get closer to truth. It’s a battle alright. But it’s definitely getting easier, idk about you but it used to tear me apart..like their approval was the most important thing in the world. Now I crave quiet more than anything. 

[Basman]

12 hours ago, NineHfanbase said:

Hmm this is interesting. I do have a bad people-pleasing habit. It could potentially be masked as the need to liked. But on the other hand, they come to me a lot to make decisions about our work projects. I do feel like they respect me, Then suddenly they decide they don’t like me. I’ve been ignoring them since last Saturday, and it seems like they’re wanting to patch things up based on how they’re acting. I’m exhausted though I’m genuinely so tired of people. I don’t want conflict, I don’t know what to do. If we patch things up I’m sure the pattern will repeat itself and I don’t even enjoy their company to be real they’re lames. 

it is extremely toxic. Huge MASSIVE egos. My job has one of the highest rates of mental illness also 

Conflict isn't the end of the world. You should learn to prioritize your needs as opposed to compromise to keep the peace constantly. You need a strong sense of self to make the most of life. It shouldn't really matter what people think of you. Not being able to confidently say "no" to others is a huge disadvantage and will rob you of a lot energy and joy.

How people treat you is generally an extension of their survival strategy. Maybe they are nice to you again after you started ignoring them because they rely on you for work. Point is, don't take it so personally.

I recommend reading the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Glover. It is a self-help book about "nice guys" who struggle getting what they want in life. It sounds like you to be honest.

[NineHfanbase]

Basman - I’m really not that nice. Me and my coworkers get into arguments and diss each other all the time. Then we’re all good, then they randomly decide they have a problem with me and gang up on me. I’m the only woman so maybe that has something to do with it. I do people-please to keep the peace, and you’re right, I can see how that can be perceived as weakness. Taking things personally is a huge problem for me 

i appreciate the recommendation but i think im going to try meditating in presence. I’ve read so many books and watched so many videos I feel like my mind is going to explode

Edited June 7 by NineHfanbase