Suicide.

[Agrande]

What makes it such an attractive choice? For me, it’s the curiosity about the afterlife and near death experiences.
 

SSRIs have caused me to be in such a detached state because of the massive increase in serotonin, (which also probably increases stress hormone cortisol too) and this lead to suppressed appetite too. Being without thoughts, needs, sexuality, pleasure and desire was definitely an interesting experience. I would call serotonin the “completeness” hormone and neurotransmitter. Overloading with stress essentially just reverts you to a blank slate. Tabula rasa. I think that’s what SSRIs do. 

I’ve had severe states of depersonalisation and derealisation where life looked dream like and my identity, ego and thoughts all dissolved. It was like living in a dream while I was actually in a coma. Some sort of strange anaesthesia that interrupts with dream/wake states and differentiating between them. Definitely pineal gland related. 

Where the lines between dream and reality blend into each other. Very strange experience. Pineal gland pulsations are also happening. Something strange about it. Seeing repeating numbers everywhere

111 222 333 444 555 666 777 888 999 123 369 xx:xx xx:yy xy:xy (clock angel numbers replace the x and y)

the fear of death has been dissolved sort of. I think SSRIs deactivate certain parts of the brain. This also leads to cognitive impairment and impaired judgement. Anxiety and depression completely disappeared. Just left an empty blank slate without any emotions or thoughts. It’s like having a second birth. Some SSRIs revert the brain to a juvenile, child like state.

ive played around with the idea that spiritually minded people are actually brain dead, AND that’s why they receive all these spontaneous insights and downloads. All roads lead to Rome. The same insights can be reached by going deep in thought. I’ve had spontaneous insights and dots connect during this period of SSRI use. Not encouraging people to use it though. Very hit and miss medication. 
 

I also have no dreams anymore. Dreamless sleep. 
 

I’ve noticed myself trying to still cling on to the remnants of my ego mind that’s rooted in  thought. But it comes and goes. I’ve realised how much stress and fear have controlled my life and the trajectory of it. And it was all rooted in the mind and how it acted as an echo chamber for other peoples thoughts. 

I have now a higher stress tolerance and also a psychopathic like detachment. It’s like I took a lot of vodka when it was my first time drinking alcohol. SSRIs induced some very strong states in me. 

it’s also interesting because during near death experiences, I think the brain releases a lot of serotonin too. 
 

these days, everything looks bright, vivid, surreal and dream like. There has most definitely been some sort of shift in perception. Sometimes, everything just looked like a cartoon world. When I stopped taking it, I woke up from a dream and my visual field was surrounded by a kaleidoscope of strong hallucinogenic visuals.

i think that this will be a beautiful way to die. I think antidepressants have removed a lot of inhibition that prevents me from killing myself. They lowered my inhibitions in general. Much like alcohol and other drugs.
 

These days, my eye movements seem very still. I think it signifies that my thought process has completely stopped. Reached some sort of point of awakening perhaps I don’t know. Or maybe I’m just a brain dead zombie. 

I think entities implant suggestions and thoughts into people and influence us in ways we can’t see or perceive. ego hijacking so to say. Or hijacking the person with an erased ego maybe. 

I’ve also had memory loss. And some sort of emotional anaesthesia. I look at things and no emotional response is there. I felt like I could do anything because it was a dream and I could even act like a psychopath if I wanted to

There are days where my family or people in general did not seem real. It’s like I saw through the lens of ego/self. 

I want to die and go all the way. 
I understand why so many people commit suicide while on psychiatric medicine. Because it very much removes the inhibition to do so. 

Edited May 23 by Agrande

[James123]

7 hours ago, Agrande said:

What makes it such an attractive choice? For me, it’s the curiosity about the afterlife and near death experiences.
 

SSRIs have caused me to be in such a detached state because of the massive increase in serotonin, (which also probably increases stress hormone cortisol too) and this lead to suppressed appetite too. Being without thoughts, needs, sexuality, pleasure and desire was definitely an interesting experience. I would call serotonin the “completeness” hormone and neurotransmitter. Overloading with stress essentially just reverts you to a blank slate. Tabula rasa. I think that’s what SSRIs do. 

I’ve had severe states of depersonalisation and derealisation where life looked dream like and my identity, ego and thoughts all dissolved. It was like living in a dream while I was actually in a coma. Some sort of strange anaesthesia that interrupts with dream/wake states and differentiating between them. Definitely pineal gland related. 

Where the lines between dream and reality blend into each other. Very strange experience. Pineal gland pulsations are also happening. Something strange about it. Seeing repeating numbers everywhere

111 222 333 444 555 666 777 888 999 123 369 xx:xx xx:yy xy:xy (clock angel numbers replace the x and y)

the fear of death has been dissolved sort of. I think SSRIs deactivate certain parts of the brain. This also leads to cognitive impairment and impaired judgement. Anxiety and depression completely disappeared. Just left an empty blank slate without any emotions or thoughts. It’s like having a second birth. Some SSRIs revert the brain to a juvenile, child like state.

ive played around with the idea that spiritually minded people are actually brain dead, AND that’s why they receive all these spontaneous insights and downloads. All roads lead to Rome. The same insights can be reached by going deep in thought. I’ve had spontaneous insights and dots connect during this period of SSRI use. Not encouraging people to use it though. Very hit and miss medication. 
 

I also have no dreams anymore. Dreamless sleep. 
 

I’ve noticed myself trying to still cling on to the remnants of my ego mind that’s rooted in  thought. But it comes and goes. I’ve realised how much stress and fear have controlled my life and the trajectory of it. And it was all rooted in the mind and how it acted as an echo chamber for other peoples thoughts. 

I have now a higher stress tolerance and also a psychopathic like detachment. It’s like I took a lot of vodka when it was my first time drinking alcohol. SSRIs induced some very strong states in me. 

it’s also interesting because during near death experiences, I think the brain releases a lot of serotonin too. 
 

these days, everything looks bright, vivid, surreal and dream like. There has most definitely been some sort of shift in perception. Sometimes, everything just looked like a cartoon world. When I stopped taking it, I woke up from a dream and my visual field was surrounded by a kaleidoscope of strong hallucinogenic visuals.

i think that this will be a beautiful way to die. I think antidepressants have removed a lot of inhibition that prevents me from killing myself. They lowered my inhibitions in general. Much like alcohol and other drugs.
 

These days, my eye movements seem very still. I think it signifies that my thought process has completely stopped. Reached some sort of point of awakening perhaps I don’t know. Or maybe I’m just a brain dead zombie. 

I think entities implant suggestions and thoughts into people and influence us in ways we can’t see or perceive. ego hijacking so to say. Or hijacking the person with an erased ego maybe. 

I’ve also had memory loss. And some sort of emotional anaesthesia. I look at things and no emotional response is there. I felt like I could do anything because it was a dream and I could even act like a psychopath if I wanted to

There are days where my family or people in general did not seem real. It’s like I saw through the lens of ego/self. 

I want to die and go all the way. 
I understand why so many people commit suicide while on psychiatric medicine. Because it very much removes the inhibition to do so. 

Don't do it. Life is heaven, and there is no such thing as afterlife. You will go back where you come from, which is Nothing. Have you ever done pychedelics to realize what is death?

[Agrande]

3 hours ago, James123 said:

Don't do it. Life is heaven, and there is no such thing as afterlife. You will go back where you come from, which is Nothing. Have you ever done pychedelics to realize what is death?

No haven’t tried psychedelics. Plan to but don’t exactly have the money to buy them

[James123]

4 minutes ago, Agrande said:

No haven’t tried psychedelics. Plan to but don’t exactly have the money to buy them

Just save some money and purchase it. After that you will realize there is no you to die, it was the ego only. Do not try to suicide!!! It is the stupidest thing to do!!! Maybe @Leo Gura can help you.

[Agrande]

3 minutes ago, James123 said:

Just save some money and purchase it. After that you will realize there is no you to die, it was the ego only. Do not try to suicide!!! It is the stupidest thing to do!!! Maybe @Leo Gura can help you.

I think depersonalisation already made me have the epiphany that there is no “me”. Like I’m in tabula rasa. I feel a loss in identity. I don’t identify with what happened in the past nor the future anymore. Something clicked and I’m in the now so to say. With my mind blanked. What makes suicide so attractive is that I want to go all the way in. I feel like I’m done and there’s nothing more to do. 
I will save up the money to try psychedelics at one point though 

[James123]

2 minutes ago, Agrande said:

I think depersonalisation already made me have the epiphany that there is no “me”. Like I’m in tabula rasa. I feel a loss in identity. I don’t identify with what happened in the past nor the future anymore. Something clicked and I’m in the now so to say. With my mind blanked. What makes suicide so attractive is that I want to go all the way in. I feel like I’m done and there’s nothing more to do. 
I will save up the money to try psychedelics at one point though 

Take an example the deep sleep, there is nothing there as before birth. That's what the death is. That's all. Nothing attractive, because only "nothing" is there. 

[ZenAlex]

Sorry to hear about your current issue.

If your current mental health professional is not working, seek another.

How is the rest of your lifestyle btw?

I have also considered suicide but am still running down my options.

[Schizophonia]

Look at Ray Peat work.

You can also PM me, i have a good thing to to offer you.

[Buck Edwards]

Read uplifting poems everyday. 

[Basman]

People usually commit suicide because they perceive there to be no hope of getting out of a painful situation. It is a form of escape usually done on impulse. It is why health professionals always ask how you are planning to kill yourself so they can assess how much of a danger you are to yourself. Like if you own a loaded gun or something.

I hope you get the help you need. I'd wager that you are suicidal because you're in pain somehow.

[Agrande]

36 minutes ago, Basman said:

People usually commit suicide because they perceive there to be no hope of getting out of a painful situation. It is a form of escape usually done on impulse. It is why health professionals always ask how you are planning to kill yourself so they can assess how much of a danger you are to yourself. Like if you own a loaded gun or something.

I hope you get the help you need. I'd wager that you are suicidal because you're in pain somehow.

 

1 hour ago, Buck Edwards said:

Read uplifting poems everyday. 

 

2 hours ago, ZenAlex said:

Sorry to hear about your current issue.

If your current mental health professional is not working, seek another.

How is the rest of your lifestyle btw?

I have also considered suicide but am still running down my options.

I’m not in any sort of pain. Instead I’m like incredibly numb to everything. Life just looks like it is when I am not. These days rather I laugh a lot despite being very inert emotionally and mentally. I feel free in a way from thoughts and emotions that used to torture me. 

id say the mental health professionals already did their job by drugging me up. There’s not much else to do you see lol. 

My lifestyle is average I go out and do stuff with people and do hobbies like music prod and stuff like that. Nothing really hurts me anymore. Nothing feels that good either but not in a depressive way, in a numb way. 
 

it’s like seeing life without the lens of the mind and its thoughts, emotions, likes and dislikes. Everything just is. 
 

 I feel like I’ve reached the end. Not in a sad suicidal depressive way. But just like it’s finished. 
It’s like playing life on new game + I can choose to play again and rebuild my life or I can take a massive break (death) and then come back to it. 

Edited May 24 by Agrande

[Soul Flight]

You can always text or call 988 to discuss your situation. Reach out to friends and family or any of us.

Wish you well.

[Atb210201]

@Agrande One thing I would say to you is

Do you want to go to your final destination now or would you rather help some people who are in pain and need help in your way to go? Because there is still pain and suffering in the world; you going out of it could make it more painful and sorrowful because someone may need you and you may be able to help someone anyone while you are alive you could at least ease their pain and suffering

Which one is more meaningful do you think?

The choice is yours to make