"Satisfied With Mediocrity" or "No Drive Other Than Survival"

[Blake Larsen]

TLDR: A young bloke has a cushy life, but still finds a way to b*tch about it.

 

Greetings, esteemed fellow forumers.
Tottally okay if you skip this post, as I am afraid it has no apparent value to the reader.

Still I am overcome with desire to find someone who would offer a bit of insight as to the conundrum that has befell me.

After 24 years of life, I feel like I achieved everything I ever dreamed of since I was a kid.
My job more than sustains me, I live alone, I'm fairly social, with a likable persona, have my own friends, good health, great physical fitness (I bench 225 at bw 170).
I don't think either of my parents have ever been in such a stable and comfortable position in life as I find myself in.

But now, after living in this comfort for over 2 years, I am becoming dreadfully aware, that my life feels devoid of meaning.
All my fears of not having food, shelter, education, or having to work terrible job, have spared me.

Despite that, I don't feel love for Life.

 

I find myself being concerned about survival only. Once it is taken care of, I no longer have any desires.
I asked for advice from friends and colleagues, and the responses boiling down to: "Do what you love about life".

Not sure if I am dysfunctional in some way, but I just don't feel love for any endeavor.
I tried Art, Music, Bodybuilding, Matrial Arts. I'm naturally talanted at singing, but nothing drives me to devote my life to any of those.
Furthermore, I had experience with women, with only long-term, deep, intimate relationships being of interest to me (possibly demisexual). But having a family is not something that's ever been on my mind either.

I can see beauty in simple experiences like a pond of flowers, a beautiful sunny day, a happy family walking by, an opera, a goddamn Snickers bar, and my Gratitude is there. I'm glad to be alive.

Still, I want nothing more than what I have. But an idea that "I should want something, and if I don't, there's something profoundly wrong" perturbs my mind space for a while now.

I have come up with the following solutions:
1) Not forcing it. (Living in the "Limbo phase" for as long as it naturally takes).
2) Forcing myself to create in some particular field (Learn Music Production, for example) even though, I'm not particularly driven to do so. 
3) Forcing myself to aquire more material wealth (working for even more money, gaining more useful connections).

That is where I'm at right now.

Any replies I would be seriously grateful for.

P.S. I apologize if my writing style caused you brain damage <3

[Leo Gura]

There is no cure for lack of ambition.

Some people, in fact most people, simply have very low ambition. Ambition is a personality trait.

But also, if you feel your life lacks meaning, that means you aren't really satisfied with your life as you claim. Deep down you know there's more to be had but you haven't yet come up with a vision of what that would look like.

Besides ambition what's needs is imagination. To imagine a really new and exciting future for yourself.

Edited May 23, 2024 by Leo Gura

[Blake Larsen]

@Leo Gura Thank you for taking time to reply, Sir.

I think I will try "Perfect Day VIsualization" + Journaling for a while, and also try to experience more of life.
 

Have a blessed day.

[Yimpa]

23 hours ago, Blake Larsen said:

P.S. I apologize if my writing style caused you brain damage <3

Nope; it was beautifully written. Thank you for sharing!