I cheated on her, she took revenge. Now I want to off myself.

[TottiWatts]

That is the problem of trying to possess woman - we get into all kind of messes

[LSD-Rumi]

This situation sucks. But you must try to understand her perspective too. Although it was a wrong deed, you kindda broke her heart when you told her you cheated on her. Women can be quite impulsive and act on emotions as men can be very horny and easily seduced.

Now, you either try to heal your relationship as mature adults and take lessons from this experience or just break up for good.

I don't see cheating as the end of a relationship if both partners still take the relationship seriously.

 

[Javfly33]

Sorry for what your going through. 

It might be a good time to reflect on what you have been investing in the relationship.

When relationships are about entanglement instead of an expression of joy or Love, this kind of things are natural to happen.

You and your girlfriend obviously had a toxic relationship, if not this things wouldnt happen (neither you reaction to her cheating as well as her cheating as a revenge).

I understand you might be going through a very rough time and i wish you get well soon. But in all honesty, you dodged a bullet, in other words you can learn from this experience to realize the risks of doing this kind of games. 

[LordFall]

I would recommend watching Leo's video on survival, it's strangely relevant here because the reason why you feel such agonizing and suicidal feelings is part of your ego is dying from this situation. Basically, your sense of sense is you being this guy with this girl and it all got shattered by these two experiences. The good news is that you lost nothing but gained a lot from this experience. 

If you were to take any psychedelic to learn from this I would recommend molly/MDMA. That's the one that makes you feel the most universal love and well being both for yourself, others, and all of creation. This will help you forgive yourself for destroying your temporary dream and your girl for being so quick to move on from it.

Best of luck brother, you got this. 

[LSD-Rumi]

On 7/24/2024 at 6:24 PM, Javfly33 said:

When relationships are about entanglement instead of an expression of joy or Love, this kind of things are natural to happen.

That is not necessarily true. Men can quite be easily seduced. A man forgets everything when he gets horny, and thus the conept of post-nut awakening.

That makes me contemplate  the idea sexually semi-open relationships. Something like having a 4 free sex cards per year or while traveling

Edited July 31 by LSD-Rumi

[Ampresus]

Alright it's been a while and some people decided to revive this thread so I'll try to respond to them. First I'll provide some context before I respond:

Before she moved out she went to her home country of Poland. Actually the last few days before she left, things seemed to go well. We got a bit more intimate and we wanted to videocall while she was gone. Couple days pass. I get home late from work and ask her if she still wants to call. No response. Surely, this girl is just tired from her travelling and is just sleeping right? Next morning, I check WhatsApp and no response. I check my socials and see she has unfollowed me everywhere. I guess that's the end of this relationship. 

I literally saw a therapist a day after this so I worked through some stuff already. It turns out that she gave me chlamydia as well. From her clearly unprotected sex with the dude she claimed she only had protected sex with. Such a nice person. And to top it all, I saw her a couple of times in my gym, but she made no effort to talk so I didn't bother either. 

Safe to say therapy helped me a lot with both calming down, recognizing my own emotions and learning how to go further in life. Together with videos from HealthyGamerGG I tried to use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to soften on the anger and depression. I kept telling myself that I'm but a person who has setbacks, not one who gives up. That's this is just the way life goes sometimes. The only permanence is impermanence as Leo said in one of his videos. Instead of latching on, I decided I want to let go. This hate has given me no good. I'm still young, bound to make tons of mistakes, it's just part of life. Where one door closes, another opens. In the end, we only lose what we cling to. 

[Ampresus]

On 23-7-2024 at 10:46 PM, tlowedajuicemayne said:

Okay bro, we gotta get real here. Somebody has got to level with you here because there's a lot to unpack. 

First, I know I'm late on this. i realize this post is kind of old. I'm going to tell you what I'm going to tell you anyways. 

Second, You're entitled to how you feel about this. I hope you've overcome this thing and haven't offed yourself. I hope you're more humble and mature for this.

Third, I hope you've taken time to reflect on the fact that YOU are not the victim here, she is. That's where my real message to you begins- 

My man, you broke her trust first. You didn't care about how she felt while you were chatting up another women, courting her, and having sex with her. In fact it seems to me that the only person you considered in this whole post is yourself. I think this is the main issue. You're selfish. 

You called her after you cheated on her because YOU felt bad about it. The way you put it, its like you expected her to help you feel better about what you did. You then acted as if what you did was no big deal and that she should've just taken it on the chin. Imagine if she called you out of the blue when she was on holiday and told you she cheated on you, how would you feel? Wouldn't you want revenge?

@tlowedajuicemayne You're right about all this. At the end, it was a selfish act and I acted selfishly afterwards. What I learnt to realise is that at the end, this caused suffering for us both. Nobody gained from this. Even if she cheated and hurt me, just knowing I did it first makes me feel content with the probably equal or even more suffering she is enduring. I do want to point out that I never acted like it wasn't a big deal. Unlike her NOT confessing or apologizing from the get go, the second I got home I apologized and asked for forgiveness. I'm not stupid man, I know what I did was wrong. I told her I would seek therapy (I did) and that ONLY if she wants to continue, I would put all my effort into rebuilding trust. She proceeded to tell me several times in the following weeks that she already forgave me for what I did. Hence why I never hammered on it to her. I got the memo, they're thoughts and feelings she'd rather not think about. 
 

On 23-7-2024 at 10:46 PM, tlowedajuicemayne said:

'A shoulder to cry on is a dick to ride on'--->This is so immature to say and is straight out of the red pill ideology. This probably plays into why you thought it was okay to cheat on her in the first place as the red pill ideology says that its okay for men to cheat or 'exercise options' while women are supposed to just take it and be loyal. The red pill ideology is not the real world bro, throw that whole worldview out. Its toxic, selfish and dangerous for anyone you're in a relationship with. 

@tlowedajuicemayne This is quite literally what happened though lmao. She talked about how they just laid in bed and talked for hours while on MDMA. How the drug and him helped her put things in perspective and make her feel much better. The guy is 28, lives alone, swipes Tinder for easy sex and gave her and me chlamydia. I think we can all see the game he was playing and has probably been playing for a while. I never claimed I subscribed to that ideology nor that I think women are supposed to take it while men can cheat around. Don't put words in my mouth. I'm not 
"red-pilled", in my eyes cheating is just wrong regardless. 

 

On 23-7-2024 at 10:46 PM, tlowedajuicemayne said:

When I told my mom what she did, she was devastated and very pissed at her.- Dude what? This is pure lack of accountability. Remember, YOU CHEATED FIRST. YOU ARE NOT THE VICTIM, SHE IS. Did you tell your mom that you cheated on her first? You told your mom that she did drugs and cheated on you? Bro...this is pure lack of accountability and childishness. That's all ima say on that.

You don't deserve to be cheated on man but you have got to grow up. This whole post is an indication that you're not doing spiritual work, that you don't have life principles in place, and that you have GOT to start taking accountability and responsibility for yourself and your actions. 

@tlowedajuicemayne Brother, obviously my mom knew. My mom knew everything. She was pissed at me first and told me to beg for forgiveness once I got back. My mom didn't know about her cheating until I landed first, drummed it out of my ex and told my mom via videocall. Besides, what's wrong with telling somebody they did something as horrible as that anyway? I thought this was about responsibility, now we're supposed to protect her from reality? I got nothing to hide, I confessed from the get go. My ex reacted the same way as you so I'll tell her what I told you: if you're ashamed of it, you shouldn't have done it. Own what you did. Grow some balls and face reality. This is something you did. OWN it. Clearly she was ashamed, hence the reluctance to tell me. Sounds like a her-problem. I'm not going to sit there with all these thoughts and emotions, and then when somebody close to me asks what's wrong just say "oh nothing" or "sorry can't tell". 

 

You're right in the second part. I haven't been doing spiritual work in a bit, mostly because the relationship consumed so much of my time. We spent all day everyday together and that wasn't healthy. Now that she's gone, I'm slowly incorporating old habits back into my life. As a matter of fact, I feel like recently self-inquiry has been going really well. I guess this killed a part of my ego that needed to die. I'm still young and am bound to make mistakes, but I feel like right now I am on a healing path.

 

On 23-7-2024 at 10:46 PM, tlowedajuicemayne said:

As I stated before, you don't deserve to be cheated on, nobody does man. I hope you've resolved this in yourself. But dude, you SHOULD be trying to win your girl back if you made a mistake like that. You SHOULD have to go through a period where you feel uncertain about your relationship. How do you think she felt? You SHOULD have to show her that you're capable of being trusted and it should be a long painful process. It seems like you only care that she didn't feel any pain from this because of ecstasy. You should be glad that she isn't in pain over this man, you should be the only one carrying a burden here. Why would you cheat on someone and then want them to feel the pain of it all with you too? Personally if i fucked up that hard I would be glad that my partner isn't in pain and that I have a chance to fix it. Yeah, its gross that she cheated on you back and thats gonna be hard to overcome but man...how do you think she feels? You also cheated. 

@tlowedajuicemayne I am not trying to insult or flame you, but clearly the lack of knowledge about the situation makes you say things that are false. Clearly she felt some pain from the few times I did see her let out tears. The way she explained it, her brain just shuts down during times of trauma. She becomes cold, non-reactive and distant. This is why any efforts I made in rebuilding trust didn't work. Despite all my rage and suicidal thoughts, believe it or not I tried multiple times to hang out with her, go on dates, idk live life again with her. But she was very reluctant, found new friends she'd rather spend time with and would only occassionally let out her true feelings when the relationship threatened to end.

For example this one time after yet another failed day of spending time with her, we were leaving a festival when she told me she no longer respects me as a man and therefore doesn't think the relationship could continue. Surprisingly, it was one of the best things I had heard. The few weeks before were painstakingly difficult because she was just so cold and boring. So now that I was released, I told her simply that I respected her decision, think she's right that this won't work and that we should move on. Only then did she proceed to cry, beg me to not leave her and hug me for the first time in a while. For a glimpse she let out her true thoughts and feelings and I felt like things could work again. This same thing happened the night before she left to Poland. Relationship threatened to end, she feels afraid, cries, we reconcile and all looks good again. Now I think back to it, honestly her just unfollowing me is a fitting end to a dumb relationship like that. 

 

On 23-7-2024 at 10:46 PM, tlowedajuicemayne said:

Anyways, alot of work needs to be done here in the accountability and responsibility department. I have no idea why noone has pointed this out to you yet. If you still feel suicidal and in pain over this, its because you're looking at this as though you're the victim and you're only thinking about yourself. You're minimizing your actions and the effect that they would have on another person. Look at the situation honestly, you cheated, you violated her trust and then she got revenge. That's what happened. 

One more thing, I don't know why you felt the need to say that she met a guy on tindr and had sex after a day of talking to him. Did you literally do the exact same thing but the other way around??? Didn't you meet a stranger, court her, and then sleep with her in a matter of a day or so?

cmon dude. Accountability. Take it. Responsibility. Take it. 

Start living your life according to principles that you set and let go of the red pill BS. 

@tlowedajuicemayne You're right. I stabbed and got stabbed back. The reason I felt like mentioning that is because, in my opinion, it makes a girl a slut. I wouldn't want to be with a girl who hooks up with her first swipe on Tinder. I'm currently seeing a girl who was a virgin before she met me, and I must say I like it better. This is all subjective obviously, just my personal opinion. Even a good friend of mine who is a girl told me how getting dick that fast on Tinder is not that easy.

"Like just in a couple days you say? I think she had been talking to him behind your back for longer". I will never know the truth about this but it doesn't matter. I mentioned it as a way of downplaying my own actions and belittling her. Not the most responsible thing, I know, but that's why I mentioned it. Only now I realise, it doesn't matter at all. It happened, so is life, move on. 

 

The whole "living life according to principles" is what my therapist told me as well and I am really trying that now. Still finding a lot of difficulty with it, since I don't always understand it let alone derive the pleasure from it that it's supposed to give you. But I will keep trying that. Thanks for your post. I appreciate you being tough on me. 

[Ampresus]

On 24-7-2024 at 7:01 AM, Princess Arabia said:

I felt he would have seen it as a woman's point of view and wasn't worth anything. It's a shame that's how i feel when it comes to the dating section that my opinion doesn't count as a female sometimes. Guys don't realize that's it's women they're trying to date so who else would you listen to. All the great dating coaches out there listens to what women have to say, it's the pill ideology that doesn't.

@Princess Arabia Your input is very welcome at least to me. I posted on here to hear differing perspectives, so not only what other men had to say. 

 

On 24-7-2024 at 8:19 AM, Paradoxed said:

Your opinion is worth everything. It's funny, OP doesn't really try to even see the perspective of the girl he "loves". This a sort of false low consciousness surface level "love". If he really loved her, would he have cheated with some random girl? And even if he did that, then realized he made a mistake, true love would be realizing that him and his actions may not be best for her, and trying to understand her reaction. Even to the point of understanding and accepting her going out and "cheating" on him. Instead, he runs to his Mom to besmirch her reputation and wallows in self pity.

@Paradoxed I must tell you that you're grossly overgeneralizing the situation. I never claimed to have achieved True Love or God or whatever. I never claimed I had it all figured out nor that what I did was right. Understanding and accepting why she did what she did I can do now thank goodness. She was insecure, afraid, alone and needed a shoulder to cry on. Such is life, not much I can do about it. But in my eyes it will never be right, the same way me cheating on her could never be right. 

"Besmirching her reputation" she truly did this to herself. No one forced her to do what she did. You don't see me crying about her telling other people I cheated. She told me how she had been meeting people at bars and I should be cautious of them, since she told them what I did to her. That she told her friends and family (whom I all met btw). I have never cared less about something in my life to be quite frank. If you let your life be controlled by the opinions of others you'll live a miserable life. People I have never met or never will meet again anyway I truly don't care about.

If the roles were reversed, and I lived in her house and she told her parents what I did, my only regret would have been that I couldn't tell them myself. 

[Ampresus]

On 24-7-2024 at 5:24 PM, Javfly33 said:

It might be a good time to reflect on what you have been investing in the relationship.

When relationships are about entanglement instead of an expression of joy or Love, this kind of things are natural to happen.

You and your girlfriend obviously had a toxic relationship, if not this things wouldnt happen (neither you reaction to her cheating as well as her cheating as a revenge).

I understand you might be going through a very rough time and i wish you get well soon. But in all honesty, you dodged a bullet, in other words you can learn from this experience to realize the risks of doing this kind of games. 

@Javfly33 I have been realizing this more and more with the help of therapy, Leo's videos and just introspection. I feel like a dodged a bullet indeed. Just imagine this happened during a steady 10 year marriage with three kids. I think I can grow a ton from this whole experience.

 

On 24-7-2024 at 7:32 PM, LordFall said:

I would recommend watching Leo's video on survival, it's strangely relevant here because the reason why you feel such agonizing and suicidal feelings is part of your ego is dying from this situation. Basically, your sense of sense is you being this guy with this girl and it all got shattered by these two experiences. The good news is that you lost nothing but gained a lot from this experience. 

If you were to take any psychedelic to learn from this I would recommend molly/MDMA. That's the one that makes you feel the most universal love and well being both for yourself, others, and all of creation. This will help you forgive yourself for destroying your temporary dream and your girl for being so quick to move on from it.

Best of luck brother, you got this. 

@LordFall Thank you so much for the encouraging words. I believe you're right. My identity regarding her and being with her died. I experienced this in very much real-time, consciously, during times of mental breakdown. At the end, the ego is a defence mechanism. And it failed to protect me. I have decided to not take any more drugs for the foreseeable future. I tried edibles with my best friend and proceeded to cry my eyes out. Also, I don't think I could ever do MDMA, since it would always remind me of how she did it with that dude. 

[Ampresus]

On 24-7-2024 at 5:16 PM, LSD-Rumi said:

This situation sucks. But you must try to understand her perspective too. Although it was a wrong deed, you kindda broke her heart when you told her you cheated on her. Women can be quite impulsive and act on emotions as men can be very horny and easily seduced.

Now, you either try to heal your relationship as mature adults and take lessons from this experience or just break up for good.

I don't see cheating as the end of a relationship if both partners still take the relationship seriously.

@LSD-Rumi You're right. I was easily seduced and can understand something similarily impulsive happening to her at the time. I tried to work on it, but unfortunately she found ghosting me to be better. Sometimes shit hits the fan and there's not much you can do about it. 

 

On 31-7-2024 at 8:30 AM, LSD-Rumi said:

That is not necessarily true. Men can quite be easily seduced. A man forgets everything when he gets horny, and thus the conept of post-nut awakening.

That makes me contemplate  the idea sexually semi-open relationships. Something like having a 4 free sex cards per year or while traveling

@LSD-Rumi I must say I had been thinking of this too. My ex even offered to continue in an open-relationship, but only open on my end. Still, I feel like it would just be wrong in some primal way. Like it's just not SUPPOSED to be that way. I would feel bad everytime I made use of the agreement, same way I felt terrible after I cheated on her. I don't think I could do it.