Story Time: From Romania to Sweden – Why and How

[Alexop]

An article of mine, copied and pasted here so I don't promote my guru business, enjoy!

 

How Did the Moving Wish Come to Me

As I said before, I used to cycle a lot everywhere. In Romania, that is not a thing people do, not even now after 20 years! The infrastructure is simply not built for cyclists, no cycling paths, not even good pedestrian paths! You might think, what shitty politicians. They are not the entire reason some countries have bad infrastructure, there are a LOT of voters who get addicted to the comfort of their car, if you come up with “crazy” ideas of transforming parking spaces or a car lane into a cycling path, you might end up losing elections. In a democracy, average people play a role in what happens there. In developing countries, the car is not just a tool that makes your life easier, it is a status symbol, and it is a story sold to people, especially to men. Even if they might not admit it, they buy the car because it promises them a comfortable and easy commute from A to B, a nice girlfriend, and the appreciation of their peers. Do they get it? Meh, depends on what kind of girl they wish for and what people they have around, and regarding the mobility promised, I think is the worst alternative if we speak about a big city. When this story is bought up by the majority of the population then there is no doubt that the infrastructure is car-centric. 

Is it bad that it is so? Nope, it is just a phase that societies have to go through, at least in our times right now. When people grow up in poverty and always wish for a better material situation, then they have to burn that karma, they have to exhaust that need and realize it is not as cool as they thought it would be. Unfortunately, it will cost them lots of money and nerves. As I said, I am a bit more special, always did stuff most people did not. After I got my driving license, I clowned around with my parent’s car for some months then went back to biking and walking. But when I went to college in the bigger city nearby, I found it difficult to cycle there. Lots of traffic, lots of lanes, lots of pollution! Cars made me less happy honestly, so much noise, so much pollution, so much money spent for what? 

That was one itch of mine, and then I met some German girls. One I met at the swimming pool, one at a hiking trip, and two randomly at a washing facility. I was wowed by how different they were from the Romanian girls I met. I really loved their vibe, their knowledge, and their simplicity. They made me wonder how cool will it be to live in a country with this kind of people. So they managed to create another itch inside me.

First Visit

I was close to finishing my Physiotherapy major. In 2017 I embarked on the journey of finding that cool country I wanted to live in. I’ve heard of the Scandinavian countries that they are cool for some reason, so I booked a 10 euros plane ticket to Sweden, I think the train that had to take me to the Swedish city nearby (Linköping) was more expensive. Two nice Swedish girls received me into their homes through the Couchsurfing app. The second day we went into the forest to pick up mushrooms. Amazing nature I thought, I even found moose horns! And man the infrastructure, bike lanes! The girls were laughing at me that I was even noticing them. 

After 2 fun days, I hitchhiked to the next city where I stayed with a Swedish family for 2 more days, had lots of fun, I have no time to go into details. Another long hitchhike took me to Malmö where I stayed at a Chinese and a Pakistani. They were a bit sad that their social life was poor, and it was quite hard to find a girlfriend. At that moment I thought: “The language man, the language”. It is very important to learn the culture and the language in order to fit in. I liked Sweden so much that I wanted to cancel my next planned days in Germany, but I still went to Hamburg and Berlin. Nice country, but too late Germany, already found my love.

First Moving and Impressions

6 months later, I found some work in Eskilstuna, Sweden with some Romanians in installations. I said why not, make some money, and see how some basic Romanians experienced Sweden, I worked my dexterity with tools and learned the language. This experience got me used to the country and taught me a lot. There was a guy in our team who lived there for almost 10 years, and he finally decided to return to his home country because he had enough. He is the perfect example of “I came here only for more money”. He disliked the progressive culture, the people, and the weather. He even said: “This is the worst country ever”. If you checked my Spiral Dynamics material you know that these people are around the stage Blue. People who love their roots and traditions, won’t really be happy here. This is for extreme leftists who say the segregation happened purely because we did not do a great job with integrating them, many don’t really want to integrate, they want to flock around their people with whom they share the same culture and traditions. Maybe their kids will integrate, who knows. You can give them the opportunity to integrate but cannot force them. In three months I was already speaking swedish with people, this guy barely blabbered some grammatically wrong swedish after 10 years.

This kind of experiences made me who I am, I am able to sit at the table with whomever and understand their perspectives instead of calling them dumb and racists. I sat at the table with racists, I sat at the table with hippies that traveled the world by bicycle. Do you know what they have in common? They all want to be appreciated and understood for who they are, if you hate people with diffrent opinions than yours, then please let politics in better hands! When you hung around affluent Swedish leftists from rich families your whole lives, then no doubt you can’t see other perspectives. You want them to integrate in you country but are you open to sit at the same table with them? Ah, they are conservative, you don’t like conservatives. My developmental psychology article explains these dynamics, you’ll realize it is totally normal for those kinds of people to be conservative and racists. You criticize a dog for not being able to speak.

“Skitsamma”, after 6 months I left back to Romania and worked there  as a physical therapist for 5 years before returning back to Sweden. The reason why I did this is long, sensitive, and complicated. It deserves a separate article.

The Return

At the end of the summer 2022, I was running in the forest when I saw that a Swedish guy was calling me. Gasping for breath after climbing hills with 4:30/km pace I answered just to find out that they decided to employ me at their brand new hotel as a massage therapist in Gothenburg. 

“Jääävlar”! After I hung up the phone, my running pace raised to 4:00 until I reached home. In 2 months I packed up and off to Sweden baby. Found a cheap airbnb, it was a bit further from the city but who cared then. Reached my neighborhood just to realize something: where the hell are the Swedes? The neighborhood was around 98% immigrants. I said: Oh, of course! Birds of a feather flock together. I had no kids, and no girlfriend so I had no problem with them, just minded my own business for 6 months until I moved to a “non-getto” area where I finally found a good rent. The job was pleasant and non-stressful. As it was a spa, there were only girls and me working there. 

Infrastructure

Man, I felt so much better to be able to breathe cleaner air. Gothenburg is the second biggest city in Sweden with around 500 000 people, but it didn’t feel like it. There were not so many cars around, all the cars were pushed away from the city towards the belts and highways with pollution taxes, high parking fees, traffic calming, etc. Even if there were some cars around, they don’t annoy you as much because they drive mostly at low speeds because the smart traffic calming infrastructure forces them so. I perceived the bike lanes to be ok, there could be improvements but still, for me there was absolutely no problem to bike everywhere. I just felt a lot happier, you can’t imagine how much happier you become when you enjoy the environment you live in instead of getting angry about the ugliness you see every day.

Swedish People & Socialization

Cool beautiful people. I had a Swedish girlfriend for like 7 months, it was cool to experience Christmas in a Swedish family. Besides my work colleagues, my ex. and a girl I met at the climbing gym and hung around from time to time, I didn’t really make any guy friends. I interacted with around a dozen, they were smart and nice and all that but I found them not really interested in creating new friends that are a bit different then they are. I met one guy once and after he messaged me: “I think we did not click so well”. I bursted into laughter. Dude, we don’t get into a romantic relationship, you can have close guy friends and distant guy friends, the close ones are the ones you have to “click” with. If you only hang around in your echo chamber of people with the exact same mentality, then no doubt you become a couch potato because nothing challenges you, and you can’t understand other perspectives and have no idea how politics work.  The most growth  I got from meeting people with completely different mentalities than mine. I don’t want to generalize but I see many guys here just coasting through life unpassionate and passive, maybe I am wrong. And yes, I don’t really click with that. Anyway, I purposely forced myself to hang around swedish-speaking people so I learn the language fast, the previous 5 years I practiced none.

I do not buy that “Swedes are cold” thing but I can explain why people can perceive them as such. In poorer countries like Romania, people had to collaborate and keep close to each other in order to survive no matter what. As the country gets richer, people don’t need each other that much, they have the choice to choose each other, this can come with advantages and disadvantages. If you get sick or out of money, the state helps you. And no, the USA is not a developed country. The poorer the country, the “warmer” the people. Even in Romania, I had a hard time finding people like me, “vad kan man göra”. I just don’t click with most mainstream people and that is ok. If you are ready to follow me on this self-improvement journey, prepare to be a lone wolf sometimes. Better a lone wolf than a silly sheep, sorry for the arrogance. Don’t generalize people who want to improve their lives, not all of them want to become like some silly crypto investor with a Lamborghini.

Weather

You can get used to it, it rains a lot but I just put on my waterproof long “jacka” with some waterproof boots and pants and there I go cycling. There is a learning curve on which clothes you need to buy and what to expect when you go out, it is not “a catastrophe” as some say. You can get some amazing sunny summer days sometimes. With the perfect temperature, not too warm, not too cold. In fact, I love it that there is less sun, I don’t have to put sunscreen and my hoodie on so often. Destroying my skin is not my hobby as many “tanter” Swedish women I see doing.

Food Culture

Awful, next point…

Politics

Besides the extreme right and the extreme left fighting over immigration, climate, and so on, I find it much better than Romanian politics where the debate spins around how much should we steal, not “if” should we steal from the population.  As in every country, keep away from the extremes, I just started to skip their talks and focus on the mature experienced politicians. I don’t need more than 2 sentences in order to find out their level of development. If they criticize other parties instead of putting out their policies, if they have that “critical” vibe of “we know better”, I just skip them.  People vote on vibe dude, if your vibe is shit, they won’t care about your policies. In the same way a girl won’t get attracted to a guy with a bad vibe even if he talks good stuff. 

Conclusions

Moving from a Spiral Dynamics stage Blue/Orange country to a Orange/Green one is no such huge difference but there are some specific points where it can be. For example infrastructure, it is muuuch better. The religious nonsense from which I had enough in Romania is virtually nonexistent among the Swedish population. You can mind your business and do what you want with your life, you can stay single, you can have kids with no marriage nonsense, you can divorce if the partner turns out to be bad for you etc. The diversity in people is huge, you can find your type of people among this diversity. You can find leftist hippies, rocker motorcyclists, conservative nut-heads, religious people, secular people, workaholics, video gamers, sportsmen… If you are an introvert like I am, you could have a hard time socializing especially if you don’t really want to drink alcohol and talk about cats and shit, “jobbigt”. In summary, I like it, with its ups and downs. Maybe I’ll make an elaborate article about how to integrate successfully in another country.

Edited May 21 by Alexop
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