Should I have Paid The Bill? Super Confused…

[BlessedLion]

Yo,

Right now I’m in Brazil and working on my dating and pick up skills. And it’s been extremely successful overall especially compared to the US. I think I’ll never leave. Latina women are so much better. 
 

Anyway, I was out last night and saw a bombshell, and went and started doing a set. It was going great she was cool and chill, 21, but mature and able to hold a convo. The only issue was her friend was a bit immature and definitely sabotaging things from the get go. If she didn’t get attention for like over 2 minutes she’d barge in and demand attention. 
 

I ended up introducing them to my friend group to balance it out but none of the boys were into her friend. 
 

Eventually I’m back with just them, we spend hours talking and laughing and I’m kissing cuddling and connecting with my girl. I’m actually into her, and feeling like I’d love to take her on some dates this week and we decide tonight is not for sex. We’re vibing hard and it’s feeling great. After like 3/4 hours of drinks and talking at a table the bill comes. They pay a bill for drinks they had earlier but on the bill I got handed is a drink for her and her friend and the appetizers they got, their share being like 70% of the total bill. 
 

So I ask the waiter to split that up, honestly I’m not a cheap ass at all, when I take girls out I always pay for them, but it felt a bit weird to pay for her friends drink and the food too when we were just hanging out. I don’t give a shit about the $30, it’s more a feeling of being used. 
 

After that happens I notice a tangible shift in energy and the girl I was with makes kinda a face and goes to the bathroom with her friend. But they don’t tell me that. They just quickly get up and go. Then I’m sitting their waiting for a bit and can see them talking in the corner, I felt weird and just said fuck it and walked home without saying bye. 
 

honestly, did I fuck that up? Feels immature from their end but their 21 and usually I date older women in their 30s who wouldn’t act like that so maybe it just comes with dating younger. 
 

It sucks because there was a genuine vibe going on and if it was just her I probably would’ve just got the stupid drinks. 

[LSD-Rumi]

Maybe doing that gave the wrong impression, girls are very turned off by cheap guys.

A better way to do it is to pay this time, and next time ask her teasingly "On me this time or on you?".

 

Edited May 19 by LSD-Rumi

[Guest Bazooka Jesus]

You know, all of this "maybe I should have done this, maybe I shouldn't have done that" is honestly just BS in my opinion.

Here's my golden rule for life: Be authentic, follow your intuition, don't be attached to the outcome. If you see a girl you like, go talk to her. If you feel like taking her to a bar, take her to a bar. If you feel like paying for her drink, pay for her drink. If you feel like splitting the bill, split the bill. How she reacts to any of this is her business, not yours. Just do whatever you feel like doing; what she feels like doing (or not doing) is up to her.

As long as you always authentically follow your inner voice, you are doing everything right. If your honest and authentic actions don't lead to a certain outcome, then it wasn't meant to happen. Simple as that.

[LSD-Rumi]

@Bazooka Jesus and If I feel like scratching my ass? 

Edited May 19 by LSD-Rumi

[LSD-Rumi]

ChatGPT .

 

User

Maybe doing that gave the wrong impression, girls are very turned off by cheap guys.

A better way to do it is to pay this time, and next time ask her teasingly "On me this time or on you?".

 

ChatGPT

Your insight about the potential impression you left is spot on. Often, gestures like paying the bill can convey more than just financial responsibility; they can signal generosity, interest, and an understanding of social expectations. Here's how you can navigate similar situations in the future more smoothly:

 

Handle the Bill Gracefully: If you encounter a similar situation again, it might be best to cover the bill without hesitation, especially if it's a relatively small amount. This helps avoid any awkwardness and keeps the positive vibe intact.

 

Playful Reciprocity: Your idea of playfully suggesting she pay next time is excellent. It keeps things light-hearted and shows that you value reciprocity without making it about the money. For example, saying something like, "I’ve got this one, but you owe me an ice cream next time," can keep things fun and balanced. (Chad gpt 😂😂)

 

Set Expectations Early: If the night involves multiple people or rounds of drinks, setting an expectation early can help. For instance, you can say, "I'll get the first round, you get the next," which establishes a shared responsibility from the start.

 

Cultural Sensitivity: Being aware of cultural norms around dating and paying can also guide your actions. In many places, it’s common for men to pay, especially in the early stages of dating. Embracing this norm, at least initially, can help avoid misunderstandings.

 

Confidence and Generosity: Confidence and a sense of generosity can go a long way. If you seem unbothered by picking up the tab, it can project a sense of security and care, which is often attractive.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest Bazooka Jesus]

40 minutes ago, LSD-Rumi said:

@Bazooka Jesus and If I feel like scratching my ass? 

Well, if you honestly feel like scratching your butt in front of a girl on a date, then knock yourself out. The question is, do you?

[LSD-Rumi]

17 minutes ago, Bazooka Jesus said:

Well, if you honestly feel like scratching your butt in front of a girl on a date, then knock yourself out. The question is, do you?

The point is that your inner voice can be deceptive. One must have a balanced approach.

[Guest Bazooka Jesus]

10 minutes ago, LSD-Rumi said:

The point is that your inner voice can be deceptive. One must have a balanced approach.

What is deceptive? That which doesn't lead to the outcome which your egoic mind thinks would be the best one? What if that desired outcome would in fact be horrible for you and everyone else? How can you be sure that it wouldn't?

If you cannot trust your authentic gut feeling, then you can't trust anything.

[BlessedLion]

4 hours ago, Bazooka Jesus said:

As long as you always authentically follow your inner voice, you are doing everything right. If your honest and authentic actions don't lead to a certain outcome, then it wasn't meant to happen. Simple as that.

Solid wisdom. If I’m being honest my inner voice was like this is kinda wack to have to pay for their drinks and food

[Princess Arabia]

7 hours ago, BlessedLion said:

I don’t give a shit about the $30, it’s more a feeling of being used. 

This will kill the vibe every time. 

 

7 hours ago, BlessedLion said:

They pay a bill for drinks they had earlier but on the bill I got handed is a drink for her and her friend and the appetizers they got, their share being like 70% of the total bill

They did the appropriate thing by paying the bill for drinks they had before you were there. That, to me, was in good standing and the rest of the bill shouldn't have been a problem for you; especially that amount. You said you guys talked for hrs and had a good time and you're worried about being used. Learn to discern. That's not using.

Edited May 19 by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

4 minutes ago, BlessedLion said:

Solid wisdom. If I’m being honest my inner voice was like this is kinda wack to have to pay for their drinks and food

Why? You were there in their company and being entertained for hrs. What's wrong with paying. It's not like you're paying for the group next door. I kind of understand the friend, but if it wouldn't have broken your pocket, just do it this one time.

[Princess Arabia]

2 hours ago, LSD-Rumi said:

The point is that your inner voice can be deceptive. One must have a balanced approach.

I agree. Sometimes looking at the circumstances at hand instead of what that trickery mind says is best.

[BlessedLion]

10 hours ago, Bazooka Jesus said:

As long as you always authentically follow your inner voice, you are doing everything right. If your honest and authentic actions don't lead to a certain outcome, then it wasn't meant to happen. Simple as 

 

6 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

This will kill the vibe every time. 

 

They did the appropriate thing by paying the bill for drinks they had before you were there. That, to me, was in good standing and the rest of the bill shouldn't have been a problem for you; especially that amount. You said you guys talked for hrs and had a good time and you're worried about being used. Learn to discern. That's not using.

Ya I hit her up to see if she’d be down to chill this week as I still want to explore the connection. Let’s see. And I’m not a cheap guy at all, I’ve seen other dudes who are much worse, I just felt weird buying her friends drinks and food but honestly fuck it this is all ego bullshit anyway 

 

also I must say you’re framing it like I owe them something for sitting with me for hours, “entertaining me” if anything I was making their night more alive and fun before I talked to them they were just standing around bored 

[Guest Bazooka Jesus]

13 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

I agree. Sometimes looking at the circumstances at hand instead of what that trickery mind says is best.

It's the trickery mind that always wants to manipulate reality for its own egoic gain, is attached to outcomes and bombards you with all of the neurotic coulds, woulds and shoulds. Your true and authentic intuition on the other hand is your innate voice of wisdom, and it's the only thing you can truly trust.

Now, it might very well be the case that this experience will cause our Lion friend to authentically choose a different path next time around. So no harm, no foul!

 

Edited May 20 by Bazooka Jesus

[Princess Arabia]

10 hours ago, BlessedLion said:

also I must say you’re framing it like I owe them something for sitting with me for hours, “entertaining me” if anything I was making their night more alive and fun before I talked to them they were just standing around bored 

I must say when I was writing that I was concerned you'd take it that way. It's not what I meant at all. You don't owe them anything, and they were being entertained too. It goes both ways. All I'm saying is nothing wrong for paying a bill that came to you as it's just a nice gesture of saying thank you.

If the bill was given to them and they just outright thought you should have paid and handed it over to you, if they had been rude to you the whole night or the night just didn't go very well, if the bill was overly expensive and you consumed way less than 30%, I mean I could go on about circumstances where it would probably have been appropriate to waiver, but from what you explained, I didn't see any other reason than you were afraid of being used which just leads to fear-based actions and never produces good results.

People-using is a real thing, but having a fear of it isn't good because you are saying, imo, you are not able to spot that on your own and are afraid of being used without realizing it until it's too late. It's either you go all in without the fear knowing you're in good standing with yourself, and your integrity, or you get the hell out and never look back. The fear will just create irrational behaviors and regrets. Concern, yes, but leave that at home when you're in the mix and for later contemplation when the highs wear off.

 

Edited May 20 by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

3 hours ago, Bazooka Jesus said:

It's the trickery mind that always wants to manipulate reality for its own egoic gain, is attached to outcomes and bombards you with all of the neurotic coulds, woulds and shoulds. Your true and authentic intuition on the other hand is your innate voice of wisdom, and it's the only thing you can truly tru

You're right, my Prince; but I can say that your intuition can also be off also in terms of how it's being interpretated as it's also the trickery mind that is doing the interpreting. Those who doesn't allow for too much interpretation, or time lapse in acting on intuition, imo, have better results.

Edited May 20 by Princess Arabia

[universe]

You don't "owe" them anything. But being a provider is attractive for women.

She doesn't owe you to shave her armpits or whatever but you wouldn't find long armpit hair attractive, do you?  

[hoodrow trillson]

In America, that shit doesn't matter unless you're ugly or short to the woman or something.

In places like South America, it absolutely matters that you pay lol.  It's more transactional over there than vibes and raw sexual attraction due to the wealth gap and how society is set up over there.  You got some money and you're not absolutely hideous?  "King, right this way!!!  Me and my friends want a threesome with you!"

There's a reason some undesirables travel to other countries to get laid, it's like shooting fish in a barrel.  (Not talking about you lol) Different style of society changes up the formula in attraction and expectations.

PS:  There's a reason your inner voice was a little disgusted by you paying for everything:  because you can see through the smoke & mirrors. 

[Evan Gill]

On 5/19/2024 at 2:08 PM, Bazooka Jesus said:

You know, all of this "maybe I should have done this, maybe I shouldn't have done that" is honestly just BS in my opinion.

Here's my golden rule for life: Be authentic, follow your intuition, don't be attached to the outcome. If you see a girl you like, go talk to her. If you feel like taking her to a bar, take her to a bar. If you feel like paying for her drink, pay for her drink. If you feel like splitting the bill, split the bill. How she reacts to any of this is her business, not yours. Just do whatever you feel like doing; what she feels like doing (or not doing) is up to her.

As long as you always authentically follow your inner voice, you are doing everything right. If your honest and authentic actions don't lead to a certain outcome, then it wasn't meant to happen. Simple as that.

@Bazooka Jesus I love this. I'm not sure how I even came across this thread since it's a month old, but that's an enlightening message. Its nothing I didn't already know, but I guess I sometimes need the reminder.

[Schizophonia]

If it’s a date yes you should pay, eventually. Maybe you don’t will have the girl and pay for nothing but being phalic (masculine) induces the risk of getting fucked.

That’s say I wouldn’t pay for her friend, it began to turn you more like a easily exploitable guy, it should be conditional.

Then idk the Brazilian culture, maybe it’s different here.

Edited June 19 by Schizophonia