Most important exams in my life, help

[Ayham]

Okay I basically have the most important exams in my life in about 21 days.
I have studied most things, so it is not bad, but the exam is extremely competitive, i am in my last high school year, from iraq, and studying here is extremely intense.
Just to get an idea, I have about 7 books, average about 400 long pages each, and extremely dense usually college level material.

I have studied almost all of it throughout the year, which is why I focused less on personal development this year, reading, meditation, contemplation ,etc.

but I haven't mastered anything.
College is free in Iraq, but very competitive if you want to get something good, i am talking about at the very least an average of 97+, which is why 12th grade is a meme level nightmare here, yet a very high number of people here end up getting good scores, so its very possible and normal.
My plan A is getting a scholarship to a first world country, but either way, my current purpose, since this is what is close and urgent, is to fucking study

here is the problem: I CAN'T STUDY
I keep getting distracted, I tried eliminating all of distractions, i ended up with excessive maladaptive daydreaming, I basically procrastinate all day, but usually useful procrastination at least.
i am a focused and disciplined person, in stuff I like only, but right now I really need to study, I am unable to,  I always studied good enough in normal years, but this year, which actually matters, I can't do anything.

I schedule each day, but every time i find a way to not study, and the amount of pressure from family and people is very high, the Asian stereotype matches in my case.

I don't even have school right now, I have all day.

Please help 

 

Edited May 18, 2024 by Ayham

[FlyingLotus]

Are you familiar with Dr. K’s work at Healthy Gamer?  He’s the patron saint of stressed out, burnt out, over achieving, gifted Asian kids.  He specializes in helping out people in your situation.    

Sounds like you’re going through the perfectionistic form of procrastination.  I’d explain it, but Dr. K does a better job.  This is very common and normal when it comes to high stakes situations.  Luckily, there are ways to diffuse and process those emotions so that they’re no longer getting in the way of you taking action.   The main thing is cultivating detachment.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited May 19, 2024 by FlyingLotus

[LSD-Rumi]

9 hours ago, Ayham said:

ere is the problem: I CAN'T STUDY
I keep getting distracted, I tried eliminating all of distractions, i ended up with excessive maladaptive daydreaming, I basically procrastinate all day, but usually useful procrastination at least.
i am a focused and disciplined person, in stuff I like only, but right now I really need to study, I am unable to,  I always studied good enough in normal years, but this year, which actually matters, I can't do anything.

I schedule each day, but every time i find a way to not study, and the amount of pressure from family and people is very high, the Asian stereotype matches in my case.

I don't even have school right now, I have all day.

Please help 

Go to a quiet study cafe and study there all day. When you are tired study past year questions, or go for a walk.

Some entertainment ironically increases your productivity. Tell your parents not to put pressure on you, and explain to them it causes you anxiety.

One of things that helped me most in high school was having a vision of myself In college, studying what I want. I lived this vision everyday, it was very motivating.

 

Edited May 19, 2024 by LSD-Rumi

[Leo Gura]

Frankly, it sounds like this whole plan is not the right fit for you. Like you are trying to jamb a square peg into a round hole due to peer pressure and cultural conditioning?

There are other ways to succeed in life than as a student. Academia is not for everyone. You gotta focus on your strengths. What are you actually good at?

What if you focused on business instead of academia?

Edited May 19, 2024 by Leo Gura

[LSD-Rumi]

34 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

There are other ways to succeed in life than as a student. Academia is not for everyone. You gotta focus on your strengths. What are you actually good at?

What if you focused on business instead of academia?

Raising capital in 3rd world countries is extremely hard, unless your parents can back you up financially. You could take a loan but that could end up badly. You cannot raise capital with a monthly salary of 400 usd.

Academia is the way for most people in 3rd countries, at least for now.

 

Edited May 19, 2024 by LSD-Rumi

[Leo Gura]

5 minutes ago, LSD-Rumi said:

Raising capital in 3rd world countries is extremely hard, unless your parents are at least high middle class or you could take a loan which could end up badly. You cannot raise capital with a monthly salary of 400 usd.

Academia is the way for most people in 3rd countries, at least for now.

 

There are many non-traditional ways of doing business. Business is done in even the worst parts of the world. Business opportunities are everywhere.

Edited May 19, 2024 by Leo Gura

[LSD-Rumi]

3 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

There are many non-traditional ways of doing business. Business is done in even the worst parts of the world. Business opportunities are everywhere.

If capital is not available, I would focus on developing some skill (writing, photography, video games design, digital art, marketing...). 

And yeah, there are some organizations that could help people establishing their small businesses, You can scale up from there.

[Ayham]

@FlyingLotus I love healthygamer! I may have not watched all of his videos but I like him, I binged the videos you shared, and tried applying them in practice, it started working well, then backsliding happened, like most "methods" i try, but I will keep trying.

@LSD-Rumi this is actually pretty solid, going to a place where I have no method of distracting myself isn't something I have tried for some reason, I will see if that's applicable .

@Leo Gura hmm, I mean you are right, I do love learning, like I love reading books about physics, or history, or biology, or many of the stuff I have to also study, but when it becomes an academic subject, I lose all interest, I am good academically in the sense that my scores are usually 90+, but as I said, it is too competitive here, and I am also in a gifted school that is considered the best school in Iraq, but I am literally like the worst of the best in this scenario.

I have no actual business experience, "business" is pretty vague, I have self learned very basic web development, and took some marketing courses, but that's about it, my main love and passion is philosophy, whether it is western philosophy, or eastern more spiritual type, and philosophy also includes basic science I suppose.

My main idea was pursuing an academic path, while starting making content related to what I love on the side during college, until it hopefully generates enough money by the time I finish college, and I drop the academic path, and if anything goes wrong, I still have the academic path as a backup.

What do you mean exactly by business? the term is vague, it could mean a lot of things, and I also have zero idea where to find opportunities here in Iraq.

[Ayham]

Now I am realizing how much I fucked up, I need to take stuff more seriously, I have literally zero valuable skills, I must seriously develop something.

Something based on passion, that would be limited and not really useful, my zone of genius is basically research, it is my favorite thing, but anyone can research anything nowadays, it is not really valuable.
Philosophy, useful but nobody is gonna pay me to do philosophy, or psychology, or history, or any of the stuff I like, most of it is info that is available to everyone with an internet access and a computer.

Therefore, i must focus on mastery of *hard* skills, something technological maybe, I have always loved tech, maybe not my main passion but I love it nonetheless.
Self learn computer science, then maybe AI development, that seems like the most useful, maybe then I can make a business of selling personalized AI's to people based on what they want.

god too many other options in mind.

how the fuck do I choose anything?

I can't settle for anything less than being financially secure/rich, so that will allow me to be able to actually live my passions, and make a change in the world, but the road to that is confusing.
Sometimes I feel like I am too late, I could have done much more, but then I remember I am 17, and I feel too young, but then I start thinking of it as an excuse so I don't do that.

My actual life purpose is: synthesizing unique original understanding that creates whole hero's
I haven't settled on an impact I want to do, I constantly get better ideas, but right now, it is this.

and a whole hero is a concept I created which is a combination of a western and an eastern hero, a western hero is someone who focuses on physical achievement, changing the world, intellectual achievement, rationality, etc.
And an eastern hero is someone who focuses on conquering themselves, through meditation, contemplation, spirituality, etc.
The whole hero does both, so I want to become that myself, and have a sort of influence to inspire as much conscious individuals to become that, especially in this hedonistic society.

But is that what I actually want? or is it because I have been influenced by the likes of Leo and other people I like?
Hmm, but I wouldn't be inspired by those people in the first place if it is not true to me in some way.
I seem to always get inspired by either heavy intellectuals, extremely smart, knowledgeable and wise people, or spiritual people, or someone who is both, even some people I know in real life.

I am lost lol 
---
*end of overthinking


 
 

[Leo Gura]

43 minutes ago, Ayham said:

hmm, I mean you are right, I do love learning, like I love reading books about physics, or history, or biology, or many of the stuff I have to also study, but when it becomes an academic subject, I lose all interest, I am good academically in the sense that my scores are usually 90+, but as I said, it is too competitive here, and I am also in a gifted school that is considered the best school in Iraq, but I am literally like the worst of the best in this scenario.

If you are getting 90+, that means you're a good student and the actual problem is that you are placing crazy unrealistic expections on yourself. Getting beyond 90+ is really a matter of being in the top 1% of a field, and that level of performance is not something you can will yourslf into, that's a matter of extremely specialized fit. Very few people are fit for that kind of performance in any field. So there will a strong self-selection process at work on you. Which is what you are feeling.

This is not your fault. You've just positioned yourself into a poor situation requiring things of you which are not appropriate or healthy. Very few people are cut out to be in the top 1% of any field, simply because that requires a very specialized fit in terms of your values, personality, and even genetics. And it often requires serious sacrfices which are not right for most people.

The real problem here is poor positioning. You could stop putting yourself into direct competiton with so many people. That's a losing sort of game unless you are perfectly fit.

In life, you wanna find niches which have least competiton, not most. Why compete against millions of others by doing what everyone else is doing? The wiser way to win is by thinking so outside the box that few people do what you do. Then it's easy to win.

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I have no actual business experience, "business" is pretty vague, I have self learned very basic web development, and took some marketing courses, but that's about it, my main love and passion is philosophy, whether it is western philosophy, or eastern more spiritual type, and philosophy also includes basic science I suppose.

Philosophy will not pay your bills in Iraq. It can barely pay the bills in America.

You need a serious plan for making money which isn't philosophy. Philosophy you can do as a side hobby.

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My main idea was pursuing an academic path, while starting making content related to what I love on the side during college, until it hopefully generates enough money by the time I finish college, and I drop the academic path, and if anything goes wrong, I still have the academic path as a backup.

The academic path is not a great way to make money, especially if you are not in the top 1%. Remember, academia is a pyramid scheme. Surviving inside academia is very cutthroat and is only suited for very few specialized people. Everyone else will lose time and money in it.

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What do you mean exactly by business? the term is vague, it could mean a lot of things, and I also have zero idea where to find opportunities here in Iraq.

I deliberately kept it vague because at this point your options are wide open.

Frankly, it doesn't sound like you are suited for business at this point. But maybe you could be if you started working towards that. You've been so trapped in the academia game that you are overlooking so many other opportunties in life. I cannot tell you exactly what those are, I can only tell you that 1000s of opportunities exists outside of academia. Academia is a tiny sandbox without a larger world. Step out and explore what else is out there. You can find amazing things.

I would never place myself in a position where I cared about doing better than 90%. It's just a waste of life energy playing such a game. You are now feeling why I would not go that route. Why make yourself so stressed and miserable? 90% is enough in the world of business. 90% is not enough in a pyramid scheme.

Edited May 19, 2024 by Leo Gura

[Ayham]

15 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

If you are getting 90+, that means you're a good student and the actual problem is that you are placing crazy unrealistic expections on yourself. Getting beyond 90+ is really a matter of being in the top 1% of a field, and that level of performance is not something you can will yourslf into, that's a matter of extremely specialized fit. Very few people are fit for that kind of performance in any field. So there will a strong self-selection process at work on you. Which is what you are feeling.

This is not your fault. You've just positioned yourself into a poor situation requiring things of you which are not appropriate or healthy. Very few people are cut out to be in the top 1% of any field, simply because that requires a very specialized fit in terms of your values, personality, and even genetics. And it often requires serious sacrfices which are not right for most people.

The real problem here is poor positioning. You could stop putting yourself into direct competiton with so many people. That's a losing sort of game unless you are perfectly fit.

In life, you wanna find niches which have least competiton, not most. Why compete against millions of others by doing what everyone else is doing? The wiser way to win is by thinking so outside the box that few people do what you do. Then it's easy to win.

Philosophy will not pay your bills in Iraq. It can barely pay the bills in America.

You need a serious plan for making money which isn't philosophy. Philosophy you can do as a side hobby.

The academic path is not a great way to make money, especially if you are not in the top 1%. Remember, academia is a pyramid scheme. Surviving inside academia is very cutthroat and is only suited for very few specialized people. Everyone else will lose time and money in it.

I deliberately kept it vague because at this point your options are wide open.

Frankly, it doesn't sound like you are suited for business at this point. But maybe you could be if you started working towards that. You've been so trapped in the academia game that you are overlooking so many other opportunities in life. I cannot tell you exactly what those are, I can only tell you that 1000s of opportunities exists outside of academia. Academia is a tiny sandbox without a larger world. Step out and explore what else is out there. You can find amazing things.

I would never place myself in a position where I cared about doing better than 90%. It's just a waste of life energy playing such a game. You are now feeling why I would not go that route. Why make yourself so stressed and miserable? 90% is enough in the world of business. 90% is not enough in a pyramid scheme.

I see, so basically, you mean that it is a problem of positioning myself into something that does not exactly suit me, a pyramid scheme as you like to call it, and that it is about time I get to explore other options that I am missing out on, actionable and serious options specifcally.

I agree very much, I think the reason I delayed all of this was because of the parental/societal pressure, which I was aware of, but it still got the best of me, this was like a wake up call, I hope I am not too late, I will do my best to focus on that, my exams are still there and I will study for them, but I won't keep making it such a focus.

Getting outside of Iraq seems to be the biggest hurdle as of now.
I am still keeping up my personal development habits and all, but it is about time I get serious about the real world, I am almost 18 now, this will require lots of thinking, research, making connections, learning, and risk taking, all of which I am ready to do.

It seems to be confusing, there is too much options, in every thing basically, what to work on mastering, what to get into, to leave Iraq in a rush or when I am more stable, etc.
How am I supposed to make those sort of  uncertain life decisions? 
 

[Leo Gura]

20 minutes ago, Ayham said:

I see, so basically, you mean that it is a problem of positioning myself into something that does not exactly suit me, a pyramid scheme as you like to call it, and that it is about time I get to explore other options that I am missing out on, actionable and serious options specifcally.

I agree very much, I think the reason I delayed all of this was because of the parental/societal pressure, which I was aware of, but it still got the best of me, this was like a wake up call, I hope I am not too late, I will do my best to focus on that, my exams are still there and I will study for them, but I won't keep making it such a focus.

Yes, exactly.

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It seems to be confusing, there is too uch options, in every thing basically,

Refeame "too many options" as a great opportunity. It just requires some explorative effort.

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How am I supposed to make those sort of uncertain life decisions? 

One of the best ways is to try stuff until you hit its limit. Which you have done with the academic path.

Frankly, the business path is a lot more varied, free, and fun. There is more room for freewheeling.

My Dad earned tons of money selling bootleg Hollywood VHS tapes in Communist Russia. That's how we escaped the Soviet Union to California in short time. Not the proudest business, but in those circumstances things were sketchy. My first memories as a child was watching illegal bootleg Hollywood movies. I watched Robocop when I was 4 years old.

Edited May 19, 2024 by Leo Gura

[Ayham]

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My Dad earned tons of money selling bootleg Hollywood VHS tapes in Communist Russia. That's how we escaped the Soviet Union to California in short time. Not the proudest business, but in those circumstances things were sketchy. My first memories as a child was watching illegal bootleg Hollywood movies. I watched Robocop when I was 4 years old.

Lol! yeah, the thing with business it seems, as you said, it is more free, it is a matter of finding something lacking, then providing it, rather than following a neat path laid down for you.
I suppose it is more risky, but that's also the beauty of it.

Man, I just got into this awe like state, life is so beautiful, there is so much paths and things to try and complexity.
Business, academia, history, travel, philosophy, stories, people, and so much more.
 

Like literally, it can't be any better, the negative stuff are also part of the experience.

 

[Nemra]

@Ayham 

The grading system is so misleading. It promises you to have a good life, but you sacrifice your health, passions, etc. too much along the way, and you don't know what will happen after that. For some, it's a normal thing; either they like it or don't want to admit their situation. I don't like the glamorization, as if those who succeed are the most intelligent ones, but I understand that people have to survive somehow. If you can find some path to explore at the moment while also preparing for the exams, that'll be good. But the price could be getting low scores.

If I were you, I would find an entry-level job or a way to minimize societal pressure on my decisions. You won't see that the competition is so stupid yet somehow important until you have some source of income.

Also, if you score below 90, how will it affect your situation?

What is the lowest score that you can have to pass?

Edited May 19, 2024 by Nemra