am I "spiritually sensitive"? or something? slightly concerned

[Jayson G]

I'll keep it really short. 

I've been meditating for about 10 years now. Over the past year though I've been very on off with meditation, because I decided to stop directly pursuing spirituality. Partly driven by bad psychedelic experiences, bad weed experiences, meditation going too deep I felt disoriented for months, having a weird episode of reality just twisting inside out sort of, but then all returning back to normal. 

I'm mostly normal now. Sometimes when I'm outside, like looking at the ocean, I get into this really deep spiritual type state. It's hard to describe. I'm still me though always. It does freak me out a bit, so I just have to move my body and not be still otherwise it goes too deep. 

Or for ex. if I meditate just 15 minutes, really deeply at night, when its completely silent, it goes so deep that it gets scary. 

What's odd though is that I remember a long period of 5+ years where I'd meditate and sure sometimes it went pretty deep, but just a deep peace or something. It was grounded. But now when I go deep, it feels like it goes deep in scary ways. It's hard to describe. 

I have some coping mechanisms. And I have some trauma associated with this, which is slowly going. 

But I'm making this post because just now the freakiest thing happened. I got back from enjoying my dad's birthday, laughing with family and eating and stuff, layed back against my bed, and had this insane emotional release, but it was so much that I couldn't control it, and it got uncomfortable at one point and stuff. 

Is any of this cause for concern? I'm mostly just letting phenomena arise and pass. 

How should I make sense of this? anyone experience anything related? Just looking for insight on this situation. 

I'm mostly not worried, because I feel I have recovered mostly. But I can still see that I'm much more sensitive now, spriritually, if that makes sense. Is there a way to make that sensitivity go? Because a lot of that seems to be going away, but a good amount seems that it will be there now because I've already done many years of spiritual work. 

[Buck Edwards]

Can you describe this spiritual sensitivity because I'm not getting what you're referring to? Like an example might help me. What are the sensations and underlying emotions? How can you map yourself with regard to that sensitivity? What has changed and is the change significant? 

[Clyde the Rainmaker]

I think most people at a certain level of spiritual awakening decide to stop pursuing spirituality directly due to intense experiences, but then they subsequently often phase out of this. Once you walk this path, you can't really go back. Spirituality will still find you and you may have to face some of these things head-on with more direct practice. I just mean that your lack of spirituality right now could be intensifying an inability to deal with these emotions. But I also don't know if that's the right call either-- only you know what's best for you and your psyche. I just speak from experience as somebody who has also had to abandon direct practice because of the intensity of experiences with psychedelics and such. The shadow I try to ignore and repress during these periods of non-spirituality always finds a way to resurface, and embracing my spirituality again always seems to resolve the emotional tumult. Sometimes a break is just necessary though and I don't mean to project my experience onto yours. 

Edited May 19 by Clyde the Rainmaker

[Ayham]

Physical exercise! I don't know if you go to gym, but it is one of the most grounding activities.

An also what sort of meditation do you do?

[Jayson G]

1 hour ago, Ayham said:

Physical exercise! I don't know if you go to gym, but it is one of the most grounding activities.

An also what sort of meditation do you do?

Oh damn, I can see how thats true .. I walk a good amount every day, but I don't do anything solid like go to the gym. I'll likely get back on that. 

I have done, and continue to do a ton of different meditations: Wim hof, do nothing, mindfulness meditation, hatha yoga, etc. 

I just now do whatever I feel like like though, whenever.

Edited May 19 by Jayson G

[Jayson G]

3 hours ago, Clyde the Rainmaker said:

I think most people at a certain level of spiritual awakening decide to stop pursuing spirituality directly due to intense experiences, but then they subsequently often phase out of this. However, once you walk this path, you can't really go back. Spirituality will still find you and you may have to face some of these things head-on with more direct practice. I just mean that your lack of spirituality right now could be intensifying an inability to deal with these emotions. But I also don't know if that's the right call either-- only you know what's best for you and your psyche. I just speak from experience as somebody who has also had to abandon direct practice because of the intensity of experiences with psychedelics and such. The shadow I try to ignore and repress during these periods of non-spirituality always finds a way to resurface, and embracing my spirituality again always seems to resolve the emotional tumult. Sometimes a break is just necessary though and I don't mean to project my experience onto yours. 

Thats what I had a feeling that it could be too, but Im also not sure. 

Im debating between a) it's me not facing what I should be to progress on the spiritual journey, or b) it's just some trauma that needs to be released and nothing particularly about spirituality. 

The problem is this stuff can be so vague and intangible, these unique experiences, that its hard to make sense of it. 

I'm def glad im taking a break though, and I know I'll return to spirituality, so regardless it might just auto-correct itself.