A balanced and realistic view of human nature

[trenton]

I have been struggling with this philosophical problem lately. I finished watching Leo's new video and reflected on the traps I am susceptible to. I am prone to falling into social traps whether it is scams, being a doormat, or misreading social situations. Part of the problem seems to be that I have an overly optimistic view of humanity. At the same time I am trying not to swing the pendulum to a cynical view of humanity.

One of the worst traps I fell into nearly had me framed for being a child predator or rapist. I was talking to a couple at the park when a young boy started approaching us. The man told me that the boy was his brother and asked me to get him. I ran up to the boy saying "your brother wants you." The couple ran away as the boy ran to his mother. It turned out that the boy didn't have a brother and the mother thought I was a child predator which could have ruined my life over the guilty appearance. Having a balanced view of human nature would be practical for these kinds of situations. I'm also not sure how this trap is a gift.

Part of the problem may be that I fundamentally misunderstand love. My theory of human nature is that at its core it is love, but human love is finite and biased. The result is that love can drive us toward great acts of kindness and terrible acts of destruction. A common example is in group versus out group. Trying to defend a tribe is an example where partial love can lead to great destruction. As one's capacity for love increases, so to does their capacity for goodness, making them easier to exploit in practice.

Another problem I ran into is that I tend to bias selfless love over selfish love. This is partially because I associate selfishness with evil. This is a sign that I misunderstand love if love is so all encompassing that it is both selfish and selfless. In this sense there is no correctness between choosing selflessness or selfishness. I don't understand this paradox, and there might be a middle ground.

having a balanced view of human nature should help avoid the traps I fall into. How would you describe human nature?

[Buck Edwards]

It's not like everything is a trap. There is no gift here. Just lessons. Those lessons are still a gift because they prevent you from future traps. Your problem is quite complex and a bit general. You're facing problems with strangers, this is obvious. You need to stop trusting strangers and invest your time with people who have some credibility, in the sense that you have known them for some time and they have shown some degree of courtesy, trust, availability and decency. That way they won't scam you because they are obviously not the ones to put others in unnecessary trouble. You need good leadership skills to weed out bad apples in a group. They might not be genuinely bad, just not good for your health. Being selfish is not evil. Being moderately selfish is an essential necessity to survival. Hope you take better decisions next time and everything is a lesson for something bigger. 

Then there are some common traps that go along with socializing and assimilating with human nature in general -

 

Overly Optimistic View

Having an overly optimistic view of human nature can lead to the following traps -

Naivety Trap: Assuming the best intentions in others and being too trusting  which can make one susceptible to manipulation, scams, or exploitation. I'll call it the naivety trap. 

Doormat Trap: Being overly accommodating and putting others' needs before one's own leading to being taken advantage of or disrespected. Leo has discussed this in his video. Especially in the relationship part. 

Misreading Social Cues: Failing to recognize warning signs or red flags in social situations due to an assumption of inherent goodness in people. I often tend to fall into this trap. It's my most common trap. Some level of body language analysis might help me overall in this direction. 

Cynical View

On the other hand, having an overly cynical or negative view of human nature can also lead to traps:

Paranoia Trap: I can escape into illusions of constant skepticism, once I feel threatened in some way.Constantly doubting others' intentions and being distrustful, which can strain relationships and create unnecessary conflicts. Those conflicts then turn into a spiral. 

Isolation Trap: Avoiding social interactions and connections due to a belief that people are inherently selfish or untrustworthy, leading to loneliness and missed opportunities. 

Confirmation Bias Trap: Selectively seeking out and interpreting information that confirms one's negative view of human nature, while ignoring contradictory evidence. I also call this the bandwagon. Sometimes we jump on other people's conclusions and mirror their views inadvertently feeding into their confirmation biases as well. 

Edited May 15 by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

@trenton the one thing that you need is a solid structure. Once you have that it's easy to ward off most traps. 

[Lyubov]

Your post is very long and I think you basically stated the issue you have in the first paragraph. 

my question for you is why do you choose to have an overly optimistic view of reality?

because to me I see your problem right here and it’s very simple. You aren’t accepting reality as it is. Why do you choose not to accept reality as it is, with all the different aspects of humanity and things you don’t like in it? 

[gettoefl]

assume the best and anticipate the worst ... the only one you can depend on is you so the key is don't be needy

what counts is what you give not what you receive, if you bring the right stuff every day you can't but be happy

what you get back is gravy

[trenton]

@Lyubov I think human nature is complicated and I don't understand it. I want to avoid the opposite trap of becoming paranoid. Finally, I want to see examples of a good middle ground when dealing with other people.

[Chadders]

@trenton That situation you described is completely out of the blue. That to me seems very unusual though those situations do happen - what country do you live in? Some countries there are more scams and con artists so it depends where you live. In India for instance there is huge problem with people being scammed 

I understand that a situation like that can shake you up a bit. Don’t let it turn you cynical though but bring consciousness to those situations. Take time to be aware before responding. trust your intuition if it doesn’t feel right