Speaking to girlfriend about problems

[rd5555]

I don't currently have a girlfriend, but just curious about something for when i'm next in a relationship.

This is more a question for guys who have studied a lot about masculinity/dating/attracting women etc rather than a question for girls.

Question: Do you think it's unattractive to a girl, if a guy initiates talking about the problems and the difficulties he's going through?
(what I mean by 'initiating' is where the girl hasn't asked what's wrong, the guy just openly comes out and says 'i wanted to let you know, i'm having a difficult time going through x right now'
Is it instead better to vent to close friends or family instead?

I know open communication is of course very important.
But if I start initiating conversations to a girlfriend about what i'm going through, to me it would feel like i'm asking her for support, asking her to console me, and it just feels very unmasculine. 
 

Maybe there's a way to communicate where it doesn't feel like i'm asking the girl to do anything for me, but instead it's just me being open about what i'm going through?

Btw I don't wanna make this sound like i'm one of these fake macho people who can never be vulnerable with a girl, I'm perfectly happy for a girl to console me.

But at least in my mind, there feels like a difference between a girlfriend seeing that you're feeling down and going through a lot and naturally coming to console you, vs me coming to her with my problems where it feels like i'm almost asking/hinting that I want to be consoled. The former feels very natural and something i'd like, whereas the latter feels very unmasculine to me, but i'm really interested to hear you guys' thoughts?

 

[NoSelfSelf]

Elaborate more about what is a problem to you ,because there is a big difference of what you think a problem is vs what i think a problem is.

Also,

usually a problem is not a problem because if you are looking for solution then its just a stepping stone, if you see it as a problem and need emotional support from others its a feminine trait...talking about your feelings dont change things for men...

Edited May 11, 2024 by NoSelfSelf

[rd5555]

@NoSelfSelf Examples of typical problems would be: i'm dealing with some issues with my family, i'm having some difficulties growing my business, dealing with a foot injury that's stopping me from being out walking, and being hit with loads of extra costs to pay out for, when already struggling financially.
So it's the combination of all these problems going on simultaneously.

But as I said previously, if I initiate it by saying 'hey I wanted to let you know i'm going through all these issues right now'  it feels unmasculine because it feels like i'm asking for emotional support.
 

Btw, my motive in all of this is:
I don't talk to anyone about my problems, I just deal with them myself, and i'm perfectly capable of doing that.
But I feel it's not good to keep things to myself the entire time, i'm sure there must be a healthy way of expressing to others what i'm going through without it feeling like i'm asking them for emotional support.


 

Edited May 11, 2024 by rd5555

[NoSelfSelf]

@rd5555 So the solution is that you "deal" with your own problems and you can express them,but the way you express them it wont come off as looking for emotional support(because as a man you dont look for it from others but yourself if you stand behind the statement you said) just you talking... just like you would talk about the thing that happend to you this morning  and offering it, not like now its your turn to understand me and give me emotional support ,like an emotional male would demand.

Edited May 13, 2024 by NoSelfSelf

[bebotalk]

Traditionally, women have been a source of emotional support for men.

But there is a balance. I think women, even progressive ones, would be turned off if a man is always whiny and soft. Or otherwise burdens them with problems.