Baby Steps for Approach Anxiety - Mega-Thread

[thenondualtankie]

Let's compile some so-called baby steps for guys who think directly approaching a woman is too hard.

The ultimate goal is to be able to go up to a woman, tell her you're attracted to her, and smoothly continue the conversation from there. That second part is important - I often force myself to approach, but then I continue resisting and end up running away from the interaction.

To me it seems like this happens because I'm forcing myself past too deep of a resistance, so I end up feeling punished both during and after the interaction.

Let me start us off. These will vary in difficulty, because typical baby steps such as 'ask the time' are too easy.

• Ask for the time or nearest cafe or whatever. Logistical bullshit.
• Make the compliment or observation and gauge their reaction. See if anything more to say spontaneously comes to you. If not, don't force it and say bye.
• Find a girl reading a book and discuss the book - ask her what she's reading etc.
• Similar for a girl working in a cafe - what are you working on?
• General non-romantic approaches, both guys and girls

And here's a guy who outlines how he dealt with approach anxiety in stages: https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/cutote/comment/exytcvr/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Share your tips and resources! This thread might go nowhere but oh well.

Edited April 24 by thenondualtankie

[Princess Arabia]

7 hours ago, thenondualtankie said:

The ultimate goal is to be able to go up to a woman, tell her you're attracted to her, and smoothly continue the conversation from there.

Never approach a woman and say you're attracted to her. She will immediately put up slight resistance, even if she says thank you, smiles or blushes. Going up to her is enough for her to read between the lines. Main reason is, it signals sex and you don't want to put her on guard silently scoping you out to see if she feels the same. 

You approaching her doesn't mean she will be also attracted to you immediately but maybe throughout your interaction she may develop that attraction without feeling pressured to feel the same way you felt initially. Not saying it verbally to her allows for room to wonder on her part, even if it's evident.

7 hours ago, thenondualtankie said:

That second part is important - I often force myself to approach, but then I continue resisting and end up running away from the interaction.

This is because of the reason I stated above. You have internally set a bar for yourself and now you're nervous she won't feel the same way. It's OK that you don't know, that's a part of the game; but not telling her you're attracted to her leaves room for you to not have to try and impress, convert her if she doesn't seem to be and allows for a more comfortable approach.

 

7 hours ago, thenondualtankie said:

Ask for the time or nearest cafe or whatever. Logistical bullshit.

Most people have a cell phone which has the time displayed and asking where the nearest Cafe is just sounds like you're asking for an impromptu date.

 

7 hours ago, thenondualtankie said:

Similar for a girl working in a cafe - what are you working on?

This one doesn't even sound plausible. Working on? I'm not even sure what you mean by this.

 

7 hours ago, thenondualtankie said:

General non-romantic approaches, both guys and girls

Telling someone you're attracted to them on an initial approach is not non-romantic.

 

A simple hi how are you, what's your name? Is suffice. Are you from here? I was walking by and saw you were alone, would you like some company is a bit of a stretch, but still better than most. It all depends on the situation.

[thenondualtankie]

I don't want to argue with you. But I don't think most of what you said makes sense.

If you want to provide your own examples of baby steps, sure, but don't just bash others' examples.

[Yimpa]

Have you considered trying out Horizon Worlds for the Meta Quest? You’d be surprised at how many cool people you can socialize with. Yes, there are many annoying kids/trolls as well, but there is a 18+ bar and resort world that only allows adults in there.

[Princess Arabia]

53 minutes ago, thenondualtankie said:

I don't want to argue with you. But I don't think most of what you said makes sense.

If you want to provide your own examples of baby steps, sure, but don't just bash others' examples.

I assume you're speaking to me. If you consider suggestions bashing, then I don't know what to tell you. I will make no more comments on this thread. Thanks.