Anxiety & Awkwardness

[Principium Nexus]

These two have influenced me for most of my life and still do to a very large extent. I don't know how to come to terms with anxiety & awkwardness and from time to time these make me feel depressed and sad. I try to not think about any negative feelings but often they just come out the blue and overwhelm me. Most relatives or friends tell me i'm one of the smartest people they know and that's nice and all, but most of these positive things don't seem to help me out. I feel out of touch, like there is some void draining my energy and giving me the feeling of falling without knowing how to ground myself. Self-Actualization is a very powerful tool and gives me good insights in why people do what they do and why act like I do, but it also shows me that this whole cultural play (when you see how it works) can be so exhaustive. All these things you have to do or follow to be part of the "club" or be "successful", they make me feel like wearing a mask all the time just to be there for my family and friends whereas my other part know it will not be able to do this my entire life.

Does anybody feel the same and how to they deal with this? I'm lucky to have found a person who shares a similar mind and someday wants to travel the world with me, but before i'm really able to do that I have to work through ALOT of difficult shit. All I hope is that I'm able to do that and break free of what's holding me back for so long. I hope you guys can help me with this, I just don't know what to do..

[Shin]

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I try to not think about any negative feelings

Don't avoid them, face them and look at them, but don't identify with them, they will dissolve by itself with time.

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I feel out of touch, like there is some void draining my energy and giving me the feeling of falling without knowing how to ground myself.

You probably didn't fully embrace spirituality yet, because there is nothing to ground yourself, that's a fantasy, and that is why you feel this void, you're creating it out of thin air.

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they make me feel like wearing a mask all the time

Then drop the mask, you will feel isolated and lonely, it will be horrible, but this is what you have to do if you want to be the true version of yourself (and you're already suffering right now anyway ...).

[Sevi]

Hi @Principium Nexus ! I am familiar with both sensations, not so much the awkwardness, more the anxiety.

Anxiety reminds me here two basic scenarios: 1) social based 2) future potentials.

I'll start with the 2nd. When you are smart, intelligent and capable of doing a lot of different things, then any choice you make, especially for important future decisions, has really high alternative costs. Already intelligence comes with a certain amount of conciseness on the side so when you know about the costs it is somewhat natural to be anxious. There is unfortunately not an easy solution for such case and no-one really can know it for you, and probably they are already not seeing what you see which really adds up awkwardness to it, and a bit loneliness in that sense.

Social one, I assume can be the cause for that draining feeling... I don't know why but I'm gonna write little bit about my experiences:

I am an only child of a primary school teacher mother and a cop father. According to governmental setting of the country cops have to travel city to city approximately every 5 years like military base here in US. And you don't exactly know how long you gonna stay in that region. sometimes 2 years, sometimes 7...

So I always had to adopt  and re-represent myself to "the" "new social conditioning" again and again, just on my own. Of course it really adds up to your skill set, I can read the web of social beliefs of a society and can speak into their value system so quickly, which sometimes makes me even more scary to them, so they then see me all of a sudden "so good to be true" and criticize me harsher... but when you do the thing on and on, you know the process, you know when they gonna lower their shields when they gonna start to trust you, accept you to tribe and so on... but it feels so awkward. It is so so funny that "you" are the weird one, and "they" are right:) which is actually accurate, because they present the "norm" so they are normal, you are the one who has to catch up. 

Actually till you find someone else who can vibrate similar way, it is not that easy. But the good news is it's not impossible either. I have a good friend in Istanbul, she is an harpist, somehow one day we met, and her level of emotional understanding matched up, then I felt a huge relief in my life. I think unfortunately it is somehow necessary to have at least one similar wavelength person to pass that through. 

I wrote more about myself rather than you:) sorry about that:) I felt it was a similar situation, I don't really know this can be helpful to you but... let me know.

@Shin by the way it's really not a good idea to offer people drop their masks like right away without knowing the background story. They might need it for some situations, and I strongly believe that it needs to happen in a conscious and a gradual manner. It's sometimes like speaking the other one's language to communicate to them.

[Shin]

11 hours ago, Sevi said:

by the way it's really not a good idea to offer people drop their masks like right away without knowing the background story. They might need it for some situations, and I strongly believe that it needs to happen in a conscious and a gradual manner. It's sometimes like speaking the other one's language to communicate to them.

They won't be able to do it in one go anyway, but the will to do it has to be there, otherwise it will never be done.

[Sevi]

16 hours ago, Shin said:

They won't be able to do it in one go anyway,

@Shin You're right actually.. it still takes time even if the will is there.

[Principium Nexus]

@Sevi & @Shin Thank you both for replying! I have thought about how to make progress regarding to (social) anxiety and for me it would probably best to get a solid clear scheme what I should do every day. Currently I'm working from home and postponed my study so it is too easy for me to not actively work on these things.

Several things that seem to have impact on overal well-being are:

• Sleep patterns (waking up early and going to bed early makes you start the day less drowsy).
• Good diet (I haven't eaten meat for 2 years now, only eat fish sometimes, some diary products, bread, etc.)
• Enough sunlight everyday (even sitting in the sun for 10min is great for energy).
• Excersise, doing small workouts at home but also bicycle outside and getting fresh air.
• Reading a book, I notice that this help me organize my thoughts and prolongs my attention.
• Working on something creative, could be art/music/science or working out a simple business idea.
• Cheering up other people, sharing is caring and makes me more socially active.
• Setting an intention for the next day, puts your mind already in the mood to do stuff.
• NoFap, I know how powerful this can be and hope I can prolong my streak.

Are there any other things you guys do yourself or would like to add?

I want to research a little and try out a proper diet for this month, would love to know what you guys eat or want to suggest.

The awkwardness is just a result of my low energy/anxiety and rather wanting to be somewhere else so these steps would probably help alot.

EDIT: Oh yeah, i'm going to cut out coffee and tea completely these two ALWAYS drain my energy and make me jittery.

Edited April 20, 2017 by Principium Nexus

[Shin]

 

@Principium Nexus

This is the list that I use:

 

Things to avoid :

• Ejaculation: Huge energy drainer, very misunderstood because almost everyone is addicted to it (That only applies to guys, it’s the opposite for girls).
• Alcohol/smoking/energy drink, and any other kind of drugs: Pretty obvious, drugs of any kind sucks out your energy one way or another.
• Gossiping/Socializing with neurotics people : It will only fill your head with negative thoughts, and negative thoughts sucks you of your energy, SO MUCH.
• TV/Media/Facebook/Twitter : Same thing, except it’s less obvious.

 

Things that helps

• Clean eating: What you eat impact how much energy you have, simply because your stomach have to work more than it should (among many other reasons).
• Meditation habit: It will help, it's like a nap on steroid, and will boost your capacity to stay conscious troughout the day.
• Steady sleep schedule: Getting to bed and getting up (preferably early) at the same time every day.
• Essential Oils: increases vibrational frequency
• Workout/fitness habit: Preferably in the morning, it will boost your serotonin level.
• Practising mindfulness (as much as possible), because thinking (especially negative thinking) is a HUGE energy drainer.
• Breathing exercises do help alot (pranayama & deep breathing preferably in nature) / Bioenergetics exercises in order to release trapped emotions and free your nadis. / Hatha, surya & Yoga namaskar are great too.
• Stretching: having body flexibility will help you use the body effortlessly.
• Solar energy: Let the sun heat you in the morning, its the best time. If you can get your shirt off is even better.
• Cold Shower: Maybe hard at the beginning but after a month its normal. Do it from head to toes, it does magic, specially to keep you alert in the morning.
• Music: It can help as a trigger to uplift your mood, specially high vibration music like techno. / Dance: move freely without judgement!
• Naps: If you are tired or very busy during the day and couldn't have a good sleep, try 15-20 minutes nap. Its wonderful.
• Water: drink 1 gallon of water everyday for a month without missing a day, then build momentum for ever. (You will detox and piss alot)
• Positive people: fully expressing yourself with people that are open can make your day. -Laugh: stress off and try laugther yoga to uplift your mood. / Force a smile for 10 mins to make your brain think you are happy. If you do this for 21 days you will re-wire your brain to happiness.
• Chanting Meditation: Chanting generates vibrations in your body that can make your energies go upwards.
• Conscious Breathing: practicing breathing consciously everytime will keep you grounded in the present, very centered & out of your mind. / Vipassana
• Positive Thoughts: this one is very misunderstood. You should not fill your head with crappy beliefs thinking its positive. Yeah ,you may feel energy changes but its delusional, we want Truth not more deception. Only practice positive-visualization when you have certain understanding of the nature of the mind and your current thoughts. After having calmed your mind & gained some stillness, you may start to visualize images and attach positive energy to it. You can picture events, love to the universe, places & even dreams, but don't get caught in the dream world, be aware of it as what it is, a dream. If you do this you will change & shift your vibration completely by a new embodiment of thoughts. It takes 1 month of practice to create a new paradigm. 

Edited April 20, 2017 by Shin

[Steph1988]

@Shin you do the whole list? impressive.

i managed only a few of these thing with a big effort up to this point.

and the nofap/coldshower habits are insanely hard to do on a consistent basis did you manage that? how big a difference do you feel from those 2 alone? because i seem to fail these habits after several try's maybe i need more motivation.

@Principium Nexus something that took away my anxiety for a big part was simply to work with a lot of people and to be around people more and also to not give a damn that you are anxious.

Be honest as much as possible, don't play games with people, tell them what's up straight in their face, learn to absolutely despise any mask and fakeness, even if you say something stupid its ok you've learned from it. and if u believe in something stand your ground no matter how many people disagree ( don't become close minded either of course ) so stand up for what you believe.

On some level i think its good to become mad as hell you have to really hate the games people play for a while, you have to feel sorry for neurotic status seekers and when u manage that you have to feel superior to those people, you got to brainwash yourself a little bit perhaps.

you wouldn't believe how much anger and frustration can aid you.  

Now this sounds far from enlightened i guess but it did help me a lot.

[Shin]

50 minutes ago, Steph1988 said:

@Shin you do the whole list? impressive.

i managed only a few of these thing with a big effort up to this point.

and the nofap/coldshower habits are insanely hard to do on a consistent basis did you manage that? how big a difference do you feel from those 2 alone? because i seem to fail these habits after several try's maybe i need more motivation.

Most of it, not all.

I don't do cold shower yet.

I'm currently doing nofap + clean eating, I'm also doing the daily concentration exercice, workout and I force myself to socialize at least for 3 hours every week-end.

That's already a lot to do without backsliding, so I won't do any more until I feel that 2 or 3 of these things has sticked.

Other things that seems interesting in order to grow that I want to do:

• Pick up (not for sex though)
• Aikido (Martial Art)
• Veganism
• Yoga
• 2 hours of meditation (I backslided that HUGE RESISTANCE )
• Self-inquiry
• Steady reading habit
• Social skills (how to move your hands, being fluent with what you want to say, being funny)
• Dance class (seems fun)
• Probably other things I forgot 

Edited April 20, 2017 by Shin

[Steph1988]

@Shin That is a lot to take on and im not sure awkwardness around girls and people in general is solved by most of those habits.

Its all good of-course no doubt there.

Did you get some results in solving awkwardness up to this point?

[Shin]

28 minutes ago, Steph1988 said:

@Shin That is a lot to take on and im not sure awkwardness around girls and people in general is solved by most of those habits.

Its all good of-course no doubt there.

Did you get some results in solving awkwardness up to this point?

Well it's rare that I do, unless I meet a really beautiful and smart woman, but that's a while since it happened, so I can't really know.

Spiritual work helped a lot though, even when the awkwardness is there, I don't really care about it, it's even fun for me

@Steph1988 It's not anxiety though, I'm reading articles about it, I have no symptoms about that (I did in the past though), it's my mind being fucked up about women, a lot of girls bullied me psychologically and even physically when I was younger.

That's why I force myself to socialize, because my mind will be forced to recognize that not all women are bitches.
It's inconscious though (which is why I find it funny ), I never think consciously that women are evil or something like that.

Edited April 20, 2017 by Shin

[Steph1988]

@Shin Yes that is the thing u goto aim for i think that u know the awkwardness is there but you carry on regardless and don't care then it will solve itself mostly.

[Sevi]

@Principium Nexus @Shin for some reason both of you guys got so general for a solution idea, I didn't understand why but, yes that's definitely true! All of the habits that you both have written are the basic solution for almost everything.

I probably don't have so much to add, but basically I have very similar good habits, I don't use coffee or alcohol, I don't have a tv, I eat clean (just getting rid of deserts lately) meditation, and so on... sleep patterns is a big one...

okay I'm a little confused here, because generally what I like to do is if there is something bothering me, then I like to do drills about it, like: I try to observe everything related to that: what are the environmental factors, what are my inner issues, what are the correlations, what are the interactions, what triggers what, why do I react that way but not this way... etc etc... till I really get to the exact pin point of the cause and effect, then I go and check myself up about what I can do about it action wise and stuff...

I mean generalization is not a bad thing but doesn't create so much clarity about particulars...

[Principium Nexus]

@Sevi These general things are often overlooked and can be the root cause of having low energy. By getting those right I think you will lower the intensities of all other issues/interpretations. Plus being healthy is inspiring and adds to self-esteem and the feeling of doing something good.

Having more clean energy can be that catalyst that fuels all development and inovation, not only focusing on that one problem

Maybe that problem/issue can look so big because were too focused on it.

I appreciate all your input thanks alot!

 

[TJM1959]

On 4/16/2017 at 1:21 PM, Shin said:

Then drop the mask, you will feel isolated and lonely, it will be horrible, but this is what you have to do if you want to be the true version of yourself

You're making an assumption in your comment, is this YOUR personal experience or have you decided this will be everyone's experience? I was just wondering how you, Shin, know that this will be his experience? Dropping of a "mask" does not necessarily mean one will feel isolated, lonely, horrible.

[Sevi]

Sure, my pleasure... I mean that's totally right of course, solving the things in their roots is what really matters here.

Edited April 21, 2017 by Sevi

[electroBeam]

@Principium Nexus just wanted to add something that hasn't been outlined yet:

 

Try meditating 24/7. Constantly be aware of what thoughts are going through consciousness, and if you can, focus on the present moment very intensely.

Put a buddha wallpaper on your phone and laptop to remind you of what you are to be doing 24/7 -> seeing god for what he truly is, without the devil's influence. 

set an alarm every 15 minutes telling you to MEDITATE! 

And also most importantly, do some shadow work! Martin123's guide will give you a great start.

I tried cognitive behavioral therapy, Cognitive Modified Therapy, heaps of psychologist appointments and videos off the internet about my social anxiety, nothing changed for years.

Until one day I spoke to my Buddhist teacher about it, and she gave me the advice I just gave above. And I'm now able to talk to random strangers off the streets without anxiety, because once you start meditating 24/7 your mind switches from anxiety being in the foreground, to the present moment being in the foreground, and anxiety in the background. 

----------------

And lastly, we humans hate suffering and pain of course, we try so hard to avoid it all. But suffering isn't all that evil and horrible actually. Suffering is just god's way of helping you get through your journey. You can demonize and hate situations that make you uncomfortable, or you can stop fighting it and start to accept and love it. Walk up to a girl you like, ask for her number, and when that deep anxiety comes flowing in, don't try and avoid it! Don't try and change your external circumstances, fully accept the sensations, feel into it and imagine a massive pulse of energy flowing through your brain while you do pickup. 

------

and for the awkwardness, I've been awkward since birth, and its not going away, and it doesn't have to. Awkwardness is like our appendix, its redundant and a pain in the ass to deal with, but its not harmful. Keep marching on.

Edited April 21, 2017 by electroBeam

[Shin]

18 hours ago, TJM1959 said:

You're making an assumption in your comment, is this YOUR personal experience or have you decided this will be everyone's experience? I was just wondering how you, Shin, know that this will be his experience? Dropping of a "mask" does not necessarily mean one will feel isolated, lonely, horrible.

Most likely, that's what's gonna happen, that's all it means. In any case, you prefer to be ready for these eventualities rather than thinking it will be a piece of cake.

I never said in my post that I'm Jesus Christ, and that everything I say is the truth, and the only truth.
It's just my opinion, which could be totally wrong of course.

@Sevi There is a thing called "humor"

Edited April 22, 2017 by Shin

[Sevi]

@Shin this will be off-topic but, I wondered.. if you love someone, why would you call them as piece of shit? Does it suppose to mean that you wish you didn't?

 

 

Edited April 22, 2017 by Sevi

[Sevi]

@Shin @Shin this will be off-topic but, I wondered.. if you love someone, why would you call them as piece of shit? Does it suppose to mean that you wish you didn't?

Yeah I know I just couldn't get the point, that's why I wondered.. but anyways not necessarily every joke has to hit the bulls-eye??