High Conscious Relationships

[Spiritual Warrior]

Leo describes why healthy intimate relationships are so difficult: 

"You are entering this relationship in a selfish manner to use the other as a vehicle to satisfy your own needs. You are doing this rather than meeting them as they are." - From "How to Practice Love" 

 

Leo has been talking about posting a video about high conscious relationships for a while now, so I decided to make my own list. A lot of the items on this list stem from Leo's video "How to Practice Love" so check that video out if you haven't already. 


 

 

1. Being non- manipulative, never manipulating your partners emotions in order to get something out of them or to rile up a reaction out of them. Respecting the fact that she or he is an emotional creature and her emotions should not be played around with. Also, take your partners emotions seriously when she or he is triggered by something, don't shoo them away as if it's not important.
2. Respecting your significant other as its own person that has its own wants and needs, that has its own personality type, traumas, history, childhood, emotions, and thoughts. Respecting that what she wants for herself may be vastly different than what you want for yourself or what you want from her. 
3. Honesty - Honest communication. Answering personal questions with honesty, being honest about how you feel with yourself and also with your partner. I'd even go so far as to let your significant other look through your phone if she asks to. The girl I am currently dating has serious trust issues from being cheated on by multiple partners. I am willing to allow her to look through my phone if she wants to, this is a sacrifice that I am willing to make in order for her to gain her trust back into men.
4. Willingness to compromise - willingness to hold your significant others wants and needs in as high of a regard as your own. This does not mean that you whore yourself over to her and give her every little thing that she wants from you. I recently made this mistake, she wanted me to go to New York with her to support her in a modeling shoot that she is doing, I said yes but I had forgotten that I had already had plans to go with my friends to an NBA game, we had planned this months in advance, but it slipped my mind. I decided to bail on my friends to support my girl in her career dreams. I deeply regretted this once I got to New York. I sacrificed hanging out with my two best friends, watching my favorite NBA team to support a girl that I've only been dating for a few months. This sacrifice was a massive over investment in her and I've been looking forward to this game for months. I didn't put my needs into the equation at all. Your needs and her needs should be neck and neck, and you should be able to balance your wants and needs with hers and find a balance that works for the both of you. A person with a people pleasing history will tend to steer towards giving her everything she wants, this will lead to resentment towards her. A historically selfish person will lead more towards not taking her needs seriously at all, this will lead to her resenting you.
5. Willingness to sacrifice for her. If she or he needs something from you then you should be willing to honor that and support that if you can. You don't want to throw your entire life away to support her dreams, this will only lead to resentment, but if you can you should be able to make sacrifices for her. For example, if it is important to her for you to text her every day and check in, then you should be able to make the effort and honor that. You are fulfilling her needs, as long as they are not completely unreasonable. 
6. Giving him or her attention- giving her your full awareness and attention during sexual intimacy and when she is talking, you want her to feel your complete and undivided attention and awareness. You want her to feel seen and heard. A meditation habit will help strengthen this skill. 
7. Being in close proximity when you can- showing him or her that you care about her, sometimes you may need space and time away from her, be honest about that, give her a kiss on the cheek and take your space, but when you are willing and able, cuddle her, kiss her, tell her everything will be alright and that you care about her.
8. Recognizing your significant others love language and trying to tailor your actions to fulfill her love needs. Being open and honest about your love language and your love needs. 
9. Independence - Both parties should be able to be totally content when they are apart from one another. Counter intuitively, when you take breaks from seeing each other and work on your personal life or your other relationships, when you come back to each other, the connection will be that much stronger. It takes separation to truly appreciate what you have. 
10. Recognizing your intimate partners uniqueness, recognizing what makes them special, come up with a nickname for him or her that exemplifies an outstanding quality about him or her. Compliment her on something that you don't say to every other guy or girl. 

These next few are lofty and spiritual, I'm still playing around with their validity:

1. Non attachment - This is a deep one and very counter intuitive. Ideally, you would like to be able to be non attached to your significant other. To be able to say I want you to grow and develop so much that you won't need me for anything anymore. This is the ultimate sign of love, to be able to support and help her fulfill her dreams to the magnitude of her leaving you in the end. This is beautiful. The ultimate sacrifice. Its a full devotion to love. True selflessness. 
2. To be able to recognize your own selfish intentions. This is not to say that you should suppress your selfish desires with her, on the contrary. You should be honest and open about your selfish desires and ask her to fulfill these needs. But recognize that they are selfish and if you are serious about your spiritual path, all selfishness must go in the end. 

Edited April 16, 2024 by Spiritual Warrior

[Realms of Wonder]

This is a great list.

Contrasting past relationships to this I can see so many problems I created or flourished because of a mismatch, or lack of following through in these areas.

Also, can verify how satisfying it is to live this type of relationship. Having been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for 1.5 years, we met in person when we both worked at a summer camp in PA 2.5 years ago. And now our relationship has grown into something special.

I have a lot of room to grow in all of these, especially the last one or two. I lack self awareness to understand how I manipulate her subtly, or behave selfishly. I have also come a long way there too though, being more honest about my desire or current state. (Recovering people pleaser.)

Thanks for sharing!