Question: Truth realization and ambition/personal development

[JTisyouisme]

In reading Jed McKenna’s second book on spiritual enlightenment, I came to a chapter that contained an excerpt from a mark twain book where “the devil” goes into detail on how ridiculous all of the fictions that god created are and that there is really just only one thing: empty thought, everything is a construction of mind. I’ve known about this conceptually, yet something within me was starting to come to a realization of the repercussions of this being true, which deep down I know it is, even if I haven’t directly experienced that state of being. (Enlightenment?) Fear/energy shot up within “me” and remained calm and observed the energy and had thoughts come to my mind of what if this work makes me go crazy? A general fear of losing the enjoyment of highs and lows in life. I remained in a state of quite astounding awareness, later on, observing how neutral some of my partners “work problems” are, And that there is really only choices of how to view these things. yet I was still putting weight on whether enlightenment would be “good or bad” for me. It was a bit ineffable honestly.

Yet at other times in my life I feel at judgement at times for both those who are completely asleep, and those aspiring for more. The tricks of the ego run deep here.

 

My work to contemplate this on my own is the only true answer but I’m here to see what advice can be offered if any.

 

The way enlightenment is painted by Jed is that everything is flat and neutral. I realize by my own question that I’m judging it as bad, but for those of you that are enlightened, do you still find enjoyment in pursuing matters of personal development? Do you think the ego self is playing tricks for its self preservation? 

Edited April 10 by JTisyouisme

[aurum]

1 hour ago, JTisyouisme said:

The way enlightenment is painted by Jed is that everything is flat and neutral. I realize by my own question that I’m judging it as bad, but for those of you that are enlightened, do you still find enjoyment in pursuing matters of personal development? Do you think the ego self is playing tricks for its self preservation? 

I would be skeptical of anyone who claims to be enlightened. No one can even agree on what that means, let alone how we would determine that someone had achieved it.

But to answer your question, spiritual work as not killed my enjoyment for life. In fact, I'd say I have more happiness at this point in my life than ever. I've been able to set up a very nice situation for myself. So don't despair and think spiritual work is going to turn you into some kind of robot. That's just not been my experience.

At the same time, some things have lost their charge. You do need to surrender some of the fighting that your ego is constantly doing against reality for the sake of survival.

The tradeoff of peace is a lack of drama.