Symptom investigation and Recovery Journal

[ZenAlex]

I'm not sure I'm going to bother researching into this any longer. 

I'll keep doing blood tests and going back to GP for more advice, will keep trying things but researching for hours isn't really going to yield anymore results at this point. My symptoms are not specific enough, and I have no idea what else to do. 

Why did this have to happen?

B12 supplement, wait for other tests to come back. 

Will go get an anti-histamine and see what happens there.

Will try my best to be grateful. 

Any advice on what to try is appreciated by whoever reads this. 

It's difficult to know what to do. The tests will hopefully narrow things down, but unless what I'm trialling is specifically linked to test results and doctors advice, it just feels like a massive stab in the dark.

[ZenAlex]

I really wish I knew what was causing this. I know it's not just depression and anxiety, because I've had it much worse before, and was always able to exercise.

My body hates exercise. 

Edited April 18 by ZenAlex

[ZenAlex]

Decided to do a covid antibody test, unfortunately I didn't know it could show high simply because I've been vaccinated, but it's an interesting thing to know anyway.

[ZenAlex]

Two tests that are interesting to me that I may try are -

Advanced Intestinal Barrier Assessment
Neuro Adrenal Panel (HOR05+HOR11)

If I was to not get results with the doctors or anywhere else, then I'd just start smashing these tests and hopefully something would come up.

[ZenAlex]

21 hours ago, ZenAlex said:

I'm not sure I'm going to bother researching into this any longer. 

 

Was quite irritable yesterday when I said this.

I realised that I feel better when I spend the first portion of my day getting necessary work done, and focusing on being productive and moving my life forward, then once I've satiated that part of me that wants to move forward, then I can feel ok just doing whatever I want after and enjoy procastination on websites.

But I don't have an order/a schedule, it becomes a scattered day where i procastinate and then feel bad and anxious/irritable about wasting my time.

Order, schedules.

My life was at it's best when things were done order.

[ZenAlex]

Someone mentioned my symptoms seem to be like an autonomic nervous system disorder. 

Gave me a list of doctors, I emailed the one closest to me with a breakdown of my symptoms.

Might as well. Will look forward to their response. 

[ZenAlex]

It's really difficult for me to feel motivated. It's difficult in an apathetic and emotionally flat state to really care about anything.

I want to resolve these symptoms, but sometimes I don't really want anything.

At times after working hours I'll literally just meditate and sit with ambient sounds on for hours because that's all that makes sense to do. 

At times I feel like there's no serious symptoms, just flatness and detachment from anything. 

----------

I am going to get a continuous BGM to test the blood sugar theory again, see what happens there. 

I should get my saliva cortisol test back and see what happens there. 

I am also considering the possibility this could be a gut issue, and am considering fasting or elimination diet and see what happens.

---

Even before these more recent issues started I've have anhedonia, apathetic and depressed feelings for so many years now that  I forget what it's like not to be this way.

Sometimes I'm not even sure I want to continue on with life at all, although I try to assume there's a good reason, and sometimes I will feel good and try to use that as my motivation as much as possible. 

 

[ZenAlex]

Got my cortisol saliva test back. Every came back absolutely normal.

Some of the people telling me that this is just stress... it definitely isn't mate.

[ZenAlex]

I'm sure that there's something physically wrong with me on some level which is what caused these recent issues and my long term unexplained anxiety and depression, especially considering that I have no serious trauma in my past, nothing that really worries me that much

Even the anxiety I developed felt more like random uneasiness that was there for no reason and has at times got better with lifestyle/dietary changes.

I want to care and I want to get better but logically I know that life could be good but I struggle to care and get motivated, and I don't know what else to do really.

[ZenAlex]

I don't really have much idea where to look at this point, and it sucks. I keep thinking it must have been something I've done wrong in the past, but I don't know exactly what. I have at times binged video games and TV, but that's about the unhealthiest thing I've done in years. 

Everything I try would feel like a stab in the dark. I'm getting more tests done but don't know where to look in general. This blows.

Considering nucleocapsid test for covid.

[ZenAlex]

Just ordered what should be an accurate test to determine if I've had covid, from an NHS backed website directly. 

[ZenAlex]

Going for an echocardiogram tomorrow. Just doing what the doc says at this point. No idea if it will lead to anything. 

Am gonna have a shower, go for a 5k step walk, stop part of the way through at a local quarry to breath deeply in nature, and monitor how I feel.

Since I have to walk to the hospital tomorrow, that will be my step limit almost reached just from that lol 

Will see what happens.

Am still taking the b12 sublingual, no changes noted yet.

Sometimes I get random feelings of my not breathing right. Weird feelings around my chest, but since the feelings are not extreme, I don't know what to think of them.

At times I get really frustrated just concentrating on things. 

Still meditating, using my nights to listen to ambient sounds, do my therapy defusion techniques. 

My next appointment is next wednesday and received my invite, 1st of may.... We're almost in may already man! Part of me thinks "damn we're almost half way through another year", but realised it would still only be 1 3rd.

I gotta remember to just figure out ways to enjoy my life now as it's only happening now, and not to make this a waiting game for recovery. 

I can still enjoy some music, I can still sometimes go out and watch sport, I can still sometimes focus on true crime and horror documentaries. 

That's at least something.

[ZenAlex]

While doing my therapy session today, I realised I couldn't conjure up any positive memories, and although I can remember details from when I was like 3-4 years old, I couldn't conjure up happy memories in relation to people, even those closest to me.

People don't matter that much too me personally, despite part of me wanting to do good for humanity. 

[ZenAlex]

So I decided to test the blood sugar/hypoglycaemia idea again, and decided to take my glucose monitor with me.

I got some low readings half way through a 45 minute walk. 

3.7, 3.5, 2.5. I'm not sure how much I can trust these readings, so I'm heading back to my hypo forums to ask more questions.

Will ask about hypoglycaemia diets and see what helps. If it is Hypo it's reactive hypo. 

Am considering Ketogenic diet. 

Will look into a continuous BGM. 

I really miss hiking and my Zen.  But not gonna bitch about it. It's not way too bad. It's made the last 8 months fly by in a bad way tho. 

[ZenAlex]

Did an echocardiogram today at hospital. It was weird hearing my heart rate. 

I had to walk a mile there, nothing strenuous but still brought on the symptoms. My resting heart rate at the hospital sounded around 80-90.

She didn't say anything but spent 10-15 minutes looking around and said "your GP will contact you".

I hope it's something conclusive, even if it's bad news.

Walking around today I used up my 5k step limit so not gonna do anymore because despite my eagerness I know it will just lead to a shit week mood wise. 

I'm going to do some more blood glucose readings on my walks this week, and then report my findings again to my doctors, and will look to plan a low carb diet, and see what happens with that.

 

 

[ZenAlex]

DAO test came back normal. 

Will be looking forward to my echocardiogram report back.

Am gonna spend some time today formulating a diet lower in carbs, and see what happens. 

Still taking b12 sublingual, no noticeable changes yet. 

Am still noticing that I feel worse after any ejaculation, even though I'm not masturbating/watching porn, even just wet dreams. 

[ZenAlex]

After a few more tests I'm going to strongly consider switching doctors to see if another better reviewed doc will help.

I will take all my INFO to them.

One condition I'm strongly considering I have is POTS or orthostatic issues.

Today on my walk I will take my BGM again and my BP monitor. 

[ZenAlex]

I'm going to try my best not to procrastinate, and take my information to more and more doctors.

It's time for less theorizing and researching possibilities and more practical. It's been 8 months now ffs. I keep slapping myself for not doing more practical but it's difficult not to procrastinate when you don't know where to look and your doc doesn't really know and is taking stabs in the dark like you are. 

[ZenAlex]

[ZenAlex]

I'm going to take a break from further research.

What I'm going to do is do my normal diet, add some nutritional yeast as I've heard b1 can be related to POTS style symptoms. I don't think I have POTS or something like that, but it's possible it's an autonomic nervous system issue

Going to keep supplementing b12, 10mcg of D because my D levels were in adequate range not optimal, nurtritional yeast.

I'm also gonna forget about doing anymore research and just focus on working with my doc, just in case there's a health anxiety element to it, and the research is contributing, although I doubt it since it's exercise that brings it on more than most things. 

Posted off a better covid test today.

Hopefully this will sort itself out soon.