I can't allow myself to be more optimistic and positive

[k-ahmadzadeh]

Hi!

I just wanted to know your opinions regarding my case, which can also be common for some members of this forum, I guess.

The issue is that I can't allow myself to be more optimistic or positive. Namely, when I feel some motivation and optimistic emotions for my near future, another internal voice or awareness arises and tells me:

'What a stupid person are you that expects good things will happen in such a brutal and uncaring world', 'life is unpredictable and you don't know what will happen tomorrow, so being very optimistic is so stupid', 'in the face of having a lot of problems, being positive will bring only a disappointment to you!'.

But I see that without a sufficient degree of optimism, it is hard to feel motivation in the way of improving my life, career, etc. 

So what are your opinions on this matter? How do you create optimism in your daily consciousness without deluding yourselves? 

Edit: I would be happy to hear your personal attitude towards this matter in your own lives. 

Edited April 5, 2024 by k-ahmadzadeh

[Thought Art]

The Self Talk Solution

Learned Optimism

 

[Eph75]

@k-ahmadzadeh

There are several thing showing up to me in the words you write. 

You make up that you have to be optimistic, creating a discrepancy between the  current state and the state that you make up that you should be at. 

What if it's the expectation that things should be a certain way that in the first place creates the feeling that there is something someghing wrong to being with? 

I ask that as a question, but really, it's not. 

The very expectation kills the vibration of the moment. 

If there was nothing but this, the moment, the optimism you feel is absolute. The living in the past or the future is the only thing that can kill the vibe you experience. 

Suffering is the fuel to change. Change is the path towards emotion non-atrachment that eventually alleviates suffering. Non-attachment is the stance that allows absolute freedom to action. 

This is not a cliché. That is, this is a cliché until you experience the shift that makes it real. 

Focus on what could create the shift, don't focus on what's there, the content on what is going on. It's a distraction. It won't get you anywhere. It's the content you can be non-attached not. 

Don't dismiss this thought, that's the default. Stay with it, inquire into it and yourself, allow the thought to shift your perspective of what is, and what is will change meaning.

 

[Princess Arabia]

What is this like every two months. Same story.

[Hojo]

Stop reacting to the voice let it run its not your thought. You claim ownership of the thought when you react to it. I have these all day. You dont have to force positive just dont reinforce negative.

Act as if thoughts are just floating around in the world and you walk by one and think it, if you react to it you attach to it and it follows you cause you think its yours. If you dont react to it it just stays there for the next person to think it. None of the thoughts are yours but react to the ones you want to keep going.

Edited April 5, 2024 by Hojo

[k-ahmadzadeh]

Thanks all of you for attention and responses!

@Eph75 @Hojo I am, in fact, trying to practice the non-attachment that you've mentioned. I also figured out that It was only logical way of response to this challenge. ACT therapy also basically assert this point. But let me tell you that it only helps me to bear for life, but doesn't give any joy or satisfaction. Living in a monk mood in my 20s doesn't sound a good way of spending my youth period of life.  But anyway.. 

@Princess Arabia Do you suppose that such issues can be solved in 2 months? 

[Izzaldin]

Hello!

Your struggle between optimism and skepticism is a common human experience. It's like our mind tries to protect us from disappointment by tempering our hopes. However, you've touched on something crucial: without optimism, finding motivation can be tough. The key might lie in what's often called "realistic optimism," which balances hope with a clear-eyed view of challenges.

Here are a few tips to foster this balance:

• Look Back to Move Forward: Remind yourself of past successes and challenges you've overcome. This can help counter the inner skeptic with concrete evidence of your resilience.
• Gratitude: Regularly reflecting on what you're thankful for shifts focus from potential negatives to positives, enhancing well-being.
• Growth Mindset: Believe in your capacity to grow through effort and perseverance. This mindset fosters resilience and positivity.
• Learn from Setbacks: View obstacles as chances to learn, not as defeats. This perspective keeps optimism alive, even in tough times.
• Manage Information: Balance your exposure to negative news with uplifting stories of human progress and resilience.
• Supportive Circles: Surround yourself with people who embody realistic optimism. Their perspective can offer encouragement and counterbalance pessimism.
• Celebrate Small Wins: Setting and achieving small, manageable goals can build confidence and a positive outlook.

Optimism isn't about ignoring reality but believing in the possibility of positive outcomes despite challenges. Balancing this with preparedness for obstacles can keep us motivated and moving forward. Let's aim for that middle ground where optimism fuels our drive without blinding us to realities.

[Eph75]

@k-ahmadzadeh

The problem becomes that non-attachment isn't a concept or theory that you practice. 

Until you experience the shift that is the shift from attachment with the striving to let go, into the being of non-attachment, you will suffer and "joy" as you say won't be there, or it will be tainted, and it's more about getting through. 

When conceptual understanding and practicing has tranformed into who you are, there is no monk life spending of life, these is only non-attachment with the absolute freedom to engage, or, as in cases where you today wish you could disengage, you were never engaged to being with. 

Getting there is a journey. How to get there is the obstacle. Paradoxically, the shift is about letting something in your deep programming go. That letting go, if it is to be permanent, requires inquiry, insight and understanding, to such a point that the most deeply rooted and foundation understanding of what is, and who you are, experiences a shift.

Albeit, this may sound like spiritual mumbo jumbo, it's is a very practical reality of our being. 

It is not about learning something, it's about deconstruction of who we think we are, unlearning, and recomposition into something more loosely coupled.

Life is the journey, and a practice. The only obstacle is the lack of awareness that unfolds the stepping stones. 

And, that is what makes walking this path difficult, because as much as we are similar and experience similar challenges in life, the composition is unique and needs unique insights into what made the early you (loosely coupled) become the current you (attached/firmly coupled) - and how to reverse engineer who you are. 

If you will, it's the learning of what your own blueprint is.

The greatest challenge is to shift away from external distractions and look inwardly. Consistently, always. These is nothing out there, there is only "you". So search inwardly until you show up differently in to the world. Then you can "be in the world, rather than be of it" - i.e. non-attached or rather less attached. 

Observation is key here. 

 

Edited April 6, 2024 by Eph75

[universe]

Very good answers in this thread already.

It's true, you do not need to be optimistic in order to get something. And you do not even need to get something.

However, if you want to get something, it will become easier when you are in the right emotion.

I'm referring to the consiousness/emotional scale (see for example David Hawkins).

 

You could start logically debunking your belief system. Which is helpful, but not necessary.

Instead, just come into feeling. Feel the fear. Become present with the fear. And come into being.

This will move you up the scale.

I wrote a whole thread about this here 

 

 

One other thing I've found helpful is doing gratitude practices.

❤️

[WonderSeeker]

@k-ahmadzadeh Brother let me tell you, it's not just you. A lot of people go thru this.

Me, I'm in door to door sales right now. And as someone who is not a natural at it (which is the case for most who do it), it will make you feel deeply unoptimistic about your goals, whether you'll make enough money to make it through, and change your life.

Similar to what you're feeling.

What to do about this? 

I stay optimistic by saying all positive thoughts OUT LOUD, and let the negative thoughts come and go like rainstorms. They say that a negative thought that gets emotionally energized (usually said aloud) has 10x the negative effect on you. So no negative shit out loud. 

Next, I always do the work whether I want to or not. No paralysis by analysis and no waiting for the world to dictate whether my future will be favorable or not. And I do this knowing I may get in a car crash tomorrow, get bit by a dog, go bankrupt, get an STD, a world war starts, whatever. Lol. 

Both sides are true, the Tier 2 approach is about using what works to anneal to your target reality. And then let the chips fall where they may.

Be a realistic optimist. 

[LastThursday]

On 4/5/2024 at 9:23 PM, k-ahmadzadeh said:

'life is unpredictable and you don't know what will happen tomorrow, so being very optimistic is so stupid',

I thought I'd pick up on this statement. 

If life is truly unpredictable, then it doesn't matter what you do today. It wouldn't matter if you were optimistic or not optimistic.  In other words you are totally free to chose how to be.

A lot of negative or disempowering thinking is really about equating one thing with another - and believing it to be true. Here's some examples of what I'm talking about:

• I can't ask for a pay rise because my boss will say "no"
• I'm inherently a depressed person because of my genetics
• If I try and improve my life it never works out
• Without optimism I can't feel motivated
• Being positive now is disappointing in future
• If A then B
• A because of B
• A is B etc.
• A is related to B

The problem with this type of thinking is that they are all non-sequiturs. Two different ideas or concepts get shunted together that have no right being together. A lot of therapy is about deconstructing these artificial equalities and therefore escaping the prison of this sort of thinking. Try this instead:

• I feel like being optimistic right now
• I'm in the mood to be positive
• I feel disappointed because I just do
• I want to be depressed now
• I can't be bothered to be depressed now

To be free is to act unconditionally.

 

[Princess Arabia]

25 minutes ago, LastThursday said:

I thought I'd pick up on this statement. 

If life is truly unpredictable, then it doesn't matter what you do today. It wouldn't matter if you were optimistic or not optimistic.  In other words you are totally free to chose how to be.

A lot of negative or disempowering thinking is really about equating one thing with another - and believing it to be true. Here's some examples of what I'm talking about:

• I can't ask for a pay rise because my boss will say "no"
• I'm inherently a depressed person because of my genetics
• If I try and improve my life it never works out
• Without optimism I can't feel motivated
• Being positive now is disappointing in future
• If A then B
• A because of B
• A is B etc.
• A is related to B

The problem with this type of thinking is that they are all non-sequiturs. Two different ideas or concepts get shunted together that have no right being together. A lot of therapy is about deconstructing these artificial equalities and therefore escaping the prison of this sort of thinking. Try this instead:

• I feel like being optimistic right now
• I'm in the mood to be positive
• I feel disappointed because I just do
• I want to be depressed now
• I can't be bothered to be depressed now

To be free is to act unconditionally.

 

Love this.

[k-ahmadzadeh]

I am grateful to all of you for your comments! 🙏

@Izzaldin I found this very practical and I'll try to practice it 🙏

@Eph75 Thank you for detailed and careful response! 

On 4/6/2024 at 6:16 AM, Eph75 said:

Albeit, this may sound like spiritual mumbo jumbo, it's is a very practical reality of our being. 

It is not about learning something, it's about deconstruction of who we think we are, unlearning, and recomposition into something more loosely coupled.

It really sounds like spiritual mumbo jumbo. But it would be amazing to be in this state of consciousness. Perhaps it can be gained through taking psychedelics (according to the anecdotal evidence). These substances are illegal + hard to find in where I live. Otherwise, I wouldn't wait for to try them. 

On 4/7/2024 at 2:25 AM, universe said:

However, if you want to get something, it will become easier when you are in the right emotion.

I'm referring to the consiousness/emotional scale (see for example David Hawkins).

Instead, just come into feeling. Feel the fear. Become present with the fear. And come into being.

This will move you up the scale.

I wrote a whole thread about this here 

Love this! Having the right emotion is the key.

@WonderSeeker It is great to hear your method of dealing with this issue. I am curious about which methods do you practice in order to keep your state optimistic. There are many advises in the internet, which mostly sound like impractical or unverified. Therefore knowing your first-hand experience is valuable! 

I haven't ever practised a bombarding myself with positive affirmations. But the way of your doing it seems very reasonable. You only empower optimistic thoughts and let go negative ones.

[BlueOak]

or
 

Whichever appeals most. They might both be helpful to view for different reasons, your inner child and your adult self.

[Leo Gura]

On 4/5/2024 at 1:23 PM, k-ahmadzadeh said:

'What a stupid person are you that expects good things will happen in such a brutal and uncaring world', 'life is unpredictable and you don't know what will happen tomorrow, so being very optimistic is so stupid', 'in the face of having a lot of problems, being positive will bring only a disappointment to you!'.

But I see that without a sufficient degree of optimism, it is hard to feel motivation in the way of improving my life, career, etc. 

So what are your opinions on this matter? How do you create optimism in your daily consciousness without deluding yourselves? 

1) The #1 goal should be truth and accuracy of your perception.

2) Being negative and cynical is then not truthful nor accurate.

3) Hopeful fantasy is also untruthful. So that's out.

4) True optimism comes not from waiting for good things to fall upon you, but from knowing that if you follow timeless principles you can work your way towards good things by creating them for yourself.

5) It is true that through hard work and creativity you can create great things for yourself and the mankind.

6) There is always a chance bad things will fall upon you. That's just life. But you have some control over how you handle it and you can turn many bad things into good things through hard work, intelligence, and creativity.

Edited April 9, 2024 by Leo Gura

[enchanted]

On 05/04/2024 at 4:23 PM, k-ahmadzadeh said:

 How do you create optimism in your daily consciousness without deluding yourselves? 

Great advice above, let me add my view...

The solution to your problem is so simple.......being miserable is the bigger delusion! 

"The happiest people seem to be those who have no particular cause for being happy except that they are so" - W.R. Inge

[Rishabh R]

@Leo Gura is therapy like self directed Cognitive Behavioral therapy seeing the reality accurately?

[Inception]

This might help: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwROPb6a8RY (Carl Jung & The Psychology of Self-Sabotage (feat. Emerald)).

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, Rishabh R said:

@Leo Gura is therapy like self directed Cognitive Behavioral therapy seeing the reality accurately?

It certainly aims to clear up one's confused thinking, but there are many degrees of seeing reality accurately and deeper. CBT is limited in that regard but still useful to get the basics straight. So its usefulness depends on where you are in your journey.

[Rishabh R]

@Leo Gura even tough there are many degrees of seeing reality will CBT help in seeing the situation more objectively when one is faced with suffering? Also like can creating one's own life philosophy like - I WILL PERCEVERE THROUGH IT help in overcoming challenges ? Also Leo you wanted to come in podcasts to make yourself familiar with public so can you come in Cole Hastings podcast as I can request him ?

.

Edited April 9, 2024 by Rishabh R