Am I too weak for life?

[Schizophonia]

It will pass.

[NoSelfSelf]

@meta_male when i was really fucked i spent like 8 hours in bed just observing the present moment  and figuring out from where watcher watches, that was my style of meditation, it worked well for me since like you said normal meditation is ruined because of too much distraction from all the turmoil,its like little knifes of anxiety constantly in your stomach  from every thought present,mybe you can relate...

Edited April 11 by NoSelfSelf

[bebotalk]

On 05/04/2024 at 10:16 AM, meta_male said:

After severe episodes of panic attacks I am now suicidal, last weekend I went to the forest with my gun, but couldn't pull through. The past decade have been a big struggle, only to barely stay alive. There's no hope of life ever getting better. I have no family to turn to. I need help but don't know how to get it, I feel paralyzed but can barely acces my brain.

That doesn't warrant being weak. 

Sufferig is part of life. That's normalcy and not weakness. 

[TheCloud]

Look at reality, and accept it.  You went into the forest with a gun, intent on ending your life, and you came back alive.  You had the chance to die, and you lived.  That's not weakness.  It's not because you were too cowardly to go through with it.  That happened because you want to live.  That is reality.  You say that your connections all fall apart, but here you are building connections.  You're trying to live, and not just survive, but truly get something out of life.

From what I understand, you know you've been messed up a lot by the cult and your parents, and the truth is, you might be the only person who is fully there for you right now.  Healthy people form healthy relationships with other healthy people.  They don't look for messed up people unless it's their job or calling, and even then they might draw a line, because messed up people don't know how to maintain healthy boundaries, and because while it's easy to get dragged down, it's really hard to drag someone up.

But you're still alive, and you know you chose that.  Your parents or the cult, or whatever voices you've internalized in response to them, might call you weak and cowardly and foolish.  It's the voices of troublemakers, people telling you that you are here in your very own body and mind on sufferance, and you only might just barely be good enough if you get whipped into shape.  But you better watch out, because everything you have, you've been given by an unscrupulous lender who doesn't have set interest rates, but rather demands anything and everything you have to give while asserting that it's not enough and never will be, because you're no good right now and better work hard if you ever want to be any good.

The reality is, though, that you are fully welcome to your body and mind, for free, forever.  Which isn't to say it won't break down or fail at some point, but until it does, it's gratefully yours.  Any voice that tells you different is a troublemaker trying to stir something up.  It's a matter of perspective where you can freely choose;  parasite, or guest;  unfinished, or whole;  intruder, or inner circle.

Truth is, no matter how hard you work, no matter how great your achievements, no matter how much you surpass your origins, you will never love yourself until you choose to love yourself, and when you make that choice, it will have nothing to do with your work or achievements or what you've surpassed.  It will be without condition or possibility of condition.

People who don't belong are troublemakers;  people who do belong are peace-makers.  If you say to yourself, "I'm good," the voice that tells you why you're not is a troublemaker.  It is not your friend, and it is not your salvation.  No matter how smart it is, no matter how right it is, it's a troublemaker.  It's not evil, it doesn't need to be killed, it just needs to be sent to the corner with a dunce cap.  Anything it says that's smart or right may need to be acknowledged, but it still needs to go to the corner afterward.

Even the you right now can practice this.  You don't need to have or know anything else in order to love yourself, other than that it's a choice.  Anyone who tells you it's a stupid choice is a troublemaker.

[CoolDreamThanks]

Hmm, didn't see anyone recommending something that could actually help.

Don't expect it to be easy because life is not, but if you want to have hope in life and improve your mental health - figure out who you are (existentialy), what life is (metaphysically), and how to reach enlightenment.

Because you are not doing that of course you are depressed; you are wasting your life stuck in the matrix, and the matrix is evil. Everyone is depressed to varying degrees, you are probably simply more deeply in touch with it. Life is suffering, but there is a way out.

Suicide doesn't help, because you die, stay a bit on the other side and reincarnate into the same shithole again.

What works is spiritual practices. Everything else is playing around with shadows until you die and repeat.

I'm not treating you with kiddy gloves here, so hopefully you are mature enough for it. 

[thierry]

Depending on the situation, surviving can be an act of courage or cowardice. In your case it seems that it is an act of great courage. Be brave and give it a shot, time itself may get you out of the darkness.

I really hope you’ll be fine.

Hold on

[meta_male]

Hi everyone. Little update: I'm feeling a bit better, being off work was definitely overdue. I also saw a psychiatrist today, these pieces of shit really are ridiculous, nothing to be gained or learned there, I'm getting out of this therapy asap and sticking to IFS.

[Princess Arabia]

On 4/23/2024 at 7:43 AM, CoolDreamThanks said:

What works is spiritual practices.

This is the trap, even though not really because there are really no traps only for the one that thinks spiritual practices is the answer; but it's just illusory. 

 

On 4/23/2024 at 7:43 AM, CoolDreamThanks said:

and how to reach enlightenment.

Another trap. No such thing. Nowhere to reach. No you, no individual, no time no space. All Absolute. No journey, no path. All that's happening is the individual deluding itself.

Edited April 29 by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

On 4/23/2024 at 7:43 AM, CoolDreamThanks said:

Everyone is depressed to varying degrees, you are probably simply more deeply in touch with it. Life is suffering, but there is a way out.

Hmmm, I wonder why. There's no deeply more in touch with anything. Thoughts trying to get rid of thoughts isn't more deeply in touch, its delusion and creates a loop. An endless cycle. 

[Princess Arabia]

On 4/23/2024 at 7:43 AM, CoolDreamThanks said:

but if you want to have hope in life

Another defeat. Hope is the killer. Time doesn't exist so where is hope coming from. Thoughts that created the time in the first place.

[Princess Arabia]

2 hours ago, meta_male said:

Hi everyone. Little update: I'm feeling a bit better, being off work was definitely overdue. I also saw a psychiatrist today, these pieces of shit really are ridiculous, nothing to be gained or learned there, I'm getting out of this therapy asap and sticking to IFS.

2 hours ago, meta_male said:

Hi everyone. Little update: I'm feeling a bit better, being off work was definitely overdue. I also saw a psychiatrist today, these pieces of shit really are ridiculous, nothing to be gained or learned there, I'm getting out of this therapy asap and sticking to IFS.

Good for you,

On 4/23/2024 at 7:43 AM, CoolDreamThanks said:

 

 

[Atb210201]

No one is weak for life

If we were weak for life we wouldn't even be born in the first place

The fact that we are here says we were chosen to live life

Don't worry when you have no relatives and you are all alone in life then life tends to make relations between you and strangers whom you didn't even know before and they will become your help and comfort in life and you wouldn't feel alone anymore trust me

Here in this forum this is also a very good example of what I've just said and we can be your friends and relatives for the rest of your life

Edited June 3 by Atb210201

[meta_male]

@Atb210201 Thank you sir 🙏

[Michael569]

Hey man, how are you doing? Share an update? 

[numbersinarow]

Cut out every piece of advice from every coach/guru that hasn't helped you really fix your life so far.

Never press r or d and then hit enter in your browser. Get advice. Never play multiplayer games that you didn't fall in love with easily. Great advice.

If you feel that there are no opportunities, realize it's the same for anyone who doesn't have connections. But you can build up as long as you choose the "work" option every time the opportunity comes up. Trust me, it's not even nearly 0.00001% excruciating, resistant, depressing, paralyzing and painful as it is for me.

[meta_male]

@Michael569 Hey man. Nowhere near as bad as it used to be some weeks ago. I'm back at work, reduced weed use, had a short fling with this girl, worked on my mechanics skills, went to a racetrack, catching up on all the chores I slacked on the past years, got my finances in check as much as possible, gone out with friends and work mates here and there. But still the loneliness is killing me, it's been eight years, no real success in relationships or social life, I spend most weekends alone. The lack of success is really starting to take a toll on my motivation to make new friends or meet girls, so currently I'm doing not so great, no clue how to get myself into a higher energy mood.

[Schizophonia]

2 hours ago, meta_male said:

@Michael569 Hey man. Nowhere near as bad as it used to be some weeks ago. I'm back at work, reduced weed use, had a short fling with this girl, worked on my mechanics skills, went to a racetrack, catching up on all the chores I slacked on the past years, got my finances in check as much as possible, gone out with friends and work mates here and there.

It's still sounds like fundamentally an aesthetic posture.

Where is the venture that actually make you cum ?

Maybe your energy is being lazy, maybe your energy is being a drug lord, maybe your energy is being a carpenter, maybe you'd like to paint stuff, maybe your energy is being a politician etc etc.

Edited July 4 by Schizophonia

[meta_male]

2 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

It's still sounds like fundamentally an aesthetic posture.

What you mean by that?

[Etherial Cat]

6 hours ago, meta_male said:

@Michael569 Hey man. Nowhere near as bad as it used to be some weeks ago. I'm back at work, reduced weed use, had a short fling with this girl, worked on my mechanics skills, went to a racetrack, catching up on all the chores I slacked on the past years, got my finances in check as much as possible, gone out with friends and work mates here and there. But still the loneliness is killing me, it's been eight years, no real success in relationships or social life, I spend most weekends alone. The lack of success is really starting to take a toll on my motivation to make new friends or meet girls, so currently I'm doing not so great, no clue how to get myself into a higher energy mood.

Hey, congrats! I am happy to read these new developments.

Try perhaps picking up activities and events that resonate deeply with your interests or current life challenges. You should meet people through these means and get to share some nice moments. Keep also in mind that it is all a process. 

[Schizophonia]

1 hour ago, meta_male said:

What you mean by that?

 

It seems like most of your energy goes more into looking like an acceptable person rather than devoting yourself to something that truly gives you energy, a desire to live.