Game equivalent for women. How to make a guy stay?

[Princess Arabia]

17 minutes ago, Lila9 said:

 

Why is passivity considered more negative, and action considered more positive?

This bias favors masculine energy, implying that action is somehow superior to inaction.

Passivity becomes negative when forced upon someone, depriving them of the ability to take action.

This is the experience of women under years of patriarchy, they were coerced into passivity.

It's as detrimental as being compelled to always take action without permission to be passive, akin to slavery.

Why not look at passivity as receptivity?

Osho about passivity-

https://www.osho.com/osho-online-library/osho-talks/receptivity-activity-passivity-ba7114d6-212?p=478905982af2b05d6ed018be04d73cfe

However, we all possess both energies, there are times when passivity is preferable and times when immediate action is necessary.

Some individuals lean more towards their masculine energy, while others embody more of their feminine energy.

In the realm of relationships, from personal observation, the happiest and most fulfilling dynamics occur when men pursue women and women respond passively, simply accepting or declining. This places men in an active role and women in a passive one in this context.

Both roles are valued and essential, complementing each other.

In relationships where women pursue men and men are viewed as prizes, both parties often feel unhappy.

Women may feel unseen, unappreciated, and sexually unattractive, while men may feel emasculated, akin to children, leading to resentment towards their partner despite receiving much from them.

Typically, men don't fall in love with women who do things for them or protect them, they fall in love with women who allow them to give, pursue, and protect because it enhances their sense of masculinity.

Conversely, women usually fall in love with men who provide for them and do things for them, as it heightens their sense of femininity.

From personal observation, masculine men generally do not enjoy being pursued or chosen by women, while they may see it as a compliment, they are often less attracted to such women, they might feel that those women are trying to emasculate them which they don't like.

Similarly, a woman who predominantly embodies her feminine energy refrains from chasing men, regardless of desire.

 

So well said, I probably don't even have to say anymore about this part of the discussion because I might do you a disservice. 

[Bobby_2021]

19 minutes ago, Lila9 said:

Why is passivity considered more negative, and action considered more positive?

You are giving up control to the men who you don't have much information about. By that I mean you don't have enough information to make correct decisions. You get information from taking action. 

And being active isn't about chasing men. You can choose to be active in developing yourself which you be reluctant to do if you brainwashes yourself to think that you are the prize. 

I am not saying you should chase men. But still be active.

Being active is not going to kill any feminine values. You can maintain both in yourself. 

Edited April 3 by Bobby_2021

[Bobby_2021]

7 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

I was reading through the comments and was not going to comment till I read them through, but I had to stop here. This is it. All that I'm reading from you here in this thread is logics. That's it, logics. Thought this yesterday but now I can verify by you saying it out your mouth. Logics. Basic logic does nothing when it comes to relations with women. You're not trying to compute a math equation. You sound so stoic and mechanical. No passion, sensitivity or feeling. Strictly logical. All in your masculine energy without compassion. Tap into your feminine energy a bit, it's a part of the equation. Relationships, sex and bonding isn't logics. Nothing wrong with being logical but tone it down a bit when it comes to the opposite sex and your relations with them. It doesn't work. 

 

How are you feeling today? What's up? 

[Emerald]

3 minutes ago, Bobby_2021 said:

He explained spiral dynamics to you 10 years ago? Like I did. Impossible. 

Ewww enough of equating me to this dude. And his sexual philosophy 🤮

There is literally no dude who could possibly have the depth like I do. He probably said some crap that has nothing to do with what I have said. 

He didn’t know about Spiral Dynamics.

But I am familiar with Spiral Dynamics and I know him very well...  and I can tell you that he is/was a mixture of Orange/Green/Yellow.

His sexual philosophy was identical to yours in the way you expressed it in your previous post. He’d argue me tooth and nail using the same words you used in your previous post.

I’m merely pointing out the similarity and how his ideas panned out so that you might avoid making the same mistake in the future.

Now… one big difference is that he didn’t believe himself to be uniquely deep among other men/people in general. So, at least he had that going for him.

[Princess Arabia]

1 hour ago, Basman said:

Have great sex.

Phtt. Another demand-sounding comment about a woman's role in sex. Be available, have great sex, please me, look good, be attractive, take care of your appearance, help with things, be my sex slave. Ugg. How about thank you for choosing me and i promise to love, cherish and take care of you the best I know how. This is the problem when men keep chasing after any Ole woman just because she's a woman. Now she has to fit into your fantasies.

 

Edited April 3 by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

7 minutes ago, Bobby_2021 said:

How are you feeling today? What's up? 

Hehe, had a good night's sleep. Thanks for asking. I see this thread is still going hot. Howls that logical brain of yours going. Lol

[Princess Arabia]

7 minutes ago, Lila9 said:

As if universe, life, sex, nature are dictated by or care about the lame ape illusionary logic.

This made me laugh so hard. The Universe is so illogical, it made room for the logical brain to figure out what it forgot to add in. It said, I'm tired right now so ill invent logical men to do the hard work and trying to figure out my madness and chaotic mind. Problem with this is, the logical brain is also a part of the chaotic mind so it's like a double whammy. I have no idea what I just said but its OK, logic will figure it out.😂

Edited April 3 by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

23 minutes ago, Bobby_2021 said:

You can choose to be active in developing yourself which you be reluctant to do if you brainwashes yourself to think that you are the prize. 

You have no idea what it means to be the prize when it comes to women and dating. It's pretty much just a figure of speech and nothing to do with an actual prize. Go read how @Emeraldexplained it because she explained it well. Her comment was to Dauntment.

Edited April 3 by Princess Arabia

[Bobby_2021]

6 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

You have no idea what it means to be the prize when it comes to women and dating. It's pretty much just a figure of speech and nothing to do with an actual prize. Go read how @Emeraldexplained it because she explained it well. Her comment was to Dauntment.

You go queen. 💅👑 😍

[Princess Arabia]

6 minutes ago, Lila9 said:

But in romantic relationship, I don't enjoy pursuing men, impressing men and prove myself to them.

This is why I'm not very fond of men who live in the gym, have a ton of muscles, are too handsome (I mean like the model-type looking ones), wear too much nice fancy clothes and walk around like "hey, I'm attractive come and chase me". Ever seen the American Psycho movie, he's like a perfect example. Lol. 

Nothing wrong with trying to maintain your health, if you're already born handsome and wearing nice clothes, but I have a keen eye to detect the ones who are doing these things and expect the woman to chase after them because they're so attractive and feminine that it's gets to be a turn off. Give me that rugged construction worker type who ain't afraid to get his hands dirty and develop those muscles naturally and wears clothes that are not screaming I'm trying to impress you while still looking decent with a natural masculine body odor that I can rub my soft-luscious lips all over without that toxic overly, bearing toxic cologne smell that just stays in my hair all week. A nice very expensive cologne is probably fine but no drakkars please.

[Nemra]

5 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Nothing wrong with trying to maintain your health, if you're already born handsome and wearing nice clothes, but I have a keen eye to detect the ones who are doing these things and expect the woman to chase after them because they're so attractive and feminine that it's gets to be a turn off.

Problem solved. We (not the psychos) neither are attracted to feminine women. 😁✌️

7 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Give me that rugged construction worker type who ain't afraid to get his hands dirty and develop those muscles naturally and wears clothes that are not screaming I'm trying to impress you while still looking decent with a natural masculine body odor

😍

[Princess Arabia]

10 minutes ago, Nemra said:

Problem solved. We (not the psychos) neither are attracted to feminine women.

 

[Consept]

39 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

This is why I'm not very fond of men who live in the gym, have a ton of muscles, are too handsome

Ah man why'd I have to be too handsome 😩 

For real though, I think a lot of guys problem with women is because men can be over logical and so as women decide, at least in the initial phase, whether theyre going to accept a man's advances, men need to know its on them to learn how to speak the 'emotional language'. 

Having said that women can also be overly reliant on their emotions and feelings to make sense of the world, which can then affect the relationship negatively if they're not able to speak the 'logical language' of men. 

So essentially I'm saying there has to be a balance where both sexes embrace they're opposite polarity within themselves. In that way it can be much easier to understand and communicate with the other side. 

A big problem with ideologies like red pill is that they are 100% logic and they believe that women are stupid because they don't operate from logic. So they attempt to logic the female into their way of thinking so they can have power over them in the masculine realm. This can work but eventually women will feel the strain, which is why a lot of red pill guys don't have healthy relationships. It also exists on the other side with things like female dating strategies which is toxic femininity 

[Nemra]

@Princess Arabia I have watched it. He's a psycho masculine character. It's a turnoff for me, too, because he's far too psycho.

Edited April 3 by Nemra

[Princess Arabia]

11 minutes ago, Nemra said:

@Princess Arabia I have watched it. He's a psycho masculine character. It's a turnoff for me, too, because he's far too psycho.

Are you male or female?

[Raze]

I don’t buy the narrative that it’s the “masculine” role to attract and women naturally want to be “feminine” and select.

For one in my experience and the experience of just about every guy I know, the more you chase and try to win over a woman the less she likes you. On the other hand every girl I know seems to demonstrate the guy they went the most crazy for, was one that they chased, not the other way around.

Scientific studies have also found women tend to be more interested in guys whose feelings for them are unclear / they see other women are interested in / who aren’t nice at first meet. Indicating women actually desire the chase and competition.

If you look at the animal kingdom, our two closest living relatives and chimps and bonobos, but as far as I know they don’t necessarily have a mating process of males pursue and females select or reject. 

Women may prefer the role of being the selector, but then again so do men, I doubt the average guy would say he’d rather go through the stress of trying to pursue someone (risking awkwardness, embarrassment, rejection, or even reputation damage) over an alternative of women hitting on him and deciding that way, maybe if he felt too bad rejecting someone else. 

Edited April 3 by Raze

[Princess Arabia]

22 minutes ago, Consept said:

Having said that women can also be overly reliant on their emotions and feelings to make sense of the world, which can then affect the relationship negatively if they're not able to speak the 'logical language' of men. 

So essentially I'm saying there has to be a balance where both sexes embrace they're opposite polarity within themselves. In that way it can be much easier to understand and communicate with the other side. 

You're missing the point as to why there's attraction in the first place. Yes a man needs to tap into his feminine and the woman into her masculine but not in the dating phase and maybe even in the absence of the opposite sex, as in when the man isn't around she steps up to do certain things etc, it's not textbook and depends. 

The balance is in the relationship already, that's why there's a man/woman relationship in the first place. That's the balance right there. Women don't have to learn to SPEAK the logical language of men, she needs to embrace her feminine when around men and tap into her masculine when he's absent. 

Edited April 3 by Princess Arabia

[Consept]

48 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

The balance is in the relationship already, that's why there's a man/woman relationship in the first place. That's the balance right there. Women don't have to learn to SPEAK the logical language of men, she needs to embrace her feminine when around men and tap into her masculine when he's absent. 

I disagree, i think understanding comes from learning the language of the other person. Keep in mind im not saying that a woman should be masculine or a man feminine, im saying that they should be aware of both polarities within themselves and also that they should understand the others perspective. Its like if I dont understand why my woman acts in an emotional way when shes feeling overwhelmed, i might demonise her behaviour instead of understanding it. Conversely if my woman doesnt understand my tendency to make a logical choice when she thinks its an emotional one, then we're doomed. 

Also there are different levels of masculine and feminine in different people, its important to be able to gauge this on both sides to work out a good fit. Its often not as simple as saying well im a man and thats masculine and youre a woman so thats feminine. Some women need an overly masculine dude, some women not so much, its very subjective. 

[Consept]

59 minutes ago, Raze said:

I don’t buy the narrative that it’s the “masculine” role to attract and women naturally want to be “feminine” and select.

For one in my experience and the experience of just about every guy I know, the more you chase and try to win over a woman the less she likes you. On the other hand every girl I know seems to demonstrate the guy they went the most crazy for, was one that they chased, not the other way around.

Scientific studies have also found women tend to be more interested in guys whose feelings for them are unclear / they see other women are interested in / who aren’t nice at first meet. Indicating women actually desire the chase and competition.

Its usually a bit of a dance in the initial stage, but in my experience it goes something like -

• if a woman finds a guy attractive she will give some sort of signal, this can be extremely subtle and a lot of guys miss it, it could be just a look for a second too long. 
• If the man picks up on the signal, in theory, he would go up and talk to her which would show confidence 
• As long as he doesnt mess it up and comes across, cool, non-needy, interesting etc they would agree to go on a date and then just work out if they like each other and where it goes from there 

Obviously theres more to it but in reality it is the girl giving off signs at first, its not hardcore chasing on either side. I agree, women do like a bit of intrigue and mystery initially, its kinda like they want to uncover who you are gradually, they dont want to read the whole book in one go. 

1 hour ago, Raze said:

If you look at the animal kingdom, our two closest living relatives and chimps and bonobos, but as far as I know they don’t necessarily have a mating process of males pursue and females select or reject. 

I know with gorillas, the alpha male is 'chased' by females, i think its similar with chimps. Beta chimps do chase though and they have to be sneaky to get some, like taking the female to a location that away from any alphas. Bonobos are more egalitarian so i think they just all bang each other, including females on females, its used to reduce tension during conflicts amongst other things. But in general with apes females obviously have a preference for Alphas and would reject an ape they thought didnt have good genes for whatever reason. 

1 hour ago, Raze said:

Women may prefer the role of being the selector, but then again so do men, I doubt the average guy would say he’d rather go through the stress of trying to pursue someone (risking awkwardness, embarrassment, rejection, or even reputation damage) over an alternative of women hitting on him and deciding that way, maybe if he felt too bad rejecting someone else. 

How it plays out though which is similar to apes, is you just be at the top of your game, look for signals and make your move. Women ultimately are the selectors, that doesnt mean we have to chase in a way thats off putting.   

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, Raze said:

I don’t buy the narrative that it’s the “masculine” role to attract and women naturally want to be “feminine” and select.

For one in my experience and the experience of just about every guy I know, the more you chase and try to win over a woman the less she likes you. On the other hand every girl I know seems to demonstrate the guy they went the most crazy for, was one that they chased, not the other way around.

Scientific studies have also found women tend to be more interested in guys whose feelings for them are unclear / they see other women are interested in / who aren’t nice at first meet. Indicating women actually desire the chase and competition.

If you look at the animal kingdom, our two closest living relatives and chimps and bonobos, but as far as I know they don’t necessarily have a mating process of males pursue and females select or reject. 

Women may prefer the role of being the selector, but then again so do men, I doubt the average guy would say he’d rather go through the stress of trying to pursue someone (risking awkwardness, embarrassment, rejection, or even reputation damage) over an alternative of women hitting on him and deciding that way, maybe if he felt too bad rejecting someone else. 

It's not about wanting to select vs attract between women and men respectively.

If anything, women generally have more of a tendency to want to pursue a particular man if she's interested in him because women are more prone to specific attractions... and men generally have more of a tendency to be detached and want an easy and convenient female companion if it's available to him and to be more interested in "getting good" with women in general. And men generally want to keep their options open.

So... naturally women tend to skew more towards the Masculine/lover role in relation to a man she likes. And men tend to be a bit more detached, which puts him in more of the Feminine beloved mode when a woman really likes him and the depth of those feelings aren't mutual.

But this female pursuer/ male selector dynamic doesn't lead to a solid stable relationship.... and isn't a good strategy to go with for women who want a longterm partner.

But TONS of women end up in this dynamic because she tries to pursue a guy who isn't interested. And it's very dysregulating and exciting... and every scrap of attention feels like heaven. And it keeps her in this intermittent reinforcement dynamic where she tries to win his affection by cooking, cleaning, giving him sex, looking good, being the chill girl, etc. But it doesn't work. 

And it isn't good for feeling settled and building a home and building a stable environment for children.

Show me an exciting relationship where the woman is really into the guy and isn't sure how the guy feels about her, and you're showing me a bad relationship for child rearing.

Show me a boring relationship with stability and certainty where the guy is super invested in the woman and she isn't feeling uncertain about his feelings, and you're showing me a good relationship for child rearing. It's not exciting... but it is functional.

So the pursuer vs selector dynamic between men and women respectively is one that is a best practice for creating stable relationships that make a good environment for child rearing.