Do I Even Need Friends?!

[onacloudynight]

I feel like I can't relate to anyone my age. I'm 19 and it seems like the only thing people care about my age is partying, drinking, doing drugs, and other low conscious activities. Almost every conversation I have with someone ends up being repetitive and superficial. It's like I am having the same conversation over and over again with different people. No one seems to like talking deeply about things. For example, In class I feel left out because everyone is talking about different shows they watch like Bates Motel, and I am just sitting there having a culture shock in my own fucking culture! Thinking deeply is apparently to much to ask of these people. I feel like I am on a completely different wavelength then other people. Like I am an alien! I have no idea what I should do. This has resulted in me becoming isolated and with very few friends.

Edited April 15, 2017 by onacloudynight

[egoeimai]

I get it. I am 23 and people at my age do the same. This situation wont be any different because thats just how some people act.

I dont think that theres noone like you...just wait and see,somebody will be similar to you as far as conversation skills and interests,in school! 

Just be more funny! Talk about the same subjects but with a twist of joy. Maybe people see u as very serious-looking person and theyre afraid of you judging them about their low conscious minds. Just be more joyful and with a good mood people will approach you first! 

[Lai]

8 hours ago, onacloudynight said:

Almost every conversation I have with someone ends up being repetitive and superficial.

There is nothing more boring and life-sapping than shallow conversation, so Just refuse to participate in it.  Don't demean yourself down to their level.

Take the initiative and plunge your friends into the depths of meaningful talk.  If they feel uncomfortable about this, then look for new friends who will appreciate your deeper mind!

[Deep]

@onacloudynight Forgive me if I'm wrong, but maybe your consciousness is not as high as you think it is? If your grounded in "higher consciousness", lower consciousness people shouldn't affect you. You should be able to interact with people of all walks of life. You don't have to do everything they are doing. You seem to be developing spiritual arrogance. It's not going to kill you to have fun once in a while. 

[onacloudynight]

@Deep You are right. I need to get rid of this holier-than-thou attitude. I need to learn to live and let live.

[eskwire]

On 4/14/2017 at 7:56 PM, onacloudynight said:

I am just sitting there having a culture shock in my own fucking culture!

❤ this. Me too. Whole life. Doesn't matter.

Upside of that is you will feel equally alienated in all cultures. I have been able to travel and deal more than the average person because of that. 

[Annie]

@onacloudynight  It has nothing to do with age. I'm well over 30 and I have the same "problem".

 

On 15.4.2017 at 9:40 AM, egoeimai said:

Just be more funny!

I don't think this will fix anything because you probably wouldn't be authentic. And what's the point of acting a part you are not. People either like you the way you are or they don't.

It can be annoying sometimes to feel alienated but there are like-minded people out there, trust me.

[Progress]

Hey I had this issue too and see alot of people having the same issue. The problem is not other people, It is you realizing why you have the friends you do(did).... and seeing it was for a shallow superficial reason. It is an opportunity to make much more solid friendships going in knowing why you are friends with them. [Example] This does not mean they have to be into Personal Development, but just knowing you have this certain friend to chat about music. 

Here is a little thing if you're interested in gathering Actualizing people to become great friends in real life. https://www.facebook.com/groups/RealSociology/?ref=group_cover

[electroBeam]

@Progress wassup progress, I just asked to join the group, look out for a ginger dude with an asian and white dude in his profile pic!

I use to have this problem, but I somehow manage to get very very very deep with people by questioning them on a very personal level. 

[SOUL]

It's not age that is the main contributor to this, it's how most people are regardless of age.

Go to a 10, 20 or 30 year HS reunion and people are still stuck in a "stuff"measuring contest.

Use it as an opportunity to transcend your own stuff, especially the stuff that comes up in you because of the people you have to deal with.

In the long run it will prove to be a vital skill that will never lack a reason to exercise it.

[Progress]

@electroBeam Will do!

[Lai]

On 4/15/2017 at 7:56 AM, onacloudynight said:

Do I Even Need Friends?!

Maybe your friends need you!

Edited April 23, 2017 by Lai

[pluto]

Ultimately you only need yourself and you will be friends with everyone regardless if they are friends or friendly to you. If you are at peace with yourself nothing else matters or will effect/bother you as you are complete and whole already.

Edited April 25, 2017 by pluto

[Damoon]

On 4/15/2017 at 5:26 AM, onacloudynight said:

Thinking deeply is apparently to much to ask of these people. I feel like I am on a completely different wavelength then other people

to quote George Carlin "Those people are fucking dumb" it's not like you shouldn't have any friends 
you should try and find people with whom you share som deep intellectual stuff and don't get connected to them too much . bcuz you're a single individual capable of functioning even without friends . 

[CuteCornDog]

You need friends.

To be honest, I'm pissed at most of mine.

[pluto]

19 hours ago, CuteYTDawg said:

You need friends.

To be honest, I'm pissed at most of mine.

I don't know about the needing part, I guess everyone's different and has different paths to self growth and mastery.

I absolutely love being alone! I feel so home with myself when i am alone.

 

[TJ Reeves]

@onacloudynight

On the one hand, yes on your journey you will have to face things alone. For example, at some point you will have to face your own demons without anyone's help(... Especially if you decide to do strong psychedelics.) Also, a big aspect of growing up is figuring out things without too much of other's advice. 

That said, do not bullshit yourself into thinking you do not 'need' people and that you are too smart or too developed to have friends. 

You do need people. You are not that smart. You are not that developed. 

A lot of people on this thread seem to have completely disregarded who we are and where we've come from... 99.9999% of the time, if you are human, you need friends in some form or another. 

Humans are social creatures. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2527715/

We got to where we are because of our ability to interact with others in a group. https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/guest-blog/jonathan-haidt-the-moral-matrix-breaking-out-of-our-righteous-minds/

Social-Isolation causes brain damage. http://solitarywatch.com/2016/05/11/isolation-devastates-the-brain-the-neuroscience-of-solitary-confinement/

Quality relationships are the number one predictor of health, wealth, happiness, and success:

Even the buddha recommended you get some friends: http://www.shift.is/2013/11/four-types-friends-according-buddha/

The life of the hermit is after you've finished the Hero's Journey and after you've reached enlightenment and after you've done legendary shit. Until then, sorry kid, you're going to need people to help you along the way - and those people are called friends and mentors. 

If we take identical twins and make them both live their life, achieve the same things, learn the same wisdom, and help the world just as much as each other, but one has friends show up to his funeral but the other doesn't, do you really think the one without friends is the enlightened wiser one? Not at all.  

But TJ...  Almost every conversation I have with someone ends up being repetitive and superficial.

I get it that making friends is difficult. I also get it that a lot of people can be vapid or shallow... Hell, I live in Los Angeles, where some people almost couldn't be shallower! But the thought that 'I don't need friends' and that other's are 'too low consciousness for me to talk to' or that 'there's really no one to talk to' is just the ego babbling on.

For example, you could go to a meet up group or a book club or a meditation circle. And if those don't exist, than a real badass would just start those mini-communities and have friends come! 

Pro-tip: If you find that your conversations are shallow, thats a reflection on you. Take fucking responsibility for it. Make it a point to ask deeper questions. Become a more active listener.

For example, I have made it a point to STOP asking the question "how are you" because it always leads to the same boring response. Instead, I ask people to tell me what three good things have happened to them in the past week. Or I'll ask them what their favorite thing in the world is. Or if I really want to get to know them, I ask them to summarize their whole life in under 3 minutes (this exercise actually leads to hours of conversation!)

I promise that if you are of higher consciousness then you'll find that you attract more friends than you reject. In fact, the more I learn about myself and the more I develop my consciousness, the easier it is for me to relate to others -- be it a homeless man, the grocery store-bagger, a dude at the gym, someone I'm attracted to, or one of the surgeons I work with. 

I'll end my rant with a quote from Arnold Schwarzenegger, someone who any of us would be lucky to do even 1/4 of the things he did (look him up!):

"I am not a self-made man. Every time I give a speech at a business conference, or speak to college students, or do a Reddit AMA, someone says it... 'Governor/Governator/Arnold/Arnie/Schwarzie/Schnitzel (depending on where I am), as a self-made man, what’s your blueprint for success?' They’re always shocked when I thank them for the compliment but say, “I am not a self-made man. I got a lot of help."

 

Edited April 28, 2017 by Treeves4u