How To Be Alone With Yourself?

[Heart of Space]

Have you done a vipassana retreat yet?  That's one way, but it might be too intensive for you at the moment. It used to be very, very painful for me as well because I used to really have a deep hatred for myself that I didn't even realize due to certain events in my life.  I say that, because I relate on some level.  

There are levels of being alone with yourself.  The most alone you could be would be something like being in a dark room, fasting, no stimulation or contact with other humans whatsoever.  That can be excruciating for the uninitiated.  My point is, you don't have to take away ALL the "layers of distraction" obscuring you from your most raw true self immediately.  Try one thing at a time, then mix multiple things, then do it for longer.  It doesn't have to be an internet fast although I think that's a good beginner one to start out with.  And if it gets too painful just stop.  Perhaps start with one day? And if that is successful increase the amount of time?  Also, make sure you don't replace internet stimulation with another form of distraction, that is the obvious pitfall.  

[Guest Annetta]

@Prabhaker That's good to know.  This emotional suppression is driving me batty.  I just got out of the hospital for chest pains, 6th time this year.  I tell the nurse, I think I'm psychotic!  Someone else comes in, who can give me information... I forget the exact name of his occupation.
I try to explain, "I think I'm going mad.  I cause disaster.  I'm psychotic.  I'm delusional.  I explain all that I can, all these symptoms."

And then he says knowingly, "Are you spiritual?"

"Yes!  In fact I think some of my spiritual awakenings might be delusion!"

"Explain this to me."

"Well, I had a moment where everything became me.  Consciousness without an object.  And I think I'm a shaman."

"Do you want to be a shaman."

"Lol fuck no."

He gives me some papers, and tells me, pertaining to my awakenings that I could be right.  Gat damn.  

Anyways, much madness within me.  It is suppression.  Took the bus home today, an amazing summer day.  Much better than the pneumonia-aids-arthritis-brain cancer I was sure I had.
Every time someone talks to me in these panic attacks it calms me down and they go away. I come here.  For that.  I don't want to die, it's that simple.  I can't accept it.  I just can't.  I'm going to end up killing myself in the avoidance of fear and death if this does not get managed soon.

You're very intuitive, you can see what advice someone needs at the right time.
Thanks!

Edit:  Starting to sync up to sheepy's videos, for the past three days.
Getting back into it.  Something's coming.

The lyrics, I decide to play this just after reading your advice.
You mention your father, and I was watching that clip on youtube at the exact same time.
You give advice on attachment I check Sheepy's channel after making an Old Yeller quote and this song shows up, which the lyrics fit with an artistic conceptualization I had been coming up with the day before.

I think the universe is telling me to listen to your advice pretty closely.  I think you speak some true-true's m'dude.  Much gratitude.

(The Universe could also be telling me to ignore advice and do what my heart says.  Hmmmmn.)

Edited April 16, 2017 by Annetta

[Guest Annetta]

@Heart of Space I do that anyways, I meditate in the dark to techno beats every day with the lights off.  I guess I could get rid of the music and try meditation without any noise.

[Toby]

Why should the things "psychotic"? Maybe they are just physical, maybe just strong energetic symptoms which are not that uncommon.

I would also find things that calm you down and resource you. It can be anything: nature, animals, touch, talking with someone, listening to music, having a walk, thinking of pleasant memories... The thing is, don't push yourself too hard with spiritual practices if you notice that symptoms or overwhelment get worse. But also try to relax as much into what you are experiencing.

Afaik in some zen-monasteries when people had some overwhelment and psychotic symptoms they are advised not to meditate but instead work in the garden or something like that so that it grounds them.
I went to a retreat with Adyashanti where he basically advised someone with strong symptoms (due to a opening on Ayahuasca afair) to skip the meditation sessions and instead go into the woods and hug trees. He even said that the person should ask the tree if it was ok for the tree to take the energy, because for some trees it would be too much while others would be glad to help.

[Guest Annetta]

@Toby I guess I could try dropping that label, it's one I wouldn't mind letting go of.

[Heart of Space]

3 hours ago, Annetta said:

@Heart of Space I do that anyways, I meditate in the dark to techno beats every day with the lights off.  I guess I could get rid of the music and try meditation without any noise.

An addendum:  Be without layers of distraction for a considerable period of time.  Meaning days, weeks, months, years.  You don't meditate in pure silence?  Music can be a great distraction.  

Ultimatley do what feels right for you.  But I would invite you must come face to face with the rawest and purest part of yourself.  Best of luck, Annetta.  You have my love.  

Edited April 16, 2017 by Heart of Space

[Prabhaker]

4 hours ago, Annetta said:

I don't want to die, it's that simple.  I can't accept it.  I just can't.  I'm going to end up killing myself in the avoidance of fear and death if this does not get managed soon.

Times of crisis are both dangerous and immensely important -- dangerous for those who have no courage to explore new dimensions of life. They are bound to disintegrate into different kinds of madness, because their mind was made by the society. Now the society is disintegrating, the mind cannot remain; its roots are in the society. It is constantly nourished by the society -- now that nourishment is disappearing.

But times of crisis are of tremendous significance for those daring souls who have never bothered about society's respectability, its honors; who have never bothered about what others think about them, but have done only that which they felt right to do; who have in a certain way been always rebellious, individualistic. For these people the times of crisis are just golden, because the society is disintegrating.

The daring individual can use this opportunity to go beyond mind, because now the society cannot prevent him, cannot hinder him. Now he is free.

This is the situation of many people of intelligence. Either they are going insane... you can see it or find some way, some method, some meditation -- Yoga, Zen. Somewhere somebody must know how to get over this critical stage, how to go beyond the traditional mind and still remain centered, sane, and intelligent. 

But it is a beautiful time. The grip of society is lost. Yes, the mediocre will suffer, but anyway they were not enjoying, they were not really living; they were simply being hypocrites. By being insane at least they will be real, authentic. They won't lose anything -- of course they won't gain much....

The people who will go beyond mind will create the new man.

[Heart of Space]

4 hours ago, Annetta said:

I'm going to end up killing myself in the avoidance of fear and death if this does not get managed soon.

Nope.  No, you're not.  Contact me anytime you think these thoughts.  If you need I'll give you my personal cell number.  If you genuinely feel like ending your life I urge you to talk to me, or anyone else who genuinely cares about your wellbeing.

[Shin]

You're not gonna kill yourself, you're gonna transcend your ego.

Trust the fear, it shows you that it's exactly the right direction to go.

[Prabhaker]

10 hours ago, Annetta said:

panic attacks

 There are two ways to transcend it. One is the way of the world — you can call it desire. Desire is the way to hide this anxiety. You rush into earning money, madly. You become so absorbed in earning money that you forget all existential anxiety. Then there is no point, no time to think about real problems. Then you put aside everything and you just go into the search for money, more money. And as you get money, more and more desire arises. This desiring for money or political power is nothing but a cover for your anxiety.

That’s why people are very much frightened when they are left alone and nothing is there to be done. That’s why retired people become very very uneasy, uncomfortable. They die fast.  Because the anxiety that he has been repressing through his job asserts itself. He was running after money, chasing after political power; there was no time to give to anxiety.

Now there is all the time and nothing to do. Sitting in his armchair he does only one thing — anxieting. Nothing else to do! Now ALL the repressed anxieties of his whole life — that denied existential part takes revenge. It kills. He becomes ill, heart attacks come, he becomes paralyzed. But there is more possibility that all this is happening because of the psychology, not because of the body.

When a person is succeeding and his desires are taking him farther and farther away, he remains healthy. Politicians are almost always healthy when they are in power; when they lose power, they suddenly become old. When a person is earning and earning and earning, he remains healthy. When he becomes d failure, when he goes bankrupt, then suddenly, yes, in a single night all his hair can turn white — literally.

Desire is a way to avoid anxiety, but only to avoid. You cannot destroy it by desiring. And desire gives you small anxieties, remember, VERY small anxieties, which are not existential. Of course, when you are earning money you will have a few anxieties: the market and the share market, and things like that, and prices. And you have put so much money — are you going to earn out of it or are you going to lose? These small anxieties. These are nothing compared to the real anxiety — these are tricks to avoid the real. Of course, when you are ambitious for politician power, you will have anxieties, a thousand and one. But they are nothing! they are play-things compared to the fundamental anxiety.

@Annetta

Desire is a cover-up for anxiety. It is a trick, a strategy. And meditation is to uncover it. That’s why people can’t sit silently even for a few minutes. Because when they sit silently, anxieties start raising their heads. They become very much afraid. That’s why people ask, even in meditation, “What should we do? Can we chant a mantra?” Then it is okay; then the mantra becomes your cover. 

All the old methods - if used directly, without catharsis - will not be of much help. If you just watch the mind, it will take a very long time - years. And nothing is certain because you are not simply watching: every day, you are creating more mind. And there is a past accumulation in the mind, so it can go on and on; you can go on and on.

Old methods can help somebody who has not much tension in his body, has not much repression in his mind, but now to find such people is very difficult. Now everybody is full of tensions. Woodcutters, fishermen, farmers – for them old methods may be perfectly good, because already their body is doing so much. Modern civilization people are sitting the whole day in their chairs. Bodies were not made for that. Man is basically a hunter. His body was made to work hard – eight hours, twelve hours – and the question of tensions in the body was out of the question. 

The whole upbringing, the civilization, the education, is suppressive. You have accumulated anger, sex, violence, greed, everything! Now this accumulation is a madness within you. If you begin with any suppressive meditation, for example, with just sitting,  you are suppressing all of this, you are not allowing it to be released. So, begin with a catharsis - dynamic meditation.

[WaveInTheOcean]

11 hours ago, Annetta said:

@Prabhaker That's good to know.  This emotional suppression is driving me batty.  I just got out of the hospital for chest pains, 6th time this year.  I tell the nurse, I think I'm psychotic!  Someone else comes in, who can give me information... I forget the exact name of his occupation.
I try to explain, "I think I'm going mad.  I cause disaster.  I'm psychotic.  I'm delusional.  I explain all that I can, all these symptoms."

And then he says knowingly, "Are you spiritual?"

"Yes!  In fact I think some of my spiritual awakenings might be delusion!"

"Explain this to me."

"Well, I had a moment where everything became me.  Consciousness without an object.  And I think I'm a shaman."

"Do you want to be a shaman."

"Lol fuck no."

He gives me some papers, and tells me, pertaining to my awakenings that I could be right.  Gat damn.  

Anyways, much madness within me.  It is suppression.  Took the bus home today, an amazing summer day.  Much better than the pneumonia-aids-arthritis-brain cancer I was sure I had.
Every time someone talks to me in these panic attacks it calms me down and they go away. I come here.  For that.  I don't want to die, it's that simple.  I can't accept it.  I just can't.  I'm going to end up killing myself in the avoidance of fear and death if this does not get managed soon.

You're very intuitive, you can see what advice someone needs at the right time.
Thanks!

Edit:  Starting to sync up to sheepy's videos, for the past three days.
Getting back into it.  Something's coming.

The lyrics, I decide to play this just after reading your advice.
You mention your father, and I was watching that clip on youtube at the exact same time.
You give advice on attachment I check Sheepy's channel after making an Old Yeller quote and this song shows up, which the lyrics fit with an artistic conceptualization I had been coming up with the day before.

I think the universe is telling me to listen to your advice pretty closely.  I think you speak some true-true's m'dude.  Much gratitude.

(The Universe could also be telling me to ignore advice and do what my heart says.  Hmmmmn.)

Fucking awesome song, thanks!:) 

[Guest Annetta]

@Heart of Space @Shin Oh nononono, not like that I meant from avoidance, not like that at all I am not suicidal. <3<3
@WaveInTheOcean  You're welcome, MrSuicideSheep has some really great music on his channel, I think he arranges his music to sync up with people's paths - he def. seems to be a spiritual fellow.  Loved this song, too.
@Prabhaker  The Universe is def. telling me to listen to your advice, so I shall. 
 

Edited April 16, 2017 by Annetta

[Key Elements]

If you could realize that you are simply peace in everyday life, then aloneness is just another passing emotion, just like a train passing by.

Then, you could work on whatever it is that you're working on. The "ideas" are all coming from "you" aka nothingness, aka peace. We all have these talents coming from nothingness waiting for us to unravel them in some way, to contribute in some way. Maybe it's been there since childhood but you weren't fully aware of them till now.

[zazed]

You have trained your mental voice to talk with itself. Now it's talking in your head, going around in circles making you crazy.
You also describe something that resembles a standard panic attack, which is nothing spiritual at all (it may surface when doing spiritual work, it does with me, because my mind is naturally anxious). http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/panic-attack-symptoms

 

Just stop caring about your own thoughts. Stop taking yourself so seriously, and let go. You don't NEED to think.
Have some fun, have some laughs, perhaps take a break from your spiritual practice. You may be forcing yourself to be this "spiritual" thing, but the body/brain/thoughts can never be spiritual. It's just a tool. It's no more you than your vacuum cleaner.

With your vacuum cleaner your body cleans the house. Like with your body consciousness roams the earth.
Love your body and mind, like the faithful vacuum cleaner of life, carrying you through the world. But don't identify with it. You can love a good vacuum cleaner, it's never let you down, it sucks really well. But you won't identify with it, you won't think you are the vacuum cleaner. Then why do you think you are this mind and body?

[Martin123]

15 hours ago, Annetta said:

@Prabhaker That's good to know.  This emotional suppression is driving me batty.  I just got out of the hospital for chest pains, 6th time this year.  I tell the nurse, I think I'm psychotic!  Someone else comes in, who can give me information... I forget the exact name of his occupation.
I try to explain, "I think I'm going mad.  I cause disaster.  I'm psychotic.  I'm delusional.  I explain all that I can, all these symptoms."

And then he says knowingly, "Are you spiritual?"

"Yes!  In fact I think some of my spiritual awakenings might be delusion!"

"Explain this to me."

"Well, I had a moment where everything became me.  Consciousness without an object.  And I think I'm a shaman."

"Do you want to be a shaman."

"Lol fuck no."

He gives me some papers, and tells me, pertaining to my awakenings that I could be right.  Gat damn.  

Anyways, much madness within me.  It is suppression.  Took the bus home today, an amazing summer day.  Much better than the pneumonia-aids-arthritis-brain cancer I was sure I had.
Every time someone talks to me in these panic attacks it calms me down and they go away. I come here.  For that.  I don't want to die, it's that simple.  I can't accept it.  I just can't.  I'm going to end up killing myself in the avoidance of fear and death if this does not get managed soon.

You're very intuitive, you can see what advice someone needs at the right time.
Thanks!

Edit:  Starting to sync up to sheepy's videos, for the past three days.
Getting back into it.  Something's coming.

The lyrics, I decide to play this just after reading your advice.
You mention your father, and I was watching that clip on youtube at the exact same time.
You give advice on attachment I check Sheepy's channel after making an Old Yeller quote and this song shows up, which the lyrics fit with an artistic conceptualization I had been coming up with the day before.

I think the universe is telling me to listen to your advice pretty closely.  I think you speak some true-true's m'dude.  Much gratitude.

(The Universe could also be telling me to ignore advice and do what my heart says.  Hmmmmn.)

Unless you've already done so.
Research indigo children/wanderers/star-seeds/lightworkers, and see if it resonates. It should bring some peace of mind.

[Guest Annetta]

Thanks guys.
I'm gunna follow my heart.  I got really far on my journey by just following this; got stuck, and I think I need to follow my hearts advice in all situations to improve intuition.

Gunna try that and see where I get.

[Shin]

 

[Guest Annetta]

@Shin I this guy, he's so mellow, watching this right now.  So far so good.

[Dodo]

37 minutes ago, Shin said:

 

Watched 30 minutes of it, very helpful video!

[mp22]

On 14/04/2017 at 6:29 PM, egoeimai said:

It can get kind of boring,and I know I have the same difficulty. But try it...for one day..just spend the time alone. If you can get out,or open the window. Just be as close as you can to nature's physical environment. It can help you..it helps me. Nature will be your friend. Air,birds and the sunset. Put some light music If you cant handle so much peacefulness. But you can draw something. But dont read book as it can be distracting...and If you want to sit alone with your emotions,books cant help. You can do this! You can! Do it for a day. You will be at peace and relaxed. You will like it then! And you will look forward to do it again,next time! I must do the same.

Can you talk to yourself? because I love being alone but then I am often talking to myself. I presume we are talking about being alone and silent?