very complex life purpose

[Curious_classic]

In my entire life, I've never faced an obstacle as hard as this one, I ask myself what is the thing that I'm going to dedicate the rest of my life to? Then i get lost in Fantasy land without reaching any worthy conclusion, is it writing ? Well I kind of like reading, books I liked are 1984, the catcher in the rye, 12 rules for life....

But i can't write for more than 1 hour,and I feel that words aren't enough from the perspective of emotional impact, the aesthetics for me they mean alot, but i can't stop talking about the importance of the story being told by those visuals, and for me I usually enjoy existential things I'm really into answering questions about the universe creation, the mysteries of the self, are we living in a dream, I can't stop talking about how surrealism hunts my thoughts, I also like art that I relate to that expresses a familiar experience that I had, or an emotion that I can't express when I see someone express it, I feel relief, i gravitate towards historical art like about the medieval era and especially Religious mythological stuff and if it's visual and with sound i can't be more happy, i like spiritual and Religious topics meditation is one of the things i do daily, and i find myself waching Religious debates because of how fascinating and important they are to me, one video i keep repeating is called "the story of religions by sherif gaber" one of my top favorite youtubers, but can you see the pattern here? This is what i want to make art that is visual preferably with sound and it must be existential and historical especially medieval and Psycological and has storytelling (words), so now i hit the wall of reality, in order to do this you must become a director and a screenwriter or the cheaper option wich is comic artist or mangaka or even the cheapest one a novelist, i don't see how am i going to be the next david lynch especially in this piece of land called Algeria, i don't have the time to be a comic artist (i need to work full-time)or i'll die , a writer i can because i have my spare time that is somewhat enough.

These are the things that i gravitate towards but i don't think i like the process of writing, writing is very heavy and hard for me, one time i forced myself to write for 4 hours i finished them with tears, i felt real pain, its like going through torture, this one thing destroyed all my faith in finding my life purpose, because how come i gravitate towards fiction and art so much i think about it all day, but i can't sit down to write, i suggest because im simply Romanticizing it, i'm stuck in the abstract, i like doing those things even somtimes i enjoy writing but it feels like a normal experience, i don't feel full of life when im making a film i feel its very good but it's not the complete thing i can do.

What am i good at, well i don't think this question defines what i love bcs im good at photoshop, drawing illustrations, but i haven't done them in years, i don't see anything else that am good at, some people say my writing in Arabic is good, others say im good at computers, others say im a deep person as a compliment, i recive alot of compliments when im talking about reasoning and religion i get called smart, i don't know what else, but i think i haven't figured it out.

I read alot of books i like" To Kill a Mockingbird" alot, i was impressed by crime and punishment. 

I don't think I've mentioned it all but i'm intrested to hear other thoughts from you.

And thanks for this opportunity to talk to like minded people. 

[Ulax]

Hey,

I think the book, 'The artist's way' by Julia Cameron could be helpful for you. Especially, the journaling method she advocates called 'Morning pages'.

[mr_engineer]

@Curious_classic What do you currently do? 

[Curious_classic]

@mr_engineer I'm a barber and I'm about to get into ecommerce, I don't hate both but I think it's meaningless work for me, i can do better.

[Curious_classic]

@Ulax thanks, I'll give it a read.

[mr_engineer]

9 hours ago, Curious_classic said:

@mr_engineer I'm a barber and I'm about to get into ecommerce, I don't hate both but I think it's meaningless work for me, i can do better.

First of all, drop writing. It does not look like you have an aptitude for writing. 

Now, if you are a barber, here's what I would strongly recommend - you learn about hairstyles, you get into hairstyling. You develop some sort of expertise in hairstyling. 

Also, follow some social-media trends when it comes to hairstyles. Maybe make Instagram-content and if you want to build some E-commerce skills/digital-marketing skills, do that for the hair-salon you work at first. Then, maybe in the future, you could go to California to make it as a hairstylist in Hollywood or something. 

[mr_engineer]

About your OP - don't build castles in the air. Real life is very practical, very hands-on. And, notice that most people don't realize their Life-Purpose. The reason for that is that they have bills to pay and they simply don't have time to explore different things. 

So, I'd suggest that you set some high ambitions for yourself in terms of success and be willing to work hard to achieve those ambitions. Then, you will have enough time and energy in the future to explore these other interests of yours! They can be hobbies. But, the point of work is to make money and the point of a Life-Purpose is to make a unique contribution to the world. 

[shree]

@Curious_classic

"I explore and express existential and spiritual themes through digital art and short-form storytelling, creating immersive visual narratives that delve into history, mythology, and the human condition."

 

How does this sound for you?

If you like it, you can shorten and/or simplify it further.

[ted73104]

Totally agree with @mr_engineer, being a barber is your actual life purpose right now. It is probably the most value you're providing right now. A life purpose is often very basic, it doesn't have to be huge. Hope your transitioning to ecommerce goes well, what do you expect to sell?

[Curious_classic]

@mr_engineer I can see you have a good point, I will indeed continue barbering, but at the same time my aim would be to satisfy my curiosity, I'll keep experimenting things , because it's not easy for me to drop writing I compare quitting writing as quitting an addiction it comes hard to me even tho I struggle to write for 10 minutes I'm still having hope that this struggle is caused by my lack of the English language skills I'm still b2 level and my lack of knowledge of other genres and structure and plot, I just can't stop thinking about it , you are right it's building castles in the air but I can't stop doing it I'm attached to it, that's why I'm trying to force myself even tho I hate the process I like alot of things about it not just Fame and Recognition it's the idea that when I get a great thought I can do something with it the freedom I get from it, it's what I've been looking for for a decade because for me it’s something meaningful. 

I heard a tedtalk recently the guy was talking about how much he hates writing yet his job is a writer, why? Because of its benefits and the small moments of joy you get while writing here is the link:

 

 

[Sash]

I relate to this. I have the same feelings with writing where it’s a love/hate relationship. Consider different mediums. Writing/storytelling isn’t limited to just sitting down to write a book. For example, being a great public speaker and being a great writer can mean two very different things despite both relying on an inclination towards language and its expression. On being too abstract: see if you can ground the passion for writing into something tangible in your life, ideally something useful or practical.