When You Don't Know What To Do

[Kali]

Hello self-actualizators,

Now I'm going to lay down all my problems here. I feel awkward most of the time. I'm in high-school and I still haven't build my confidence and I am extremely shy and insecure sometimes. I always worry about how I look and what people think of me, I feel bad for the words I say and the list goes on. I can make it unbelievably long... But as I think, I'm a normal person.. What could be wrong with me? I want to go to university and find a fulfilling job, but when I make a decision I don't keep it. I'm not sure what my interests are, what i'm good at.. I have no motivation. And the problem is when someone gives me a compliment, I feel happy just for the moment and that's not how I see myself and if someone hurt me or some stuff happened I see myself even worser and hopeless. My 'so called' friends ignore me and always make me feel bad somehow. I don't get on with my parents. I fail at communication and so on. I have excellent grades at school, i'm doing a sport, i'm not starving, there's a roof above my head, but i'm still not happy. I can't control my mind. I see no point in my existence even though I have dreams to make the world a better place. I spend my nights watching Leo's videos, right now I read this book 'How to win friends and influence others', but I fail at following the tips. This self-help work is just so hard. I don't like my parents, I don't like myself and i'm just a miserable victim and i'm not sure exactly what I can do about it. I am blocked in depression, since I broke up with my first love which was before 2 years. Guilty and shame are feelings that always pop up. See, when I told my parents I'll go meditating, my uncle said that there's no point in it, there was that electromagnetic radiation that make people freak out. It was the same when I told him I may study medicine, his answer was that doctors are paid to kill people. He said you rather study engineering. And maybe I also have those black glasses by the influence of the people around me. I want to change for the good. That's why i'm here. Because I believe that life cannot be only suffering. But maybe I'm not trying hard enough. And that doesn't motivates me, it just makes me blame myself. I'm compassionate, kind and I think I can love. Why I always screw up myself?!?

Thank you for reading.

Edited February 14, 2016 by Kali

[traffy.law]

@Kali I deeply resonate with you bro. I'm also having trouble with social situations

And I also find it hard to implement some of the concept of self help

I may not offer some advice but i'll be offering you my support. I'll subscribe to your growth

And I hope we can grow together

Peace ?

[Guest]

On 2016-02-14 at 7:58 AM, Kali said:

But as I think, I'm a normal person.. What could be wrong with me?

There is really nothing wrong with you Kali.   The world around you, family, other people seem to be putting pressure on you and you are reacting. So just start with NOW, this moment.

Realize that something or someone sees your situation exactly as you describe it.   You say it is you who sees it.  Fine,  but who is "you"?  You don't have to answer or know the answer to that now, it is like a teaser for now.   So, let us say that somehow you are seeing all this crap happening to you in what you call "my life".   OK.  That is the way most people see it.

I also see that you have some very reasonable hopes for your growth, like a higher education and so on.   That is great!  It does not matter what other people say about your hopes and plans.   Sometimes people are "down on themselves" in their own experience of life, and they just crap on everyone else when they hear things that have not worked out in their own lives.   You just have compassion for them.  I know you have that, you said so. 

There is something, that is the power and strength of you that you do not understand yet.   Hold on to that.  It is real.   I have it, you have it, everyone has it, but not everyone has seen the wisdom to be with it as a help in their life experience.   Trust in that power that is really your very strength and ability to be what you are and what you are changing to be every minute.   If you let that flow within your experience always feeling it as a guidance, and a strength, then all your hopes and efforts will slowly but surely move your experience of life, as if miraculously, in the direction that will please you and those around you.  

You are the boss of your mind, not the other way around.   But do not force, or be pushy about it, because that builds a resistance and your mind is so used to doing things its own way that to change it instantly can backfire and your feelings get hurt.   Just go gently, slowly, a little change in the way you see, and think.   One or two things a different way ever day or every other day.   Get used to it.   Feel it out.  That is how you begin self development.   It is really easy.  But it takes time and you must be kind to yourself.   The power of what you do, and how you behave will reflect all around you.   Others will start to be more patient with you when you do not react to what they say.

Continue being considerate of others, parents, family, teachers - anyone.   What you put out there comes back to you.   It's like a big payback. That is one of the first lessons to put you on the road to self-improvement..   If you give out crap - most of the time you get crap in return.   Others might still continue their poor or unreasonable behaviour with you, but if you let compassion come into play and understand that it is the only way that they know how to behave just now, then the power of that compassion will change your life, and maybe theirs also.

Trust yourself.  You can do it.  Start with baby steps.  Little things.

Good Luck

Joy

 

Edited February 15, 2016 by walt