Team leading is not making me happy

[Elton]

So I have got a promotion in my organization and I am a team leader since 8 months.

I feel a lot of pressure, my team members who were my friends earlier have become bitter towards me. They don't like me to tell them what they do, they don't report to me.

It's getting tough day by day, I'm trying my best to reconcile with them but end up arguing or verbal fights. It hurts me when my team members bitch about me to the customers and do not give me the respect I deserve. 

How can I lead ? 

Was I just handed this position because all other old team members had quit the job ? 

Is it possible to reverse everything and everyone on my team will treat me with respect and accept my authority? 

I feel like I'm at war and I'm the captain but my army is attacking me.. 

Can leadership skills be developed or some people are just not ment to lead ! 

 😞 

Edited March 22 by Elton
Spelling mistake

[Leo Gura]

31 minutes ago, Elton said:

Can leadership skills be developed or some people are just not ment to lead ! 

They can be developed but also that kind of job is not for everyone.

You should re-examine your top values and what you really want out of your work. Is leading people what you really wanna do? You won't be good at something you're not passionate about. Maybe you just like working on an individual project.

[BipolarGrowth]

My experience with management has taught me a few things. First, people need to see you as competent at your job and in general. If people cannot deny that you know what you are doing, and in most cases, are better at your job and their job, they will follow and give respect even if they don’t like you personally. Another important thing is that you must give consequences for bad behavior or performance. If some people know that you have no effect over their livelihood and income, they will not cooperate well. 
 

I have a friend who told me “if you can’t fire them, you’re not really their boss.” There’s some truth to that statement. I’m not sure what power you have in your position as a team leader, but I imagine it is a type of lower management. I’d say that lower management can be a particularly difficult position because you might not have all of the tools to enact consequences for bad behavior. 
 

Doing what is best for the company is often not what people would want. Some people want to put in as little effort as possible and still get paid. I had issues with one person in specific, and I racked my brain about how to get them to cooperate as well as how to ease tension between us. I eventually befriended him, gave him other work opportunities, told upper management to give him time to improve to try to save his job, and he still ended up getting fired because of poor attitude although he did start to improve. 
 

I recently heard the idea that most of the time it is better to focus your efforts to the employees who are doing well. Trying to turn someone around who is underperforming is usually a lot more difficult than letting that person go and finding an employee who is better for the position. 
 

Prepare to be disliked by some if you are doing your best for the company. If you are a highly agreeable person, not enjoying conflict, this can be quite uncomfortable. There’s no trick to leadership. You have to do your best to navigate all of the rough waters a leadership position brings to gain experience in how to best handle situations in the style that is most effective for you. 

[Elton]

@Leo Gura yes I want to lead people just like you I had taken your life purpose course and found out that I want to be a life coach.

in India no one gives a shit about life coaching no one is willing to pay me even 5 dollars per hour or even take my coaching for free, so my plan was to build a successfull career and I thought maybe being a manager would be similar to life coaching.

After this at least I have credibility that I was a manager and I am the right person to guide  or coach anyone because I have been successfull myself.

Also I saw many of your vedios where you suggested to accept leadership roles whenever possible. The stage in my company before becoming a manager is a team leader.

I was a service engineer before and now leading a team of service engineers. 

I m not really passionate about this job but I am very passionate about personal development, i have to exert a lot of emotional labour in my job dealing with pressure from customers during breakdowns as well as my team disrespecting and treating me like no one.

Personal development was easier when I had less job responsibilities or when i was in college, now the job drains my soul. 

Books on Dealing with people and spiral dynamics could help me ? I don't know but I don't feel like a leader in my current situation. I always thought as a service engineer that I'm not good at this but would be good at being a manager, but now after 8 years I see that I suck at managing people then it's very de moralising. I thought all the personal development i had done and all the emotional mastery I attempted to develop would give me a better edge over others but the opposite seems to be true.

Now my plan is to earn a lot of money in 8 years through the stock market Indian rupees of 50000000 and quit working at the age of 40 so that I can carry out my life purpose. 

I'm stressed and drained at the moment.

Health peace freedom  awareness clarity nature open mindedness  understanding creativity courage  is my top values maybe I should re asses and see if they have changed or not.

 

 

[Elton]

@BipolarGrowth the problem is that all are better than me in repairing machines or identifying faults. Thats why I want to be a manager and not a worker. I ways thought that I am good in communication and presentation skills and planning and strategy and stuff so I thought this would be good to become but I think I should have focused on the work itself of repair and service then at least I could change companies and get paid higher 😑

[Kksd74628]

@Elton

People who don't respect you, don't respect working under you, you fire 'em. Know what you do and tell them that if they want to be in your ship they support you or they're out. Being in friend position doesn't give you permissions to jump into your eyes. You set higher standards for people who are closer to you.

[Leo Gura]

@Elton The thing is, sometimes our ideas of a job are totally different from what the job actually entails. It's easy to paint a fantasy of a job until you start doing it.

You might think you want to be in a leadership role but maybe the reality is that you want something else.

Lots of soul-searching is required to pinpoint what would really make you happy.

There are also different kinds of leadership. For example, the leadership I do is very different from the leadership work at your job. So maybe you're in the wrong line of leadership.

Edited March 23 by Leo Gura

[Elton]

@Kksd74628 I don't have the power to fire them

[Elton]

@Leo Gura how about I learn and practice all the content from dealing with people section in your book list as well as practice meditation and yoga for stress shadow work and emotional mastery to deal with emotions ?

could this interlink the leadership roles which are very different now ? 

[Thought Art]

Leading is very challenging .

Edited March 23 by Thought Art

[Leo Gura]

45 minutes ago, Elton said:

@Leo Gura how about I learn and practice all the content from dealing with people section in your book list as well as practice meditation and yoga for stress shadow work and emotional mastery to deal with emotions ?

could this interlink the leadership roles which are very different now ? 

I don't know. You'd have to test it out. 

My guess is you'd still be unhappy.

[Kksd74628]

@Elton

Then you speak about this problem for someone who has the power needed and explain that this thing restricts your work and also that it ruins the business's money making ability. Your Boss understands if he isn't complete moron.

[Schizophonia]

46 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

Leading is very challenging .

Less than being directed.

[Eph75]

@Elton

Do you want to lead forcefully, or do you want to occur powerful? 

Do you want to lead for the sake of leading, as a career path, as status, as a monetary influence on your own life, or do you want to be a leader? 

You can be a leader without a leadership position, and you can be in a leadership position without being a leader in who you are as a person. 

Who do you want to lead? How do you want to lead? 

Do you want to lead a flock of sheep who you tell what to do? 

Do you want to lead by creating compelling vision and experienced connectedness to what manifests within that direction?

Do you want to instill firmness where people know that they have to align with what you say in order to escape discomfort? Or do you want to influence what is so that people occur as leaders themselves? 

Do you want to push, or do you want to coach towards lighting a spark inside each and everyone so that they occur pulled towards something that is compelling to them, that enriches their experience of work and working with you? 

Do you want to produce output or do you want to generate positive outcomes that somehow align with whatever business value you are there to bring value to?

Do you want to focus on the external outcomes or manifest a balance between internal outcomes and external outcomes that aspires to manifest a more holistically healthy balance in the container in witch people and your "reports" themselves occur and manifest within. 

What are the behavior shifts needed? Recognize that many if not all of these options points towards a path that leads back to you yourself and the way you occur within what already is, and what you yourself manifest within that clearing.

Do you want to want reports that report, or individuals and occur as empowered, engaged, motivated creative sources who co-create and benefit from each other rather than compete to win. 

What you choose to manifest as a leader will influence how others manifest. In a sense, the boring old quote "lead by example" but it's so much more than that, it's about designing the container itself so that positive experience can be actualized within it. It's about being deliberate about making it happen, being deliberate about yourself and making it visible for others to see and reflect over, generating shifts within others to help then experience the power of having shifts in themselves and their perspectives. It's about being deliberate about the relationships within that container, between people and between people and you. 

If you are a "natural" leader, you already know about this and you do these kind of things already. If you already do this, shifting into leadership position is easier, but only is business allows it to coexist with productivity. 

One challenge can be to g generate shifts within business to aloow the evolution and unfolding of the human experience within the business ecosystem, which might have repressed the human factor that inevitably resides within that system. 

Another challenge might be to shift into being a source of creation in with co-creation of the human factor can emerge yourself and others. 

Likely both challenges are on the table as conscious organizations are as rare as the unicorn. 

Albeit, behind the facade of the work persona's you have in your team, there is, likely to be pockets of conscious being and wanting to co-create. 

Whatever happens, you cannot engage with the triggers you yourself experience, it creates a push and pull environment that is per design going to not only maintain but strengthen the status quo, like flexing a muscle that only grows stronger towards the very resistence or force it gets subjected to. 

Work on yourself, be aware and explore those triggers, your values and commitments.

Shifting what is starts with shifting yourself, and the manifestation of you. 

Being a great leader recognizes that you cannot be the one that knows more than the groups. You would be the bottleneck and there would be unhealthy dynamics in the group. You want to lead to help experts emerge who know much more than you, where you can occur as the equivalence of a "musical director", actualizing each and everyone into the "symphony". 

Ultimately it's about the experience people are finding themselves in while being in your team.

This gets us back to the questions. 

What kind of leader do you want to be?

Why do you want to be a leader in the first place? 

And whatever you want to manifest, does that fit into the organization? 

Would you be willing to make it an indefinite commitment to generate shifts without suffering the negative effects put on your person, generated by the inherent resistence you *will* meet on that path? 

This is a perfect example where the spiritual meets the real world and generating shifts in perceived reality. 

Practical spirituality. 

Edited March 23 by Eph75

[Elton]

@Kksd74628 your right I'll try this

 

[Elton]

@Schizophonia hmmm I get what your trying to say...

 

[Elton]

@Leo Gura I would be a real morden sage if I could do all that in my current job. Spiritual work emotional work and relationships work.

[Elton]

@Eph75 thanks for your advise I need to go through it many times more though to grasp it nicely. Thanks a lot 🙏 

[QVx]

One of the core foundations of leadership is people skills.

The core foundation of people skills is understanding.

To understand people you must first understand yourself.

As you begin to understand yourself, you will begin to understand others. Every time you come up against a barrier with a person or people, you must turn inwards to understand what you are missing; depth, breadth, and/or height.

You can find a great paper here from Kim Barta. Take some time to study the paper and you’ll find a lot of answers to your leadership, and more specifically your people skills, conundrum.

As your understanding of yourself, and subsequently others, grows then you will have a greater understanding of what interests you and what sort of career, and life you would like to live.

https://integral-review.org/issues/vol_16_no_1_barta_seven_perspectives_on_the_stages_developmental_model.pdf