How to not be triggered by a person?

[coburn]

So there is this one person in my circle who i just dont like, we see us from time to time because we share some friends and interests. This person is currently taking too much space and energy in my mind.

I dont even know why this person triggers me so much, its not like hes a bad person or anything. I just dont like the way he looks, acts and talks.

Now i really want this person out of my head, im actually annoyed at myself for giving this person so much attention and still i cant let it go. I was contemplating for the last half hour why this is and how to let it go and i just cant move on. While i have always been a very sensitive to people around me i have never had this before.

How can i solve this?

Edited March 19 by coburn

[RickyFitts]

Investigate what's going on inside you when you do find yourself getting triggered, notice what sorts of feelings and emotions get stirred up in you when you think about this person, be very aware in your body; notice where in your body you might be feeling tightness and tension, and allow that inner resistance to release and let your body relax and breathe. As you do so, notice any feelings that might then arise, and just allow those feelings to be felt. This is likely not an issue that's going to go away overnight, so make this into a regular practice, deepen your bodily sensitivity.

[bebotalk]

1 hour ago, coburn said:

So there is this one person in my circle who i just dont like, we see us from time to time because we share some friends and interests. This person is currently taking too much space and energy in my mind.

I dont even know why this person triggers me so much, its not like hes a bad person or anything. I just dont like the way he looks, acts and talks.

Now i really want this person out of my head, im actually annoyed at myself for giving this person so much attention and still i cant let it go. I was contemplating for the last half hour why this is and how to let it go and i just cant move on. While i have always been a very sensitive to people around me i have never had this before.

How can i solve this?

Disassociate with them, and recognise it's a you problem. 

[Salvijus]

In my experience dissociation/withdrawal/ignoring doesn't work. It just puts the feelings under the rug. But when the situation or a person pops up in your awareness, again the same feelings will surface. 

The only thing that has ever worked for me was learning to be vulnurable, allowing all feelings to be there as it is. And let it be transformed/healed through heart's presence/energy. 

It's a powerful advice, unfortunaly it can be tricky to explain how to tap into that energy of forgiveness. But maybe this comment will give you some hints/direction where to begin to look for an answer. 

[Jugo]

Great one Salvijus 👍

[Thought Art]

[Salvijus]

12 minutes ago, Jugo said:

Great one Salvijus 👍

[Ulax]

Concentration meditation or IFS are good starts imo. Especially the former

[Princess Arabia]

There's was a time when somebody was doing something i didn't like. Someone close in my proximity that wasn't feasible for me to remove myself from physically. I kept resisting and resisting and feeling bad every time wishing and hoping one day they would stop doing it. The more they did it, the worse I felt. 

One day I made a decision to not resist it anymore, meaning to just see it for what it is and adjust my thinking to what I was seeing. I stopped resisting, didn't even acknowledge it anymore as a bad thing and worked on how I was processing it and just let it be. Not too long after that they stopped.

I didn't have to feel any feeling nor try to do anything outwardly. All I did was stop seeing it how I was seeing it and they stopped doing it. It was like magic. 

The thing i remembered most about how I did it was to try and remove myself from the equation as somebody that was going through something and saw it as just something that was happening but not to me, it just was. Something like that, and it wasn't very conscious because I knew nothing about Spirituality then, it was just an automatic response that was an effect of my consciously saying to myself how can I change the way I'm responding to this and it just happened naturally without any effort. I don't think it was so much that they stopped being that person, but they stopped being that way around me without them even knowing it bothered me or it was something that I detested. Didn't even come up.

This is what I think it means when they say in Spirituality that we are creating the people around us by seeing them a certain way and if we see them or even the things they do different, what we see changes.

 

Edited March 19 by Princess Arabia

[Chadders]

@coburn sometimes we are triggered by flaws in others that are in ourselves that we dislike. Or perhaps there’s something this person has that deep down you desire so you have created this negative perception

just thoughts. FYI I have experienced both of the above which is why I say this

How to not be triggered is to first accept that you are triggered and not fight that. Go deeper into spirit and spend time in nature or wherever you feel most conscious to reflect

aside from this the person might just be a dick in which case don’t spend time with them

Edited March 19 by Chadders

[puporing]

In the back of your mind recognize that you are their teacher.. means your consciousness is most likely higher (not always), and then you won't get triggered as much. But if it's really toxic you gotta put some boundaries in place. 

Edited March 20 by puporing

[coburn]

9 hours ago, Chadders said:

@coburn sometimes we are triggered by flaws in others that are in ourselves that we dislike. Or perhaps there’s something this person has that deep down you desire so you have created this negative perception

Both of these aspects are definitely playing a role here.

 

17 hours ago, Salvijus said:

In my experience dissociation/withdrawal/ignoring doesn't work. It just puts the feelings under the rug. But when the situation or a person pops up in your awareness, again the same feelings will surface. 

The only thing that has ever worked for me was learning to be vulnurable, allowing all feelings to be there as it is. And let it be transformed/healed through heart's presence/energy. 

It's a powerful advice, unfortunaly it can be tricky to explain how to tap into that energy of forgiveness. But maybe this comment will give you some hints/direction where to begin to look for an answer. 

Great advice, yesterday i was at a place where i could not accept this feelings and fought them which made this whole thing even bigger. Accepting them made a big difference already.

 

10 hours ago, Ulax said:

Concentration meditation or IFS are good starts imo. Especially the former

Whats IFS?

 

20 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

Investigate what's going on inside you when you do find yourself getting triggered, notice what sorts of feelings and emotions get stirred up in you when you think about this person, be very aware in your body; notice where in your body you might be feeling tightness and tension, and allow that inner resistance to release and let your body relax and breathe. As you do so, notice any feelings that might then arise, and just allow those feelings to be felt. This is likely not an issue that's going to go away overnight, so make this into a regular practice, deepen your bodily sensitivity.

I had a bit of a bad day yesterday so i way unable to accept the emotions and let them flow. but i did a meditation in the evening and fully accepted my emotions in this moment. This alone flipped the feeling completely.

[Ulax]

42 minutes ago, coburn said:

Whats IFS?

Type of psychotherapy

[Davino]

On 19/3/2024 at 11:12 AM, coburn said:

Now i really want this person out of my head, im actually annoyed at myself for giving this person so much attention and still i cant let it go. I was contemplating for the last half hour why this is and how to let it go and i just cant move on. While i have always been a very sensitive to people around me i have never had this before.

That person is the reflection of your own shadow. All that you are repressing in yourself, denying, hating, blaming, abusing...

He triggers all of that. Other bad people don't trigger you that much, why? Because you have integrated them in your psyche.

On 19/3/2024 at 11:12 AM, coburn said:

How can i solve this?

By loving in yourself what you see reflected in the other person

Exercise:

What behaviour does this person exhibit that triggers me the most?

What are some examples when I exhibited the same beahaviour? 

Why do I hate that behaviour in me? How can I accept it and integrate? How can I be more self-loving?

 

[RickyFitts]

3 hours ago, coburn said:

I had a bit of a bad day yesterday so i way unable to accept the emotions and let them flow. but i did a meditation in the evening and fully accepted my emotions in this moment. This alone flipped the feeling completely.

Great! A consistent meditation practice is one of the best things you do for your general wellbeing, in my opinion.

[UnbornTao]

@Ulax You really are passionate about IFS.

[Ahbapx]

Why do you want to be non-triggered?

No matter if he is right or you are right,  you don't want confrontation for whatever reason, that is fine.

You can be functional and triggered at the same time, there is no point in trying to put gunpowder and fire together and expect nothing to happen.

 

[Yimpa]

The goal is not to avoid being triggered, but to respond with intuition & wisdom.

[Applegarden8]

Maybe reading this can calm you down. 

 

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H07Rs3H0-PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkuuIBOgHe8