I’m Done With This Dating Game

[r0ckyreed]

Hello. I’m just honestly sexually/intimately frustrated right now. It sucks because a lot of women would rather be with someone who is physically and sexually abusive to them than to be with a nice guy like me who is very feminine/masculine balanced.

Some women say they want a man who is willing to be vulnerable with them. But when such a guy does this, they leave him and go to a masculine man who will abuse the shit out of them.

I feel like I am too autistic, feminine, and empathic to be attractive to women. Women do not flirt or approach me at all. I usually never approach women because I know they deal with a lot of guys just trying to get into their pants. I am not interested in that but building intimate companionship.

This is even on dating apps. I did not get very many likes. I just don’t get what women want, and I am starting to think that they don’t know either.

I know what I want. I want an assertive woman who knows what she wants and who doesn’t conform to the BS social norms and tradition of men always having to make the first move. It just frustrates me that some women preach about challenging the patriarchy but then it seems to me like many of these same women still end up with these sexist, masculine men.

Dating apps are pointless and it seems like going to bars as well. I feel so alone when I am at the bars. It is like nobody cares that I exist. Gosh. I am crying now as I write this.

It just sucks because I am a nice guy and any woman would be lucky to have me as a partner. But instead they go to those Gaston men or even the Le Fou type of men who aren’t athletically built at all.

I have been going to the gym doing strength training 5 days a week every day at 5am. It is right now one of the main activities I do that keeps me grounded and gives me a sense of purpose/connection other than my career.

Sorry for the rant. This isn’t suppose to be a hate post/speech but rather frustration that I do not feel like I matter and am not seen. My autism holds me back because it is hard for me to pick up on subtle cues sometimes but it helps me thrive in many other areas of my life.

I guess I am going to try to let go of my attachment to ever being in a romantic relationship. Relationships and love is a gamble. My last girlfriend dumped me because I wasn’t sure if I wanted kids in my future. This is one of the main areas of my life that I don’t understand.

Hell, it is hard for me to even make just basic friends. I don’t want to change who I am because I love who I am. I just don’t get why other people don’t see me the way I see myself. I mean I check every box. I am athletic, musician, philosophically inclined, empathic/kind, I meditate, I am adventurous, and I go to the gym and more.

I don’t know. If anyone has feedback or experiences something similar, let me know. 

Thanks.

[Hojo]

Advice cry as hard as you possibly can about this.

You are focusing on certain neurons in your mind and when you cry its a hidden ability to disconnect them.

It will make you feel better and forget. Your body is trying to do it automatically but you are stopping it by not going full force crying. If you dont do it when your body starts crying its going to turn into anger. Crying will release your anger and will give you a clear mind to figure out why woman are not wanting to be with you.

As you cry realise its not you crying and watch.

Edited March 16 by Hojo

[Schizophonia]

Dont confuse being vulnerable and being weak.

[Thought Art]

@r0ckyreed inch by inch

[Schizophonia]

1 hour ago, r0ckyreed said:

 

Hell, it is hard for me to even make just basic friends. I don’t want to change who I am because I love who I am. I just don’t get why other people don’t see me the way I see myself. I mean I check every box. I am athletic, musician, philosophically inclined, empathic/kind, I meditate, I am adventurous, and I go to the gym and more.

 

None of these things are enough to make you someone you want to be with.
These are just favorable factors, but not the main thing.

[r0ckyreed]

35 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

None of these things are enough to make you someone you want to be with.
These are just favorable factors, but not the main thing.

So, what exactly is this main thing then?

Also, how are vulnerability and weakness not the same? I thought vulnerability is your ability to show weakness - the opposite of toxic masculinity.

[Yousif]

1 hour ago, r0ckyreed said:

Hello. I’m just honestly sexually/intimately frustrated right now. It sucks because a lot of women would rather be with someone who is physically and sexually abusive to them than to be with a nice guy like me who is very feminine/masculine balanced.

Some women say they want a man who is willing to be vulnerable with them. But when such a guy does this, they leave him and go to a masculine man who will abuse the shit out of them.

I feel like I am too autistic, feminine, and empathic to be attractive to women. Women do not flirt or approach me at all. I usually never approach women because I know they deal with a lot of guys just trying to get into their pants. I am not interested in that but building intimate companionship.

This is even on dating apps. I did not get very many likes. I just don’t get what women want, and I am starting to think that they don’t know either.

I know what I want. I want an assertive woman who knows what she wants and who doesn’t conform to the BS social norms and tradition of men always having to make the first move. It just frustrates me that some women preach about challenging the patriarchy but then it seems to me like many of these same women still end up with these sexist, masculine men.

Dating apps are pointless and it seems like going to bars as well. I feel so alone when I am at the bars. It is like nobody cares that I exist. Gosh. I am crying now as I write this.

It just sucks because I am a nice guy and any woman would be lucky to have me as a partner. But instead they go to those Gaston men or even the Le Fou type of men who aren’t athletically built at all.

I have been going to the gym doing strength training 5 days a week every day at 5am. It is right now one of the main activities I do that keeps me grounded and gives me a sense of purpose/connection other than my career.

Sorry for the rant. This isn’t suppose to be a hate post/speech but rather frustration that I do not feel like I matter and am not seen. My autism holds me back because it is hard for me to pick up on subtle cues sometimes but it helps me thrive in many other areas of my life.

I guess I am going to try to let go of my attachment to ever being in a romantic relationship. Relationships and love is a gamble. My last girlfriend dumped me because I wasn’t sure if I wanted kids in my future. This is one of the main areas of my life that I don’t understand.

Hell, it is hard for me to even make just basic friends. I don’t want to change who I am because I love who I am. I just don’t get why other people don’t see me the way I see myself. I mean I check every box. I am athletic, musician, philosophically inclined, empathic/kind, I meditate, I am adventurous, and I go to the gym and more.

I don’t know. If anyone has feedback or experiences something similar, let me know. 

Thanks.

You can start by talking to people to be friends with at the gym or any if the places you be at, just a simple “ wanna catch a workout sometime “ will do it, the more guy friends you have the more you’ll be socializing the more you’ll be trusted and given a chance by females.

[r0ckyreed]

50 minutes ago, Hojo said:

Advice cry as hard as you possibly can about this.

You are focusing on certain neurons in your mind and when you cry its a hidden ability to disconnect them.

It will make you feel better and forget. Your body is trying to do it automatically but you are stopping it by not going full force crying. If you dont do it when your body starts crying its going to turn into anger. Crying will release your anger and will give you a clear mind to figure out why woman are not wanting to be with you.

As you cry realise its not you crying and watch.

Thanks. I have already been crying it out, but I am still faced with the same reality. My previous relationship doesn’t hurt anymore. What hurts more is realizing that I am not desirable/attractive as I am. And I don’t want to change who I am for women because that kind of change wouldn’t be conducive. I don’t want to have to manipulate myself and others to just get a basic relationship going. It’s a sad truth that men who are great manipulators will get all the women on their knees. Whereas nice guys (more feminine guys) finish last.

Edited March 16 by r0ckyreed

[r0ckyreed]

9 minutes ago, Yousif said:

You can start by talking to people to be friends with at the gym or any if the places you be at, just a simple “ wanna catch a workout sometime “ will do it, the more guy friends you have the more you’ll be socializing the more you’ll be trusted and given a chance by females.

Thanks. The thing that frustrates me is that I have to initiate everything to get something going. I feel more valued when I don’t always have to initiate.

[eos_nyxia]

6 hours ago, r0ckyreed said:

Hello. I’m just honestly sexually/intimately frustrated right now. It sucks because a lot of women would rather be with someone who is physically and sexually abusive to them than to be with a nice guy like me who is very feminine/masculine balanced.

Why are you zeroing in on the most dysfunctional, visible dynamics? There's some element of trauma involved in that... why focus straight on the lowest common denominator?

Quote

Some women say they want a man who is willing to be vulnerable with them. But when such a guy does this, they leave him and go to a masculine man who will abuse the shit out of them.

Strength of character gives one the power to choose be vulnerable in a way that's meaningful to people. Generally, that's what's attractive.

Quote

I feel like I am too autistic, feminine, and empathic to be attractive to women.

Maybe "most women" and neuronormals are not your type?

Quote

This is even on dating apps. I did not get very many likes. I just don’t get what women want, and I am starting to think that they don’t know either.

If I had to do conventional online dating, I'd probably never have dated at all, lol. It's not for everyone. It's cold, superficial, and impersonal by the nature of it.

[eos_nyxia]

Quote

I know what I want. I want an assertive woman who knows what she wants and who doesn’t conform to the BS social norms and tradition of men always having to make the first move. It just frustrates me that some women preach about challenging the patriarchy but then it seems to me like many of these same women still end up with these sexist, masculine men.

You're looking at neurotypical/ mainstream dating places. You're not neurotypical. The odds are extremely stacked against you in your environment.

Quote

It just sucks because I am a nice guy and any woman would be lucky to have me as a partner. But instead they go to those Gaston men or even the Le Fou type of men who aren’t athletically built at all.

ANY woman? Please. There is no such thing as someone who is good for everyone. This is a fantasy. You're not dating women as a whole category, you're dating individuals who may or may not have various things in common.

Quote

I guess I am going to try to let go of my attachment to ever being in a romantic relationship. Relationships and love is a gamble. My last girlfriend dumped me because I wasn’t sure if I wanted kids in my future. This is one of the main areas of my life that I don’t understand.

This is how it's supposed to go; we sever connections with people when our goals are not fundamentally aligned. IMO it's better to get this thing out in the open ASAP and not be sneaky about it so people don't waste their time and energy.

Quote

Hell, it is hard for me to even make just basic friends. I don’t want to change who I am because I love who I am. I just don’t get why other people don’t see me the way I see myself. I mean I check every box. I am athletic, musician, philosophically inclined, empathic/kind, I meditate, I am adventurous, and I go to the gym and more.

The truth is that a lot of people either do not care about these things, or it does not translate into something valued by the other person in and of itself.

[Leo Gura]

6 hours ago, r0ckyreed said:

Some women say they want a man who is willing to be vulnerable with them. But when such a guy does this, they leave him and go to a masculine man who will abuse the shit out of them.

This is just some BS story your mind invented.

There are literally a billion women in non-abusive relationships. No reason why you can't be one of them.

Edited March 17 by Leo Gura

[Miguel1]

17 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

This is just some BS story your mind invented.

There are literally a billion women in non-abusive relationships. No reason why you can't be one of them.

Lol. I’ve been in 4 long-term relationships. I didnt know I abused the shit out of them 🤷🏼‍♀️

—-

@r0ckyreed

Your OP is full of excuses and defense mechanisms to avoid growing yourself as a man.

Ironic when all this crap comes from that profile picture. Seems to be just a compensation.

”I know what I want. I want an assertive woman who knows what she wants and who doesn’t conform to the BS social norms and tradition of men always having to make the first move.”

No, you’re just too scared to be a man and approach the damn feminine girl.

Go out there and approach a 1000 girls. Then most of this bitching will be gone. And you’ll actually learn to enjoy the game.

Edited March 17 by Miguel1

[Leo Gura]

11 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

I’ve been in 4 long-term relationships. I didnt know I abused the shit out of them

That's a different matter.

[Miguel1]

2 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

That's a different matter.

My comment was a sarcastic remark directed towards the comment you responded to:

”Some women say they want a man who is willing to be vulnerable with them. But when such a guy does this, they leave him and go to a masculine man who will abuse the shit out of them.”

I used an iPhone emoji indicating sarcasm at the end of that sentence, so maybe that didn’t show up.

[r0ckyreed]

34 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

This is just some BS story your mind invented.

There are literally a billion women in non-abusive relationships. No reason why you can't be one of them.

Me being vulnerable and telling her I was not sure about if I wanted children or not was one of the reasons for the end of that relationship. But I am glad I was authentic enough to state how I was feeling because now I know that her love for me wasn’t as strong as her desire for children. 

 

[r0ckyreed]

31 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

No, you’re just too scared to be a man and approach the damn feminine girl.

 

I am scared, but I also am tired of playing this game of me always initiating things. Women do not flirt or show interest in me period. Why would I approach them just coldly if they do not seem warm to begin with? Why do we still have to live in traditional times where men always ask women out. We need to challenge the patriarchy and the gender roles. 

I am just tired of this game of me having to chase women. All of the women I have been with were from them approaching me or initiating interest in someway. I don’t know what has changed since those times. I guess I was at the right place at right time.

I honestly have better things to do than approach 1000 women. I am really just interesting in landing 1. But if I have to get her attention and initiate everything, then I don’t see the point. I don’t feel love that way. I feel valued when women express interest in someway. 

Edited March 17 by r0ckyreed

[r0ckyreed]

I just feel lost when approaching. I just feel awkward and feel like a nerd who is just chasing pussy. I don’t want to do that. Everybody in the bar is talking to everyone and it just feels creepy just going up to random people I don’t know to converse with. I am not a very social person. 

After thinking about it, me being able to approach without resistance would be a great confidence and social skill. I am open to learning how to do this more and more effectively. However, it still helps if women at least help make themselves more approachable. I approached one woman and took her for ice cream because she smiled at me and kept looking at me. That’s easy approach. It is harder when they make it feel like I don’t matter if I am dead or alive by not looking at me, smiling at me, giving me attention, etc.

Edited March 17 by r0ckyreed

[Leo Gura]

19 minutes ago, r0ckyreed said:

Me being vulnerable and telling her I was not sure about if I wanted children or not was one of the reasons for the end of that relationship. But I am glad I was authentic enough to state how I was feeling because now I know that her love for me wasn’t as strong as her desire for children. 

Look, you will be incompatible with most girls. It's not personal. She wanted kids and you didn't so it is a bad fit. Love is never enough to bridge such big gaps.

What you're learning is the importance of screening out incompatible girls early. A key part of dating. If you want to build serious long-term relationships you gotta ask early what her goals for life are and see if they align with yours.

Edited March 17 by Leo Gura

[Princess Arabia]

22 minutes ago, r0ckyreed said:

But I am glad I was authentic enough to state how I was feeling because now I know that her love for me wasn’t as strong as her desire for children. 

This doesn't equate to her not loving you as equally to her desire for children. You said you are glad you were authentic enough to state how you were feeling but you aren't saying her love for having children was authentic to her. Do you see the bias (if that's the word) here. She loved herself enough to break up with you because she felt she wanted kids and you said you weren't sure and you love your authentic self enough to say that to her but now you're saying her love for you wasn't stronger than her desire for kids.

Neither one of you compromised; rightly so in this case because love of self is more important and in the long run would have jeopardized the relationship if one of you eased up and caved in for the other. 

So it is very one-sided of you to make the comment that her love for you wasn't as strong because neither was yours.

Think about what I'm saying here before you come to your defense because it isn't easy to recognize this when you're in the trap.

Edited March 17 by Princess Arabia