Using game to date for a beginner

[caelanb]

I want to get better at talking to women I am attracted to since I am interested in dating relationships and potentially making more friends (as a bonus). I plan to go out this Friday to a bar in my city (1.3 million in the greater area about) alone unless I can get one person to come. And wanna go out Saturday night with some friends too. As a background, I have only had two good friends since I was a child, so I have not had many opportunities to go out to parties and bars with people I know. Although, I could have since one of my friends has done a decent amount of partying and stuff. But, I have never gone to them because I always felt that it was a waste of time and low self-esteem (and still have some), along with some social anxiety and people judging me, as is common with high school students.

I am brand new to the game (I've only gone out 3 times on my own in the past month or so). I want to use it to get a date and make an intimate connection with a girl (I have never been in a relationship). But, as I have recently learned (and suspected), I am terrible at it. When I talk to attractive girls in university, on the streets or at a bar. I go blank. I don't act playful, funny, or a confident person. I have a little bit of that stuff when I talk to a girl I don't really find attractive (or moderately attractive) or just a guy. But everything kinda shuts down when I talk to a girl I find attractive. I think it's because I really care about how it goes with an attractive girl. But I do when she is not attractive. All fundamentals of the game; playfulness, vibe, leading the interaction, teasing, and complementing are essentially out the door. And the more intimidating the situation, like a group of attractive women at the bar having fun and dancing perhaps with a guy or two, the worse it is. My social skills are inversely correlated with how attractive the girl is and how intimidating it would be to walk up and talk to the girl since I prefer not to humiliate, embarrass or show that I am desperate to some degree. With that said, I can be outgoing when comfortable since I am expressive and sometimes funny and can socialize pretty well. At least that's my impression and what I've been told from those I've asked. It's easier to initiate a conversation with an attractive woman when there is a lubricant like you know someone who knows someone. Or you're doing something in common. It feels like imposter syndrome when I go to social environments to talk to girls and act like I know what I am doing until everything goes blank.

To extend my reach, I have 4 different dating apps (Hinge, Tinder, Bumble, and Badoo) and have had terrible results on them (my total matches for all apps put together is less than 10). However, both texting and game skills are bad. So, I probably won't get any dates out of dating apps (I have been using them for about 3 months). There is a guy I met coincidently at the bar recently who I know mutually (along with his buddies), and I'm tryna have him go out Friday. Since, apparently, he's been doing this for some time. He (has been on just two apps for 4 months) and his buddies have had success (over 100 matches), and he told me that my profile is good. So, either I'm not attractive to women (since I get no likes and most girls I like don't seem interested in me), the algorithm downrated me a while back (cause of the bad profile I had), or I'm part of the 90 percent of guys who get almost nothing on matches. Or all three, which is probably the case. Unfortunately, my lack of success doesn't help with self image, and confidence and makes me a bit sad since most attractive women I like reject me. I watched all 3 parts of Leo's videos on getting laid. I forget what he says exactly in all of them. But I think I have the general idea that you have to have an inner game of (actually believing you can do it) and have the outer game of social skills to attract women. I am curious if anyone knows any tips for using game and apps to date girls and get intimate, especially when you are out alone (the hardest cause you got nowone to fall back on). Other than moving cities since I'm still in Uni. I tried to summarise my situation. So, hopefully, it makes sense. 

It's worth noting that between the time I started writing this post and when I finished it (both today). I asked this one girl I saw to go to an improv club at Uni and if she wanted to go out to a comedy club, and she seemed open to both. Got her number. I have used this opener a few times, and it seems to work. I don't feel comfortable going up to the girl and talking with her just because she is attractive (it feels too awkward and nerve-racking so I kind of go blank/act like a robot). Rather I go up to them to have a friendly conversation and then try to make my way towards her number and then interest.

Thank you.

[Leo Gura]

Stop wasting your energy on dating apps and go cold approach girls. That's where the serious results are to be had.

Edited March 13 by Leo Gura

[Brandon L]

@caelanb Out of all the dating apps which one do you get the most matches on?

[NoSelfSelf]

You wont learn game here go somewhere else.

Game is not something you use to get a resault that's a big f up.Game is you.

[caelanb]

 

20 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Stop wasting your energy on dating apps

I think that's an overgeneralization, but why do you think that (people have married from them)? I'm just using it to widen my net some more and when I don't go out to a bar (weekdays normally) I can still try chatting with girls.

 

20 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

go cold approach girls. That's where the serious results are to be had.

Cold approach is f*cking brutal when it's direct, and she rejects you. Plus, it can get awkward since the reason you went up to her has been rejected. Is approaching a girl indirectly (friendly conversation) still cold approach?

 

18 hours ago, Brandon L said:

Out of all the dating apps which one do you get the most matches on?

Hinge probably but by the slimmest margin.

 

13 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

You wont learn game here go somewhere else.

Don't some people here have experience with game?

13 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Game is not something you use to get a resault that's a big f up.Game is you.

What do you mean? I definitely am not game.

[NoSelfSelf]

@caelanb Experience with women doesnt mean you have game and you dont know what it is.