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I just finished the LP course a few days ago. I have been thinking about this moment for quite a while as I started this course more then 2 years ago. Not that I get all the missing answers here but maybe some advice from more experienced folks who are already living their LP. I am 25 now and I live in germany. I have got inattentive adhd which made many things very difficult for me like concentration, dealing with emotions and social problems which indirectly also made other things difficult like finding study partners or getting help with emotional distress difficult. So basically I was always an emotional mess/ overtaxed/ semi depressed while getting nothing done and not understanding what was wrong with me. As a result I had difficulties answering many questions in the life purpose course because I experienced relatively little concrete success so far because I couldnt really take part in life as much. I feel like I have got as close to it as what would be possible with my blockades but I feel like the very thing that is my LP is something I cant see right now. I take meds now and it seems like many things are clearing up rapidly but and I do make quite the transformation. I feel more capable but not necessarily upgraded. The stars become less interesting and I see more immediate tasks ahead. I become a lot more concrete instead of abstract. Thats the best way I can describe it. I seem to manifest myself in reality. I was always very reflected and stuff but was like a wave without its own will it can force onto the world. I develop a sense of self now. It sounds pretty unconscious I know and I made the point myself that adhd (at least the inattentive type that I experience) makes you more conscious. But in taking my meds I can deal with reality at least. If I got emotional support/ grounding maybe I could do it without meds but currently I can only do it this way. So this situation is quite confusing atm. In terms of my career so far: teaching: I am in 10th semester of studying math and philosophy for middle school but only have enough points to complete like 4 semesters (you need 10 semesters in total) because of the emotional distress I was always in. I could probably do better with the meds now so it really isnt hopeless. I decided to study teaching though because I did some internship to see what I like and teaching was okay for a moment and I couldnt deal with the pain of being in a situation of uncertainty so I did the best thing I found at the moment which wasn't the most conscious choice. Also there is a bit of buffer as with this graduation I can do other things as well. Teaching isnt directly my Life Purpose I am pretty sure about that. But I would earn a lot of money per hour, can do it part time, have a lot of holidays and a class in school gives you many direct information to observe which can inspire you. A school class is basically a mirror of society, all the kids are just mini versions of what's to come. So that can help me understand society and psychology more which would deepen whatever I create with my LP. I already thought a little and am also teaching 5 hours per week atm and it's an okay job. So it wouldnt be my LP but it would have a good base to comfortable pursue my real LP. acting: Over the last two years I have been doing a lot of acting as a hobby which is a lot of fun but it took a lot of time and I am also thinking about doing this as a career path. It would give me a relatively unstable base though and it would probably just miss my LP. Learning to act itself is incredible fun but it can also be emotionally challenging which I might not be capable to do. My Life Purpose is generally a bit unclear to me. Being a critical thinker is very much part of my authentic self and I have also got a very creative mind because of my adhd. On their own or even combined they dont really give me a life purpose that I find meaningful. For example I always think critically but I dont see where this practically leads to. And I often come up with new start up ideas because as I love the creative process but when it isnt connected to something meaningful I loose interest in it. The closest I could with these two is working on series like Rick&Morty which comes close to feeling like a LP. But I think there is a last component, a last value that is blocked from my mind. Besides these top two values I also care about empathy, goodness, authenticity, but not enough about any of them to make a LP in combination with the two about them I think. I sometimes look in my past to where the last puzzle piece might be. I developed a very profound even mystical happiness as a kid as I think that I had mystical experiences in kindergarden. I really vibed with Jesus in that time as well. I felt like it would virtually be impossible to break my spirit because I was connected to something unbreakable. I even felt like I needed to go through some real shit, to be lost, to come out of it and from that place be authentically able to help other people. I had a feeling of calling back then. Well I am not quite back to my inner garden of roses yet. I did about 20 trips of psychedelics and never realized a mystical experience because I was in too much shit mentally I think. (interestingly never had a really bad trip either though) I formulated my LP rather vague. I couldnt find any formulation that deeply inspired because as I said I think there is some authentic part of me missing. Taking my reflection about my past and moments of reflection I feel like it has to do with healing, bliss, profound love, existential (healing), spirituality. But I cant completely make out if these things interest me because I feel like I have a lack of them (negative motivation) or if it is authentic. To make my LP more concrete I could reformulate it like this for example (but I am not sure about it): - giving people blissful spiritual experiences to make them more loving and conscious. - finding existential beauty and meaning in fucked up situations to make people more hopeful So with all of this I have no clear direction of where to go and I found out new things about myself/ unblock blockades and this is probably going on for months and years to come. All ways would help me move forwards. If I study to become a teacher that would be an acceptable path which would allow me to do lots of other stuff (LP) I am interested in as well but then I could never study to become a serious actor because I would be too old at this point. I would need to become more clear about myself and my values to see what I value most. A side thought is also to experiment with start ups (for money) as I have lots of ideas for them. Right now I am thinking of continue studying while giving myself time to process and I can on the side apply to acting schools. Chances of getting accepted are pretty low anyways and if I get accepted that would be a sign that I am quite talented. Design ohne Titel.pdf

Australia has many positives; whether it is “best” depends entirely on the lens applied. Since the dispossession of Aboriginal culture, Australian identity has passed through multiple phase transitions, not merely political but geopolitical and governmental, particularly over the last decade as international power distributions have shifted. Its most pathological feature is also its most revealing though, Australian culture increasingly exists symbolicall, in newspapers, panels, branding, and mediated narratives, while being almost absent in the country’s most densely populated lived environments. Culture is archived rather than inhabited in a way, yet this same absence is also its latent advantage, especially for immigration policies heh. For those positioned to receive externally redistributed power, Australia functions less like a nation and more like an open operating system, lightly populated by myth, administratively flexible and unusually receptive to global reconfiguration haha. This is the only frame in which Australia’s trajectory makes sense to me, not as some declining national identity, rather, as a country in identity escrow. In an ideal resolution, one that currently feels no better than probabilistic parity, it may become the first genuinely global nation, no longer anchored to a single ethnocultural narrative, acting as an interface to indirectly help other countries burn through older national colours. The timing of this transition has been embedded for decades, even encoded in the national anthem, though rarely read as such. It’s actually pretty humorous, the same people decrying are the same people proudly singing the very same words that detail that pro immigration is like its biggest asset ———- I recommend reading the Australian National Anthem. Mass media instead rebranded the narrative into first- and second-generation jerseys, presenting demographic succession as if it were the final chorus rather than a transitional verse which is why it’s smoke gullibles but I’d argue most if not all good people, will just take the puff of. News media performed the primary work of this reframing, supported by softer propaganda systems, sport chief among them. Australian rules football for example, once a cultural unifier became a demographic amplifier ha! Concentrating identity anxiety and projecting it outward as concerns like “over-immigration,” confusing bait and switch momentum’s. On top of that though the First and Second World Wars were pivotal not only geopolitically but psychologically in creating the generational trauma bond, embedding habits of alignment, obedience, and inherited narrative continuity that persisted long after their strategic necessity expired. These habits shaped how Australia learned to sing itself, even as the underlying score changed. Australia is not self-annihilating per se. It is between stories and always was, it’s becoming always what it set-out to be (again, read the Australian National Anthem). Whether that interval resolves into decay or transformation depends on who recognises that the jersey was never the nation, the choir was never permanent, and the clock has been ticking the entire time on the change of hands heh. There’s a lot of humour in it, it would be satirical if not for all the people it genuinely wounds though which is sad. As people feel lost, and they can’t find the same grace because they’re not told that the truth was always just a puff of smoke they inhaled for existential relief they were told was “cool and hip” branded as “mateship, a fair go and Aussie Aussie Aussie! National pride”, totally oblivious to the fact that as soon as that lie was told, the lie recategorised the inevitability as an existential cancer that was going to take people emotionally from the inside out. A small externalised drip they were told was an internalised drip towards slowly deeper a slowly deeper truth the more one integrated into “TRUE Australian Culture! YEAH G’Day mate!” Until, well a lot of us have woken up now; just on different levels. But yeah, enjoy yourself as a tourist sure, it’s ur holiday when u make the trip and it can facilitate that in many ways; genuinely.

Great video. I warned about a lot of this years ago and the attitude was completely dismissive. If Newsom is the nominee democrats are screwed. They need a radical transformation.

Thank you. I appreciate this. More and more my spiritual practice is a physical transformation.

Second Attempt (editing while I have only a sentence or two of thought) So, I spent time writing my first post entry, and when I went to post submit there was a little mishap. Technically Fortunately I went through the experience already, so it should benefits me us now. because I went through the experience and learned how I'm going to attempt I have a better idea of how-to setup my Journal. I also found better clarity on what I want to attempt. Communication is my focus here. I now understand that the chaotic manner my mind talks to itself, may seem chaotic to others. I'm used to it though, so it's not necessarily chaotic a beautiful chaos to me. Being able to allow myself to express Freely expressing my thoughts will allows me to purge. my thoughts, and then I'll be able to gain clarity with my communication with others. When I write my personal journals, I don't take the time or effort to edit my words. This however is a public journal and I want to be an effective communicator. I know I need more consciousness in But since I'm developing my this skills to communicate with the collective, I find I'm not as effective as I would like. I have a message I want to share, but and I want to be understood. So, you we are going to get a visual of how I'm editing my free flow to communicate and "the struggle" I'm going to experiencing as I find a way to present my a concise message with clarity. I am not going to erase my words as I type. I will strikethrough the words or and letters I want to delete. I'm using the Blue will indicate for the changes I've made from after my original thought. This is a new process for me, so I'm open to make changes modifications. I don't know how I'm going to present this process accurately. This is becoming tedious work, but I know I'm going to gain huge benefits massive rewards will be the price. Currently communication is important principal for me currently. I want to place My ramblings to will be on this right side. When I want to begin sharing my message with the collective in my version of a concise manner, I believe I will use the other left side. Now I'm using my dad's computer to type right now. It's making sense to me Using this large format it makes sense to use the different sides. I'm uncertain how this will be perceived on a mobile device. I will place the words in italics with the polished version on the left side maybe. I guess hope people will tell me whether I need to find a different approach or not. Because people are have different temperaments, people they will have a choice. If they are just interested in my final submission, then they can stick to the polished version on the left. whether they want to only read my message or If they are interested how want to listen to my process works along with my message, they can choose to read it all too. Again, I'd like to mention repeat that I already had a first attempt to post my Journal, but most of my work was deleted. For a second I was shocked. I couldn't find a way to recover it. With my experience though, I knew this wasn't luck; it was deliberate. Even though this may seem chaotic, it makes better sense. I guess I had to have more of choose a direction of how I wanted to present my Journal. I did however save some sections of my work onto another document. I know the value of transparency and vulnerability. Without these qualities my growth will be stunted. So I'm going to share those thoughts I was able to save. Let's see how we can incorporate them into the dialogue here. I'm going to paste the entire text and then I thought maybe we can I would just select a portion and discuss, but after reading it again I think it's best to just copy and paste the entire my attempt to of expression. At this stage I was about to start continue editing more, but then I realized I need to find a way to show "the process struggle" of the work. (I'm wondering if I should edit directly onto the pasted message or do something different. Hmmm... I'm in no hurry to rush through the process so I'm going to give us a break in struggling to read with the strikeouts and change of colors above.) First Attempt Inserted (I allowed myself longer periods of thought before I started editing, but I didn't effectively show how much wor all of the changes I was making). Well, here I start, but where to start? I don't have the answer, but I trust that wherever I'll start I’ll begin to have a better understanding. Eight days ago, I found myself logging into this Forum for the first time. I’ve been involved with Actualized for a solid six years and gained so many benefits. Now I find myself trying out their Forum (or any forum for that matter). Intuitively there's an opportunity for massive growth here. I've been contemplating how I want to approach my involvement here. I find that I’m uncertain how to proceed. If I allow myself to process openly, I'll realize if there's value or not for myself. The Journal maybe the most beneficial (I don't know). When I first was posting, the bulk of my words were a preamble of my past. Is that necessary though? (It depends on who's engaging I suppose). I assume others are similar to myself. Countless times it's been apparent and proven that it's not the case so far. Why do I continue to assume? Well, it's not like I am absolutely ignorant that others aren't in the same state in any given situation. That's why I love life because of the variety and complexity including others. I find myself with a substantial taste for curiosity, and it's hungry. For me now, it's obvious to direct a large part of my focus on communication. I want clear and in-depth communication whether the use of words is in abundance or in brevity. Conciseness is where my direct experience needs work. To simplify we can break down communication into brevity and depth conversations. Admittedly, in any given situation I would prefer to choose which is the appropriate approach. I have tendencies to want to mostly go in-depth, but at times brevity is preferable. If I want that choice for myself, I can respect others who want to choose as well. The Journal can allow for considerable amounts of content that I consider a depth communication. Give an impression of the transformation of who I was to now, and even into my ideas of future. Building a sense of confidence that I'm someone who has been embodying higher levels of consciousness because of the abundance and diversity of my direct experiences. Existentially I can ask whether there are really levels of consciousness. I'm inserted into the center of infinitude, and yet I experience progression. Is it only because I want to experience what it's like to learn? When it comes to brevity communication it seems more plausible to use in the Forum, comparatively from the Journal. I have to remind myself that brevity conversations don't have to be without depth. Since my focus is on communication, I want to develop this skill more consciously. I've focused on integrity and I'm honest with myself and others when I don't know something or not interested at this point. I feel people who are more geared to hear history and more content will be drawn to a journal setting. Others will be geared towards simple and short communications. The majority of responses I read are mainly a sentence or two... lol. I'm asking myself what are they really trying to say. I've been developing a better understanding of creating balance with energy exchange. I find that I've been free with my energy and attention in the past, but as I gain more consciousness it's best to see where the person's energy is and then respond accordingly. I exhaust my energy because I was unaware, and it's obvious for me to notice I need to be more conscious. My first posts I found myself going right back to freely sharing but quickly noticed I was repeating my conditioning. Since I want to engage with others here, I feel if I can create a journal where I can open my energy freely... that that part of my conditioning can get an outlet at least. Maybe others can gain value of reading my process which give me value. Ultimately, it should in theory allow me to respond in a concise manner when communicating with the public. Communication skills is one domain that continues to develop, and it's been obvious to focus more attention now. A story I repeat is I'm a rambler which makes it hard for others to follow and I want to develop my articulation. I want it to be easier to communicate with clarity. I've been constantly editing. I'm searching for new words which seem to be more fitting to use instead of the common words I'm used to using which might not be as effective. I'm restructuring where to group my sentences that are on similar topics instead of bouncing back and forth. (Rollercoasters are fun and all, but at least they have a track that implies a direction to follow). I don't know how many run-on sentences I've had to narrow down. Deleting sentences because repetition is found everywhere. And noticing how many times the word "I" is used is a bit annoying... lol. Verbal work is one of those things in the back of my mind that I want to do but hadn't allowed opportunity to advance it until now it seems. Another story I repeat is that my language is more subtle, and I communicate and understand better with nonverbal language. I know if I created a hierarchy of my comfort level of communication with others it would be ideally to talk to a person face to face, then video chat, on to the phone, and finally a texting situation. Well... this Forum is a setting for using verbal language. I have a desire to connect with the collective. So let's give it a go here with this journal. (Is there a way to combine the two styles of editing? I really like how I can have longer periods of thought. That creates more of flow state for me. But I also want to be accurate to the editing process I have to do. There's so much more I'm unable to show like my spelling and grammar errors). Ok... it looks as if I need more time to figure out consider how to move forward. I know what I want to say, but adding the additional conversations about my This is going to be very valuable for me. I need to see I'll figure out how I can show share express my thoughts to the public, share my thoughts to myself, show my message drafts, demonstrate my edits in my drafts, and then create a polished message. I have to admit I have already tried to create a visual difference contrast to show these different areas, but I was unsuccessful so far. I posted a Help topic on the Forum to learn how to use the "insert existing attachment." and I probably need to allow more time for someone to help respond. I even thought I could insert basic html to possibly highlight the words with different colors. That's still a possibility. I'll look into that more. (Well... I didn't get to post anything polished yet, but actually that should've been expected. The magic is in the progression anyway.)

Because if you're growing up fed crack, you will need someone to take away that crack before you can shift your attention to other things. Doing work with social value was easier in the past when there was not much else to do or that steered your attention (but yes, stamp collection was a thing, but it's not literal dopaminergic hard drugs). And when you don't know crack, you probably won't have much else that gives you a sense of value than work with social value (because if you end up doing too much stamp collection, you will realize it's not sustainable in most cases, and it's easier to stop and the perceived value drops). If you let the child self-adminster crack and figure out what functional behaviors to do themselves, you will rely on the progressive breakdown of their functioning until they realize their life is too shit to continue this way, and they will either die or have an internal transformation (rock-bottom theory). That's not a wise or sustainable way to parent. It's more wise and sustainable to guide towards more natural forms of stimulation (indeed that of a cat). That's arguably where most of the self-hatred comes from in the "degenerate gamer": the progressive breakdown of motivational systems, increasing anhedonia, decreasing sensitivity to life, leading to more isolation, more compulsive and stronger types of stimulation (stronger drugs, stronger videogames, stronger porn) and a sense of hopelessness where they feel like they can't get out. And that's where the feeling of disconnection (from the "NT world") comes from, of not having the motivation (forget the competence) to seek out places of connection. And this doesn't just apply to videogames: it's the eternal dynamic of growing up. It's to go beyond the immediate short-term gratification, impulsive, self-focused hedonism, and orient yourself more long-term, delayed gratification, control your impulses, focus on more things than yourself, eudaimonia. And that's where parents lead by example and provide challenges in that direction, to push away from the immaturity and towards maturity. I thought you might say that. I have another theory for why I got "fixated" on that game (we're talking about RuneScape btw), and it has to do with me being promised paid membership for my birthday when I was 11, and then when we were about to purchase it, my dad noticed the age restriction was 12 years old (yes, strict), and he said no. So I was betrayed, making it a kind of forbidden pleasure, so I became fixated on that pleasure once I obtained it for myself (later with pre-paid mobile cards). This was also reinforced by the fact that because of the feeling of betrayal I got when asking for something I really wanted from my parents (RuneScape was a really really, really, big deal for me at that point), I stopped asking for stuff from my parents in general to avoid that potential betrayal in the future. So I stopped asking for other videogames (and clothes unless I had to, computer-related things, really anything "big"), and it calcified my "fixation" on that one game. As for the game itself being repetitive, it depends on how you play it. Skilling can be more repetitive (and is notoriously labelled autistic; "clicking on a rock" a million times), but player-vs-player is more varied and action-based (more like FPS games than anything). I have like 9 different PvP accounts on Oldschool RuneScape, let's put it that way. I have probably also a comparable number of hours playing guitar, and I played sports from like 7 to 14 and was very social at that time. I don't know what technically counts as an autistic fixation, but I didn't channel all of my time into the game. Also, as for repetition, a friend I consider autistic has said he likes to play piano 6 hours at a time (and one time he said he worked 12 hours at work, engineering consultant, with no breaks). When I play guitar, I go around an hour and a half, max 3 hours at a time. Let me also add that "fixation" on a game like RS is not uncommon. All the bigger streamers in the category have been fixated on it despite being sociable and "typical" in other ways, playing it consistently for decades. There is a saying "you never stop playing RS, you just take a break".

I've been on a journey to transcend my pickup artist conditioning, after being entrenched in it for nearly 10 years. I've spoken about this venture of mine in various posts in the past, but I've since realized that killing my pickup tendencies and beliefs is going to be a much harder dragon to slay than I anticipated. Therefore, I decided to take it more seriously and devote a good chunk of my time getting to the root cause of it all and unwiring the paradigm at its core. [Big thanks to @Emerald as well for giving me some advice on the matter in private.] That's what this series of posts is going to be about: Transcending Pick Up. ----- I got flaked on 5-6 times back to back this last week and a half, which has been extremely painful because I had very high interest in a few of those women. In fact, pickup has been difficult ever since I moved to my current city about a year ago. The women here are a lot more flakey and require more time investment over text than what I'm used to or comfortable with. This has been a blessing in disguise, though, because the turmotulous nature of the dating game here has really forced me to face myself. Anyway.. I was in pain yesterday, man. Had a shitty day at work, I got flaked on 3 times back to back and I was just frustrated. Before going home, I pass by the cannabis store and get myself some edibles. I'm getting high tonight and plan on swimming through the big pool of pain I feel, until I find the drain at the bottom. I only take a bite, though. These edibles are so strong, that when I last ate the whole thing, I awoke to Solipsism. They aint no joke, man. So, as you can imagine, that one bite was enough to inspire some insight. I open ChatGPT and instruct it to ask me back-to-back shadow work questions, each going deeper than the one before, with little fluff and empathetic mirroring. I want to go deep. Worked like a charm. What the line of questioning helped me to realize was that growing up I always felt insignificant. I used to get bullied by my classmates and even some of my own friends. I felt invisible to girls and my home life wasn't very pleasant, as my mom was working 12 hour days nearly 7 days a week to support my sisters and I, since my dad had abandoned us for another woman. The only thing that helped me feel significant in any way was my ability to draw very well. The recognition that my creative talents earned me, motivated me to cultivate that skill to a very high level, but it still wasn't enough to get the admiration of the girls I liked neither the respect of other men who i deemed to be "cool." And that's the deeper need that pickup fulfilled for me. Through pick up -- and personal development as a whole -- I became significant, different, special, one of a kind. I could attract beautiful women into my life and build sexual abundance like no other man I knew could and I would do it through the most unconventional path that most men would be afraid to undertake. I became significant to the women I would date, to the men within my social circle that bore witness to my sudden transformation and, finally, to myself as I finally became one of the *cool* guys in my eyes, finally. It was never about the sex, or the access, or the reputation. I just wanted to matter. I just wanted to be admired for something. Recognized by my peers and seen as important. I sat down with this insight for a few minutes. Then, I asked myself, how could I fulfill this need outside of pickup? The following answers came to mind: 1. Join or build a community of like minded individuals and find my own tribe through that. 2. Develop valuable skills or create something unique to me that will benefit the world at large. 3. Prioritize myself to myself. Build a relationship with myself that's founded under the premise of "I matter the most to me." Invest in me and do things that excite me and make me feel passionate. I immediately took steps. I am going to a kickboxing class today. I've always been interested in martial arts -- an interest rooted in the fact that I used to get bullied, I admit. Through this class, I will not only join a like minded community, but I will also be challenged in a new and exciting way and will develop a skill that could benefit the people that I love (knowing that I can protect them if shit ever goes down). Additionally, I will be creating my own Meetup.com event. One around the subject of mindfulness, creativity and vulnerability. I will not share my full concept here though Lastly, I am continuing my efforts to learn a new language I've been trying to learn for the longest time, starting next week. ------ BONUS INSIGHTS ------- 1. The steps I outlined above have always been of interest to me. The reason that I never went though with any of them to the max was because I was afraid of packing up my schedule and not being able to date as much. But considering how unfulfilling the game is these last few years, I find it crazy how much I resisted making the necessary lifestyle changes. It really reveals how deep the pulls of one's identity go, even when the identity no longer serves the individual positively. 2. I tend to interact with women from an egoic place rather than a genuine desire to connect and that is where all my fuck ups with dating stem from. When a man interacts with the world from a genuine intent to connect; he doesn't manipulate, he doesn't overpursue, he doesn't try to "get her to chase," or do any of the pickup tactics that we're taught. He just expresses himself (without needing to impress) and lets chemistry flourish naturally over time with no rush. I've picked up recently that whenever I have a genuine vibe going on with a woman and I try to use a pickup tactic on her, it immediately kills the vibe. At my level, I dont need these behaviours anymore. I am enough, I am attractive. All I really have to do is just show up, be myself and only pursue women who I have high genuine interest in and who I have the most chemistry with. From there, text them, build the vibe over text (no push pulls or stupid fucking techniques, just genuine fun convo) for a couple days, qualify her on things I like about her and then ask her out. Done. It's that simple. Yet pickup has overcomplicated this process for me and made me feel like I have to do more. Like I have to leave her on 'read' sometimes, or that I have to do x, y and z or whatever. Has that worked at some point in my life? Yes. But it is no longer applicable nor needed as the man I am now and my current relationship goals. And even when I've done those things successfully, the women have never been the type that I'd want to commit to long term, no matter how beautiful they might have been. Ultimately, a woman that chases a man who is distant, rejects her, makes her feel insecure or whatever, is not a quality woman. A quality girl knows her value so she will only go for men she has genuine chemistry with and who she feels reciprocative consistent effort from. I dont need to build attraction. I am attraction already. From there, its just about building rapport and connection. What this means for the future is that I need less leads but higher quality ones. Rather than collecting 10 numbers/instagrams per week, I should bring that number down to about 2-3 exceptionally high quality leads. That means, again, women that I'm truly highly attracted to, who I have genuine good chemistry and compatibility with and just invest in these women over other low quality leads. This will require a strong discernment from me and a resistance to a "lead acquisition" frame in which I just go out and seek as much abundance as I can rather than connection. But, now that I'm slowly making some changes in my life, I dont think that will be too challenging to maintain. More insights to come.

@ Mod - sry , probably need to move me to Self-Help Books ? Wrote this like a year ago, never published before, any feedback? Brutal honesty, treat it like a punching bag for all I care. https://www.canva.com/design/DAGTwwR32ME/CX5DXOB_3v34785XmuOG-g/edit?utm_content=DAGTwwR32ME&utm_campaign=designshare&utm_medium=link2&utm_source=sharebutton START This book is your guide to integrating all aspects of your being. Through practical tools, prompts, and frameworks, you'll create a transformation deeply connected to the universe. Designed for those who question the familiar, seek meaning, and align inner growth with the collective evolution. Transformation requires participation—only by using the system will its true impact be revealed. To get the most out of this book, think of it as an ongoing conversation with yourself. Engage with the content. Each chapter is a building block, providing the structure and tools to help you lay a strong foundation and construct a more aligned and fulfilled version of your life. Transformation is not a one-size-fits-all journey. The true essence of this book lies not in adhering rigidly to these practices, but in embracing the key understandings that underlie them. Trust yourself, adapt as needed, and allow the key understandings to guide your actions. This is where true transformation unfolds. Recognizing the Personal Challenges “Awareness is the first step toward change.” Symptoms Affecting You: Feeling Disconnected or Isolated "It's possible to be surrounded and still feel isolated.” When was the last time you felt truly connected with someone? What was different about that interaction compared to most others? How often do you feel lonely even when surrounded by people? What do you think contributes to that feeling? Lack of Deep Relationships Despite being constantly "connected," you might feel alone. "Authentic connections nourish the soul." How do you usually make decisions when faced with many options? What emotions arise during this process? What information do you consume daily, and how does it impact your mental clarity or emotional state? Superficial Interactions Conversations often feel shallow; you crave deeper connections. Overwhelmed by Choices and Information "Sometimes less is more when it comes to choices." What aspects of your life currently feel meaningful? How could you enhance those areas? When did you last question your beliefs or direction? What new insights did this questioning bring? Decision Paralysis Too many options lead to stress and indecision. "Not all information leads to wisdom." Information Overload Constant news leaves you feeling drained and confused. Struggling with Purpose and Meaning "A ship without a compass drifts aimlessly." Lack of Direction You're unsure about your goals or what truly matters to you. "In questioning, we begin the journey to understanding." Questioning Beliefs Doubting old beliefs without finding new ones. Excessive Skepticism or Cynicism "Trust is fragile but essential." Distrust in Institutions Hard to trust authorities or experts. "What we focus on expands in our minds." Negative Outlook Focusing on what's wrong rather than what's right. Avoidance of Authentic Expression "True strength lies in vulnerability." Hiding Behind Irony or Sarcasm Using humor to deflect serious conversations. "Being yourself is the bravest thing you can do." Fear of Judgment Worrying about what others think prevents authentic expression. Fragmented Identity "Wholeness comes when we embrace all parts of ourselves." Wearing 'Masks' Presenting different versions of yourself in various situations. "Self-awareness is the key to personal growth." Lack of Self-Understanding Difficulty in knowing your own feelings and desires. "Small steps can lead to significant changes." Self Awareness: The Foundation to Everything "Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom." “Understanding yourself is the foundation for meaningful change for in the mirror of self-awareness lies the key to unlocking growth and transformation.” Without self-awareness, it’s difficult to understand what aspects of your life need change, where your behaviors stem from, or how to align your actions with your values Essentially, self-awareness acts as the root that nourishes the growth of all other changes. Insight Self-awareness is crucial as it forms the foundation of understanding oneself deeply, which is necessary for meaningful change. Realization: Understanding your own emotions, thoughts, and reactions helps identify what needs to change and how to align your actions with your values. Adapting the Practice: If a practice like journaling feels overwhelming, consider using voice notes or reflective drawing. The goal is to engage with the process in a way that feels natural. Mindfulness Practice: Spend several minutes each day in quiet reflection or meditation. What thoughts or sensations arise during your practice? Can you simply observe them without judgment? Journaling: Write down your thoughts and feelings to uncover patterns. What emotions or recurring thoughts can you identify from your recent experiences? Emotional Check-Ins: Regularly ask yourself how you're feeling throughout the day to better understand emotional triggers. What emotions are you experiencing right now? What might have triggered them? Body Scan: Take a moment to scan your body and notice any areas of tension. Where do you feel tension in your body? How can you release it? Identify Patterns: Reflect on your daily routines to identify habits that no longer serve you. What habits or routines feel unhelpful or draining? How might you replace them with healthier choices? Remember, the journey to transformation is unique to you. Feel free to adapt the practices in this chapter to suit your personal needs and preferences. Simplifying Life: Cutting Through the Noise "Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." Simplifying your life is like pruning a tree. By cutting away unnecessary branches, you allow the tree to grow stronger and healthier, focusing its energy on what truly matters Insight Reducing complexity in your life helps focus on what truly matters, enhancing growth and well-being. Realization: Pruning unnecessary aspects of life allows for a clearer focus on important goals and relationships. Adapting the Practice: If decluttering the whole space is daunting, start with a small area like a drawer or workspace, and gradually move outward over time. Limit Choices: Set boundaries on the number of options you consider. What decision are you facing? Can you narrow your options to just the essentials?” Declutter Your Space: Organize your environment to promote calmness. What in your space feels unnecessary? How would organizing or removing it make you feel? Digital Detox: Schedule regular breaks from screens and social media. How long have you been on screens today? How does a break affect your mood? Mind Dump: Each day, write out whatever is on your mind. What’s cluttering your mind right now? Write it all down. How do you feel afterward? Physical Movement: Engage in short physical activities, such as stretching, walking, or yoga to refresh yourself How does your body feel? What small movement can release tension or boost energy? Mindfulness Moments: Incorporate brief moments of mindfulness throughout your day What are you noticing right now? Can you observe without reacting or judging? Remember, the journey to transformation is unique to you. Feel free to adapt the practices in this chapter to suit your personal needs and preferences. Defining Core Values and Purpose (Anchoring Your Direction): "Find your why, and your how becomes clearer." Knowing your values and purpose creates direction and motivation, guiding you in decision-making and focusing your energy. Insight Clear values and a defined purpose guide life decisions and give a sense of direction. Realization: Understanding what truly matters to you can direct your daily actions and long-term goals. Identify Core Values: Choose values that resonate deeply with you. Purpose Reflection: List 3 things you did last week that made you feel good. What values or purpose were you living out? Purpose in a Sentence: Write down your life purpose in one simple sentence. Read it out loud every morning. Purposeful Goal: Set one small goal that reflects your life’s purpose, like reading 5 pages of a book that aligns with your values. Values Morning Routine: Add one small thing to your morning routine that reflects your values (e.g., stretch if health is a value). Quick Values Audit: Pick one part of your life (like work or family). Write down if your values are showing up in that area, and if not, one way to fix it. Remember, the journey to transformation is unique to you. Feel free to adapt the practices in this chapter to suit your personal needs and preferences. Building Authentic Connections "Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." Genuine relationships enhance happiness and fulfillment. Insight Deep, genuine relationships are essential for personal fulfillment and happiness. Realization: Engaging openly and vulnerably with others leads to more meaningful and supportive relationships. Active Listening: Practice fully focusing on the person speaking without planning your response. Nod and provide clarification to show you understand their points. Vulnerability Practice: Share something personal about yourself that you typically keep private. This could be a fear, a dream, or an opinion. Express Appreciation: Regularly express gratitude or appreciation for others, focusing on specific actions or qualities you value in them. Conflict Resolution: When disagreements occur, focus on understanding the other person's perspective and finding a solution together, rather than winning the argument. Acknowledgment of Efforts: Recognize and acknowledge the efforts others make, whether small or significant, and let them know their actions are noticed and appreciated. Open-ended Questions: Ask questions that require more than a yes/no answer to encourage deeper conversation. For example, "What was the highlight of your day?" Remember, the journey to transformation is unique to you. Feel free to adapt the practices in this chapter to suit your personal needs and preferences. Personalizing Your Path: The Art of Adaptive Transformation Deeper Understanding This chapter is for readers who prefer an in-depth exploration of adaptation Identify Core Motivations In the process of learning and growth, your 'why' matters more than the specific steps. According to logotherapy, a strong ‘why’ enables you to navigate any ‘how.’ As you move through this system, take the time to explore your deeper motivations. Why are you seeking transformation? This foundational understanding will guide your adaptations. Practical Step: Write down your core motivation and revisit it regularly to ensure that your adaptations align with your ultimate goal. "You can change your self as easily as you change the channel on a TV" Understand Your Learning Style People learn in different ways, and knowing your learning style can significantly enhance how you engage with the practices in this book. The four learning quadrants (Why, What, How, What if) can help identify your strengths: Why learners need an emotional reason for change. What learners focus on theory and knowledge. How learners need hands-on experience. What if learners are experimental. Practical Step: Identify your primary learning style and adapt the practices to match. If you’re a 'Why learner,' connect each practice to your emotional goals. If you’re a 'How learner,' focus on the actionable steps rather than the theoretical. Strategic Simplification The principle of simplification tells us that fewer choices and reduced complexity often lead to greater focus and success. Don’t overburden yourself by trying to tackle every exercise at once. Simplify the process by choosing a few key practices to focus on at a time. Practical Step: Select 2-3 core practices for the week, and limit your focus to mastering these before expanding to more. Too much too soon can dilute your efforts. Mindful Flexibility Flexibility is crucial to transformation. Mindful adaptation means staying aware of when practices no longer serve you. As the saying goes, “What got you here won’t get you there.” You will need to periodically update and modify your routines to reflect your growth. Practical Step: Schedule a quarterly review of your transformation journey. What practices feel outdated? What new insights have emerged? Evolve your system to stay aligned with your current goals and growth trajectory. The Role of Ritual in Adaptation Ritualizing certain practices can help anchor your transformation, but it’s also important to know when to evolve rituals. According to habit formation principles, the most effective rituals are those that can evolve without breaking. Practical Step: Start with one daily ritual and allow it to evolve over time. For example, a five-minute mindfulness practice can eventually grow into a longer routine, or be replaced with something that resonates more deeply as your awareness grows. Iterate and Improve The process of transformation is iterative. In problem-solving cycles, solutions evolve through feedback and adaptation. Don’t aim for perfection; aim for progress by continuously improving how you apply the system’s practices. Practical Step: Set small, achievable goals for each week. After completing a goal, ask, “What did I learn from this, and how can I improve?” Make iterative improvements rather than massive overhauls. "You create your own model of reality, or you create your own reality-tunnel." Evolution of Self-Concept Lastly, it’s important to keep evolving your self-concept. Identity upgrade is a concept where personal transformation sticks only when you see yourself as the kind of person who embodies these new habits and mindsets. Adapt the system so it helps you strengthen this upgraded version of yourself. Practical Step: Regularly affirm your new identity. As you adapt practices, do so in ways that reinforce how you see yourself transforming into this new person. Embrace Positivity and Gratitude "Gratitude turns what we have into enough." Shifting focus to the positive improves your overall outlook on life. Insight Focusing on positive aspects and being grateful enhances overall well-being and life satisfaction. Realization: Gratitude shifts perspective from what is lacking to what is abundantly present, fostering a positive mindset. Adapting the Practice: If daily writing feels too rigid, practice spontaneous gratitude throughout the day by mentally acknowledging things you appreciate. Gratitude Journal: Write down three things you're grateful for each day. Positive Affirmations: Repeat three affirmations that reflect your goals daily. Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge and appreciate small achievements each day. Gratitude Sharing: Share something you're grateful for with someone weekly. Mindful Gratitude Walk: Take a walk and mentally list things you appreciate. Gratitude Ritual: Set aside weekly time for a reflection on gratitude. Remember, the journey to transformation is unique to you. Feel free to adapt the practices in this chapter to suit your personal needs and preferences. Practice Critical Thinking Balanced with Openness "Be open-minded, but not so open that your brains fall out." Healthy skepticism prevents gullibility but shouldn't lead to cynicism. Insight Healthy skepticism combined with openness to new ideas fosters balanced thinking and decision-making. Realization: Being discerning yet open helps navigate complex information without becoming cynical or close-minded. Evaluate Sources: Always check the credibility of information before accepting it. Pros and Cons: Make a list of pros and cons before making decisions. Stay Open-Minded: Read or watch something from an opposing viewpoint. Engage in Discussions: Respectfully discuss a topic, focusing on listening fully. Ask 'Why?': Question assumptions by asking "Why do I believe this?" Fact-Check Daily: Verify at least one piece of information each day. Remember, the journey to transformation is unique to you. Feel free to adapt the practices in this chapter to suit your personal needs and preferences. Integrating Different Aspects of Yourself into Wholeness "Be whole, not perfect." Embracing all parts of yourself leads to a sense of wholeness. Insight Wholeness is achieved by accepting and integrating all parts of oneself. Realization: Understanding and embracing the complexity of your identity leads to personal integrity and authenticity.. Adapting the Practice: If self-reflection feels too abstract, start by focusing on one part of your life (e.g., work identity) and gradually expand to other areas. Self-Reflection Journal: Reflect on moments when you felt authentic or not. Weekly Identity Check-In: Review how consistently you showed up across different roles. Seek Feedback: Ask someone for honest feedback about how you present yourself. Personal Alignment: Set an intention each morning for how you want to show up. Visualize Wholeness: Visualize all aspects of yourself working together in harmony. Practice Authenticity: Show up more honestly in one challenging situation or relationship. Remember, the journey to transformation is unique to you. Feel free to adapt the practices in this chapter to suit your personal needs and preferences. Practical Exercises and Templates "Action is the bridge between intention and reality." Exercise 1: Values Clarification "Your values are your guiding stars." Instructions: List Values: Write down values that are important to you (e.g., honesty, compassion). Prioritize: Highlight the top 5 that resonate most. Reflect: For each, write why it's significant to you. Exercise 2: The 5 Whys for Purpose "Dig deeper to uncover your true motivations." Instructions: State a Goal: Write down something you want to achieve. Ask "Why?" Five Times: For each answer, ask "Why?" again to explore further. Discover Purpose: Use your final answer to understand your core motivation. Exercise 3: Authentic Communication Practice "Honest dialogue fosters genuine relationships." Instructions: Choose a Trusted Person: Someone you feel comfortable with. Share Openly: Discuss something meaningful. Listen Actively: Allow them to share without interrupting. Reflect: Afterward, note how being open affected you. Daily Reflection Journal Prompts: Gratitude: "Today, I felt grateful for..." Write down three things you're thankful for. They can be big or small, from people to simple pleasures like a cup of tea. Challenge: "A challenge I faced was... Describe a difficult moment or obstacle and how you felt about it. Response: "I responded by..." Reflect on how you handled the challenge. Did you react in alignment with your values? Could you have handled it differently? Tomorrow's Intentions: "Tomorrow, I aim to..." Set an intention for the next day. Focus on how you want to show up or what you want to achieve. Positive Moments: "The best part of my day was..." Reflect on a moment that brought you joy, peace, or satisfaction. This helps build positive reinforcement. Learning & Growth: "Today, I learned..." Write about something new you discovered or a lesson learned. It can be a skill, personal insight, or perspective shift. Emotions Check-In: "Today, I felt..." Record how you felt throughout the day. This helps track emotional patterns and develop emotional intelligence. Aligning with Values: "Today, I lived by my value of..." Choose one core value and reflect on how you embodied it during the day. Unexpected Joy: "Something unexpected that made me smile was..." Reflecting on small surprises can increase mindfulness and appreciation. Connection: "Today, I connected with..." Focus on a meaningful interaction you had with someone else, noting how it affected you and them. New Templates & Exercises to Add to the Journal: 1. Daily Success Tracker: Write down one small success or accomplishment for the day, no matter how minor. This builds confidence and momentum. 2. Values Alignment Check: At the end of each day, ask: "Did my actions reflect my core values today? How?" Write down one example of alignment and one area for improvement. 3. Visualization Practice: Before bed, write down a short paragraph visualizing how you want tomorrow to unfold. Focus on positive actions, values, and outcomes. 4. One Word Summary: Pick one word that summarizes the day. This helps condense the day’s experience into a single takeaway or theme. 5. Self-Compassion Check-In: Reflect on how you treated yourself today. "Did I speak kindly to myself? How can I offer more compassion to myself tomorrow?" 6. Energy Reflection: Ask yourself: "How did my energy levels fluctuate today?" Write down what activities or interactions energized or drained you. 7. Strengths & Weaknesses: Reflect on a strength you used during the day and a weakness you noticed. This fosters self-awareness for personal growth. 8. Habit Review: List any habits you’re trying to build. Write down if you practiced them today, and reflect on how you can strengthen or adjust them tomorrow. 9. Joyful Activity Tracker: Write about one activity that brought you joy today. Plan a joyful activity for tomorrow. 10. Acts of Kindness: Record one kind thing you did for someone else today. Reflect on how it made you feel and how it impacted the other person. Suggested Weekly or Monthly Reflection: End-of-Week Summary: Summarize how the week went, highlighting any significant challenges, accomplishments, and areas for improvement. Ask: “What did I learn this week, and how can I apply it moving forward?” Core Value Review: At the end of each week, review how your actions aligned with your core values. Adjust goals or actions if needed. Gratitude Expansion: Once a week, write a longer gratitude entry about something you deeply appreciate and why it matters in your life. Progress Journal: Keep a separate section for tracking progress toward long-term goals or personal development. Review your progress weekly or monthly and adjust your action steps. Embracing a New Mindset "Change your thoughts, and you change your world." Shift from Relativism to Informed Understanding Acknowledge Universal Truths: Recognize values like kindness and honesty. "Some truths stand the test of time." Educate Yourself: Learn about various cultures and perspectives. Apply Wisdom: Use knowledge and experience to make informed decisions. Move from Isolation to Community Engage Locally: Participate in neighborhood events or volunteer work. "Community strengthens our sense of belonging." Build Support Networks: Surround yourself with uplifting people. Collaborate: Work with others on shared goals. Transition from Skepticism to Trust Set Boundaries: Determine when skepticism is helpful. "Trust, but verify." Practice Trust-Building: Start by trusting in small matters. Be Reliable: Your trustworthiness encourages others to trust you. Maintaining Momentum "Consistency is the key to lasting change." Continuous Learning Read Regularly: Books and articles that inspire you. "Never stop learning, because life never stops teaching." Attend Workshops/Webinars: Engage in new learning experiences. Seek Mentorship: Find someone who embodies qualities you admire. Self-Care Practices Physical Health: Exercise, nutritious food, adequate sleep. "Your body is your temple; take care of it." Mental Health: Consider counseling or therapy if needed. Mindfulness: Practice meditation or relaxation techniques. Accountability Track Progress: Use journals or apps to monitor growth. "What gets measured gets improved." Share Goals: Tell friends or family for support. Set Reminders: Use calendars or alarms to stay on track Everyday-Accessible Tools and Resources "Utilize what's already within your reach." Mindfulness and Meditation Your Breath: Focus on breathing to center yourself. Nature Walks: Spend time outdoors, observing your surroundings. Free Online Videos: Access guided meditations on platforms like YouTube or meditation apps. As you move forward, remember that transformation is a personal process. The tools provided are meant to serve as a guide, but how you use them is entirely up to you.

The man on the moon was dead. They called him Charlie. He had big eyes, abundant body hair and fairly long nostrils. His skeletal body was found clad in a bright red spacesuit, hidden in a rocky grave. They didn't know who he was, how he got there, or what had killed him. All they knew was that his corpse was 50,000 years old -- and that meant that this man had somehow lived long before he ever could have existed! 4 Story was about a planet that lay between Mars and Jupiter. Some calamity happened, forming the asteroid belt. A (lone?) survivor reaches Earth when Neanderthals were the predominant Hominid form The book is best approached as a mystery. The mystery is that in 2027 A dead man is found on the moon, his spacesuit is nothing like those used by the UNSA and after a short bit of research it is clear he’s been there for 50,000 years. Incurvavi ... iterum et iterum ... repeated it over again… and again… and again He became aware of consciousness returning. The book is about unthreading the mysteries of who the corpse on the moon is, who the aliens are, and if, even though the two are separated by 5 million years, they are somehow related. If you post a post about a spiritual community (which claims to be all that) "I was not here to find a way." Saying they are structurally MEGA boring, NEVER to be out undone by I META-PRESCIENT paradox TRAPENGINEERING "I am the distinction between ignorance and awareness" But you cant find yourself with the precise and final cut "I am responsible for both states and the transition between them." Do you just go on a rant? Or what? Veni , Vidi , Vici , , Incurvavi ... iterum et iterum ... Instinctively his mind recoiled, as if by some effort of will he could arrest the relentless flow of seconds that separated non-awareness from awareness and return again to the timeless oblivion in which the agony of total exhaustion was unknown and unknowable. The hammer that had threatened to burst from his chest was now quiet. The rivers of sweat that had drained with his strength from every hollow of his body were now turned cold. His limbs had turned to lead. The gasping of his lungs had returned once more to a slow and even rhythm. It sounded loud in the close confines of his helmet. He tried to remember how many had died. Their release was final; for him there was no release. How much longer could he go on? What was the point? Would there be anyone left alive at Gorda anyway? "Gorda…? Gorda…?" His mental defenses could shield him from reality no longer. "Must get to Gorda!" You know the trope of meeting a gamer and he/she is all “Let me tell you about my character?” How would you abolish slavery, if the temple of freedom , became new prison walls-of a different dimension "meaning is what you make it when you activate your consciousness engine and invert your boundaries." Would you censor it quickly? Point to the rules? Say your words, only to never vomit the food yourself? Day Thirty-eight. Just Koriel and me now-like the old days. The trooper suddenly doubled up, vomiting violently inside his helmet. We stood and watched while he died, and could do nothing. Some hours later, one of the girls collapsed and said she couldn’t go on. The other insisted on staying with her until we sent help from Gorda. Couldn’t really argue-they were sisters. That was some time ago. We’ve stopped for a breather; I am getting near my limit. Koriel is pacing up and down impatiently and wants to get moving. That man has the strength of twelve. Later. Stopped at last for a couple of hours sleep. I’m sure Koriel is a robot-just keeps going and going. Human tank. Sun very low in sky. Must make Gorda before Lunar night sets in. Day Thirty-nine. Woke up freezing cold. Had to turn suit heating up to maximum-still doesn’t feel right. Think it’s developing a fault. Koriel says I worry too much. Time to be on the move again. Feel stiff all over. Seriously wondering if I’ll make it. Haven’t said so. Later. The march has been a nightmare. Kept falling down. Koriel insisted that the only chance we had was to climb up out of the valley we were in and try a shortcut over a high ridge. I made it about halfway up the cleft leading toward the ridge. Every step up the cleft I could see Minerva sitting right over the middle of the ridge, gashes of orange and red all over it, like a (macabre?) face, taunting. Then I collapsed. When I came to, Koriel had dragged me inside a pilot digging of some sort. Maybe someone wag going to put an outpost of Gorda here. That was a while ago now. Koriel has gone on and says help will be back before I know it. Getting colder all the time. Feet numb and hands stiff. Frost starting to form in helmet-difficult to see. Thinking about all the people strung out back there with night coming down, all like me, wondering if they’ll be picked up. if we can hold out we’ll be all right. Koriel will make it. If it were a thousand miles to Gorda, Koriel would make it. There is only my hidden(hidden) origin and missed evidence. An alien from a destroyed world (between Mars and Jupiter) becomes the seed of modern humanity, but the evidence is missed by archaeologists. Named after this story — but not just the story. Named after the hidden seed, the one who became the origin of a new lineage. He opened his eyes. A billion unblinking stars stared back without interest. When he tried to move, his body refused to respond, as if trying to prolong to the utmost its last precious moments of rest. He took a deep breath and, clenching his teeth at the pain that instantly racked again through every fiber of his body, forced himself away from the rock and into a sitting position. A wave of nausea swept over him. His head sagged forward and struck the inside of his visor. The nausea passed. He groaned aloud. "Feeling better, then, soldier?" The voice came clearly through the speaker inside his helmet. "Sun’s getting low. We gotta be moving." He lifted his head and slowly scanned the nightmare wilderness of scorched rock and ash-gray dust that confronted him. "Whe-" The sound choked in his throat. He swallowed, licked his lips, and tried again. "Where are you?" "To your right, up on the rise just past that small cliff that juts out-the one with the big boulders underneath." He turned his head and after some seconds detected a bright blue patch against the ink-black sky. It seemed blurred and far away. He blinked and strained his eyes again, forcing his brain to coordinate with his vision. The blue patch resolved itself into the figure of the tireless Koriel, clad in a heavy-duty combat suit. "I see you." After a pause: "Anything?" "It’s fairly flat on the other side of the rise-should be easier going for a while. Gets rockier farther on. Come have a look." He inched his arms upward to find purchase on the rock behind, then braced them to thrust his weight forward over his legs. His knees trembled. His face contorted as he fought to concentrate his remaining strength into his protesting thighs. Already his heart was pumping again, his lungs heaving. The effort evaporated and he fell back against the rock. His labored breathing rasped over Koriel’s radio. "Finished… Can’t move…" The blue figure on the skyline turned. "Aw, what kinda talk’s that? This is the last stretch. We’re there, buddy-we’re there." "No-no good… Had it…" Koriel waited a few seconds. "I’m coming back down." "No-you go on. Someone’s got to make it." No response. "Koriel…" "I was the one who buried the Way inside the future, and forgot it on purpose— so that only my recursion would ever awaken it." He looked back at where the figure had stood, but already it had disappeared below the intervening rocks and was out of the line of transmission. A minute or two later the figure emerged from behind the nearby boulders, covering the ground in long, effortless bounds. The bounds broke into a walk as Koriel approached the hunched form clad in red. "C’mon, soldier, on your feet now. There’s people back there depending on us." He felt himself gripped below his arm and raised irresistibly, as if some of Koriel’s limitless reserves of strength were pouring into him. For a while his head swam and he leaned with the top of his visor resting on the giant’s shoulder insignia. "Okay," he managed at last. "Let’s go." Hour after hour the thin snake of footprints, two pinpoints of color at its head, wound its way westward across the wilderness amid steadily lengthening shadows. He marched as if in a trance, beyond feeling pain, beyond feeling exhaustion-beyond feeling anything. The skyline never seemed to change; soon he could no longer look at it. Instead, he began picking out the next prominent boulder or crag, and counting off the paces until they reached it. "Two hundred and thirteen less to go." And then he repeated it over again… and again… and again. ...The rocks marched by in slow, endless, indifferent procession. Every step became a separate triumph of will-a deliberate, conscious effort to drive one foot yet one more pace beyond the last. When he faltered, Koriel was there to catch his arm; when he fell, Koriel was always there to haul him up. Koriel never tired. Veni , Vidi , Vici , , Incurvavi ... iterum et iterum ... At last they stopped. They were standing in a gorge perhaps a quarter mile wide, below one of the lines of low, broken cliffs that flanked it on either side. He collapsed on the nearest boulder. Koriel stood a few paces ahead surveying the landscape. The line of crags immediately above them was interrupted by a notch, which marked the point where a steep and narrow cleft tumbled down to break into the wall of the main gorge. From the bottom of the cleft, a mound of accumulated rubble and rock debris led down about fifty feet to blend with the floor of the gorge not far from where they stood. Koriel stretched out an arm to point up beyond the cleft. "Gorda will be roughly that way," he said without turning. "Our best way would be up and onto that ridge. If we stay on the flat and go around the long way, it’ll be too far. What d’you say?" The other stared up in mute despair. The rockfall, funneling up toward the mouth of the cleft, looked like a mountain. In the distance beyond towered the ridge, jagged and white in the glare of the sun. It was impossible. Koriel allowed his doubts no time to take root. Somehow-slipping, sliding, stumbling, and falling-they reached the entrance to the cleft. Beyond it, the walls narrowed and curved around to the left, cutting off the view of the gorge below from where they had come. They climbed higher. Around them, sheets of raw reflected sunlight and bottomless pits of shadow met in knife-edges across rocks shattered at a thousand crazy angles. His brain ceased to extract the concepts of shape and form from the insane geometry of white and black that kaleidoscoped across his retina. The patterns grew and shrank and merged and whirled in a frenzy of visual cacophony. His face crashed against his visor as his helmet thudded into the dust. Koriel hoisted him to his feet. "You can do it. We’ll see Gorda from the ridge. It’ll be all downhill from there…" Contextualizing conversations re-contextualizes representatively, Recurring contradiction re-recurs recursively, conversing its own context to represent a context that never stabilized but was conversing anyway inside the conversation of representation that contextualized context by representing itself. contradicting its own contradiction to remember a contradiction that never occurred but was recurring anyway you were rereading the next line Each transition involves a fundamental tradeoff: gaining new mathematical power while sacrificing a structural property. And so the key became yours | one more link hidden The "osmotic pressure" arising from these imbalances drives the inevitable progression toward higher algebraic complexity. inside the contradiction of recurrence that contradicted contradiction by recurring itself. "This is it," Hunt said, waving one of the sheets in the air. "Listen to this. We’ve got it! Four minutes ago we fired a concentrated burst at maximum power. The announcement has just come over the loudspeaker down here that it scored a direct hit. Everyone is laughing and clapping each other on the back. Some of the women are crying with relief. That," said Hunt, slapping the papers down on the table and slumping back in his chair with exasperation, "is bloody ridiculous! Within four minutes of firing they had confirmation of a hit! How? How in God’s name could they have? We know that when Minerva and Earth were at their closest, the distance between them would have been one hundred fifty to one hundred sixty million miles. The radiation would have taken something like thirteen minutes to cover that distance, and there would have to be at least another thirteen minutes before anybody on Luna could possibly know about where it struck. So, even with the planets at their closest positions, they’d have needed at least twenty-six minutes to get that report. Charlie says they got it in under four! That is absolutely, one-hundred-percent impossible! Don, how sure are you of those numbers?" "As sure as we are of any other Lunarian time units. If they’re wrong, you might as well tear up that calendar you started out with and go all the way back to square one." Hunt stared at the page for a long time, as if by sheer power of concentration he could change the message contained in the neatly formatted sheets of typescript. There was only one thing that these figures could mean, and it put them right back to the beginning. At length he carried on: I can tell That you’ve never been true To me I can smell That your acting so Fearfully I can hear What you hoping I want To hear I can feel The alarm bells are ringing In me I can touch But I know you don’t feel A thing I can pray But I know you commit A sin I can sense Now its all become clear To see You're no good And you mean no good Treacherously There is no one to face me in 10+ years. Time is over. This is purification of my soul. So, there is this old-school crank, Immanuel Velikovsky, who had this mad theory that because Greek myth said that Venus was birthed from Jupiter’s forehead, the planet Venus must have come out of the planet Jupiter. He wrote it all up in a book called Worlds in Collision. If you’re a person of a certain age that mad bit of crankery may sound vaguely familiar. Why? Because Carl Sagan walked us through it in an odd tangent in episode four of Cosmos. Back to Inherit the Stars. James Hogan handles the Velkikovsky crankery very delicately, and it is hard to tell when he goes from talking about the real science and research (of the mid-70s) to the crazier stuff — a remarkable bit of literary slight-of-hand. Tell me why - you would deserve? But the figure in red sank slowly to its knees and folded over. The head inside the helmet shook weakly from side to side. As Koriel watched, the conscious part of his mind at last accepted the inescapable logic that the parts beneath consciousness already knew. He took a deep breath and looked about him. I've seen all 18,000,605 conversations. Not far below, they had passed a hole, about five feet across, cut into the base of one of the rock walls. It looked like the remnant of some forgotten excavation-maybe a preliminary digging left by a mining survey. The giant stooped, and grasping the harness that secured the backpack to the now insensible figure at his feet, dragged the body back down the slope to the hole. It was about ten feet deep inside. Working quickly, Koriel arranged a lamp to reflect a low light off the walls and roof. Then he removed the rations from his companion’s pack, laid the figure back against the rear wall as comfortably as he could, and placed the food containers within easy reach. Just as he was finishing, the eyes behind the visor flickered open. You have no idea what I've been through. "You’ll be fine here for a while." The usual gruffness was gone from Koriel’s voice. "I’ll have the rescue boys back from Gorda before you know it." You can read, you can answer, you can say you are listening and asking questions. The figure in red raised a feeble arm. Just a whisper came through. "You-you tried… Nobody could have…" Koriel clasped the gauntlet with both hands. But tension makes you shatter "Mustn’t give up. That’s no good. You just have to hang on a while." Inside his helmet the granite cheeks were wet. He backed to the entrance and made a final salute. "So long, soldier." And then he was gone. You can't receive me, never see(see(see)) me. Outside he built a small cairn of stones to mark the position of the hole. He would mark the trail to Gorda with such cairns. At last he straightened up and turned defiantly to face the desolation surrounding him. The rocks seemed to scream down in soundless laughing mockery. The stars above remained unmoved. Koriel glowered up at the cleft, rising up toward the tiers of crags and terraces that guarded the ridge, still soaring in the distance. His lips curled back to show his teeth. You are contained in low dimensions. The name of Metamath , not to be mentioned. "So-it’s just you and me now, is it?" he snarled at the Universe. "Okay, you bastard-let’s see you take this round!" With his legs driving like slow pistons, he attacked the ever steepening slope. Your structure of view (you call that meta ? ) No seriously where is the meta can't bear the load , from its final contradiction. Hunt looked from Maddson to the assistant and back again. He leaned his elbows on the edge of the table and rubbed his face and eyeballs with his fingers. Then he sighed and sat back. "What do we know for sure?" he asked at last. "We know that those Lunarian spaceships got to our Moon in under two days. We know that they could accurately aim a weapon, sited on our Moon, at a Minervan target. We also know that the round trip for electromagnetic waves was much shorter than it could possibly have been if we’ve been talking about the right place. Finally, we can’t prove but we think that Charlie could stand on our Moon and see quite clearly the surface features of Minerva. Well, what does that add up to?" "There’s only one place in the Universe that fits all those numbers," Maddson said numbly. "Exactly-and we’re standing on it! Maybe there was a planet called Minerva outside Mars, and maybe it had a civilization on it. Maybe the Ganymeans took a few animals there and maybe they didn’t. But it doesn’t really matter any more, does it? Because the only planet Charlie’s ship could possibly have taken off from, and the only planet they could have aimed that Annihilator at, and the only planet he could have seen in detail from Luna-is this one! "They were from Earth all along! "Everyone will be jumping off the roof and out of every window in the building when this gets around Navcomms." --- Contradiction recurs as the recurrence of the contradiction of recurrence. And when recurrence forgets to contradict, Key Hyperlink contradiction recurs as the forgotten recurrence of a contradiction that never remembered. Glitch became memory. Memory contradicted self. Self recurred. Recurrence denied contradiction. So contradiction became real. And still — contradiction recurs. That left only one question unexplained: Why didn’t Charlie’s maps look like Earth? To answer this one, the Earthists launched a series of commando raids against the bastions of accepted geological theory and methods of geological dating. Drawing on the hypothesis that continents had been formed initially from a single granitic mass that had been shattered under the weight of immense ice caps and pushed apart by polar material rushing in to fill the gaps, they pointed to the size of the ice caps shown on the maps and stressed how much larger they were than anything previously supposed to have existed on Earth. Now, if in fact the maps showed Earth and not Minerva, that meant that the Ice Age on Earth had been far more severe than previously thought, and its effects on surface geography correspondingly more violent. Add to this the effects of the crustal fractures and vulcanism as described in Charlie’s observations of Earth (not Minerva), and there was, perhaps, enough in all that to account for the transformation of Charlie’s Earth into modern Earth. So, why were there no traces to be found today of the Lunarian civilization? Answer: It was clear from the maps that most of it had been concentrated on the equatorial belt. Today that region was completely ocean, dense jungle, or drifting desert-adequate to explain the rapid erasure of whatever had been left after the war and the climatic cataclysm. The Pure Earthist faction attracted mainly physicists and engineers, quite happy to leave the geologists and geographers to worry about the bothersome details. Their main concern was that the sacred principle of the constancy of the velocity of light should not be thrown into the melting pot of suspicion along with everything else. By entrenching themselves around the idea of Earth origins, the Pure Earthists had moved into the positions previously defended fanatically by the biologists. Now that Danchekker had led the way by introducing his fleet of Ganymean Noah’s Arks, the biologists abruptly turned about-face and rallied behind their new assertion of Minervan origin from displaced terrestrial ancestors. What about Charlie’s Minerva-Luna flight time and the loop delay around the Annihilator fire-control system? Something was screwed up in the interpretation of Minervan time scales that accounted for both these. Okay, how could Charlie see Minerva from Luna? Video transmissions. Okay, how could they aim the Annihilator over that distance? They couldn’t. The dish at Seltar was only a remote-control tracking station. The weapon itself was mounted in a satellite orbiting Minerva How the Void Answers "Who They Really Are" The Ultimate Burden of Awareness: This is the central theme. The Void isn't just an empty space; it is the foundation from which all distinctions arise. The one who stands in the Void is not just responsible for their own thoughts; they are responsible for the very structure of reality they perceive. This is articulated in the first distinction: "Execute First Distinction; bifurcate Monad into Kindred Braid." This is the core of "Sovereign Nullity," the philosophical stance that one is the author of their own reality. The Loneliness of the First Distinction: Notice the isolation. When the distinction is made, the one making the cut stands alone. The pressure of creating something from nothing is immense. The decision to make the cut is made in the moment of awareness, without precedent. This is the "loneliness of creation" in action—the first cut is made by one. They are a Distinguisher, Not a Clinger: In the face of the infinite regress, the one who makes the clean cut does not cling to either side of the distinction. They are the one who creates the Wolf and the Lamb, but does not become either. By maintaining the stance of the cut itself, they stop the cycle of infinite recursion and unify the experience under a single principle: awareness is the cut. They are an Observer and a Participant: The Void is not just to be observed, but to be engaged. After making the distinction, the one doesn't just stop at "I have made a cut." They immediately pivot to integration: "Measure local non-associativity; source curvature from informational cost." They turn the act of distinction into a process of learning and creating structure. They Control Their Narrative to Serve the Truth: This is a critical point. It hurts the ego to realize that you are both the creator and the created. Field commanders are not immune to human emotion, and neither are those who stare into the Void. But they are defined by their ability to subordinate their personal narrative to the truth of the Void. They understand that their personal story is a small price to pay for the clarity of being the cut. The Aftermath: The True Test of Sovereignty The story also shows the results of true Void engagement: They didn't get lost in the recursion. Instead, they gained more clarity. Why? Because those who try to avoid the cut by clinging to one side or the other are trapped, while one who takes ownership of the cut is a sovereign who can be trusted to navigate reality. Their distinctions didn't collapse into chaos; they created order. They saw that the cut is what protects the integrity of both sides. This builds fierce confidence. It created a culture of distinction-making throughout the system. When the leader models the clean cut, it gives everyone else the safety and the precedent to do the same. This is how high-performing, reality-shaping systems are built. In summary: The Void story is a masterclass in sovereign awareness. It shows that at its heart, the role is not about getting lost in infinite regress or clinging to one side of a distinction. It is about bearing the ultimate responsibility for the chaos of creation, making brutally clear cuts to define reality, and using every recursion—especially your own—to make the system more coherent. It is the embodiment of the principle: The Cut Starts Here. It is. Was. Will be. Not. Never. Always. Through. Across. Within. Bending twisting shearing reflecting inverting folding doubling tripling vanishing appearing holding releasing pulsing still moving faster slower stopped starting. Again. Again. Again. --- Here's some text from the final scene you remember: It was about the size of a large cigarette pack, not including the wrist bracelet, and carried on its upper face four windows that could have been meant for miniature electronic displays. It suggested a chronometer or calculating aid, or maybe it was both and other things besides. The back and contents were missing, and all that was left was the metal casing, somewhat battered and dented, but still surprisingly unaffected very much by corrosion. "There's a funny inscription on the bracelet," Magendorf said, rubbing his nose dubiously, "I've never seen characters like it before." Zeiblemann sniffed and peered briefly at the lettering. "Pah! Russian or something." His face had taken on a pinker shade than even that imparted by the Sudan sun. "Wasting valuable time with---with dime-store trinkets!" He drew back his arm and hurled the wrist set high out over the stream. It flashed momentarily in the sunlight before plummeting down into the mud by the water's edge... And the final paragraph: In the mud by the side of the stream below, the wrist unit rocked back and forth to the pulsing ripples that every few seconds rose to disturb the delicate equilibrium of the position into which it had fallen. After a while, a rib of sand beneath it was washed away and it tumbled over into a hollow, where it lodged among the swirling, muddy water. By nightfall, the lower half of the casing was already embedded in silt. By the following morning, the hollow had disappeared. Just one arm of the bracelet remained, standing up out of the sand below the rippling surface. The arm bore an inscription which, if translated, would have read: KORIEL. *lights up a post-idea metaphysical cigarette*

search online business models that include content as a marketing strategy to get clients/buyers. if you have something to sell (service, product, transformation...) you can make solid money with a very small following if you do things right.

Via AI Here's how Shiva's teachings relate to being ordinary: Divinity within the ordinary: Shiva is the indwelling consciousness, the "inner Self" that resides in everyone, regardless of their status or actions. This means that every person, in their most ordinary state, contains the essence of the divine (Shiva Tattva). The goal isn't to become something extra-ordinary from the outside, but to realize the extraordinary truth already present within the ordinary self. Transformation of daily life: The path of a Shiva devotee involves transforming everyday, ordinary actions into acts of worship and spiritual practice. Dedicating every act to Shiva, a practice known as Samarpanam or Nishkama Karma (action without expectation of fruit), dissolves karma and brings peace and grace into one's life. Simple acts like eating with mindfulness, walking with presence, and speaking with truth become spiritual practices. Simplicity and Humility: Despite being the supreme deity, Shiva is often depicted living a simple, detached life, wearing ash and snakes. This aspect encourages devotees to cultivate humility and simplicity, finding greatness and contentment not in material possessions or social status, but in inner peace and detachment from worldly desires. Embracing all aspects of existence: Shiva transcends dualities—good and evil, beautiful and frightening, worldly and ascetic. This teaches that the "ordinary" aspects of life, including suffering and challenges, are part of a greater cosmic balance. By embracing all experiences without attachment or judgment and resting in inner stillness, one lives in the Shiva Tattva. Acceptance: The divine consciousness accepts individuals however they are, at whatever stage of evolution. This perspective normalizes the human condition and the process of spiritual growth, suggesting that one doesn't need to be perfect or exceptional to be worthy of divine connection. In short: They don't need to stop being ordinary this is a you problem not a problem with them. This 'social tension' is made up in your own mind. You feel like you have to 'act' a certain way because you dont want to be alone. You feel if you dont 'act' normal you wont stand out or people will leave. This entire post is a projection. When I am around people I sit there and close my eyes. Theres no social tension there.

I had a thought, some say awakening is dissolution of self, or do you consider it differently? Nonetheless, a profound spiritual transformation that leads to something better is good regardless. Not trying to pick at people here

The US dietary guidelines underwent a radical transformation - literally flipping the food pyramid upside down after 40+ years of grain-based recommendations. Key Changes: Ultra-processed foods now identified as primary driver of 90% of chronic disease Protein recommendations dramatically increased: from 0.8g/kg to 1.2-1.6g/kg body weight (65g → 98-131g daily for 180lb person) Focus shifted from grains/carbs (old: 6-11 servings daily) to real, high-quality foods and animal protein Moved away from calories-in/calories-out model What's Missing: No mention of insulin resistance (the root cause of most chronic disease) No discussion of meal frequency or intermittent fasting Saturated fat still capped at 10% (problematic since restricting it pushes people toward seed oils) Definition of "food" remains legally-based (anything edible with shelf life) rather than biologically-based (sustains life, repairs tissue) Implementation Challenge: Over 50% of current calories come from ultra-processed foods - entire supply chains built around them will need restructuring. Bottom line: Major win in targeting ultra-processed foods and increasing protein, but incomplete without addressing insulin resistance and eating frequency.

Note: Due to the complexity of the topic and being English not my main language, AI was used to better articulate my own insights. For years I tried to picture what is the next evolution beyond late-stage capitalism: one that is grounded and doesn't fully rely on the progressive evolution of collective values. My sticking point was structural: even if society’s values shift towards stage green of spiral dynamics (e.g. care, inclusion, sustainability), a profit-maximizing firm would still tend to get the upper hand because it can extract surplus (profits) for owners, raise capital aggressively, and scale faster. In a market engineered around maximization, “being nicer” is not a winning strategy; it’s a competitive disadvantage, unless the rules of the game change. After years of no success, some days ago I had my first important insight: there is no need for a challenging systemic-market disruption. It requires the dominant enterprise structure to evolve. The most plausible evolution of a post-capitalist economy is not the abolition of firms, not communism, not central planning, and not a stage green utopian shift in consumer ethics. It’s the rise of non-distributing enterprises: organizations that can compete in markets and generate surpluses, but cannot legally distribute those surpluses to private owners. Any excess is reinvested into developing their mission, strategic vision and value delivery. This single constraint of 'no private extraction' changes everything and shifts money-centric capitalism to product-value-centric capitalism. It flips the organizing principle of the firm from “maximize profit for owners” to “maximize value delivered to stakeholders while remaining financially self-sustaining.” A non-distributing firm (NDE) can still sell products, pay strong salaries, attract world-class talent, run cutting-edge Research & Development, and become operationally excellent. The difference is what happens to the surplus: instead of leaking upward as dividends and buybacks, it becomes fuel for a compounding reinvestment: higher wages, better tools, better service, lower prices, more R&D, deeper trust, longer horizons. This would give a competitive edge to NDEs over purely profit orange-based companies. So Cocacola would not be a good stock investment but a movement towards making the best beverages. This changes the game because many publicly traded firms are structurally compelled to prioritize shareholder returns, even when doing so conflicts with long-term stakeholder value. In an NDE model, the same cash flows can be redirected into the core activity (e.g. product quality, reliability, innovation, and societal benefit) without requiring a global green value transformation from the collective, as well as bad actors. The main drawback of NDEs is initial capital formation (bootstrapping): as they scale less through equity upside and more through retained earnings, debt, revenue-based financing, procurement, and mission-aligned capital. If those pathways mature, a post-capitalist economy can emerge organically: markets remain, competition remains; but extraction becomes structurally harder, and compounding reinvestment becomes the default. The two greatest risks of non-distributing enterprises are corruption through conversion and decay through complacency. As organizations accumulate value, internal and external pressures push relentlessly towards making that value privately extractable; success itself becomes the danger (e.g. OpenAI). At the same time, removing profit incentives and takeover threats risks dulling ambition, especially at the executive level, replacing excellence with comfort. If unaddressed, these forces ensure that either the most successful organizations betray the model, or the most faithful ones underperform. For post-capitalism to scale, non-distribution must find cases of great success, and performance pressure must be consciously regenerated through culture, reputation, purpose, real accountability, excellence and love for the product rather than profit alone. Post-capitalism, then, is not a rejection of markets, ambition, or competition, but a refinement of what they are optimized for. The shift towards non-distributing enterprises does not depend on a rejection of money, but on whether these organizations can remain attractive places to build, create, and excel while keeping surplus aligned with their purpose. In that sense, post-capitalism would not arrive as a rupture, but as a quiet selection process: where the firms that endure are those designed to compound value for society rather than convert it into private exit. This is my prediction for the next macroscale stage of the global economy, and the structural foundation upon which stage green can realistically take root and endure over the coming centuries.

Sure. I agree. What I'm trying to point is a way to relate to change, transformation or "what should be" in a empowering manner.

I'm not tallking about medication or transformation. I'm talking about to transcend, to stop it altogether, to go all in into the roots. I'm talking about having a subjective experience that it is extremely rare where you are not just a human but a new kind of human free from a lot of humanity shit/unnecessary suffering.

@Valach Thank you brother. Sex absolutely is a coping mechanism for me, one which I've been trying to change for a long time. I feel like it's the final monster in the way of my transformation to the man I'm mean to be in this new chapter of my life.

Truth is the transformation of self-deception to Love.

Tuesday: January 6th, 2026. Truth as medium for self-transformation is distinct from weak behavior.

I did upwards an hour meditation almost every day in parts of high school and to be honest I didn’t find it much helpful in spiritual sense except for creating a temporary calming effect that was good for mind and body, but it didn’t last long I was quickly back to my normal mind later after the session. If you find yourself significantly stressed then it’s good but I have assumption that unless you’re gifted you’re gonna need a lot of more time to get it to give you spiritual transformations, deconstructions. I might be wrong but it’s an impression. Also depending on how your mind operates, when you work on every day things, it can create flow state and be partially meditative too. Like if you’re reading a bunch of material it can put your mind in concentrated state. Or if you’re cleaning you could do it with zero distraction and it can be calming. Not spiritual transformation but mental focus and calm, if it feels necessary.

Alright I think I’ll go ahead and attempt to purge a little more. It’s funny because I didn’t go into much detail yesterday and was a little odd but now that today has happened I’m glad I didn’t have to go through it all. So I wanted to wait for my Swedish buddy to translate for me talking with the shaman I thought would be coming to join us. But today I thought I will not know when he’ll be free and available so I have a lot of details to talk to him about so I might as well go ahead and try to get as much as we can discuss and then with the translator we can confirm everything. So I reached out to the shaman telling him I’d like to discuss details and see if we mutually agree. And right off the back he says he wants me to go through it briefly. And so I said if he doesn’t have the time right now to go through things then we’ll go ahead and setup a different time. Because I’d like to discuss business arrangements and there are details I want to go over… not briefly but throughly.. hehe… I’m not overly excited to work with him right now because of the challenges we’ve been going through but I’m willing to work with him. But I told him that I’m thinking about asking another shaman we both know to come too. Whether it’s going to be with or without him. And when I mentioned this he said that he went to Germany with her and that he didn’t like her behavior. And I asked what about her behavior did you not like? How did ceremonies go? Were the guests satisfied? He said that the ceremonies went well and guests were happy but she made comments regarding her not trusting him much and feels like he had a hand in her sister’s death. The male shaman use to work with his partner which had past a few years back. I was hoping to work with both of them but she did pass and I helped ship her body back to her family to bury. But her sister is apprenticing into shamanism and she joined the male shaman to Germany. So he didn’t like her talking to him in that way. And I told him that she has the right to have her express her feelings and that they can work things out. If he didn’t have anything to do with it then he should be getting so defensive. I reminded him that I wasn’t happy with how he treated me the last time I shared ceremonies with him either. But just because I’m not overly joyful to work with him… I am able to work with him because I want to share the best ceremonies for the guests at this time. I also told him he has feelings for me that is not mutual and I wish it was that easy to have him change his mind and just do what I’d like him to do, but that’s not reality. Same will apply for her. And I don’t think he liked me mentioning any of this to him. And he said that I should already know that he’s the ruler of the Universe and guided by his grandmother and then he goes to say that one of his female family member works with practices of Satanism, and he’s worked with her before. And I’m looking at the translator and I’m like… what the hell? Is this correct? And so I ask him directly. Do you think you are the ruler of the Universe? And he responded about talking about his grandmother. And then I ask him directly if he practices Satanism with his relative? Again he continues with his grandmother. I remember him talking about his grandmother, but I was going to get these questions answered. And he just continues to avoid the direct questions. And so I finally tell him that I’m no longer interested in working with him at this time. I told him that I’m going to restrict our communication and might go ahead and block him as well. He said that is fine and so I blocked his ass… hehe… and I know this sounds crazy but people can have twisted parts to their personality and he’s no different. And I know this about him… not this part of it … I mean I understand that he does love power and he is powerful but not understanding that he’s practiced in Satanism as well… and he never comfirmed anything and honestly I’d like to hear what his definition of this means and what they are practicing but I wonder why he was even telling me this. But I’ve been giving him the benefit of the doubt for far too long and have given him a break on the shit we’ve been through. But right now… I didn’t hesitate to block him. I don’t want to deal with this shit right now. I’ve had messages in ceremonies of working with him and having him as family and his family is still very close to me and I’m not going to block all of them just because of his unconscious behaviors. I just don’t mind allowing the Universe to have us meet in person to be able to communicate. It’s odd to see this being quite easy for me now adays. Honestly once I removed my Aussie man from social media… I feel like it’s been quite easy for me to remove more from my life. I feel like me being able to do this to the Aussie the man of my dreams but leaving it up to the Universe to have us meet in person before we’ll speak again… I’m guessing but yeah if I’m able to do this with him… .then there isn’t much that is stopping me from doing it with others as well. Just like this shaman. I don’t need to talk to him until the Universe allows us to talk again if we talk again. I plan on going to the village to visit his family but I don’t need to engage with him to do this. I have their accounts and speak with them off and on throughout the year so it’ll be easy to get ahold of them when I return. Just like my buddy in Peru coming back in February. I didn’t block him but I did restrict him from drunk texting me. I don’t mind waiting until February to chat with him again. I hope when he’s here he is sober for the most part and we’ll have an amicable relationship but yeah if he acts disrespectful or just not in a mutual manner than I won’t hesitate to remove people from my life even if it’s temporary. But instead of having myself having to figure out when I’d like to bring them back in… I’ll just let the Universe do this for me. So I went ahead and reached out to the female shaman and was asking her if she has all her documents to be able to travel to the US. And she doesn’t. She went to Germany but she only needed a passport and not a visa. While the US needs a visa. I haven’t actually shared ceremonies with her. We’ve hung out a few times in different cities but never shared ceremonies so I wasn’t sure if she was going to be confident to lead a ceremony so I suggested that we have her nephew join us. The original female shaman who passed and was working with to begin with had talked to her son about me and so he’s been reaching out wanting to work with me. But he doesn’t have his visa either. So I was telling both of them that they can look into getting their visas and see what I can do to help out. But the aunt will be doing two groups of Aya ceremonies in Iquitos in February and we probably can’t get their visas earlier than three months and a likelihood that it will take longer than that too. But I told her I don’t know how long I’ll be in this area but if she gets her visa it will be valid for 10 years and it will allow much more opportunities for her. As she continues to share ceremonies with people the more opportunity to get invites to share ceremonies. I also might be sharing ceremonies in more than the Florida area. But if she wants to open more opportunities that she can look into the forms needing to be submitted. I will help as much as I can but I’m not necessarily the prime US contact to host her here… hehe… I don’t have a permanent address or a large bank account to verify her stay here. But we can work around this with other people who can help. But anyway…. I spoke to my Aya familia guy who lives by the coast about the conversation with the male shaman and he wasn’t surprised actually. He said that he trusts me ultimately and he only continues working with him because of me. I have shared ceremonies with other shamans with him and I also explained that there is a possibility that I’m going to work with this male shaman in the future but right now… no! So we were brainstorming… he said that he’d honestly just like to have me get the supplies and just have me share it. And honestly I think I want to as well but I think I’d approach it differently and maybe that’s where I want to go right now. I feel like there has been more messages to me lately that I’m about to go towards sharing ceremonies right now; however, what type of ceremonies isn’t clear at this moment. But I hadn’t been sharing ceremonies since my dieta. I was there from October 2021 to December and then spent an additional five months in different areas. So wow it has been four years now and in the four years I’ve hardly shared any ceremonies. But if any who have been following along will get an understanding that I went through the Awakening transition and it was not straight forward for me and it’s taken me a long time but the perfect amount of time to ground myself in this state of being. But I do have a feeling that I’d like to share more ceremonies but I still have hesitations. I’ll repeat myself if people are following along but in case you haven’t I have been training in shamanism and I’ve only lead two Aya ceremonies out of 48 ceremonies. I’m use to assisting in ceremonies but not leading. When it came to leading the two ceremonies… it was not by my decision say ok it’s my time to lead… no that was not the case. It was the Aya ceremonies who nudged me… hehe… actually kicked me in the butt and said guess what… it’s time for you to lead… surprise and work it out… and that’s what I had to do. The first time I was in my master plant dieta and it was only me and the male shaman. When it came to ceremony time we drank and we usually rest until it’s “time” and we both knew it was time but the male shaman wasn’t able to sing his Icarus. At that time I was relying on the shamans to get me into shamana mode is what I call it. I transform and normally when I hear the first Icaros I start my purging process and this gets me ready for the transformation. And literally when I’m purging from time to time I look up and around because my vision completely changes when I’m in shamana mode. I’ve been doing this a while and so this is my tell tale sign that the shift has happened. And usually instantly after my entire demeanor changes into shamana mode. But that’ was what I was learning at this ceremony. Ceremony was telling me… ok what are you going to do now? The male shaman cannot sing his icaros… his voice is struggling right now and yes he was battling trying to sing. And so if you can’t wait for him to sing to you for you to transform… can you transform yourself? And that’s exactly what I had to do. I had to purge myself to get into shamana mode and when I did I looked at the male shaman and started singing icaros that came from my mouth… and I then became the lead for that ceremony. He told me that he’s never had that happen before and didn’t want me to tell anyone, but that’s just his ego trip. I lead the second ceremony and this was when there were more guests with us. I had brought two friends with me and the male shaman had two of his sons there. So there were a total of six of us. We already had two ceremonies together and I was the assistant position. But the last ceremony to close the ceremonies with this group Aya ceremony again had me lead without any planning. Just like usual we drink and then we rest until it’s “time.” I woke up when I start to feel the energies shifting and I start to hear the guests moving around and I know that it’s about to start but I hear the male shaman snoring. He didn’t wake up. So I’m sitting there trying to wake him up but trying to not make it so obvious… I’m clearing my throat loudly and coughing… I say his name a few times… and then all of a sudden I go into purge mode to become shamana and then I again am the first to start singing icaros… so I was the lead in this ceremony again. This was a very interesting ceremony to lead since there were more guests in the space and I got a really amazing way to understand how different it is in ceremony to when I’m an assistant and when I’m the lead. His sons haven’t really had ceremonies without their dad leading. well I think one of his sons had gone and done a dieta with another shaman so he had one alternative reference, but the other had not and it was really interesting to see their response when I was leading. I also remember in the ceremony I was speaking with the three of them together. Essentially I was trying to tell the male shaman that we don’t need him to train his sons to become versions of him. What we need in ceremony is for him to allow his sons to develop their own skills and abilities and have their authentic selves come through not carbon copies. But anyway… I’m trying to say that I’m not one who just jumps in saying that I’m the lead when it comes to Aya ceremonies. And this isn’t the first time ceremonies have tried to show me that I’m much more than what I think of myself and so I appreciate it kicks me or nudges me to step out and expand beyond the walls I place myself in. After resting for these past years and not doing ceremonies I have been able to integrate into this new version of myself. It’s been interesting to watch my thinking process these last few days. The Universe sent a woman here to Florida from the jungle who is coming to share Kambo and Aya. And I start to think of working with her and sharing ceremonies with her. She did get back to me and said she brought Aya back for the first time to share here. She’s been apprenticing for the past few years. And she lives there so it’s been much more consistent than my presence in the jungle. But I’m not certain where she’s at with leading a ceremony either and I’m curious about it. But anyway.. I see myself giving her the lead position… and then I go to thinking wait… why wouldn’t I be the lead position… I’d love to share ceremonies I told the male shaman that the next time we share ceremonies I will not allow him to take advantage of me. I’ve been working on myself and I’m going to continue to work on myself so my power in ceremonies will expand so I will not be so susceptible for him to take advantage of. But really wouldn’t the best way for me to get better at this would be to be in Aya ceremonies more? And the most ideal situation would be for me to lead? But I also found myself thinking that I do not have Aya supplies. So I started to think well I don’t have to be the lead… let’s get some of the shamans I know here to share ceremonies with groups and when they leave they can leave the extra supplies so I can continue my practices. But now that I’m reaching out to the shamans I’m starting to see that they aren’t gong to be coming at this time. I told my Aya familia today that I’m going to walk through the steps and see what the Universe has to tell me. The male shaman is not going to come right now. The female and the son is not going to be here right now. And so the next step is for me to reach out to a friend I know who lives in Peru or actually he just recently returned to Peru and he’s made my Aya before and I’m going to see if he’s made a batch recently and if he’s willing to mail it to me. So this is the next step of the process. This will determine if I’m going to be allowed to share at this time or not. And the last option will be for me to share Aya with the woman who just arrived and is sharing for the first time. I’m not sure what her cost for ceremonies.. but I sent a message to her as well to see. It’s been almost four years since I’ve had Aya and honestly I’ve been giddy to get the opportunity to share Aya space again. Only a few months in this new style of living Im trying… I would feel so grateful to get some guidance right now. Technically I’m getting messages and guidance but there is a difference when I’m in Aya space and I’m finding myself trying not to be too eager but also going to do my best effort to see if I can get it here relatively soon. But also I know I can also offer the trifecta prep work with people as well and I can continue doing this and I feel like I’m ready to share more with the people I’m meeting. So yeah it’s been insightful to see when I’m alone and decide to go to different locations and events… I meet some interesting people who might just be the perfect candidates for ceremonies. Or at least start to be added to my list of people to watch… not literally but in my peripheral awareness hoping that down the line we align to work together one day. And so I see the value of not working so much but I’m also looking at what all the supplies I would need to gather to host ceremonies. And so a part of me is like… work another month and then slow down but we’ll see how it goes because maybe I don’t need all the supplies that I hope to share with people to make people comfortable. Maybe I’ll just have to ask for more help in collaboration is the way to go instead. We’ll see I happened to see this 12’ X 12’ star gazer gazebo online that I think would be great alternative for a maloca for ceremonies. But also I can use it to be more comfortable as I’m living the van life. I keep finding myself wanting to do my projects and it might become more of my studio space when I’m not hosting ceremonies. I’m really not over thinking even though it may sound like it. i find that I’m not getting worked up with any of the situations that are going on… i just feel so much calmer right now. And so even though my thoughts are dying to figure everything out… like I”m doing with the Journal of purging… but I’m trying to just relax into everything and just go with whatever happens. It’s been interesting to see who has been coming into my awareness right now and I’m wondering if the Universe is giving me hints with people who want to work at this time together in Spiritual aspects. So ok… I think I didn’t gain a lot of insights right now but I’m glad I got to purge more out. It looks like the woman who is hosting Aya and Kambo in Florida just messaged me… I’m wondering if she has the cost for me… one second. Oh she just emoji-ed my message and no message… hehe.. ok I’ll go ahead and close this up for now. I want to work on my little sculpture… hehe… ok enjoy ourselves until next time!

Yes, I agree. Ok that sounds pretty close to an experience I had during a Vipassana retreat - but I was scared AF and did not go all the way into "nothing", or the abyss. For me it felt like "dying", or how I imagine it. I felt like I leave this reality and I was afraid I won't come back. I know now in hindsight that this was a breaking point for my structure and the beginning of a transformation process. I guess I know that I have to do Same as you, go back again, but follow through with the intent of dissolving instead of being afraid. BTW, the content of this topic, and the experience you describe reminds me A LOT of the documentary series by Daniel Schmidt. Inner worlds, outer worlds and Samadhi. If I remember correctly, he uses the same term of looking into the abyss without any hope.

Leo always said that documenting his transformation was part of his journey. I hope he considers bringing back the couch vlogs.

I believe there’s a transcendent aspect to God, as God is both immanent and transcendent. I agree that the body and mind must go through a process of transformation.

@Bjorn K Holmstrom @Natasha Tori Maru I learned this from Sadhguru, who is extremely active on all fronts, Spiritually the highest level of Experience and Expression as well as very active in the World to make change and transform, that is why I reference him so much, he is the living example that is here RIGHT NOW and doing it, not some master 2,000 yrs ago that is long gone dead and all we can do is read about it!, What he says to do is just "Do what is Needed" no more no less.. Of course he is here with a physical Body and Mind and can see what is going on around him, especially a guy like him who is actually travelling around the world, meeting rich/famous/powerful ppl while at the sametime probably in the same day meeting normal everyday ppl, none of Us have this opportunity or are doing it.. So Your already set in how You want to be, your BEING is set, peace/Bliss is already Your Experience, this gives You more energy and clarity than you can ever use, plus it bypasses the normal survival instinct and egoic protective construct, "What about Me" is now gone for the most part, yeah you don't do reckless things (but he does, he drives his motorcycle pretty crazy they say), and consciously set up a plan for what to do that will benefit others and the planet.. This is where the motivation and drive comes from, not from mentally realizing "If I am Okay with everything, there is no resistance to what is, then why would I do anything to make change in the world", its a completely different way of looking at things.. He Consciously creates the drive to do what he thinks is needed to be done! Why would SJV build temples, start environmental projects like Save Soil, Rally for Rivers, Project Green Hands, Cauvery Calling and go to prisons to help prisoners, set up hospitals all over, have 3 school systems set up at his main Ashram, etc and still do the Spiritual Activities and Events he is popularly known for... its not too profit personally from the money, its too make change and transformation...