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Disclaimer: I understand that the following criticisms, objections, and opinions are just projections of my and the collective shadow and that all of this is untenable. Even if @vanish is a troll and didn't actually kill himself, my heavy emotional reaction is real and the lessons learned from this - maybe hypothetical - situation still hold true. For those of you who are unaware, @vanish posted some radical things on this forum - hopefully so far. He holds/held the view that awakening may only come from physical death, aka suicide. He wrote about living a life-threatening lifestyle - being in the dark, only drinking water for multiple weeks. He went into a bath full of ice almost killing himself which he announced earlier as killing "him"self. On March 26th, he wrote about the two lifestyles - self-development and self-destruction - and two days later he wrote a post saying that after he finished writing this post he is gonna shoot himself. Alot of people - including myself - started following him after this - he hasn't been online ever since. Now, I hate to say this but from an absolute perspective, every choice is equal. Fundamentally there is no difference between saving 100 lives and torturing yourself and committing suicide. I was shocked that even though I may grasp this on an intellectual level but not an emotional level - and I won't until my psychological death as @vanish would put it. The wording used by @Leo Gura and other spiritual teachers can be very easily misinterpreted: Because Leo didn't react until @vanish mentioned taking his life and almost complimented him for fasting and almost dying in that ice bath, many people accused him of talking @vanish to suicide. I would argue against this on some level; any symbol could be a trigger for any action. In theory, you could train a person to rape anyone if you say the word "peanuts". But Leo - also everybody who encouraged him, everybody who remained passive including me and for that matter everybody -, still, how the fuck didn't you stop him earlier? He was seriously playing with his health; he could have died from that ice bath. I want to discuss this issue - I think others may be also worried about this. @vanish, if you are reading this, come back and say "it was just a prank, bro!". What can we do about this? How to prevent or limit such misinterpretations in the future?

So it all started when I was 16 and had really bad depression and suicidal thoughts, my mind was really corrupted by materialism and theism and mainstream science ideas. Mainly because truth it my highest value so I studied science all day long pretty much. Maybe the depression part is genetic or something but materialism did not helped at all. I was given ssri and it stopped my depression and suicidal thoughts and me being a human being with emotions too. When I was 18 I stopped the ssri and I was emotionally blunt same as with ssri but my emotions started to come back and I had suicidal thoughts again and I didn’t wanted to get back to the ssri because it was like being a zombie. I read about shrooms to help with it and I was like it is better than killing myself so I took it. It was really helpful for my depression (pretty much ended it) and I was really curious how it works and the more I discovered the more I needed to destroy materialism. But I was so young , I took them when I was 19 years old and I wanted to use more psychedelics. But it is not recommended for this age, also I was very attached to societal view on psychedelics and still was materialist so I decided to do a BA in psychology and philosophy to verify what leo and other mistics say and also maybe make some kind of career because I need money like everyone ( I did LP course of leo, over all I have don’t it 4 times every 2 years). I leant mainly materialist theories of conciseness in uni and the more I studies the more stupid they looked like till I stopped believing in materialism. I didn’t had any depression or suicidal ideation during my studies, I struggled mainly with ADHD till I found and it looked pretty promising career for me. I could make good money from it , it wasn’t devilry, really revolutionary treatment , I could make lots of money and then talk about psychedelics and philosophy and all the things I like and had money to support myself. So I was teaching this method to other people and got some results but the more I worked in this business I could do less and less each day till I couldn’t do anything. It sounds good but I don’t want to help people with ADHD , I want to learn about truth! I like conciseness because it is dealing with truth and I really liked to discover all the mechanism of the mind which this method helped me with some of them, till I discovered them and I had no interest in them. So I got all my plans destroyed , I didn’t had any idea what to do with my life because leo says you need to get money and be indented and also not have depression and suicidal ideation so I was kinda stuck. And I talked about this with my psychologist, and lots of the information was in hindsight here , I didn’t know that I wanted to do psychedelics, I just looked for what I can do instead of my ADHD biz, till we talked about that I want to do psychedelics and pretty much nothing else for now,I am just worried about finance in the future because now I am fine and I avoid psychedelics because it is not recommended and because I had some fear from ego death experience i had but I think it is less relevant because I had some solutions (just do it or taking something lighter and work my way from there) I am stuck in a some kind of a loop of being depressed and suicidal , then thinking about doing psycadelics, being normal and happy , getting scared of it, thinking doing something instead, getting depressed and suicidal instead and it repeats. On one hand I don’t have any money making LP (not money making LP I do have) and I cant pressure anything that will make me money because it will make me depressed ,I have neuroticism and suicidal ideation when I don’t do psychedelics at least so I am kinda confused on if I should just do psychedelics. Even my psycologist tell me that I should do it but something stopping me. Anyway, I don’t really know the solution go get me to do it. Maybe encouragement?

How do you guys go about processing a friend's suicide?

What do I do? he talks about how it is his freedom and he knows this is better for him and he has endured years, that is sound logically. but man.. he is one of my best friends since 5 years, he comes from a very abusive and controlling family that is ruining his life. I am very emotionally intelligent and good at communicating emotions, understanding and listening to people, which is why I am usually the "therapist friend" and why he told me. He has been suicidal ever since I knew him, I have tried all the advice in the book. Should I tell his father? Even though his father is one of the main reasons for his misery, extremely manipulative and controlling. If I let him do it, I would feel guilty my whole life. If I try to stop him... I am not sure how that will work. I love him very dearly.

What does a Solipsist thinks about that? Can a Solipsist kill himself?

My theory is that I can only commit suicide if the pain of living is bigger than the fear of the unknown of death ..I mean let's fucking face it ..you'd shit your pants if someone pointed a gun towards your head and you'd turn into a complete pu**y...I'm just being as honest and blunt as possible because I need an explanation. How can someone's suffering be greater than the "nightmarish " fear of death ? Anyone have any explanation from a philosophical perspective? Its like You still have an attachment for life . Killing the body is no guarantee of less suffering. That’s a projection-based story you’re telling yourself. Do you want to deal with suffering in an existence you at least understand and can control to a certain degree?...or are you feeling lucky and ready to gamble on what comes after death by commiting suicide? It’s all just a guessing game really.

Hi everyone, I haven't posted here in the forum for a long time. I want to ask you something. The forum user 'Buba' was a very close friend of mine. He committed suicide on April 29, 2024. Since then, I have been in deep grief. If anyone who has spoken to him in the forum recently could share with me what he talked about, it would help me process my thoughts. In the last few weeks, I somewhat neglected him during difficult times, and as a result, I feel guilty. Thank you very much.

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT PLAN TO KILL MYSELF IN THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE I know this is a controversial, but there is no other place where I could possibly discuss it, so I hope it's okay. *** My question is: what's so wrong about suicide metaphysically? I understand advising people against it because it's a politically correct thing to do, and you don't want to get in trouble, but in reality, is there any reason why you shouldn't kill yourself? If you die, you will become one with the universe / god. You will either become hyper aware of everything and omnipotent, or you will fade away into nothingness and will not feel anything ever again. Both options sound fine to me. There is also a chance that you might get re-incarnated, suggesting that there is a layer with ghosts and souls in between our realm and God consciousness. That also doesn't sound that bad. You could basically use suicide as a reset button, until you reincarnate with the cards you want to play with. If a person doesn't really feel like living or if they suffer a lot, why should they bother and stick around. Additionally, what if I am impatient and don't want to do all this spiritual work? I could just kill myself and get all the answers right away. I hope this perspective doesn't sound too childish, I am really curious about those questions.

I remember a blog post (I think), where Leo said, he had to open up to suicide. This actually frightened me quite a bit. Having had suicidal ideation (because of suffering), a lot of what keeps me going is a beleif that life can become beautiful, meaningful, enjoyable. That happiness can be achieved. Trying to pursue that deep mystical life however is kind of strange if it all ends up at suicide again. I was wondering if there is any update on that. Is suicide different when doing it out of suffering vs some super conscious decision? Is life really not enjoyable after all these enlightenment experiences to a point, that suicide is not an option? I hope this questions are not too private.

Close your eyes and listen to this song - It is the best thing I've experienced in 6 months during struggling with my issues. I love ambience music. My mind isn't a great state right now but sometimes some music breaks through.

This week was already the second time that I stumbled on internet (first time was few month ago) that three people committed suicide because they watched actualized.org. I don’t know if it’s true but I would say it’s not, though, on most videos that Leo releases he puts a disclaimer about suicidal and on very few deep videos like one about poetic vision he had, he warned that that those who are suicidal should not watch. I am not here to argue whether it’s true or not, my question is why is it suicidal to begin with. At first Leo always warn not to commit suicide and all his teachings are actually geared for a profound life. I would understand for example, if Leo was teaching people to have a high paying job, drive expensive cars, have sex with the most beautiful girls then I would understand, as most people cannot achieve all those items, then they would feel suicidal. But it’s the other way around where Leo teaches people to be humble and seek the truth and connect with your higher self that technically anyone can do that, all you need is to just find time alone and be with yourself, you don’t even need to be social. Realistically can someone explain, why would someone be suicidal after those teachings. Unless the person plans to kill himself and just use actualized.org as an excuse, but he could have used any excuse even watching CNN. Or someone with extremely weak psyche who gets depressed by seeing someone killing an insect?

Before judging this thread being irresponsible or and immature. Take a moment to really understand my project: basically I fucked up in this life. I had trouble from 14 to 18 and ended up with fatigue chronic and bipolar disorder but I did well att school because I put all my eggs into studying. Anyway after when a gf entered my life the first time, that s here I understood how fucked up I was. I squander the relationship from a to z. The girl was totally in Love with me. It was easier to not screw than to screw but I like challenges! anyway I was very serious prepararing ingenireeng school and made lots of sports from 19 to 22 but at 22 I discoverd Leo so of course at 23 I started my psychedelics journey or should I say my shroom journey. One year was enough to put me into psych ward were my body mind has been forsaken forever. I’ve been in a very very very dark place for 4years. But enough is enough, I won’t carry all that unconsciousness/ shiet my all life. I wanna die with a mignimum of dignity and the more I wait the more my dignity decrease. Anyway, I ll find a way to kill myself and to know what there is after you kill yourself !! I’m so excited for this adventure. Sorry for the excitements of this post I took to many xanax before writing. That shit is gooooood. I hope some people will understand that this surfing ntil suicide attitude is my best possible attitude regarding now. I have nothing to bring to anyone, I am a leash to my wonderful family. I just can’t wait to put a bullet between my two eyes. plz don’t judge. It’s actually a very serious topic. I don’t recommand that to anyone unless you are in a similar situation where you are carrying an enormous amount of shiets. I’ll of course write loving letters to all people I love and once I will become a demon if god does not let me pass to Heaven I’ll send all that touch my family in hell. kiss kiss

What makes it such an attractive choice? For me, it’s the curiosity about the afterlife and near death experiences. SSRIs have caused me to be in such a detached state because of the massive increase in serotonin, (which also probably increases stress hormone cortisol too) and this lead to suppressed appetite too. Being without thoughts, needs, sexuality, pleasure and desire was definitely an interesting experience. I would call serotonin the “completeness” hormone and neurotransmitter. Overloading with stress essentially just reverts you to a blank slate. Tabula rasa. I think that’s what SSRIs do. I’ve had severe states of depersonalisation and derealisation where life looked dream like and my identity, ego and thoughts all dissolved. It was like living in a dream while I was actually in a coma. Some sort of strange anaesthesia that interrupts with dream/wake states and differentiating between them. Definitely pineal gland related. Where the lines between dream and reality blend into each other. Very strange experience. Pineal gland pulsations are also happening. Something strange about it. Seeing repeating numbers everywhere 111 222 333 444 555 666 777 888 999 123 369 xx:xx xx:yy xy:xy (clock angel numbers replace the x and y) the fear of death has been dissolved sort of. I think SSRIs deactivate certain parts of the brain. This also leads to cognitive impairment and impaired judgement. Anxiety and depression completely disappeared. Just left an empty blank slate without any emotions or thoughts. It’s like having a second birth. Some SSRIs revert the brain to a juvenile, child like state. ive played around with the idea that spiritually minded people are actually brain dead, AND that’s why they receive all these spontaneous insights and downloads. All roads lead to Rome. The same insights can be reached by going deep in thought. I’ve had spontaneous insights and dots connect during this period of SSRI use. Not encouraging people to use it though. Very hit and miss medication. I also have no dreams anymore. Dreamless sleep. I’ve noticed myself trying to still cling on to the remnants of my ego mind that’s rooted in thought. But it comes and goes. I’ve realised how much stress and fear have controlled my life and the trajectory of it. And it was all rooted in the mind and how it acted as an echo chamber for other peoples thoughts. I have now a higher stress tolerance and also a psychopathic like detachment. It’s like I took a lot of vodka when it was my first time drinking alcohol. SSRIs induced some very strong states in me. it’s also interesting because during near death experiences, I think the brain releases a lot of serotonin too. these days, everything looks bright, vivid, surreal and dream like. There has most definitely been some sort of shift in perception. Sometimes, everything just looked like a cartoon world. When I stopped taking it, I woke up from a dream and my visual field was surrounded by a kaleidoscope of strong hallucinogenic visuals. i think that this will be a beautiful way to die. I think antidepressants have removed a lot of inhibition that prevents me from killing myself. They lowered my inhibitions in general. Much like alcohol and other drugs. These days, my eye movements seem very still. I think it signifies that my thought process has completely stopped. Reached some sort of point of awakening perhaps I don’t know. Or maybe I’m just a brain dead zombie. I think entities implant suggestions and thoughts into people and influence us in ways we can’t see or perceive. ego hijacking so to say. Or hijacking the person with an erased ego maybe. I’ve also had memory loss. And some sort of emotional anaesthesia. I look at things and no emotional response is there. I felt like I could do anything because it was a dream and I could even act like a psychopath if I wanted to There are days where my family or people in general did not seem real. It’s like I saw through the lens of ego/self. I want to die and go all the way. I understand why so many people commit suicide while on psychiatric medicine. Because it very much removes the inhibition to do so.

https://medium.com/the-collector/where-does-suicide-take-the-soul-883faa98e15e z

disclaimer: OK..I've started a thread about suicide yesterday but it got locked because some mod thought it might be dangerous to say this to people here who might be having trouble living in the world . So please understand I'm not advocating suicide or urging anyone to commit suicide. This is just my thoughts on the subject . So I said In that post : the idea that i could be trapped or forced in a situation against my will with no way out is one of the more truly horrifying things that i try not to think about. certainly the ability to "will myself dead" with no way for anyone else to stop it, would give me a certain comfort. I'm a proponent of the right to death idea. I have an agreement with myself if I become terminally ill I would exit on my own terms. You gotta really think why is death and suicide considered bad or wrong ? It's only because of social brainwashing . Life is not always better than death . Sometimes the suffering can be really intolerable. I've actually made peace with the idea of suicide and that's the only reason I no longer fear death .

It is said that God is unconditional love, yet in religions and spiritual concepts, they speak of punishment or negative karma after suicide... What kind of God would punish a person a second time who was already suffering too much to end their life? I don't find any positive view on suicide in spirituality / religions... Why ? So we are here, some of us suffer deeply almost/all their life and they don't have the right to end their suffering without bad consequences ? A loving God would provide comfort to a person who took their own life because they needed love the most.

This will be an analysis of a incident now in court from a spiral dynamics perspective Summary: Richard Bilkszto was a fill in principal attending a anti-racism training for the Toronto District School Board. The sessions were led by Kike Ojo-Thompson, founder of the KOJO Institute. Bilkszto alleged that Ojo-Thompson told educators that Canada could be considered more racist than the US. Bilkszto, who had previously taught at a high school in Buffalo, New York, completely disagreed with the suggestion and called out Ojo-Thompson, who allegedly lashed out at him. During a follow-up session the next week, Ojo-Thompson allegedly brought up the argument again. Bilkszto claimed that after he reported Ojo-Thompson’s alleged misconduct, the school board failed to look into it, appearing to side with the instructor. The Workplace Safety and Insurance Board (WSIB) eventually looked into the matter and found that Ojo-Thompson’s conduct “rises to the level of workplace harassment and bullying.” Then, following a six-week medical leave later that year, the district refused to reinstate his contract, which Bilkszto claimed was a result of either his fallen reputation or as retribution for having the WSIB investigate the incident. Richard Bilkszto eventually committed suicide and his family blamed the backlash and reputation harm as the cause. In my opinion this event shows many examples of a society transitioning from stage orange to stage green and what to expect, I will explain with further details of what happened: 1. Traditionally in a stage orange society most non-political institutions and companies actually avoid taking front facing political stands, focusing instead on donating behind the scene to causes. Due to the stage green transition of workplaces however companies are taking a public role in declaring alliances and directly educating their workers in their beliefs. This is resulting in conflict as older, stage orange employees aren’t used to direct ideological assertions they are forced to attend, as seen here in the principal, a 60 year old man, arguing with the educator. For example, A recording of her presentation which was verified by a Canadian journalist has more detail on Thompsons arguments for why Canada is more racist than the USA. She brings up an example of Canada’s Monarchist tradition as evidence for its racism. Claims like this would generate disagreement from stage orange, because Britain outlawed slavery decades before the US civil war and Canada’s creation. This however misses the stage green perspective the educator is giving that is about the symbol of the monarchy and colonialism itself, not the specific circumstances. 2. Stage orange is individualistic, as a result they tend to argue from the perspective of what was said rather than who is saying it. Stage green is collective and prioritizes advancing knowledge about structural and class issues. This can be seen in how specifically the principal and educator disagreed: Bilkszto was reinforcing the stage orange perspective by challenging her claim. This creates friction because the stage green perspective is that he is centering himself as someone with racial privilege over someone facing racial discrimination. The education they were receiving was not supposed to be open debate. 3. Stage green puts the collective over the individual. In a stage orange society normally it maintains traditions of often standing by someone you know even when they do wrong, or at least remaining silent. However stage green evolves to focusing on collective harm, and the transition includes greater emphasis on openly engaging in the criticism. This can be seen in how Bilkszto’s coworkers reacted: Bilkszto himself was let go after this event, he claims allegedly because of the accusations of racism. This is an extremely important survival mechanism for stage green collectivism, because an individual’s backlash against it can spurn further backlash, so all defensive mechanisms need to hastily stand against it as a warning to anyone else considering joining the backlash. See here, a stage orange journalist reporting the story expresses disappointment no one has publicly come out in support, likely to avoid facing backlash themselves. 4. Because stage orange is individualistic, generally it looks at events as more local to exactly what happened and maybe examples of more directly related factors, in this case stage orange people have been criticizing the school board and using this event as a negative example or anti-racist trainings in general. But similar to how collective stage blue will extrapolate further based on individual events (ex using a minority criminal as an argument against the minority as a whole), stage green views events from a wider lens. In this case stage green reaction to this event was to coalesce around the educator and push back against attempts to reform or reduce anti racism trainings in the future, because stage green prioritizes anti racism trainings (as a push back against racism in general). See the response from a Toronto MPP on Twitter: For further examples, a group of activists, students, and teachers have come out saying they are worried this event could hurt anti racism education initiatives and have produced a list of demands for the school board to affirm its anti racist stance and funding. sources: https://www.thefp.com/p/a-racist-smear-a-tarnished-career-suicide?utm_source=tfptwitter https://nypost.com/2023/07/24/ex-canadian-principal-who-sued-board-for-bullying-during-anti-racism-training-dies-by-suicide/#:~:text=A former Toronto principal has,more racist than the US. https://quillette.com/2023/07/21/rip-richard-bilkszto/ https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/hamilton/toronto-principal-suicide-weaponized-rhetoric-1.6928122 What is your opinion? Is my analysis off or wrong? What is the solution?

I don't know if this is against forum guidelines, but I need help. I can't hang myself and need a good idea for how to die. Please help. I should and I simply need to. My life cannot work anymore. I lost everything and am not in circumstances that allow me to be mentally healthy. All ways for how to do that are gone.

I am a Bachelor's graduate, studied psychology. Now i am struggling with my relationships with my family. They are total opposite from my philosophy and lifestyle. I leave my family and my hometown and now i am staying in Dubai. But here now i found that there is not a great scope of medical field especially psychology. Now i am struggling also feeling depressed. Cause i don't wanna go back to that home. Also if anybody is here from dubai. Contact me please to help me finding a job. My phone no: +917558159692 Also i spend a big amount on my visit to here. Now i am trapped here. I also applied for some odd jobs but not get even one response. I don't know what to do now?

I lately wrote the topic " I woke to the GOD. Death is the only whey to forget?' (sorry for my English, i'm not a native speaker) Thank you so much for all your help there, and also i want to send all the love to : @Kksd74628 @Godishere @Tim R They helped me on priv, so much!! i don't know what would i do, without them. Background: i've had spiritual experience for over 2-3 years, 16-17 trips, (lsd,shrooms,dmt). I mediate every day, lately for 2h a day. Also, I've had some retreats, on which it was 7-8h meditation daily. Almost every tip, till last, was pretty easy, some were challenging, but overall it was rather calm. I've experienced pure nothingness, no-dual states, i've seen my reflection in face on my girlfriend, i had God experience on DMT, when everything and everyone dispreaded, there was no time, only infinity etc. It was all ok. Dosage: 3 days ago, i took 250 uq LSD. I had one trip on 400uq, and it was nothing like that. Trip: After 1h i went to the God state. To the point, I exactly saw God everywhere. The floor was made of God, air was pure God, walls were God, which obviously is all me. I knew that, there was no going back, cause even if i go to the hospital, i can't meet anyone other than God, which is me. If I take some pills, it's going to be only self-deception to forget. I was deceiving my-self all the time, that i'm not God, it was obvious to me. it was all fine, i knew it was the case. But then i went to the bedroom, to talk with my girlfriend, she took LSD too. She was in GOD-state as well. She told me, that "I'm God" i don't why, but i felt like God, which is me, perfectly designed every aspect of my life, from birth, to this moment, and now, it's speaking to me, by the mouth of my girlfriend. I sat down on the bed, to look outside the window.... and all the people in the next building were gone. All the lights in their flats went down. I said "what? Am i really GOD?" there's no-one else? , she said, "yes". Then all the buildings collapsed into me. Weather started to change pretty rapid. Time stopped. Out of my pure imagination. I was 100% sure, that my-small-self died, and i'm out of the dream and i can't go back. There was only face of my girlfriend left. So i said, " really? i was God all my life? i'm dead now?" And then something happened, which shocked me to the core. That was the moment i felt like i want to go back, and forget. That was the moment i regret that i was even alive. The horror: i looked at my girlfriend eyes. It was all sparky with life as always, but suddenly it was gone. I was looking to the dead eyes, completely without a life. The woman i love, was not only dead, but she was empty and shallow. Dark. Void. She was like a withered flower. Like empty costume. It was the most horrifying things i saw in all my life. I was all alone, staring into the empty void of my girlfriend's eyes. Every fucking horror is a joke compare to that. With tears i asked " are you there?" and then i saw like life is going back to her. Her eyes went sparky again. But at that point, all the solipsism horror was unbearable. I wanted to kill myself. I wanted only cease to exist. I don't want to live with knowledge like that. I don't want to be alive with costume-people. It was pure-fuckig-madness-hell. My post on forum: At this moment I tried to write a post here, on the forum. But i knew, i couldn't get any advice from no one, because even actualize.com and Leo Gura is pure fucking imagination, only to cheat me into thinking, that there are others. I'm here, alone, trapped in this empty-shallow-world, to the infinity. It's Only me. I can't die, i can't escape. I wrote every music there is, i wrote every book, it was always only me!! fuck! i wanted to know infinity, and it turned out to be fucking back-mirror-hell. I wrote this post anyway, but i knew, i was talking only to my-self, and my infinite imagination. After the trip: Next 48h i couldn't sleep. I was crying, and shacking on the floor. I couldn't eat. I wanted only to die, and forget. Right now: People on this forum helped me with going through this. Today, after 6-7h of sleep, i'm back to the "old-self" and i don't see imagination and God everywhere. Thank God! Any idea what went wrong, and how do i integrate this? You guys said God-realization it's all about love, and i got fucking horror X1000 to the infinity. Thank you, for all your support. Personally, i think my "ego" still corrupts this forum solipsism, and i feel it through an illusion of separated self. But i don't know.

Like if I sit at a beautiful tropical beach and meditate myself to death will that be the same as shooting myself in the head? honestly life on earth Is made for animals I don’t belong here lol. I just can’t handle I gotta do this properly if I’ll do it this is like my 10th post about suicide, sorry if it’s getting too repetitive. I’m just really trying to decide here

Recent podcast interviewing Adeptus Psychonautica about the dangers and traps within the spiritual/psychedelic community and the recent developments of actualized.org and the forum. What's really interesting is the host OXSN has his own intimate experience following Leo Gura and even initially defended him when Adeptus made an expose on the Connor Murphy incident. Watch how his journey and close friend's suicide sobered him from his own paradigm and ideology (the details of the suicide were vague as he didn't wish to disclose much; what's revealed is that OXSN did expose his friend to spiritual teachings including those of actualized.org before he ultimately took his own life) Some interesting points within the video: 34:09 "The example I use is like, if you saw a bee, like a buzzy bee but it was not trying to be a bee. It was trying to be a fucking elephant. It would be like 'you fucking bellend', just be a bee, just eat the pollen. Enjoy your life as a bee! Don't pretend to be an elephant, you cannot be an elephant, you're a bee. Be the fucking bee. That's how I feel when I hear all these like, you know, the people who get really obsessed with all the God-Consciousness. And that's not to say there's no value in those thoughts, but the value has got to compile back into a human being. To sit there and go floating about like 'oh, I'm so enlightened, I'm so God-Consciousness' is like, it serves no purpose other than to be like a wanker. But if you could embody that, if you could live your life like, when you come across someone who is like truly spiritual and truly a good person, a true role model: they don't have to tell you how fucking enlightened they are. They don't tell you what a good person they are and how better they because they achieved God-Consciousness. You just know like 'wow, this is a great person'. They don't need to tell you this. So all these people who like beat you over the head with how fucking spiritual they are, I could only assume they don't realize how fucking conterproductive that looks. Because I don't see anything spiritual with, like we say with the sort of 'the Leo Guras' of the world." 50:40 "I've got say, if there's one thing, out of all of Leo's flaws, the one thing I'll pull up on: the guy has like zero compassion and he's so detached from his own experience of a human being that, in my opinion, he doesn't seem to realize the effect he's having on these group of people. So that when he comes out with something really flippant on the forums, or- I'm sure he seems to handle things in his way, and not necessarily had something that's led to what's happened to your friend, but he's answering things in his way with zero understanding and like 'no, these might be people in trouble'. When I've been on the actualized forums, it is an absolute meeting room with very, very definite and very obvious mental issues. There's some serious fucking problems on that forum, and some of the moderators should not be moderating fucking dogshit, in my opinion. But they're all egging each other on and, one of the best descriptions I've ever heard for the kind of behaviors on actualized, which came from one of my friends James Jessal: there's a lot in the way where Leo describes his own activities, which feels like a challenge to the audience. Like 'I did all this 5meO-DMT so it got me here so you should do it'. And the guy will say things like 'you shouldn't do this', but it's a challenge. Like 'if you do this then you get to this level of Consciousness' and 'you just don't understand, you just don't understand, unless you've done it, you just don't understand'. So there's this constant challenging of these very vulnerable, very fragile, very destabilized audience; I just see people's fucking heads explode. Alot of people contact me because they want to talk about that experience. Especially the stuff around solipsism, which to me, it's almost hard to understand how people get so destabilized by that, but whether I get or not, at least I understand that people are going through this. Like people believe in this and they don't necessarily want to believe it. They don't want to believe that their loved ones are figments of their imagination 'but Leo's said it's true so must be true!' It could really fuck people's heads up."

Like from the highest perspective am I killing myself? Lol

What would happen to you in the spirit world if you reached full enlightenment, but then soon after you committed physical suicide? Not out of hatred or depression for this world, your love for this physical world is very deep, but you just felt like playing a different game, to just go to the other side sooner because you simply wanted to. It could thought of as, you love your country, but you feel like living in another country because you just want to. How would this affect your reincarnation cycle? I understand if you reach enlightenment, your reincarnation cycle ends, but if you commit suicide after enlightenment would you be somehow forced to go back into the reincarnation cycle? Also, would you be left in some lower dimension or even hell if you did this even after enlightenment? Or maybe somehow cause yourself some other negative consequence. Or would it all be the same as just dying of natural causes, where you would end up going into some very high dimension and be free of the reincarnation cycle?

I wasn’t sure if this topic belongs to this segment, but definitely doesn’t belong to the serious emotional issues because I want to discuss and analyze suicide but from a more practical point of view using real logic as much as possible. I have always heard and read that suicide is bad and should be avoided because you would pay for the consequences (bad ones) such as: going to hell, reincarnating to a lower level of life, being eternally in the other realm suffering, and many other theories. But nothing of this makes sense to me because not everyone is under the same circumstances in life, so “God” (or whatever you call it) just can’t judge everyone the same way, right? I will give some examples of different scenarios to show why. 1. Lets say 2 people commit suicide. One of them had a really great quality of life in general terms but eventually got something like bored, depressed and finally committed suicide. The other one was born under the most miserable conditions you can imagine and suffered a lot all their life, and finally to end the pain of his misery he ends his life too. Why would God judge both in the same way and both will suffer bad consequences? It seems a little unfair to me. 2. Fool example but just to explain my point: A person is on a boat in the middle of the ocean and the boat starts to sink. He will literally be dead in less than 20 minutes by drowning, but also he has a fire gun. He decides to shoot himself (commit suicide) by a headshot instead of waiting to die. He is going to die anyway in some minutes. Why would God judge him for dying in the way he considers less painful or whatever reason? It seems a little unfair to me. Also, why would God judge for such a decision if God itself put the person in that particular situation? The person commiting suicide didn’t decide to be in a situation where there is unbearable pain and suffering. If one simply cannot take the pain anymore and thinks it will stop with death, why would God judge? I just cannot understand why taking your own life is said to have the worst consequences. And also, what happens to the people that commit suicide without realizing they did it? I mean the people that were in such a bad place mentally that they were not conscious at all of their act. Why would God judge those people too if they commited suicide without knowing they were commiting suicide, they simply did it because of their mental state. Why would people commiting suicide be judged in the afterlife? Please if someone can give their opinion on this. I think I explained my point about why something about the theories doesn’t smell right. Thanks for any input