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My take on this topic is that eventually states stop mattering. I've traveled to some wicked and ecstatic realms on psychedelics, realms that to this day leave me speechless as there is literally 0 context for communication through symbolic language. I've had some of the most indescribably beautiful states of consciousness possible through jhanas. I've felt elated, ecstatic, unified and whole through sexual union. I've felt miserable, cut off, trapped and confused because of my particular life circumstances, wondering why I have to struggle so much while others float by unaware of their privilege. Yet what is that which has watched, witnessed, been conscious of these ginormous ebbs and flows of states? What is even the thing that wants states at all? There's a grand paradox at play here. The paradox that unless we are in a very specific type of state, truth will never reveal itself. The millions who march through the maze of capitalism, constantly chasing happiness through distractions of every kind prove to us that states matter. If we are caught in such a trance state, a state attached to the stories of separation, externalized happiness, addictions to the pursuit of pleasure and avoidance of pain, truth will not show up. Yet as we move through the various realms of consciousness, we start to encounter increasingly profound states. We start to see that these increasingly powerful, beautiful states dwarf these egoic driven pursuits. How could a night out drinking with friends compare to the full-blown union with source? Well... It doesn't. Until it does. In my own experience, the deeper down the rabbit hole I go, the deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper the natural, sober, boring state becomes. I no longer feel an insistent pull at the next big psychedelic breakthrough. I no longer feel a need for constant bliss during meditation through jhanas. Simply breathing, simply being in this neutral existence is revealed to be ineffably beautiful. We could call it a state, yet this "state" is the same state I've had throughout my life. There's not particularly more joy, happiness, or any kind of elevation of emotion. Yet the elevation of emotion is much more available! No doubt. As we expand and raise our consciousness, we can see that happiness, joy, and peace are literally on demand and available to tap into in any moment. But a more accurate way to describe what's changed is that states have been entirely re-contextualized, not pushed towards the positive. And this is the heart of spirituality, the re-contextualization of all states, the intuitive and absolute recognition that all of the striving for higher states, connecting with god, happiness, and bliss are just more ego. Ironically, as we let go of our spiritual ego's, the attachment to these expanded states gives room for this deep re-contextualization of all states of breathe. Such that no longer do we need happiness to experience happiness, or joy to experience joy; through this insight into the nature of all states, there is an underlying, palpable perfection that solves our paradox - the paradox that although truth and happiness may very well only appear through specific states, Absolute Truth and Absolute Happiness transcend all states. Let go of this need for more states, more elevation, more positive emotions and we plant the seeds for a deeper level of emotion, a deeper awareness of truth that is impossible to describe through language. And even more amazing, these more elevated emotions like happiness and joy are MUCH more available. Nothing will snuff away joy like the egoic drive to demand more joy or putting joy on a pedestal. The irony too is that as we do this, our boring, sober state of consciousness begins to radical transform precisely through not transforming at all. And on a slightly un-related yet entirely related note - Love is the only emotional orientation that would be completely at peace and accepting of all that is. If we are love, then loving all regardless of what it is is the direction we "ought" to move. From the Absolute pov, all states would be loved equally by God.

Hey guys. I'm Indie Im 19... I have no gender but that wasn't an option btw Leo... and I've been watching these videos for a while. Spiritual gifts run through my family. I had my first taste of Nirvana (nothingness, unity, peace, lack of distinction) at 15 but it was completely random and out of context and I didn't understand it at the time. I thought I had dissociative disorder my whole life, then I understood it as a non-dual state and feel blissful there. I had a few enlightenment experiences after hard work with contemplation, meditation, astral projection, and tripping, but contemplation being the biggest factor. To clarify what I mean by enlightenment is the understanding of the infinite nature of the universe, especially complete acceptance/ love and experiencing and perceiving life as very trippy even when Im sober, detachment from self, desirelessness, and nothingness all stemming from an indescribable awakening/ that left me sobbing tears of joy for hours because EVERYTHING MADE SENSE and it's so beautiful. Now I am in college and the material world seems so silly to me, even though I understand it's importance in human perspectival development, I am trying to figure out how to be true to self and Self while figuring out how I want to fit in this world with this new understanding without dropping out and disappointing my parents. I want to become some sort of neo-sage who helps people awaken but in a more modern way to appeal to my generation. I've already started leading yoga and helping people astral project and asking dogmatic young Buddists existential questions but I can't help but look at the world and wish I could do more because of how unconscious culture is and how much suffering it causes. Basically, I'm confused because of how transcendent of logic enlightenment/awakening is and my mind constantly trying to make sense of it and I'm also confused about what to do with my life with this new understanding because I bounce back from bliss zen detachment with no motivations or desires, and a completely zoomed out experience, to the egotistical material world that seems rather trash in this society. I need to understand how to aline ego self, God self/realization, and my life in a way that feels authentic. I feel like a lot of Leos videos show you how to get enlightened but not what to do with it our how to cope with it, because while beautiful, it's rather visceral and confusing to the psyche and ego. I know Love is the answer ultimately but I wanted to hear out some practical solutions or ideas. Also I'm trying to talk to other enlightened/awakened people because I have a hard time expressing/discussing all these meta perspectives in my current friend group I always feel like I can't explain it, its over heads, or woo woo. I also need to learn how to talk to different places on the spiral and reach people where they are.

Monday 15/03/2021, 23:00 What can I do, write, say, think, examine, explore to make a difference? I don't know the thing to be changed nor the difference to be made, if the knowledge matters anyway. Discipline, forcing, deprivation, "masculine vs feminine" I have addiction. If I stop masturbating, then the urge comes up, and I feel like I'm depriving myself. Don't eat the unhealthy food I want, urge comes up, and I feel like I'm being deprived. Becoming like an upset and angry child who feels deprived. What's the way to go? "Gentle vs forcing". How does one discipline when there's strong feelings of upset in doing so? Something feeling very significant just came to mind... In me has been the drive achieve something, get some goal, perfect some thing, ambition to reach something high. If I'm honest, I probably got the drive/incentive when I was younger out of a desire to please or make my dad proud. Until just now I don't think I ever acknowledged it or thought of it that way. This insight has probably come to mind before but I forgot about it. Forgetfulness, distraction, amazing defence mechanisms. "I feel a certain type of scare and fear in examining this", ofc those are labels about what I'm feeling but....it's the truth here. Maybe this is the last thing I'd want to let go of..."how could I?". I always want more. Before that thing came to mind, I thought this was gonna be a long verbal inquiry, but perhaps that shortened my search time to the essence? Rarely is it that a thought strikes such an internal/buried chord, I can feel this is definitely something important. But if I have no desire or ambition or goals, then what am I or why am I here? Perhaps what being looked at is not all forms of motivation in of in themselves, just removing this particular thorn and now this thorn is replicating and hosting in thoughts. I fear oblivion. Ugh I'm still lost, but im not sure if Im just saying that so I can move on and distract myself from this....Also, I hate my dad. But its moreso funny -- Ugh, but where does that leave me or what I'm supposed to do. Is this the reason I no longer mediate or listen to people like Alan Watts in a long time? Out of an ego backlash of not wanting to surrender? Even now I'm not sure of if I shall or what surrender means, and in saying that I'm trying to replicate the method of other people who use that word and language. Lack of flow and concentration is/of ___ . Slow it down. Where does thinkingness, motion come from? So I might be more in the present moment now for some time but present is forcing to stay in the present "Stay in the moment" "Don't lose the focus" "Don't lose the flow" and the flow get confused with the repetition of return. THE BIG PROBLEM IS THAT THE MOMENT YOU SEEK TO DESCRIBE AND TALK ABOUT IT ITS ALREADY GONE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA`A`A`A`A`AQA`AA`AAAAA`ZAZ`A`AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASZ`AZASAZHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. OBHBOHBIYOBOUVYIBVIP. THOUGHTS ABOUT THE SINGULARITY OF MAYA ARE STILL MAYA. I feel a familiar feeling which has been lost for a while now. Image is coming to mind of 16 year old me in the shower in the black-tiled bathroom, listening to Sam Harris "Waking Up" audio. Why was I so happy then and had dimensions of emotions not normally here? Why do I feel an alien to my own past? What happened? Who am I? What am I? I want it back.... The catalogue of impressions and fractured DPDR self-history and continuity/familiarity with past, thats the description of whats going on. When did I start feeling this way. Did this blackhole happen before or after that time in 2nd year when I abruptly stopped taking anti-depressants? What were the emotions I can feel back in 1st year uni despite being suicidal then? Ahhh its driving my crazy, my disconnection and alienation from that. What happened and what am I. Not having that dimension/feeling structure is the same as losing memory of it. All of a sudden just now I can remember faint whiffs of it, and I miss it. Why is that? Do I lack it? Is it to be reconnected with? KLOI[JP[NPIBO[U09JONBPJOPNPNIPHUBHIPUBIPHUBHIPBHPIUBP jnkjnjknkjnj When did I lose that dimension/structure, where, why and how? Remember when you were 13, Mujtaba, and you prayed to Allah, 100% believing in his infinite mercy and infinite goodness. Remember that bliss and feeling like a walking Jesus Christ? Where and what am I now? Did that happen at all? Why is gone. Remember when you stared at your homework diary calendar during spring time in year 9 2014, and decided that you'd put off thinking of religion for a while? Staring at the open blank pages for April was I? Remember when you were in Pakistan in December 2013, the religiosity and peace of mind you had? Remember what then happened in 2016? You went to Saudi Arabia in Mecca and Medina, reflected on Islam for one last real time, and realised very consciously you believed none of it. Then you went to Pakistan, and entered a black hole of psychological and spiritual depression. You discovered TJ Kirk, sleep on that Charpai next to the bathroom, Khurram Bai got shocked when you used up 2GB of internet so quickly. In Dec 2013 in pakistan, it was then you would listen to Nouman Ali Khan videos on YouTube when lying down in that room. %$£%^ your sister would sleep in that room sometimes as well? Was it 2013 or 2016 in Pakistan when you stared at the ceiling in your parents room, lying in bed, realising the existential dread of heaven and hell being forever? Heaven forever seemed scary for it was forever. This was definitely 2013 im pretty sure. Has my IQ and intelligence decreased compared to when I was 13 and 16? My life is one crazy fucking trip and idk wtf is going on. My sanity teeters on the edge of psychosis, but psychosis never happened. When did you transition from atheist to non-duality and zen dude? If my history and past is correct, I only actually got formally depressed at the end of 2017, and it as at this time I joined the actualised forum? "Blackhole" (in this context), when the experience of suffering and hell is so great that you dissociate to such unbelievably large degrees that the line between mental and physical is unknown, real and unreal breaks, where your mental noise and state completely overwrites the external world and you BLACKOUT from your experience. Suffering and pain so large that my memory blacked out, and I'm confused, dazed, fragmented. Multiple blackouts, and multiple blackholes. What the fuck am I to do? Idk what I am, up and down are flimsy. Who or what can guide me? Is such a thing even rational to say? Remember 1st year summer, sitting by the water fountain, and discussing C.G. Jung with my brother, which then turned into a general discussion about spirituality? Is my entire life this blackhole now? Jesus fucking christ. Why was a 12 year old researching and questioning islam? How did everything string into this? What were the surreal and mystical spiritual experiences I had as a 13 year old islamic fundamentalist? Atheist? An avid meditator? What is it all? And when did I enter this more permanent depression, lack of vitality and despondency? Remember when you were 7, going to Madrassah or Thursday night when Shia family friends gathered? Remember the questions you'd ask about Islam? Asking your dad and Uncle Masoor different things. What laylat-ut-qadr nights was it that I randomly decided the fear of god reached me that night and I prayed, but changed my mind the next day? It was the same night Uncle Mansoor and everyone gathered at our home. Were there previous laylat-ut-qadr I was praying? What was the sincerity and intention at those times? Is Dua Kumayl just bullshit? My consciousness now vs my consciousness then, it literally feels like two different realities. Two different worlds, different universes. My past consciousness is just a dream and thought at this point, but I just feel so discordant. Ugh, it seems like I was already born to be on the edge of insanity, thrown into all of this right from the start, none of it makes sense. Images, symbols and the unconscious just keep flooding the mind. At least I feel more awake now, a small slap, I now realise the magnitude of my real and core problems. I now realise that my problems are so bizarre and spiritual that a traditional rational doctor would be useless. A normie wouldn't understand the out of worldly bliss of connecting to god as a religious fundamentalist when you're 13 and feeling like a walking Jesus Christ, and im sure that even back then I felt weird disconnections as what was all supposed to be myth is causing these intense emotions and experiences, its all just so dreamlike, bizarre, ungrounded, unreal. It will all just sound completely crazy, right from the start My sense of disconnection, all the blackouts, whenever I get a whiff of my past, I get a mixture of outrage, excitement and dread! When those rare whiffs do happen, I journal or write and just go on a spree writing all those things down. Almost like I'm trying to slap myself awake with all these things from the past! Slap myself awake that this disconnection exists! How shocking and bizarre!

I've always viewed metal as a genre that personally raises my consciousness. Often the heavy, high energy instrumentals are a catalyst for emotionally charged and provocative lyrics that I find super inspiring. Here are some of my faves, I would love to hear any recommendations that y'all have! Silvera - Gojira Time to open your eyes to this genocide When you clear your mind you see it all You're receiving the gold of a better life When you change yourself, you change the world Mastodon - Tread lightly Open your eyes Take a deep breath and return to life Wake up and fight Fight for the love and the burning light Oroborus - Silvera On the peaks of radiant mountains This truth is growing before me My attention fixed on the silence Rediscover life while I'm breathing A National Acrobat - Black Sabbath Just remember love is life And hate is living death Treat your life for what its worth And live for every breath Looking back I've lived and learned But now I'm wondering Here I wait and only guess What this next life will bring Quantum Flux - Northlane Can't you see the joy of life is right before your eyes? Infinite bliss, infinite love Take a chance, close your eyes and just dream It sets me free Why can't you see the joy of life is right before your eyes? Infinite bliss, infinite love Take a chance, close your eyes and just dream We walk around blinded like children in the dark So cold and so empty, how did this even start It's time to remember what it's like to feel alive Reflection - Tool So crucify the ego, before it's far too late To leave behind this place so negative and blind and cynical And you will come to find that we are all one mind Capable of all that's imagined and all conceivable Just let the light touch you And let the words spill through And let them pass right through Bringing out our hope and reason Majesety - Ghost Old One, Master All beauty lies within you Come What May - Iced Earth Can't you see what's plain as day It's always been there inside of you One saving grace that's hard to face Embracing the truth will change your fate It's up to you and the path you choose To be led to the slaughter or lead the way The quest for light, a worthwhile fight Will you have what it takes? Come what may If you'd just look Look inside yourselves You'll find the answers to your pain The hardest road The hardest road to enlightenment Presents a constant test Of your resolve Time for you Time for you is running out The human race must evolve Must evolve Apocryphon - The Sword Darkness and light entwine Everything is all the time All around you points align Everything is all the time You want to live for eternity To see behind the veil Everything comes around again The serpent eats its tail Empty Temples- The Sword We must give up the old ways Though they've served us well The rituals havelost meaning What were temples are shells But there is a new path That always has been As we set foot upon it Let us fear not the end Let go of all that binds you Your kind will always find you An endless series of meaningless tasks Each one distracting us all from the last Look all around at the things you've been given What do you see? Beauty and splendor, destruction and ruin All in your memory The Motherload - Mastodon If you want you can will it You can have it I can put it right there in your hands Roots Remain - Mastodon The end is not the end you see It's just the recognition of a memory Explosia - Gojira Jealousy will crush you to the bones Unless you open up and let it go I've only seen too much of it I'm bursting open while you set the tone You ignored this fury too long, I explode Bring back to life this anger, let it grow Put aside mind traps and false beliefs These heavyweights created pull you down

Did you have permanent shifts that lasted after the trip? Like feeling more, love bliss etc?

@Flim I actually don't want anyone to believe me on faith. But you can entertain the thought just for fun. Death is actually incredible for consciousness. Not last experience while in the body and whatever physical pain that entailed. The liberation from form and reunion with Source. Our language is woefully ill equiped to provide a description. Its peace, bliss, beauty, extreme lightness, complete absence of any concept of the slightest concern,. there is no such thing as concern because nothing can go wrong. divine perfection

@neovox "What isn't so common is the peaceful bliss that is experienced upon release of form. The pain the physical body endures leading up to the moment of death is not pleasant obviously,. but the release of consciousness is a divine transfer. Consciousness time physical bodies is the more difficult. unlimited consciousness taking up residence in the experience of a limited physical form." But how do you know this?

Nothing actually dies, but I think that's common knowledge round these parts. What isn't so common is the peaceful bliss that is experienced upon release of form. The pain the physical body endures leading up to the moment of death is not pleasant obviously,. but the release of consciousness is a divine transfer. Consciousness time physical bodies is the more difficult. unlimited consciousness taking up residence in the experience of a limited physical form.

This is amazing. I read your dream board thread thingy and intially felt a light, felt more tapped into this infinite source of light or being or whatever then I felt kinda dread and discouragement of how unaligned i am. How out of sync I feel. And how that out of syncness feels infinite. But its a subtle feeling, nothing big and profound which makes it all the more depressing haha. I felt drawn to your website and filled in a form for a skype chat, hoping that'll help with this empty sad feeling. I love your posts though, they're beautiful. Anyhow, I am confused how exactly one makes this dreamboard? What do I write on this dreamboard? Whatever I feel the most bliss towards? Whatever I desire the most? I found an old dry erase board and some markers, but I'm kinda lacking direction. What do I write?

TL;DR The Witness has dissolved into nonduality, leaving only experience. There is no more sense of Witness experiencing Form, only the experience itself. There is a dramatic reduction in suffering. It is almost non-existent. The speed of recognition of nonduality has increased. As soon as some experience happens, it is almost immediately recognized as nondual, through all six doors of senses. It feels like falling. There is nothing permanent to cling to. But the good thing is, there is no ground P.S. Desire to jerk off has ceased What happened First prolonged nonduality experience Got a prolonged (but temporary) experience of nonduality. The Witness dissolves into nondual state, leaving only experience. There is no more sense of me experiencing the Form, only the experience itself. There is a dramatic reduction in suffering in nondual state. It is almost non-existent. You can taste the sky, just as Wilber has pointed out. There are peace, tranquility, and joy. When duality creeps in, there is a subtle contraction. When looking for a Witness, it is recognized, and dissolved with effort. A walk in the park I had a walk in the park with an intention of sustaining nondual state. As a result, there was no suffering. Although the threshold of pain level when resistance and ego start to kick in is dependant upon the degree of realization, it is clear that when pain (sensory/mental) is below it, there is no suffering. This is the case because there is no resistance to pain or clinging to pleasure in this state. Cold, bliss, pain, beauty, ugliness. There is just experience, and it is neither good nor bad when seen as it truly is. Moments of compassion for other beings arose, though not that strong yet. It is still hard to realize that I am not separate from other beings. Understanding of suffering Experience is only good or bad in relation to that with which you identify. If you identify with the body on some level, then bodily pains (injuries, aches, tirededness) are seen as bad and bring suffering, and bodily pleasures (relaxation, sex, food) are seen as good and bring clinging, which brings desire for permanence, and thus suffering when they disappear. If you identify with the ego, psychological pains (humiliation, fear, sadness, boredom) are bad, psychological pleasure (domination, achievement, wealth) is good. All that is viewed as bad brings suffering, resistance, and desire to run away from it. All that is viewed as good brings clinging and desire to prolong it when it is there, and suffering when it is no longer there. When every experience is viewed as neither good nor bad, and viewed instead as it really is - that is True Liberation and True Freedom. Right now, I struggle with falling back to judgement, opinions, hatred, demonizing, lust, idolising, and general ego-related stuff. But, with time, it fades away, as nonduality takes over. Work day I struggle with separation when: - reading - thinking - speaking - communicating Have noticed that clinging to good or resisting the bad produces state of duality. I wonder if that recognition will lead to a more total liberation. Intention: Be mindful, and see experience as it is, without clinging or distraction. Going deeper When in nonduality, every phenomena is seen to be permeated by Spirit. More and more phenomena are recognized as nondual, faster. Though only after they have happened, yet. The big contractions and falling back to Witness happen when I think, read, or there is a lot of movement of Form. By reflecting on my own ignorance 3 years ago, compassion to others arises. Intention: Sustain the flow of mindfulness and recognizing nonduality without distraction or grasping. Nonduality breakthrough Had a series of convulsions in the middle of a day, for around 5 minutes, and then hit a plateau of stillness. Since then, the recognition of nonduality has become much swifter. Thoughts, sights, sounds, emotions, touches, bodily sensations, emotions, intentions, actions, pain, pleasure - virtually every phenomena is mindfully seen as nondual, and not giving birth to either clinging or desire to run away (tanha). The state is indeed very much like a mirror. Seeing intentions and actions as nondual is also very interesting. It is like being in tune with the flow of life. I have fallen back to the Witness maybe 2-3 times this day. All of the rest has been recognized as nondual. Current problems I don't know what to do with my life except for practice. Maybe I should practice more, and see what I can do after deeper realizations. Are other sentient beings conscious? How does their consciousness relate to mine? Can I become conscious of what they are experiencing? In what way am I not separate from them, beyond seeing, touching, smelling their bodies? Following practice Read books. Abide in nonduality throughout everyday life, and see what happens.

I have taken the life purpose course, and have a clearer idea of what my life purpose is. The first step to achieving this purpose is research and embody all of the topics covered in actualized.org plus some. As you probably know, THERE ARE A SHITTON OF TOPICS. I do not know where to start. I keep finding one topic to focus and study and work with then another one sparks "my bliss" or whatever and I keep jumping from topic to topic. How do you know where the best place to start is? Or is it just a leap of faith?

35th cold-bath this season The temperature is below zero Celcius again, and there is slush on the water. Yesterday I was so inspired by rollerblading. Like, things just clicked yesterday. I was getting into such a flow-state. And now I don't feel like I have to get anywhere with my rollerblading anymore. I feel secure about the platform that I have achieved. I know enough tricks to feel confident that things will just continue to naturally unfold in whatever pace is natural for me, and I can totally enjoy it right here right now without worrying about getting anywhere. Maybe this flow state comes when I don't feel stuck in a rut, but I'm satisfied with where I am because the creative potential is open and available to continue to naturally grow. Everytime I have rollerbladed lately I've learned new things. Well, so anyways. I sometimes feel that I'm without purpose and direction, and I'm just jumping around like a kid from one hobby to the next, but then when I get into these flow-states that all my cool hobbies tend to trigger, everything feel so totally right about my life. And today the same thing happened. This was just amazing. I have this friend from a long time back when I studied to become a social worker, and for one year now she has been posting videos on facebook of herself out flying in her own small little airplane. It is fucking amazing. So I wrote her half a year ago: "Hey, that flying of yours looks totally awesome, can I join you?" and she replied: "Sure!" and I just answered: "Cool!!" But then we just left it at that. But when I woke up this morning I woke up to a message from her which said: "Fly?" and then an hour later we were out flying. I haven't seen her in almost 10 years. Turned out she and her husband had bought a plane together, and both have the flying certificate. It was so much fun, and I was live-streaming 5 minutes of it on facebook sharing my pure joy, and so many were getting a kick out it. I'm still very high from the whole experience, so I had to go take an ice-bath again tonight. Sometimes I think life is about this for me, just getting as many cool flowing experiences as I can possibly get. Maybe this is what "follow your bliss" means to me. Seems like I'm following my bliss, even though it sometimes seems like without direction, but my life is very much about being a student of joy, creativity, bliss, fun and expansion. And I'm also having a very important job as a social worker, that is very much about being as social as I can possibly get, so whatever I do of cool activities outside of my job really helps me in my job.

What's your kink? Patent pink leather high heeled shoes. Black opaque tights. Long striaght black hair. Blue eyes. Gold in abundance. Tights? I mean stockings, thigh high. Enough for a handful, C or D. Confidence and knows their own mind. Skin colour optional. Must have energy and verve somwhat sill humour. Ablilty to laugh easily and show some teeth. Good with tongue. No pouting. No horses, pets, or familiar exes. If can speak several languages or can sing or play an instrument or all of those, then that makes me intellecutally wet. In fact anyone that can outdo me in the word department. Must be able to run hand through hair and it just flows. Vertical length has varying different effects. Acreage and smoothness is something to get lost in. Compactness is better for enveloping and sending to ecstatic bliss. Curly haired can be kink too, but must be wavy for best effect. Sensually wavy like actual ocean waves. Dress wearing, everything flowing as one, no dijoint aspects. Enjoys sunshine water sand surf exhibitionism. High maintenance exterior low maintenance interior. Must travel must wield a hammer or power tools must be able to change a bulb or a plug without assistance. Not bitter, a bitch, unhinged, neurotic, astrological, new age or offwith the faries. Dark and heavy eye liner with a flick. No eyebrow plucking whatsoever. Tatoos must be strategic or everywhere. Did I mention smooth and translucent skin? Must enjoy makeup as a form of expression rather than a mask. Must be able to go completely natural. Intelligence is a bonus, especially if can outdo me. And a bit of kink goes a long way. @Leo Nordin how did I do? Marks out of ten please. Categories are Letting Loose, Intellectual Disection, and Attachment to Patterns of Thinking. P.S. Fuck I forgot, must love pink.

@studentofthegame Thank you buddy, as always your feedback is precious. I love writing and I know I will be doing it one way or another. I wouldn't say creativity is compulsory for everyone though. Following your bliss also means switching careers like you did. Cheers!

I feel you are attached to having to solve your attachments This. Plus you're 19, what the hell is this "surrender all your attachments" talk? Just follow your passion, follow your bliss.

TL:DR Received Dzogchen oral transmission. Became aware of Awareness itself, which is Empty, Boundless, Vast and ever-present. Started entering nondual state of consciousness. Progression Received Dzogchen oral transmission. Turned on the music, and started ascending. After the first plateau, there was no sense of self. I tried to sense IAMness, but in vain. This may correspond to the stage of "Self and Ox transcended". There were 6 more, radically increasing in intensity. Then, after focusing awareness on itself, realization came. I have become aware of awareness itself. This realization is in fact so incredibly obvious, but, paradoxically, it's hidden in plain sight. Very hard to speak of this. Awareness of Awareness is now only available when things are relatively still, but it is clear that this is trainable. Now I know what I am, and what I have always been. Empty, Vast, Open Awareness. It is indeed Nothingness. It is also not located anywhere in space. The mind is still. I do not experience any intense bliss, or feel an alternation of consciousness in the previous sense - this is not necessary. This is a place of no desires, no needs, and no suffering. This is the first fruit of Dzogchen. Now, this state of knowledge has to be explored and sustained throughout movement of Form. This to me is the ultimate path. This is a place of true happiness, peace, and tranquility. How do you go from realization to confidence? It's by entering into that flow of pristine awareness knowing itself, and then sustaining that. Sustain the flow of mindfulness and awareness without distraction, without grasping. Maturity and confidence arises as the practice continues. Awareness is open like the clear sky. The moment I try to conceptualize or grasp it, it is contracted. But when I looked at the sky, it became clear that this Vastness is the true attribute of Awareness. Sometimes, I get spontaneous bliss, arising from moments of clarity and equanimity. Every experience is arising in this Emptiness. Awareness is not located in space, much like emotions and thoughts. There is often a strong knowledge that reality is a dream. When you identify with Awareness, there is no suffering. Pain and pleasure are seen as the are - without labelling them as good or bad. They are just what they are. There are degrees to this knowledge state - the more you practice sustaining rigpa, the less suffering you experience. Way to enter this state Relax into the Vast, Empty, sky-like Awareness, which is IAMness. Rest in IAMness without grasping or clinging. Further investigation Rigpa brings inner stillness, peace, equanimity, confidence, and freedom. I am slowly starting to disidentify with the mind and body, and identify with Empty Awareness. Because I know that this is my True Self. It is so fucking vast. You can take as much bliss as you want from it, but it is not that desirable anymore. When in rigpa, good and bad fade away - there is just a play of Form. Every experience is seen for what it is, without background conceptualization and labelling as good/bad. Old egoic habits are seen through, and slowly dismantled. That includes self-image, judging, resisting and looking away, demonizing, grasping/clinging. Every Form is, and has always been impermanent. On the other hand, Emptiness is unchanging and ever-present. Obstacles BUT, currently: Awareness is still restricted by individual consciousness There is a duality of Emptiness and Form This state does not arise in sleep. That will come later. For now everything given is more than enough, and the practice continues. Dzogchen could be defined as a way to relax completely. And this is true. This is the way to the ultimate relaxation, under all circumstances. Pristine Awareness is much like a mirror. A mirror reflects objects, but it is not affected by them. Pristine Awareness can be aware of an infinite number of forms, and it remains unchanged. I also realized that reality I experience is completely arbitrary. Over the last week, when abiding in rigpa, when I am aware of thought, sight, feeling, it is seen it for what it is - a form - and it doesn't move me, because it is neither good or bad. Glimpses of nonduality There is an ability to see Awareness as clearly as ever before. Now its effortlessly seen as Vast, Empty and present in every experience. Also, it is clear that every Form is reflected in it. What is different is that now, the boundary between Emptiness and Form can be dissolved. In this state, instead of awareness of form, there is just seeing/hearing/touching. There is an experience, but no experiencer. In fact, this duality is constructed by the mind, an can be stopped. Woke up and immediately relaxed into awareness of Awareness. And then slipped into nonduality, by stopping producing duality. Next steps Abiding in nonduality, and seeing what happens. By now, it is rather restricted in the sense that I am one with what I currently experience, and the knowledge comes after experience. But there are further stages to this process. The main practice is to explore nonduality, and look where it leads me.

Hey guysss and girlzz. I want to tell you a story here today on how Leo’s latest holism videos have helped me heal my mind. So first I want to say that I have a lot of aspirations for life and they have been growing by the day. The thing is I have had a lot of motivation, but I lack the self self-discipline. I can’t focus, I can’t concentrate on anything because I keep eating crappy food, bouncing around between YouTube and video games, and jerking off to pictures of hot girls. I remember I saw this picture of some cute attractive guy and I was like “What the fuck I am doing, turn that gay shit off.”(hint).I was struggling to focus on really anything at all, but I got it done through just forcing that crap out of myself to get it done, and was eating crappy food while always trying to do my work and drinking just to try to get some more power so it speak out of myself to do it. I was always angry, and I always was in a bad mood and I hated myself. I remember this one morning I was playing a video game cause I didn’t want to do the stuff that would better myself, it was last Friday. It was a game where you have to rank up and I had literally almost got to the last level where I stayed up till 3am to try to get there and didn’t manage to get it done. So I woke up the next morning at 7am to try to get to the max level so I could compete at the highest level with the big dogs you could. The game I was one of the most masculine games you could play, it was a racing game as almost no girls like car racing.(another hint) My laptop I was playing on froze and it stopped loading for about 30 minutes as I sat there with my anger building and building and building. I was screaming “Fuck the conservatives and their hatred they’ve had upon me. This computer is worthless”. I couldn’t calm my anger because I was at war with myself, I didn’t realize it at the time, but now I know. So I was so angry that I punched the shit out of my laptop and my mouse bounced off my desk and onto the floor. Then it shut off and went to the blue screen of death. My hard drive was dead and so was my computer, this caused me instant regret. So I went onto the forum just to browse and stumbled into the stage-blue mega thread and read an example that Leo put there saying “Gay Conversion Therapy”. This left me thinking “Why do people hate gay people so much, what it is up with that?” Then I went to YouTube to find out what gay conversion therapy was and they were pretty much tormenting young gay boys and young lesbian girls. I thought it was stupid as I went to search up gay guys kissing on YouTube to see how bad it was. Here I was a fool and to me what I saw was not disgusting as depicted but when I saw these gay guys making out I got this feeling of love and ecstasy. My heart just melted and it brought me into a flashback to when I was 16. (Brace yourself) In the locker room underneath of the school where I kissed this gay guy. Then somehow the word got out, you know how it is with those gossipy teenagers. Then the next day I remember I sitting at the table eating lunch and I’ll never forget this. Some imbeciles came up to me screamed at me “Bitch Boy!”, “fa*****!”, “Why you looking at my dick you scummy cocksucker!”, There were some 30 high school kids who starting laughing at me and I started to cry just sitting hold my sandwich in my hand, it felt like I was in hell. I felt ashamed, guilt, and just like shit. Then remember after listening to some rap music when I was 17 and thinking that’s how I’ll prove to them that I’m manly, I’ll become a rapper. So off I went like a complete fool conforming to rap culture and toxic bullshit just to prove to some people that I was “Manly”. I gained 50 pounds eating ice cream and all kinds of other shit and was too scared to be seen as feminine, as a matter of fact terrified to be. I was always not confident and had no real focus at all. I still kept rapping for these last two years trying to prove myself like a fool that I was manly posting rap songs on the net. I even posted some here on the forum, and I see what I fool I was stuck in hip hop conformity. It breaks my heart to see that I plagued you all with such toxicity. I recently stopped rapping just because of the homophobic culture and gay bashing that it does. I remember I won those people over by making rap songs about saying gay is bad, and say shit like “fuck those stupid faggots”. On the surface I thought oh its fixed. But deep down I was wounded and torn and hated myself for it. I started doing stupid crap like I picked up a vaping addiction from my conformity which I quit last Veteran’s day cause it was ruining my lungs. That was a big foolish maneuver there as I self-reflect on what a fool I’ve been. So anyways last weekend when I watching those gay guys kissing each other I felt an ecstasy and love for life. And like nothing my cravings for playing video games all day, eating junk food, and watching YouTube all day…. Just dissipated like nothing. I have been exercising, motivated, and stronger than I ever was. I got connected back with my feminine side, and it has made me stronger. I can focus now on my work literally all day now, life is magic. This is all great, but something I realized yesterday that the sort of anti-gay conservative mindset was wedged into my mind like a dogmatic mind-virus. So last night I decided I was going to do Leo’s Shamanic Breathing to relieve my mind of this anti-gay shadow. Okay now it’s about to get good. I scowered the internet for the most cutest gay guy I could find. I found this adorable 20 year old guy with butterfly hairpins in his hair. I was like,”If he just isn’t the most sexiest thing”. Then I put my phone away and turned on my shamanic drum music. I did Leo’s shamanic breathing for an hour and I a lot of shit from my past came up especially in the first half hour, but the last hour made me feel like I wasn’t there at all. I had the whole vibration sensation that it gives you and looked around the room feeling this euphoric almost psychedelic state. It was very trippy as I sat there in this heavenly bliss for a couple minutes. Then I picked up my phone and opened it up to see the same picture of that same gay guy. He just looked like the most adorable, cutest, gorgeous, sexiest human being that I had ever seen. Then I got an erection and then got an orgasm while I was in this blissful, heavenly state. Then I really lost control of myself and starting writhing around laughing in a pure joy and ecstasy for a solid 5 minutes. I just felt such an intense love for all LGBTQ people and everyone in the world and the universe, but of course that guy, it was very freeing of trauma for me, very therapeutic indeed. The thing was that I embraced my feminine side because I had been demonizing that part of me for years. I merged with my masculine and now I am more Whole. I woke up this morning feeling so happy, elated, and felt like I could do anything. I was so pumped up and got so much stuff done this morning, this whole experience of embracing my feminine side and becoming more merged with my mind and body is a life-changing moment. I no longer feel bad for being bisexual, and I have been liberated from many of my addictions and lack of passion. Thanks and love you so much to Leo for inspiring me to heal my mind, and I love all of you here on the forum. It’s a real big problem I see everywhere that if you act feminine at all, people act like your a weak little bitch. The fact is that that couldn’t be any further from the case as Leo says all the time in his videos and he is most certainly right. If you read this whole thing, I love you.

Hello all I do hope everyone is doing well given the current state of the world. I will not delve much into myself but rather will briefly ask a philosophical question that I am having difficulties reconciling. Some perspective would be much appreciated. If being and all of existence (in this universe and the next, and all that ever was) is a perfect balance between good and evil, bliss and suffering by its very nature (assuming it is the result of all possibility), what incentive is there to live a good life, if, by deterministic forces, good deeds will be counterbalanced by bad deeds? Why not live a reckless drug and sex filled life and drive a car off a cliff, if all of being and existence will balance this force out? Why strive to live a good life in this life (just for the sake, that it feels good and/or to counteract evil) if the nature of reality and existence is balance? Why love if love will be followed by hate - and vice versa? I apologies for this extreme case, but I am trying to reconcile this Buddhist notion of enlightenment and "breaking the cycle of rebirth" and that suffering can be overcome through reaching nirvana. Why overcome it through nirvana when it will inevitably balance itself out in one form or another? Is existence biased towards goodness? Is there a solid argument for this? I ask this as, I have in the past found solace and peace of mind in the idea that my life and aspirations were somehow in tune with some cosmic sense of justice. I am a naturally helpful and productive person, and although I do struggle with things such as sexual and material desire, I consider things like monogamy as meaningful sacrifices, in the pursuit of a meaningful and fulfilling life, and that through my actions I contribute to preserved peace and order. Any perspective on this would be much appreciated.

For a large part of the path you will not be "done" or "there". Order, chaos, order, chaos. Breaking down, emerging, breaking down, emerging. Your peace and bliss will deepen, and so will your challenges. Sometimes you will feel like you are not going anywhere, like you should feel like you are always going up but in reality it feels like sideways and backwards. You may even think you're doing things wrong, especially compared to those around you. Hang in and return to your practice. Ground yourself in what deep down you know is going to pay off. It takes courage. Stay strong and remind yourself of what drew you here in the first place. Meditation can make some weird shit arise in your experience as you engage with supressed and deep parts of your pysche. Keep breathing brother, you are not alone.

Hi! Tomorrow morning (12 hours left!) I will be given general anesthesia shot due to broken arm. Does anyone here experienced any mystical states during it’s duration? Is it worth to try not to fall asleep? Will it be spooky? Any suggestion for this type of experience? @Leo Gura Never tagged you before, but this time I will really appreciate your suggestions Sidestory: I was arm wrestling with my friend during 2cb trip feeling really powerful, giving everything to win, I was trying to become force itself. Then my arm just broke with LOUD excruciating sound. Firstly I didn’t know what the fuck just happened. Then I ran to the bathroom shocked, to put it into cold water. After that I was walking around with part of my arm just hanging in there detached, it was horrifying as hell, I remembered my breakthrough dmt trip instantly. I was loosing my physical shape, it felt like I was falling into void. I walked into my living room and tried to lay down slowly. In one single moment I realized that I broke my arm with my own force, I did my best and it was quite powerful, Carlos Castaneda like, moment for me. I was sweating horribly, feeling fear sometimes but generally I was at pure bliss, feeling happy and peaceful as I am not my body and there is nothing to worry about. Like I didn’t even feel pain at all. Everyone was trying to cheer me up, I was very grateful for that. Then ambulance team came and I switched back to normal state. I feel like to really work on my health after the surgery is done.

Thank you for replying back. It was actually after watching your "something instead of nothing" video that has thrown me a bit deeper in my covid lockdown existential crisis rabbit hole. I must admit, I do not understand what you mean by "there are no bad deeds and no evil, and only love exists". How has the pursuit of truth brought you to this conclusion? I can surely think of examples that are both evil (e.g. conscious acts of betrayal, intentionally inflicting pain) and love (selfless sacrifice). Do you clarify this in depth in one of your videos because I do not understand the logical path you are following to come to this conclusion. I do not "enjoy" suffering, but my mind leads me to both pain and bliss when I am in the heights of my mania. Perhaps if I understood your reasoning here, I could make more sense of this when I am lost. Essentially, why is good and love infinite and absolute, but hatred and evil not?

I remember that eternal bliss breaks because of boredom so it's not the ultimate. I wonder if there is such thing as the ultimate.

Thanks for the answers? Let me expand a lil.. When I’m by myself I experience huge amount of happiness, bliss and joy. The issue is when I relate to complicated activities and dealing with people. Something takes me out of the alignment.. Maybe because I have to strengthen my ability to abide in I am.

TL;DR Had a second major awakening experience, and some time later learned to merge with the Ox and sustain this connection throughout daily activities. Present feeling The state is filled with equanimity, bliss, and peace. There are almost no random or emotionally charged thoughts - and they arise and pass away, like clouds in the sky. I realize that this is not the final destination, but for now this is a very peaceful and joyful way to be. Second Awakening Experience (some time ago) I have had a second major awakening experience. I have looked the Ox in the eye, and it was the most magnificent experience of my life. The intensity was overwhelming, but relaxing into the experience was the key to ascending. Now comes the part where I tame it - to follow me everywhere I go, and to purify me of selfishness. But this was a temporary experience, and the next day the Ox, although being much more tamed, was still hiding throughout engaging in daily activities. Merging with the Ox for the first time I have merged with the Ox - we became one. And this was fucking magnificent. Peace, wonder, shock and awe. This is so beyond words, much more than I've ever imagined it to be. When I try to become aware the Ox, I realize it's me, and the experience gets more intense. Sustaining the unity Today I've merged with the Ox, and been in that state since, throughout daily activities. The starting point is the Ox being separate. Then, I sustain awareness of the Ox, and this invokes a steady ascend towards higher state of consciousness. When it becomes so intense that it's almost unbearable, suddenly stillness occurs. After that, I look at the Ox, and I see myself. The state of being is now inconceivably more intense, pure and luminous than I could ever imagine. This is fucking unbelievable. Current practice Taming the Ox is now the main direction of practice. Another potential direction is Dzogchen. For now, the fruits of the Ox are more than enough, but later, another type of practice may be needed.

@Gesundheit Surprised that a human body died? In whatever form he did, does that even matter? Do u even read the reports of all what happened that night? Do u even studied it deeply and conciously or by previous believes u assumed things. Like he took no global anestesia in all the operations, in where it was compulsary to do so. During all the operations he was in absolute bliss. One of the doctors was interviewed and said that after that operation he realized that complete liberation was posible. When he was asked to cure himself by his devotees he answered: Well u can say he wasn't able to do so but anyway. Also at the exact time of his death a shooting star was seen and disappeared behind his holy mountain. If he was just the only one... There are thousands of great sages with stories like this, but maybe your believes of what can or not be is making u blind to what is obvious across al human history. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I answer u with your own words: An open mind is always required to go beyond your comfort zone.