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Tuesday 19/09/2020 , 20:30 I don't know why I exist or why things are the way they are. I've asked myself now to wonder why I'm addicted and how addiction is, but I also open my mind to my judgements being wrong. And so it is I say, Maybe "addiction" and "wasting my life" isn't so wrong. Maybe suicide isn't such an irrational idea. Maybe I won't "wake up". Maybe there's no need and no point to me studying for these exams. Maybe it's fine if I'm never happy. Maybe it's fine if I never regain my emotion or regain my past. Maybe it's fine if my Dp & Dr lasts forever. Maybe it's completely fine for me to be depressed and sapped of energy. So where does that leave this sad kid? Who is he and can he be, or have, anything? Maybe it's fine if he lives the most unremarkable and dull life there is

@Rayster This one? https://www.hindustantimes.com/hollywood/thor-actor-isaac-kappy-commits-suicide-leaves-behind-note-on-instagram/story-HSc0aro0XsFi970B9jXUFK.html That conspiracy is not true IMO https://www.mediamatters.org/google/qanon-linked-conspiracy-theory-about-tom-hanks-reached-twitters-and-googles-search

Edit: I should’ve made it clear in the initial post that I’m talking about solipsism from the point of consciousness being the self in the definition of “self alone/alone self” rather than the ego being the self instead of waiting until later posts to clarify this. This ultimately caused a lot of confusion in the responses. It was entirely my fault as I was using an altered definition of the word without clarifying, which I often get frustrated when others do this. About a month ago, I had some very solipsistic insights. This made me question every spiritual belief or even everyday non-spiritual belief I’ve had previous to that, and I’m still in a seemingly unshakable state of skepticism. Before these solipsistic insights and newly found skepticism for spirituality, I used to believe in a universe existing outside of what I directly experience in the moment. I used to believe all living beings had consciousness under the framework of Brahman. I even started to believe that all points in the universe could be conscious. Here’s an example of one thing Leo said that seems to support solipsism: Forum user - “I have determined mahasamadhi is impossible because causing emotional harm to your family members through suicide under the premise that something good will happen to you. It is selfish.” Leo responding - “Lol That's just an excuse you imagined so that you remain inside the dream. Realize deeper that your family and their suffering is just a dream you are hallucinating to keep yourself away from Infinite Love. What that is, is just fear of Infinite Love and formlessness. Once you are dead, your family will no longer exist.” The last sentence suggests that the world no longer exists when you die. This seems to be a very solipsistic view. Leo also regularly has talked about the universe as being some meta-being compared to the individual. This seems to go against solipsism, but all of Leo’s mentions of this that I’ve seen have come before that forum response and his latest video. Leo’s last Youtube video is seemingly even more solipsistic than the response above. He talks about there being no other perceptual bubbles than your own. Was this only said in order to guide people toward recognizing themselves as God and ultimately false information given for that purpose, or was it one of Leo’s insights?

Hmmm, first time I've seen the name of this drug. Cymbalta. [I don't know the names of many drugs]. Looking it up it seems like a strong drug, and the half life is very short. And you've been on it for a while. Good luck on your journey as well! To update my situation from my posts 2 months ago in November. About 5 weeks ago I stopped SSRIs completely. Had serious withdrawal for about 1-2 weeks. Now I'm in the process of learning how to heal and deal with depression generally, in addition to lingering withdrawal of SSRI and living life without it. Do whatever you need or have to do, whether that means slow or fast. The only universal I've seen for depression is being proactive. But life's hard, progress doesn't come easy, and it only ever feels like the beginning. It is what it is, I knew for myself what I had to do. I felt incredibly degraded in settling for a passive mentality where I wasn't proactive. Especially when the SSRI had especially negative side effects for me. And obviously those repressed emotions of shame are still here, I just don't open to it much. I went to the funeral recently of one my best friends who commit suicide, so I'm still very stressed out and perturbed. But thankfully I'm still relatively fine.

Polarity isn't something that can be put on from the outside by making yourself fit into stereotypes of masculinity and femininity. In fact, you can't make yourself more masculine or more feminine. They are fixed qualities. Everyone has an inborn masculine/feminine signature. Therefore, you can choose to be conscious of your natural signature and to express it authentically. Or you can repress it and try (unsuccessfully) to write something else over it. So, a man who is 80% masculine and 20% feminine will be most polarized to a woman who is 80% feminine and 20% masculine. A man who is 60% masculine and 40% feminine will be most polarized to a woman who is 60% feminine and 40% masculine. This is also true for polarization in same-sex couples. So, while it is true that opposites attract... you are thinking in incorrect ways about polarization. The only way to find your polar matches are to express what's actually there. If you try to cram yourself into some masculine stereotype, all you're going to do is reduce your own potency and ability to attract who you're most polarized to. It will dim your light and few moths will be drawn to it in an authentic way. Also, divorce rates were lower in the mid 1900s because it was a huge social stigma back then. It doesn't mean that people were happier. Once "no fault" divorce was allowed, the suicide rates for women dropped quite a bit. You can't determine the quality of a relationship based on longevity. And the divorce rate has NOTHING to do with how good relationships were back then. It's all about social expectations. And respect has little to do with what a person does for a living. Respect is derived from noticing someone who has virtues. Throw off the shackles of these stereotypes or forever feel alone having to perform a caricature of masculinity to be lovable.

Trip report I took LSD the other day with the intention to just have a chill day. Do my usual stuff and all. And then BOOM, that acid hit so hard again. 1/4 tab and I was gone. Out there, once again. I really don’t know why I'm so sensitive to this stuff. Well, some interesting stuff happened (Much open mindedness required to read this) I had some minor insights at first which I can’t even really remember. I realised once again that healing your body completely means death. That’s why people resist health so much. Even the people that find it important can’t get there all the way because it would mean suicide - your mission is completed so to say. I also saw how, funnily enough, people get so old because they’re so sick (not because they’re healthy)!! Crazy stuff! Then the sexual part of the trip started. That was a first on psychedelics for me. I was laying on the floor and started masturbating. The acid really did it’s thing there with me. I got into some usual fantasies letting myself go completely in the arms of a strong man. I could really get into the archetypal experience of masculinity and femininity, sort of switching between the two. When I got closer to climaxing, suddenly the polarities shifted and I realised how the feminine is actually a warm, receiving, calm ocean that is holding space for the masculine to rage. That’s literally how it felt, like a safe space where a man can, for once, let go of his limitation, get all that anger and restriction out in a climax. And I wanted nothing more than to be there for that. The “unloading” was not in an abusive way, it felt incredibly healing and necessary. Like that’s what we’re here for… Then, after climax, the energy was completely different. Still experiencing both masculine and feminine at the same time, I noticed how and orgasm really opens up a very vulnerable space… It’s like laying your emotional body bare in this haze of relaxation and release. And I realised: The most important part of sex is actually when the sex is over! Like a surgeon, that wouldn’t just cut you open and then leave you there, it’s incredibly painful to just walk away after an orgasm or do nothing with the space that just opened up. It’s so vulnerable, so innocent, the core of who we are. So there we have the chance to actually go into real intimacy, but people rarely do. If this space is neglected for long enough, a child starts to materialise between those two people in order to force them to work on their intimacy. If you work things out by yourself, no child will be born (Still just talking from the trips perspective, not claiming truths here). So children are just a couples way of working on their relationship. It forces them to focus on one another, to face themselves and thereby grow. Their relationship gets triangulated in a sense. I suddenly saw all the webs and connections in my family, how me and my siblings are my parents way of clarifying their relationship and how much they needed us for that. That’s also why it’s difficult for them to let us go once we grow up. I then went through the life of a child in the womb of her mother and experienced how safe and warm it feels to be in there. I didn’t experience birth, but being a very small child and how beautiful it is to just lay on the ground for hours. Out of pure joy and a lust for life, I felt the urge to learn how to crawl. What an incredible feeling!! I really struggled at first but I enjoyed every minute of it. Being allowed the space to do something like this by myself was the most beautiful experience. Just connecting to “real me” on the living room floor again, I noticed the smell of the blanket I’m laying on. Then it hit me: This is actually the blanket I learned how to crawl on when I was a baby!! Now I know why I love it so much and why I never wash it. It’s just my favourite. I looked up pictures later that actually confirmed my insight. It’s not the first time I have these flashbacks to being a baby on LSD. I never really intend for them to happen but it’s always very intense. Then, out of nowhere, the message came: “But there’s a different way.” And I saw how I was Maria, the mother of Jesus and her life preparing to give birth to the son of God. “The other way”, meaning that a child doesn’t have to be born out of compensation but can be directly God-given. What it must have meant for her to live through that destiny, how she had to grow herself, how she was completely alone in her life, yet more carried by the universe than anyone would have recognised. The original meaning of faith, the knowing, that God is coming into the world, that salvation is here, and she is the one to carry it inside of her. I saw so many connections between her life and mine. In fact, my life was hers. I’m living this story, 2000 years later, feeling exactly as she did: This might sound cheesy, but I have this deep trust that things are going well. A “knowing” that the future will be good and also the knowing that I have a part in bringing this to the world. I always had that. My life’s just a search for the right spot to “birth this thing”. Whatever this is. In the story it was a child but sometimes that just seemed metaphorical. My path of “personal development” now is just the modern version of what I did back then during nights in the cave, trying to grasp my role in all this and changing myself to fulfil my destiny. Her role in this is learning to be her own support and trusting existence to perform a miracle through her. “I don’t know how it’s possible, but all is well! I know it, because I carry it inside of me.” Maria is chosen for this, she has no choice in that way. Only when the child is on its way she gets informed. She’s unobstructed in the sense that she has no past lives or karma to clear and no other focus in her life. She has no previous knowledge and is pure of heart. It’s very interesting, since I never had any connections with past lives. I actually feel like it’s my first time here and some psychics and friend confirmed that to me. I'm new here. That’s where my pure joy and energy is coming from- I have no reason not to trust life. So was Maria. She was innocent in the sense that she wasn’t carrying any burden. So she had time to grow into her role. I also suddenly grasped why my values are the way they are: Independence, God/Truth, Solitude… I totally makes sense that I need a lot of space to work on this. I then realised that I’ll never be in a traditional relationship with a man, that’s also why I’m having difficulty imagining this in my life. A man, like Josef, is needed, independent and selfless enough to support me in this birth, even though it’s not “his child”. I realised how that also must have been an incredibly difficult journey for him to make as well. Ok wow, I know all this sounds crazy, but honestly that’s just what happened and the insights I’ve had. It just so fits my life because I can’t see myself living this traditional life or really having children. On the other hand, in my dreams I often see myself having a boy. The trip told me that he’s gonna represent the second coming of messiah-hood. That a new area will dawn and the child will represent this change, just like Jesus did 2000 years ago. I only need a few people who can hold space for me enough to bring this miracle into existence. I had a second orgasm, one of birthing this thing into existence. It wasn’t a physical birth, more of an energetic one, something that moved through me, it’s quite difficultly to explain. It took quite a long time and asked a big amount of energy. I knew all my life came down to this moment. Then I slipped into the experience of the child, laying in the crib between mother and father, looking at them, acknowledging them but not being attached to them at all. The child of the universe, a living miracle. I also looked at him as his mother, knowing he is not mine, not being attached to him at all, we’re just part of the same, bigger plan. So history basically evolves from one of these births to the next. It always means a leap in existence, and now is the second time this will happen in history. His name will be David, “God’s beloved”, the trip told me. I’ve been tripping 6 hours at this point, not moving a lot, still on the floor. I was getting up to check the time and noticed how exhausted I was. I felt these experiences, more real then anything I could ever imagine and it was so much in such a short amount of time. Thinking about what just happened I wasn’t sure whether I’m on the biggest ego-trip ever or in the middle of a prophecy of the highest of all journeys. I then realised these things (selfishness and selflessness) are so closely together and it freaks me out a bit. I decided not to draw conclusions. I honestly had NO IDEA where all this came from. As I’ve said, no intention what so ever. But I just couldn’t anymore at that point. I thought about calling a friend, but I didn’t and just had a nice stretch, danced a bit and came down slowly. All I wrote down when coming down was “Stay humble and healthy”. Honestly, you just never know what’s coming your way so hold your opinions loosely. Also, all of this only makes sense in a healthy body. Such a nice theme that is coming back overall in my life lately: I just want to be healthy, that’s the most important thing I can do to myself. Wow, this was honestly the most out there thing that ever happened to me I think.

Terrorists do think, and they think they're right. What is really the difference between a soldier going to war and the suicide bomber blowing himself up?

I agree that setting the intention on goals and assessment is key. Yet how is the goal of wellness assessed? A few ideas: — Surveys of people’s subjective sense of well-being, stress and job satisfaction. — Rates of domestic violence, alcohol and drug addiction. — Suicide rates — Ranking on best places to live — Tourism

This something is SpongeBob! He unifies so different characters. That´s why I like this cartoon and watch it always to raise my spirits. Did you read "A long way down" by Nick Hornby? Completely different people meet on the roof of the buildung out of the same reason. They want to commit suicide out of different personal reasons and circumstanses. They argue and accuse each other, in other words they are distracted by each other and cannot die solemnly as intended. Instead they remain in touch through the whole book It´s funny

We would have to agree to a collective suicide, since "evil" is necessary to sustain the population in the world, that is, the exploitation of the other, be it human or animal ... or Vegetable, destroying the environment natural. This society has gotten where it is because of the ego. If all of humanity were suddenly enlightened, it would be as if a stock broker were enlightened, he d have to undo many external aspects of his life

One of the insurrectionists at the U.S. Capitol that was arrested just committed suicide by gun. This is a full blown cult, and this is cult behavior. They are willing to give their life for Trump. Hence why inauguration day is going to be a bloodbath. https://www.ajc.com/news/georgia-man-arrested-following-capitol-insurrection-has-died-by-suicide/TYSJF7II6JG63G7K6JGON522JQ/

But what about all voting fraud claims? Many of the lawsuits have been dismissed not because of lack of evidence, but because the courts don't even want to touch them and claim lack of standing and dismiss them before even looking at any claims. Is Trump a deep state puppet? Put into office to almost expose the voting fraud and then blow himself up like an ISIS suicide bomber by staging his own jumping the shark event? And thereby preventing any voting fraud from ever being discussed or mentioned again. Looks to me that Trump is actually protecting the Democrats by this reverse psychology stunt of his.

My family and the people around me have always preached "no pain no gain" and "bitter before the sweet". All my life I've worked hard to excel and overachieve in school, hobbies, and other facets of my life. I've always been able to self-motivate myself to perform well for things like school by convincing myself that even if I don't enjoy the course, I'll definitely enjoy the result as well as the praise from my family and peers. These past few years I've found myself numb to that praise and affirmation, it's been my drug of choice for all my life and now it feels like I've built a tolerance to it, I can't get enough for a "high" anymore. I recently graduated at the top of my university program and I have a job lined up that most people would consider high paying and sought after. I'm just wondering when I'll experience the "sweet" because it doesn't feel like I've achieved anything. Do I just have a messed up temperament? All my peers and family look up to me but it's honestly so laughable, if they felt what I felt I doubt they'd feel this way. It honestly pisses me off when people are envious of me because there's no way they'd want what I have. I've never had thoughts of suicide in the past but lately right before I fall asleep I have a thought that I wouldn't mind if I didn't wake up the next day. The idea seems so peaceful to me, it would be like before you were born, no pain, no suffering. I guess I'm just on here to see what kind of perspectives people have of my life. I realize that I'm the one causing this as well as the one suffering from this but I struggle to even envision a better version of myself, beyond that she would be happier.

He faked his own suicide/death once or twice, worrying his friends and family, he also ended up in a psych ward and posted Instagram stories about it making fun of the whole situation. He justifies all those incidents saying its does it "just to get peoples attention". The actual "enlightenment" content is good, but you have dig through click-bait, trollish behavior and viral toxicity to get to it.

I think Giuliani has gone crazy. He did political suicide. Completely lost his marbles. ?

Ha! Well played! Although, I did not tell you to go and kill yourself. Notice that you created that scenario where you were told to commit suicide, out of fear for your life or whatever. What I said exactly was that I told you to stop fearing death. Just the feeling of fear that you have, but seem to be unaware of. Don't tell me that you don't fear death, because you do, even more than I do, I can guarantee that. If you can live your life fearlessly, you will be God. That is, if you can. But I challenge you to do that. For example, can you go and tell a girl that you just saw that you want to have sex with her? If you can't, that's because you are afraid. Now apply the same rule for everything that you want but are unable to have, and contemplate the feelings that arise. Eventually, you will realize how fear is running your entire life. Your attitude does not sound optimal, though. So idk, maybe my message won't get through, but anyway, try to keep an open mind.

4546 4547 Q: Well were some of the scared - was there s- fear in you that people were 4548 gonna find out about your relationship, too? 4549 4550 A: No, I didn’t even care about that at that point. 4551 4552 Q: At that point, there was n-... 4553 4554 A: I was just, like... 4555 4556 Q: Okay. 4557 4558 A: ...scared, like, of the situation. It was just, like, getting escalated and it was 4559 freaking me out. And he was just, like, not - he was strange. So another thing - 4560 so that was Tuesday. And that was it for Tuesday but I forgot some stuff on 4561 Monday that I did need to bring up to you guys. So Monday, um, when we 4562 were on the phone, at one point he mentioned to me - I can’t even believe I 4563 have to say this. She left her wedding ring here and I said something along the 4564 lines of, “Does that mean you two are done?” And he was like - uh, oh my 4565 God. He said, “How much do you think it’s worth?” And I r- like, remember 4566 hearing him say that and being like, “What the fuck?”And I remember 4567 thinkin’ to myself, like, “I don’t even know how to respond to this.” And so I 4568 was like, “I don’t know. Pawn it, man.” And I was just, like - I was like, “I 4569 pawn jewelry all the time.” I was like, “I pawned jewelry a few times.” I was 4570 like, “It’s not worth shit though.” And I was like, “So I don’t know if you 4571 really wanna do that.” And he’s like, “No. No. I think I’m gonna get it 4572 appraised. It’s a nice rock.” And I was just like, “Okay.” And it was, like, 4573 really awkward. And then he, like... 4574 4575 Q: And that was on Monday? 4576 4577 A: That was on Monday night. And that, to me, was, like - it was kinda strange. 4578 And then the Tuesday lying thing - like, I’m telling you, it started, like, 4579 Monday night, him saying that, that was why I couldn’t sleep. ‘Cause he made 4580 the comment about the wedding ring. 4581 4582 Q: Okay. 4583 4584 A: And then Tuesday, her still not comin’ home and then him lyin’ to me. And I 4585 was just like, “Oh my God. Oh my God. Like, what if something happened?” 4586 And it was, like, really hard for me to put... 4587 4588 Q: When - when you say, “What - what if something happened?” what were you 4589 thinking? 4591 A: Like, what if somebody took her? Like, could he possibly hurt her? And that 4592 was, like, the first time that I really, I think, genuinely considered, “Did this 4593 man hurt his wife?” And it was, like, hard for me to grasp. And, uh, I thought 4594 about it a lot and I - I waited for the night ‘cause I wanted to see if she would 4595 come home. And it was already pretty late. And I had company and I was just, 4596 like, “Let me just see how this plays out.” And, um, my buddy (Jim) left, I 4597 don’t know, probably, like, 9:00 or 10:00. Probably just, like, the same time 4598 he always leaves. And then, um, I couldn’t sleep then. It was really bad. And I 4599 woke up in the morning and I saw the interview that he had with the 4600 newspapers. And he just looked really different to me. 4601 4602 Q: How so? 4603 4604 A: The white in his eyes is gone. They’re, like, a different color now. It’s like he 4605 has no soul. I swear to God. I saw it and I was just like, “Look at his eyes.” I 4606 saw his mugshot. They’re not even the same color. Like, when you guys 4607 retrieve the pictures that are on my phone, look at his eyes then compared to 4608 now. Like, it’s the scariest shit I think I’ve ever seen in my life. It freaked me 4609 out. I was like, “That’s not even the same man that I know.” And it was really 4610 uncomfortable. Um, but anyways I saw that report in the morning and I was 4611 just to the point where I was just like, “All right. Like, something happened.” 4612 This woman is missing. Whether it was him or someone else, I know, like, a 4613 woman went missing not too long ago in Longmont. Like, I think it was, like, 4614 two months ago or something like that. And you guys - not you guys. But 4615 somebody up there called off the search on her. I don’t think they ever found 4616 her. So I was like, “I don’t know, maybe that’s connected, maybe somebody 4617 came and got her. Maybe he did something. I don’t know.” But I knew, like, it 4618 was a problem. And at this point, I was like, “I’m in a very messy situation 4619 with this man. And I don’t know what to do.” And so I called my dad ‘cause 4620 he’s, like, the only person that I trust with everything in the whole world and I 4621 was just like, “I have a problem.” And I told him everything and my - I was 4622 like - we just discussed it and it was like, “We need to go to cops.” Definitely. 4623 Because I figured you guys would find me eventually but I was like, “I feel 4624 like they need to speak to me. I feel like I’m a very important person for you 4625 guys to communicate with.” 4626 4627 Q: You are. 4628 4629 A: And so, you know - and again, I wish I’d have done it sooner but it just, like - 4630 it just kinda took the sequence of events of his lies and all of his bullshit 4631 falling apart for me to process that I needed to address the situation. And so - 4632 you know, and the time. And so that, to me - and another thing he lied to me 4633 on I caught him on Monday night, he was like - oh it was right after the 4634 wedding ring thing. He was talkin’ about - it might’ve been before. One of the 4635 two. But he was - he was, like, talkin’ about how, um - he, like, reflected on 4636 North Carolina and he was talkin’ about how he wanted the separation and all 4637 this stuff. And I’m like, “Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I 4638 thought you were the one tryin’ to make peace with her and she’s the one who 4639 didn’t want it.” He’s like, “No, I wanted it.” And I was just like, “Okay.” And 4640 another thing on Monday night, his breathing was, like - uh, it was like his 4641 voice would crack sometimes. But I didn’t, like, condemn him for anything 4642 like that because I was like, “Well yeah, he’s probably stressed the hell out. 4643 His family’s gone,” you know what I’m saying? 4644 4645 Q: Sure. 4646 4647 A: So I don’t know. So that happened. And then, um... 4648 4649 Q: He never made any admissions to you about anything that he had done? 4650 4651 A: Nope. 4652 4653 Q: Um, he never said anything about doing - or at any time, not - not just in these 4654 days but during your relationship, did he ever say anything about hurting his 4655 wife, his children? 4656 4657 A: Never. Never. 4658 4659 Q: Did - in - in - on these conversations from Monday to Tuesday, um, did he 4660 ever say that, um, you know, somebody did something to them? Or did he 4661 ever give s- uh - um, an excuse to you how this could’ve happened? 4662 4663 A: No. I mean, he - he was... 4664 4665 Q: Other than they just were goin’ to a friend’s house. 4666 4667 A: Yeah, or he was like, “Yeah, I think she’s, like, with one of her friends. She 4668 doesn’t wanna talk to me,” kinda thing. 4669 4670 Q: So... 4671 4672 A: But other than that, no. I mean, like, he told me, like, “Yeah, she said she was 4673 with another man. But I think it was out of spite.” Like, he never really, like, 4674 held that she was with another dude. Like, sh- he never was like, “Yeah, she’s 4675 with some guy.” Like, she said it but I don’t think she meant it. 4676 4677 Q: Mm-hm. 4678 4679 A: Is kinda what he was, like, directing towards me. But no, he - I think that’s 4680 why I gave him the benefit of the doubt so long. Like, he has always been 4681 such a civil, gentle man to me. And he’s always been pretty calm and, like, 4682 levelheaded when he talks about the d- like, the differences between him and 4683 his wife. And I mean, that’s a sensitive subject. And he never, ever seemed 4684 like he was, like, aggressive about it. I mean, he was always just, like, chill. 4685 And he never talked ill of his children. He was always so bubbly about them. 4686 Like, those were his babies. So when all this happened, I was just like, “What 4687 the fuck?” And... 4688 4689 Q: S- so that brings me to a question real quick. I mean, you got - you - I don’t 4690 think anybody over the last six or eight weeks knows this dude better than - 4691 than you. I really don’t. You guys probably spent more time together than 4692 anybody. 4693 4694 A: Mm-hm. 4695 4696 Q: Um, conversation, whatever. Relationship. Um, what do you think - the - 4697 what’s the catalyst for this event? Do you have any - have you had - and I - I 4698 know it’s a hard question but I wanna get it out now we’re here. If - if there’s 4699 a thought that you have, um, that might lead us to understand a little bit why 4700 he might’ve done something like this, um - like I said, I don’t - I met Chris on 4701 - on Wednesday. Um, so I don’t know Chris. Not like you do. 4702 4703 A: Um, you know, I’ve thought about this. And sometimes I think to myself if I 4704 wasn’t in that man’s life, would his family still be alive? And I’ve thought 4705 about this a lot. And I think I can give myself different responses. But in all 4706 honesty, I think they might be alive but not permanently. I do not think that 4707 this man just snapped. I don’t think that he just met some fuckin’ amazing 4708 woman and he was just gonna try to fuckin’ murder his family and then think 4709 that I was okay with, like, building a relationship with somebody who did 4710 something like that. Like, at what fucking point, you know? And not only that, 4711 like, I always try to say, you know, like, “When we get to a point where we’ve 4712 been together long enough, I would love to meet your children.” Like, I never 4713 (discluded) them from anything. Like, I remember comin’ back from 4714 Colorado Springs and I was like, “Oh my God, they got the Cheyenne Zoo 4715 down here. You gotta take your kids. And, like, the - you can feed the giraffes 4716 and they would love it.” Like, I always tried to, like, in- like, show him cool 4717 things like, “Hey, man, would your kids like this? ‘Cause my nephew would 4718 like this. Like, check this out.” You know? Like, I sent him a screenshot of 4719 some rainbow u- unicorn Lucky Charms the other day. I was like, “Do your 4720 daughters know about these? ‘Cause I bet these are epic.” Like, little things 4721 like that where it’s like - like, genuinely - like, I care. I do. Like, despite how 4722 messy this is and how I’m sure I’m gonna be portrayed in the media and 4723 everything, like, I care about, like, his wellbeing with his children and all of 4724 that. And so for me, like, when I think of, “What was he - going through his 4725 head?” I find it really hard to believe that I am the catalyst for all of this. I will 4726 be willing to say that I think me being in his life accelerated what was 4727 inevitably about to happen. But I don’t think people just snap. Love does not 4728 murder. Hate and resentment murder. That’s the way I look at that. I do not 4729 know what is the truth anymore and what’s not and I don’t have all of the 4730 details. But this is just my, like, opinion but I’m pretty convinced that that 4731 woman and him did not get along very well and the reason they stuck together 4732 was, “Hey we’re gonna do kids.” And I think they also stuck together because 4733 they were in a very bad financial bind. And I think that she continuously 4734 disregarded it. And I think he messed up because he was too passive to say 4735 anything to her about it and really address it. And it just got to the point where 4736 it’s just like, you file bankruptcy and then what do you do? Just wait 'til you 4737 file the next one? I don’t know. I don’t know what their finances look like 4738 now but from the way it made it sound, it’s probably a pretty stark situation. 4739 And I don’t know if hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt over and over 4740 and over again are enough to lead a man to, like, wanna take somebody out 4741 but I don’t know. I’ve heard of people committing suicide over that shit 4742 before. And I would never justify what he did. I think it’s fuckin’ disgusting. 4743 It’s - ugh. Like, he’s such a fuckin’ pig. But I just - I try to, like, be like, 4744 “Why?” I try to come up with the why. And I really think that he was 4745 struggling with her really bad and not only that, he’s got a third child on the 4746 way and I know he was probably just like, “I can’t fucking afford a third kid.” 4747 Wants it but can’t afford it, you know? And he always told me he, like, 4748 wanted a little boy. You know? He wanted a third child. 4749 4750 Q: Mm-hm. 4751 4752 A: And so I think that it was just something like I think they were in a financial 4753 situation and I think she was very non-responsive to him trying to - to, like, 4754 solve problems and, like, get out of the situations that they were in. And I 4755 think people just get complacent is what it is. And then, you know, I think, uh, 4756 he met me and I think I was, like, a breath of fresh air for him where it was 4757 like, he could get away and just be like, “You know what? I can be myself. I 4758 don’t have to worry about money right now.” Like, you know, and this girl, 4759 like” - I have my shit together. Like, my life is so, like, very in order. 4760 4761 Q: You seem very, uh, organized and independent and dialed in for a 30 y... 4762 4763 A: Always. Like, I do really good at - I do really good at work, I have, like, 4764 almost a perfect credit score. I’ve been savin’ money for a house. Like, I don’t 4765 mess around. I mean, I did. I screwed up. This is, like, my one screw up ever 4766 and it’s about to be on, like, n- national news. But, um, just very dialed in. 4767 And I think it was, like, a breath of fresh air for him to, like, be around 4768 something like that because I don’t think that he knew that that was, like, a 4769 real thing. And he had told me that, like, numerous times. Like, “I didn’t 4770 know, like, women like you, like, existed.” I was just like, “All right.” Like, I

@Leo Gura I have determined mahasamadhi is impossible because causing emotional harm to your family members through suicide under the premise that something good will happen to you. It is selfish.

@Twega How old are you bro? (18-22?) Guess what, almost everyone screwed up too. Many people ended up in jail. Some for crimes they didn't even commit. Some people just got runover by a drunk. Some ended up committing suicide. Many got brainwashed in to settling for wage slavery for ever, no higher vision horizon in their periphery, just sights of a stable boring job & a mortgage. You didn't really screw up. What you have ahead of you is a gift. You are free, young, educated it seems. The world is your oyster. Leo has extremely high standards. Maybe you screwed up according to his standards, but it's pretty common. But you what I'm actually a hypocrite. I keep thinking how I should be on route to being a millionaire by now. Almost mid twenties & I have nothing but some faith.

Where would you map these Archetypes on the Spiral Dynamics model? I would say: Worrior is at Red and Orange Lover is at Blue and Green Magician is at Green/Yellow/Turquoise King is at Yellow/Turquoise I plan to structure my Instagram account with these 2 concepts where I will teach through them. I plan to have different costumes, symbols, and colors on my videos etc. For example: Video about Discipline: I will teach it through Orange and Worrior Video about Meditation: I will teach it through King. So in this case King is combination of Worrior and Lover (Orange and Green) . I want to convince orange to meditate by telling them how it will increase their productivity, discipline and words that appeal to orange and then finish up with green mix where all this outward success is all about love and connection (in an orange sort of way) . Video about Patience: I will teach it thorough King ( Let me just note that I will not limit myself with this concepts, I will structure my acc so I could do and be who ever I want) . So because I will hit Orange hard in the begging (I want to integrate it) , the video about Patience (King) will communicate that even though we need massive action , we also need space for love, for relaxation, because you are more productive this way(in this case, man is stuck in masculine energy) etc. And if you can't relax, and you are in your head all the time then it means you have problems with feminine energy, and you will learn about it through Lover archetype etc... I will post a video that I shut half a year ago when I started experimenting with this idea, just for you to get a sense of what Im talking about (it is way better now hue hue). People in my city still think that Im crazy LOL (their criticism made me grow so much) It is about toxic Red/Blue. I shoot another video where I explained Red entering Blue. In 0;56 I speak in English It is a line from Pulp Fiction hehe I will mix in music, photography, film, acting etc. on my Instagram also. It will be short entertaining videos, especially The Magician Archetype hehe ! (I designed Integration map for myself...Bravo Eddie, how cleaver!) Here is my Instagram if you want to follow the amazing transformation (realizng LP) and what I will achieve in one year : https://www.instagram.com/alhemija21veka/ Stage Orange Picture: https://www.instagram.com/p/CGVf8wblp8I/ What do you guys think about all this above? Do you have any ideas that you want to share? This is kinda separate from the post above, but, what do you think about this perspective? Until two years ago I had no education whatsoever.I was walking through life with all sorts of addictions like : video games, alcohol, porn, weed and many more etc. And this way of living (which was led by traumas and toxic culture)made me to the point of big depression and contemplating suicide. This suffering and closedmindedness triggered a full circle. I became radically openminded. This is why Im everywhere on the spiral right now in just two years. So I have two ideas here: 1. Most of the people who are "educated" (Blue/Orange) in Serbia are very closed minded because: they already think they know if they are questioned about their beliefs from above which is rare ( Healthy Orange , Green) they lash out if they are questioned about their beliefs from below, they have already made up answer that reinforces their beliefs when they "win" the argument etc 2. But people who are uneducated, and are ready to get out of the rut (like me in a way).They will be radically open minded because the things they will learn will generate results they didn't have their whole life ( basic orange stuff ), just like I discovered self-help. It was new world for me. And in my case my traumas didn't heal until I started Shadow-Work, but my traumas forced me to work on myself, and when I found out that money and aprrovel(im generalizing) doesn't heal me I was forced into Green and Yellow, which would not be possible if I didn't had that trauma and haven't find Leo. So my point here is: Uneducated traumatized 25 year old will have more potential for selfacutalization then "educated"(some sort of degree) 25 year old. Does that make any sense? It is generalization I know, but my old friends that are stuck in the rut, are now becoming more openminded(because of my example) and willing to learn then my orange friends who have good jobs, cars, way healthier life style they will believe me (not everyone of-course...most of them will not, most of them will demonize me... Im talking about potential selfactualizesers) and do the work Traumas are big motivators for growth if you survive the crash in the first place For example now ! I still have problems with Fe - Ti loop . And this trauma of what people will think about what I typed in this post forces me to explore other people perscpectives, which means... to explore myself. You see?

There are too many dangers to list them all: Rape, abuse, molestation, perversion, enslavement, sex trafficking, exploitation and manipulation Pregnancy, abortion, miscarriage Diseases Cheating Heartache, depression, suicide Jealousy, envy Reputation, gossip, slander Illegitimate heirs and bastard children Embarrassment Addiction, attachment Fear, worry Financial concerns Lost friendships, broken family bonds Interferes with workplace duties, interferes with family duties, interferes with spiritual duties Etc. Small tribal life is very different from modern society. A small tribe is like a family. There are strong intimate bonds between all the people so that keeps you in check. In a modern society anonymity removes all those checks. Hence norms and laws are necessary.

Just to be fair, those progressives calling to defund/disban the police are also hypocrites and fools. Today TYT is yelling about why the police didn't show up sooner. Talk about hypocrisy. If you defund the police, how are they gonna protect you from an armed MAGA coup? Police need to be well-funded and well-armed. But also well-trained. The progressive slogan to defund the police is probably the clearest example of stage Green stupidity. I understand that they mostly mean to reallocate funds to social work and the like, but a social worker is not gonna stop a crowd of MAGA idiots. That slogan -- defund the police -- is like political suicide.

If by 'a lot' you mean more than 0 then yes. There's a lot at play here. Several polarizing issues face us and when we look under the hood, it seems to no align with what is being sold as truth. I would be extremely careful if you hold a stance on anything that makes you mock someone for their views. Suicide Weekend approaches swiftly and then coming weeks will be hard on everyone. If I were me and I Am, I would not risk any of my worthless fiat in a coin that doesn't have any utility and I certainly wouldn't put it in a 'store of value' during the Greed or Delusion portion of a market cycle.

@Nyseto yeah, but suicide and depression might be too complex, because they are very conceptual activities. I certainly witnessed how dogs/cats that my family had were becoming more sad and depressed as they suffered from something (some disease or they were lonely or they were stuck at home for too long time) I'd even say there are levels of consciousness in animals too! Think of a wild dog. It is a scary and dangerous beast, can be hyper aggressive. Mainly because he is in constant survival mode, having to hunt his food, etc. But now think of a typical domesticated dog. Most of his needs if not all are taken care of: constant stream of food, warm "bed", play, has a territory that is automatically contested for him, has a company, hell, he can even get free sex and recreation without doing really that much on his own part! Such an easy life! Compare now how both dogs then behave socially, how much friendlinness they have, how much happiness they have, damn, there is even such a thing as selflessness in dogs! In those that are super devoted to you

I'll have to disagree on that one. How can animals have an egoic mind that they can identify with so they can be evil? Yes their outward manifestation of survival is brutal, but how could it come from evil? In your video about the devil you said evil is selfishness, the belief that you are a separate self. How can an animal believe it's a separate self when it's brain is so underdeveloped physically compared to a human's? Doesn't enlightenment only exist for human beings because humans are the ones with the problem of identifying with their minds whereas animals and plants are already enlightened? Have you ever seen an animal want to commit suicide? I don't know, saying an animal is evil is like saying a hurricane is evil. Someone enlighten me