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@Preety_India sometimes I wonder why wouldn't it be better if I just died. There would be nothing left to solve. No pain. No frustration. No anger. No nothing. Then only bliss........ Freedom.. Sweet freedom.... Freedom from a tormented life.

I recommend learning to open the first 6 chakras with similar techniques to the once I've shared. For the first chakra you should get a sense of comfort and grounding also tap into the earth element/the solidity of your body and the world around you. Also infuse it with love. For the heart chakra you should get a sense of love, start with this chakra as it contributes to the opening of the rest. To open the throats chakra is a bit life doing talk therapy. Say for yourself aloud or silently the things that you hold back. I feel... I want... Rest your attention on your throat. Keep going until you've purified repressed emotions. When that is done notice how you naturally want to express appropriation and gratitude. So you might start expressing negative feelings you feel towards yourself, your life situation or someone. When you have expressed the negative stuff you will naturally want to express what you like about the person. For ajna chakra you should feel present and blissful. Read Tara Springett's Enlightenment through the Path of Kundalini for general instructions on opening chakras. Read her book Healing Kundalini Syndrome to learn how to deal with side effects of energy work. As we increase our systems prana/energy/chi our chakra dysfunctions can manifest in noticable ways like head pressure or lethargy. It's fixed by fixing the root dysfunction. Head pressure is based by self-deception and narcissism for example. This is not dangerous and it's nothing to be afraid of it just give you a kick in the ass to fix your chakra dysfunctions. Also read SantataGamana's real yoga series (5books) to learn how to do kriya yoga. If you have trubbel feeling energy in a chakra you can do SantataGamana's Kriya Supreme Fire, found in Kundalini Exposed, on the chakra to fill it with energy. Disclaimer: this technique can increase your prana and thus manifest chakra dysfunctions as described previously. Once you've become proficient opening your chakras put it all together into this pranayama: Pranayama Instructions This technique comes from Mukherjee from originalkriya.com but he is terrible at explaining the technique. It's the one SantataGamana modified to his own. It requires the ability to feel or have a sense of the first 6 chakras. Gently point your eyes towards the 3rd eye. Do kechari mudra if you can. (Advanced kriyabans have stretched out their tongue to be able to put it up the nasal cavity which stills the mind) If not, do baby kechari: touch the soft palate of the mouth roof with the tip of the tongue. Gently do ujjayi breathing. (Google it) On the in-breath, bring up the memory of the 1st chakra in kutastha (middle of the 6th chakra/middle of head). Mentally chant OM in the 6th chakra to open the remembered chakra. The chant should create a felt vibration in the head, just like you were chanting om out loud. Then you should get a sense of comfort in your head as the 1st chakra opens in your head. Repeat for the 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th chakra and lastly chant OM in the 6th chakra alone. This should all be done during the in breath, as a total of 6 OMs. During the out breath repeat but go down instead of up. If doing a total of 12 OMs during one breath requires effort you can do one chakra per breath with 2 long OMs, one per in and one per out breath. Go up and down the chakras like this. All chakras are reflected in the 6th chakra, that's why they can be opened in it. To feel a chakra in the 6th chakra you can start by feeling it in it's location, then replicate the same feeling in the middle of your head. After a while you will be able to bring up a chakra in kutastha just by remembering it, with no need to divert your attention from kutastha. When chanting OM, you should get a feeling of bliss in your head. You should feel comfort, pleasure, joy and love for the first 4 chakras respectively and a sense of purification for the 5th chakra. At the same time you should feel still and at peace. The point of opening the chakras in the 6th chakra is to open both chakras at once and to collect the prana in the 6th chakra to enter into a state of witnessing. It should make you very present. Once you can do the pranayama combine it with the rest of SantataGamana's kriya yoga but swap his pranayama for this one. This is the pranayama that he bases his own pranayama on and it's more powerful. Trust me. Also read Enio Nimmis book Krita Yoga: Synthesis of a Personal Experience for better instructions on how to do the mahamudra technique. Kriya yoga techniques complements each other to form a balanced and powerful energy work regimen. The point of doing energy work and kriya is to enter into a blissful state. Once you have done that you will just want to sit and bask in that bliss. This will then lead you to enlightenment. The read to God is paved with bliss.

I have combined both. I realized that I can try to vape the 5-MeO Oxelate that I have thought is only used for plugging, and when I tried to vape it, it gave the same effects. Since then, I've taken out the vape when I felt like I could use it. Up until now, I wouldn't say that I have had "full-blown Ego-death". More like all things getting reduced into one. More like, realizing that imagination is the basis of all of existence. I will post a trip report about that. Leo, you should say "Whenever you get the urge to do weed, do it, but add some 5-MeO to the mix! The brain fog from Cannabis actually gets neutralized by the clarity of 5-MeO. It's like 5-MeO is pure clarity, such that all the illusions melt away. But the effects of cannabis are kind of "foggy", where we tend to for example forget our thoughts. When you are really high on cannabis, then go try some 5-MeO. It clears everything up and gives the high a tinge of ecstasy. Also, it seems to me that the Cannabis makes the 5-MeO last longer (in combination) and the visuals get affected to become more beautiful. The cannabis visuals are kind of subtle, as when one is looking at a white wall, it gives the effects of as if we were looking at one point on that wall being sober - kind of "applying" certain patterns onto the canvas, but in a subtle way, as if it were a template without content, structure without content. Combining 5-MeO (vaping) with Cannabis sort of fills that visual structure with more content. At one point, I was seeing eyes! As if certain strategic points of my visual field became eye-like. The thing that is the anti-dote to fear when it comes to 5-MeO, is that 5-MeO approaches nonduality, which makes reality simple. And simplicity is the essence of bliss. How can one be afraid when there is like nothing to be afraid of? And at that point, bliss occurs. Or at that point, I should've taken another hit from the vape , to fully merge with the nothingness so to speak. The worst thing that can happen with fear is if the thoughts, emotions, and actions are under the control of fear. So, the worst thing that can happen is if we act on that fear, which reinforces the emotional state and the thoughts. Acting on fear is basically to panic, and to let the panic snowball. Fear is emotional and triggers certain thoughts. The key to fear is to be the observer of those thoughts and feelings, without ever acting out. This is what we call "surrendering", just observing, just observing. One can do this several times to get the hang of it. That's what I'm doing with the 5-MeO right now. In preparation for a big ceremonial breakthrough down the road...

I’m really tired today, however I find it very beneficial to write as the energy and state of mind I’m in now have a deep understanding to them. For the first time in a long time I just feel like a calm lake. Im seeing reality through a new lens. reality changes based on the energy your in. People can live on the same earth and have completely different experiences. sometimes your meant for things so your guided energetically to them. Sometimes. —— Its interesting to watch my energy change from a masculine type of male to a chill and calm type of person. Laid back. I’m not exactly sure what to do with myself right now. In the past I saw everything as perfect so no matter what I did I knew that it was an absolute perfect thing. many sadness, any love, any emotions and thought are absolute consciousness at play. It twirls, spins and laughs within and with itself. every action and everything is complete consciousness at play. then I started seeing reality from a pure masculine viewpoint. One where reality is very “real”, important and valuable. Calm, grounded, wise, and full of passion. I of course kept my past experiences and integrated them which was nice. now my energy is changing so much tonight. I feel like I’m being destroyed and then recreated energetically. ive changed my energy thousands of times to masculine, love, purity, calmness, and pretty much anything I wanted with just a mental command. It’s easy. ive learned so much from seeing reality from allll these perspectives and understood so much. ive noticed that I’m constantly growing and that I’m always guided in whatever is best for me. A constant growth. A constant love for life. It’s pure beauty and bliss. It’s pure love. Haha gosh, my energy really is changing. *rants some more* im noticing/seeing a decomposition of my ego at the moment. It’s dying and dying. It’s hard to explain the beauty of it all. The self ahahah. What a funny joke yet not at all and so much more yet all just words pointing to the same thing. infinite reality, infinity cannot be explained. Your brain goes “akdhksah” whenever it sees and when you get kicked back here it’s like “holy baby Jesus” LMAO. I wonder why I’m dying? I mean my sense of self keeps slipping then coming back but more pure and free. True freedom. True awareness. Truth, “understanding” on this plane of reality. the contextualization of all that is. so much is flowing through me that I can’t even type any of it. Too profound, too “much” lol. Nothing can ever be too much. *swoosh* off goes my mind. Off goes my self. Off goes my body. Off goes my heart. Pure positive truth and awareness of direct experience is what is left. Good day all. ?

Mindfulness Meditation- A Complete Guide with Techniques and Examples Mindfulness is the 1st or 2nd most important skill you can build. Credit to Shinzen Young who has created a very robust, complex and technical mindfulness system. This video will explain the basics of this system. As you get deeper and deeper into this practice, take a look at Shinzen Young and his mindfulness system. Mindfulness is a deep tradition that goes all the way back to the Buddha. Mindfulness is experiencing reality (literally) EXACTLY as it is. Reality comes to you through your senses, not through any other means. All you really got of reality is sensory channels through which you are receiving stuff (sight, sound, body sensations and feelings, emotions, thoughts, smell, taste). All you really have is what you're experiencing right now, in this very moment. Right now, whatever is happening to you, is what's real. And it's changing every single second. Rather than living on the raw information that your channels constantly feed you, you live on your fantasies (past, future, emotional reactions, plans and goals). Your life is mostly conceptual, not grounded in actual reality, the raw data that’s being fed to you. Mindfulness is putting you in touch with what's really, literally there. What's true right this very second. 3 Components of Mindfulness: Focus- the ability to direct your attention on certain phenomena for long periods of time Sensory Clarity- how clear you are perceiving the present moment Equanimity- the ability to stay grounded no matter what emotions or sensations you're experiencing Mindfulness attunes your senses times 100,000. Notice- pick a sensation and put your attention on it Label- silently say to yourself the channel of which you are perceiving this sensation through (seeing, hearing, or feeling) Savor- take in the RAW perceptions that are there for about 5-7 seconds Notice, label, savor Humans created these distinctions, so this is simply a SYSTEM to help our mind become more aware of what's actually happening in reality. This practice expands your awareness to the present moment, to what's literally right there in front of you. As you practice mindfulness more and more, you'll get better and better, causing extraordinary shifts in awareness and consciousness. Outer seeing (looking at lamp) Inner seeing (visualizing an apple) Outer hearing (the sound of a clap) Inner hearing (repeating in your mind 'I have to take out the laundry') Outer feeling (smell, taste, itch, sensation of butt on chair, sensation of feet on floor, beating of heartbeat) Inner feeling (emotion) Set a timer for 20 minutes. Every single day, sit down in a quiet place, calm your mind down, and run these cycles (notice, label, savor). Let your mind focus on whatever it wants to focus on. Then notice, label, and savor it. This cycle will take about 10 seconds. Your mind will wander off to some other phenomenon, which you do another cycle on. Repeat this for the entire duration of the practice. If your mind starts to wander away and get lost in stories, bring it right back on track and note, label, then savor. The most basic practice- you allow the range to be everything (sights, sounds, feelings, outside and inside). When you get more advanced, you can limit the range of what you let your mind focus on. You can limit to, for example, just sights, or just sounds, or just feelings, or just the inner, or just the outer, or both the inner sounds and the outer sounds, or just thoughts (inner sounds + inner images). Some more practical tips: As you practice this, multiple phenomena will come up simultaneously. For example, you may notice an itch in your foot while simultaneously saying 'itch' in your mind. For basic starter mindfulness practice, focus on any ONE that you want, usually whatever is drawing the most of your attention. So if the inner sound 'itch' is the most dominant, focus on that. If the phenomena disappears or stops, You could savor the gone-ness of it. If a phenomena changes, stay with it and notice what happens with it. Whatever it morphs into, stay with that. Life is a fluid dynamic thing that is always flowing, so don't take static snapshots of life here. If you're not clear what to label the sensation, go with your best guess, it doesn't really matter if you label it right or not. You'll get better at labeling more accurately as you practice. Labeling itself is an inner hearing sensation but don't label the labels Do this practice 20 minutes (you can gradually increase this up to 60 minutes per day), every single day without skipping any days ever. Be very consistent. Do this every single day for months or years. This'll take months and even years to see results. If you want to supercharge your mindfulness, take retreats. Vipassana retreats are great for this, and usually free. Retreats are usually 5-10 days of complete silence, 12 hours a day of practicing mindfulness. This basic technique is very powerful and can take you very far. The fancy elements aren't necessary, but you can go learn them if you want. There is no best meditation technique. Experiment with them. If you really want to self-actualize, test out each of these techniques for a month or three. There is no best technique. You may have favorites but even the not-favorites are very useful and powerful. This mindfulness meditation is so stupidly simple. You know how it works, not develop this habit. This is probably the most important skill you can develop as a human being. This is how you interface with reality. You need to start seeing reality as it really is. As it is actually happening right fucking now. This isn't an optional thing if you want to have a powerful life. Benefits: Enormous levels of awareness, focus, and consciousness (10,000 times more awareness than the average person has) In your work projects and creative endeavors you'll be able to focus for an hour straight no problem You'll be able to be fully present and to fully listen to what the people around you are saying Emotional mastery- all the nasty emotions you suffer from will melt away because you see it as it really as at high levels of mindfulness You can dissolve all physical pain and discomfort with sufficient degrees of mindfulness The more mindful you are, the more fulfilment you can get from everything you enjoy about life (food, sex, business, social interactions, parties, the list goes on and on) You can experience feelings of rapture, joy, and bliss just by being sufficiently mindful Behavior change- your bad behaviors will change effortlessly and automatically You can experience enlightenment and discover the real existential nature of who and what you and what life and reality is through mindfulness. You can focus the mindfulness lens on the 'I' you identify with and it will dissolve. My questions on this video: Does it matter how still we are? Do we have to remain completely still or does it matter? What are the differences and pros and cons between this and Daniel Ingram's noting practice? Eyes open or closed?

This one was amazing. On worldly pleasures, transcendence of suffering and attaining bliss while still in the body.

@Spiral Wizard The reason we like positive emotion is because it dissolves the dualistic mind. When we have an orgasm our ego melts into the pleasure, when we see something beautiful our wittness melts into the wittnessed. Enlightenment = perfect non-duality = perfect happiness. Before I had my first enlightenment experience I had let go of almost everything and I was very blissful. Then I realized that what I authentically really want is being, pure being. So I let go of even the bliss and the attachment to positive emotion. Then I had the enlightenment experience. It was utter perfect happiness. Also you will reincarnate as all other creatures in the universe so better care about their wellbeing too. But then living selflessly is the pinicale of happiness so your wellbeing and the wellbeing of others synergize. Insofar as truth is non-duality it is what you want. However @Leo Gura prioritizing truth over happiness is oxymoronic.

@Fkdel @Fkdel Has the meditation worked for you? I want to refine the technique would love input. I should also mention that if you want to go deeper into the manipura chakra and this kind of energy I recommend the book The Bliss of Inner Fire.

Im sure that my Presence and Love allowed the space for my gf to exp. the things that I will shortly share It was amazing! I got her to start smoking weed and that helped her to open up and see new perspectives. She said that at the room where I meditate she gets into a tottaly different state. And last night we started talking when she started to unconsciously speen around in circles. This happens to me when I meditate. After that she fell down on the bed and started laughing touching her nippls haha, then she bursted in tears becaouse I forgot to bring oranges hahaha She relived a childhood trauma(she said that she felt like a 5 year old child). And after some huging and talking we started to make love. Here are few insights I exp. I usually have premature ejaculation problems, but that is also becaouse she has strong devine energy in her, she suckes me dry, I cannot handle it! But this time there was no thoughts like "focus on the breath etc." There was no eddie entering hes gf. We were one. It was one dance that took place. I was the orgasm itself. And it lasted, and lasted, and lasted... OMG I backed up my intuition becaouse I always knew that she has very strong spiritual side (she is infj like me) I realized what it means everyrhing is me on a deeper level It was amazing dance that played out by itself Evrything that people need is acceptance and love. Now when I can let go of my egoic needs, I can really listen. And the allowance and patience that I had with her, with no judgement... paid millions times more then me trying to control the situation My girlfriends insights. she had continuous orgasms that increased she said that we were energies flowing in space, like two different shiny color particles mirging together in black space (let me note that she is at stage blue/orange and little bit of green without any previous knowledge or insights of spirituality) she said that it was a bliss she never experienced before etc. She said that the music in the backround was lound and that she was in flow with the music (I didn't hear it at all) today, she says that she is still high in love She is very brave! Im so glad she is opening up for spirituality now. Im so glad that we can grow together(we were groing together, im pretty sure she was the one resposible for my enlightenment)! Im so glad that now she understands what Im talking about when I say "Baby, Im diferent dimention right now and I can't go to the market" without her rolling her eyes ahahhahahah I cannot explain what is possible for you guys! It is a Miracle! You are Beautiful, You are Perfect, You are Love! You are one big Orgasm! And hey, all this, right here! Righ Now! Do you know what that is? It is God playing with it Self! It is God jurking off! hahahahah ?❤

About a month ago while meditating I came to a space of peace, comfort, and bliss. The image of Mother Mary came to me. I realized the light/love shining from her was the love I was feeling at that moment, that it was the same love she had for Jesus and that my mother had for me. I saw that Love is timeless, Love is always Love. I like to remain open-minded on the miracles but I'm sure some of these stories have been exaggerated, such as the time Jesus stepped through a puddle and someone shouted 'OMG he walked on water! '

My take on this topic is that eventually states stop mattering. I've traveled to some wicked and ecstatic realms on psychedelics, realms that to this day leave me speechless as there is literally 0 context for communication through symbolic language. I've had some of the most indescribably beautiful states of consciousness possible through jhanas. I've felt elated, ecstatic, unified and whole through sexual union. I've felt miserable, cut off, trapped and confused because of my particular life circumstances, wondering why I have to struggle so much while others float by unaware of their privilege. Yet what is that which has watched, witnessed, been conscious of these ginormous ebbs and flows of states? What is even the thing that wants states at all? There's a grand paradox at play here. The paradox that unless we are in a very specific type of state, truth will never reveal itself. The millions who march through the maze of capitalism, constantly chasing happiness through distractions of every kind prove to us that states matter. If we are caught in such a trance state, a state attached to the stories of separation, externalized happiness, addictions to the pursuit of pleasure and avoidance of pain, truth will not show up. Yet as we move through the various realms of consciousness, we start to encounter increasingly profound states. We start to see that these increasingly powerful, beautiful states dwarf these egoic driven pursuits. How could a night out drinking with friends compare to the full-blown union with source? Well... It doesn't. Until it does. In my own experience, the deeper down the rabbit hole I go, the deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper the natural, sober, boring state becomes. I no longer feel an insistent pull at the next big psychedelic breakthrough. I no longer feel a need for constant bliss during meditation through jhanas. Simply breathing, simply being in this neutral existence is revealed to be ineffably beautiful. We could call it a state, yet this "state" is the same state I've had throughout my life. There's not particularly more joy, happiness, or any kind of elevation of emotion. Yet the elevation of emotion is much more available! No doubt. As we expand and raise our consciousness, we can see that happiness, joy, and peace are literally on demand and available to tap into in any moment. But a more accurate way to describe what's changed is that states have been entirely re-contextualized, not pushed towards the positive. And this is the heart of spirituality, the re-contextualization of all states, the intuitive and absolute recognition that all of the striving for higher states, connecting with god, happiness, and bliss are just more ego. Ironically, as we let go of our spiritual ego's, the attachment to these expanded states gives room for this deep re-contextualization of all states of breathe. Such that no longer do we need happiness to experience happiness, or joy to experience joy; through this insight into the nature of all states, there is an underlying, palpable perfection that solves our paradox - the paradox that although truth and happiness may very well only appear through specific states, Absolute Truth and Absolute Happiness transcend all states. Let go of this need for more states, more elevation, more positive emotions and we plant the seeds for a deeper level of emotion, a deeper awareness of truth that is impossible to describe through language. And even more amazing, these more elevated emotions like happiness and joy are MUCH more available. Nothing will snuff away joy like the egoic drive to demand more joy or putting joy on a pedestal. The irony too is that as we do this, our boring, sober state of consciousness begins to radical transform precisely through not transforming at all. And on a slightly un-related yet entirely related note - Love is the only emotional orientation that would be completely at peace and accepting of all that is. If we are love, then loving all regardless of what it is is the direction we "ought" to move. From the Absolute pov, all states would be loved equally by God.

Hey guys. I'm Indie Im 19... I have no gender but that wasn't an option btw Leo... and I've been watching these videos for a while. Spiritual gifts run through my family. I had my first taste of Nirvana (nothingness, unity, peace, lack of distinction) at 15 but it was completely random and out of context and I didn't understand it at the time. I thought I had dissociative disorder my whole life, then I understood it as a non-dual state and feel blissful there. I had a few enlightenment experiences after hard work with contemplation, meditation, astral projection, and tripping, but contemplation being the biggest factor. To clarify what I mean by enlightenment is the understanding of the infinite nature of the universe, especially complete acceptance/ love and experiencing and perceiving life as very trippy even when Im sober, detachment from self, desirelessness, and nothingness all stemming from an indescribable awakening/ that left me sobbing tears of joy for hours because EVERYTHING MADE SENSE and it's so beautiful. Now I am in college and the material world seems so silly to me, even though I understand it's importance in human perspectival development, I am trying to figure out how to be true to self and Self while figuring out how I want to fit in this world with this new understanding without dropping out and disappointing my parents. I want to become some sort of neo-sage who helps people awaken but in a more modern way to appeal to my generation. I've already started leading yoga and helping people astral project and asking dogmatic young Buddists existential questions but I can't help but look at the world and wish I could do more because of how unconscious culture is and how much suffering it causes. Basically, I'm confused because of how transcendent of logic enlightenment/awakening is and my mind constantly trying to make sense of it and I'm also confused about what to do with my life with this new understanding because I bounce back from bliss zen detachment with no motivations or desires, and a completely zoomed out experience, to the egotistical material world that seems rather trash in this society. I need to understand how to aline ego self, God self/realization, and my life in a way that feels authentic. I feel like a lot of Leos videos show you how to get enlightened but not what to do with it our how to cope with it, because while beautiful, it's rather visceral and confusing to the psyche and ego. I know Love is the answer ultimately but I wanted to hear out some practical solutions or ideas. Also I'm trying to talk to other enlightened/awakened people because I have a hard time expressing/discussing all these meta perspectives in my current friend group I always feel like I can't explain it, its over heads, or woo woo. I also need to learn how to talk to different places on the spiral and reach people where they are.

Monday 15/03/2021, 23:00 What can I do, write, say, think, examine, explore to make a difference? I don't know the thing to be changed nor the difference to be made, if the knowledge matters anyway. Discipline, forcing, deprivation, "masculine vs feminine" I have addiction. If I stop masturbating, then the urge comes up, and I feel like I'm depriving myself. Don't eat the unhealthy food I want, urge comes up, and I feel like I'm being deprived. Becoming like an upset and angry child who feels deprived. What's the way to go? "Gentle vs forcing". How does one discipline when there's strong feelings of upset in doing so? Something feeling very significant just came to mind... In me has been the drive achieve something, get some goal, perfect some thing, ambition to reach something high. If I'm honest, I probably got the drive/incentive when I was younger out of a desire to please or make my dad proud. Until just now I don't think I ever acknowledged it or thought of it that way. This insight has probably come to mind before but I forgot about it. Forgetfulness, distraction, amazing defence mechanisms. "I feel a certain type of scare and fear in examining this", ofc those are labels about what I'm feeling but....it's the truth here. Maybe this is the last thing I'd want to let go of..."how could I?". I always want more. Before that thing came to mind, I thought this was gonna be a long verbal inquiry, but perhaps that shortened my search time to the essence? Rarely is it that a thought strikes such an internal/buried chord, I can feel this is definitely something important. But if I have no desire or ambition or goals, then what am I or why am I here? Perhaps what being looked at is not all forms of motivation in of in themselves, just removing this particular thorn and now this thorn is replicating and hosting in thoughts. I fear oblivion. Ugh I'm still lost, but im not sure if Im just saying that so I can move on and distract myself from this....Also, I hate my dad. But its moreso funny -- Ugh, but where does that leave me or what I'm supposed to do. Is this the reason I no longer mediate or listen to people like Alan Watts in a long time? Out of an ego backlash of not wanting to surrender? Even now I'm not sure of if I shall or what surrender means, and in saying that I'm trying to replicate the method of other people who use that word and language. Lack of flow and concentration is/of ___ . Slow it down. Where does thinkingness, motion come from? So I might be more in the present moment now for some time but present is forcing to stay in the present "Stay in the moment" "Don't lose the focus" "Don't lose the flow" and the flow get confused with the repetition of return. THE BIG PROBLEM IS THAT THE MOMENT YOU SEEK TO DESCRIBE AND TALK ABOUT IT ITS ALREADY GONE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA`A`A`A`A`AQA`AA`AAAAA`ZAZ`A`AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASZ`AZASAZHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. OBHBOHBIYOBOUVYIBVIP. THOUGHTS ABOUT THE SINGULARITY OF MAYA ARE STILL MAYA. I feel a familiar feeling which has been lost for a while now. Image is coming to mind of 16 year old me in the shower in the black-tiled bathroom, listening to Sam Harris "Waking Up" audio. Why was I so happy then and had dimensions of emotions not normally here? Why do I feel an alien to my own past? What happened? Who am I? What am I? I want it back.... The catalogue of impressions and fractured DPDR self-history and continuity/familiarity with past, thats the description of whats going on. When did I start feeling this way. Did this blackhole happen before or after that time in 2nd year when I abruptly stopped taking anti-depressants? What were the emotions I can feel back in 1st year uni despite being suicidal then? Ahhh its driving my crazy, my disconnection and alienation from that. What happened and what am I. Not having that dimension/feeling structure is the same as losing memory of it. All of a sudden just now I can remember faint whiffs of it, and I miss it. Why is that? Do I lack it? Is it to be reconnected with? KLOI[JP[NPIBO[U09JONBPJOPNPNIPHUBHIPUBIPHUBHIPBHPIUBP jnkjnjknkjnj When did I lose that dimension/structure, where, why and how? Remember when you were 13, Mujtaba, and you prayed to Allah, 100% believing in his infinite mercy and infinite goodness. Remember that bliss and feeling like a walking Jesus Christ? Where and what am I now? Did that happen at all? Why is gone. Remember when you stared at your homework diary calendar during spring time in year 9 2014, and decided that you'd put off thinking of religion for a while? Staring at the open blank pages for April was I? Remember when you were in Pakistan in December 2013, the religiosity and peace of mind you had? Remember what then happened in 2016? You went to Saudi Arabia in Mecca and Medina, reflected on Islam for one last real time, and realised very consciously you believed none of it. Then you went to Pakistan, and entered a black hole of psychological and spiritual depression. You discovered TJ Kirk, sleep on that Charpai next to the bathroom, Khurram Bai got shocked when you used up 2GB of internet so quickly. In Dec 2013 in pakistan, it was then you would listen to Nouman Ali Khan videos on YouTube when lying down in that room. %$£%^ your sister would sleep in that room sometimes as well? Was it 2013 or 2016 in Pakistan when you stared at the ceiling in your parents room, lying in bed, realising the existential dread of heaven and hell being forever? Heaven forever seemed scary for it was forever. This was definitely 2013 im pretty sure. Has my IQ and intelligence decreased compared to when I was 13 and 16? My life is one crazy fucking trip and idk wtf is going on. My sanity teeters on the edge of psychosis, but psychosis never happened. When did you transition from atheist to non-duality and zen dude? If my history and past is correct, I only actually got formally depressed at the end of 2017, and it as at this time I joined the actualised forum? "Blackhole" (in this context), when the experience of suffering and hell is so great that you dissociate to such unbelievably large degrees that the line between mental and physical is unknown, real and unreal breaks, where your mental noise and state completely overwrites the external world and you BLACKOUT from your experience. Suffering and pain so large that my memory blacked out, and I'm confused, dazed, fragmented. Multiple blackouts, and multiple blackholes. What the fuck am I to do? Idk what I am, up and down are flimsy. Who or what can guide me? Is such a thing even rational to say? Remember 1st year summer, sitting by the water fountain, and discussing C.G. Jung with my brother, which then turned into a general discussion about spirituality? Is my entire life this blackhole now? Jesus fucking christ. Why was a 12 year old researching and questioning islam? How did everything string into this? What were the surreal and mystical spiritual experiences I had as a 13 year old islamic fundamentalist? Atheist? An avid meditator? What is it all? And when did I enter this more permanent depression, lack of vitality and despondency? Remember when you were 7, going to Madrassah or Thursday night when Shia family friends gathered? Remember the questions you'd ask about Islam? Asking your dad and Uncle Masoor different things. What laylat-ut-qadr nights was it that I randomly decided the fear of god reached me that night and I prayed, but changed my mind the next day? It was the same night Uncle Mansoor and everyone gathered at our home. Were there previous laylat-ut-qadr I was praying? What was the sincerity and intention at those times? Is Dua Kumayl just bullshit? My consciousness now vs my consciousness then, it literally feels like two different realities. Two different worlds, different universes. My past consciousness is just a dream and thought at this point, but I just feel so discordant. Ugh, it seems like I was already born to be on the edge of insanity, thrown into all of this right from the start, none of it makes sense. Images, symbols and the unconscious just keep flooding the mind. At least I feel more awake now, a small slap, I now realise the magnitude of my real and core problems. I now realise that my problems are so bizarre and spiritual that a traditional rational doctor would be useless. A normie wouldn't understand the out of worldly bliss of connecting to god as a religious fundamentalist when you're 13 and feeling like a walking Jesus Christ, and im sure that even back then I felt weird disconnections as what was all supposed to be myth is causing these intense emotions and experiences, its all just so dreamlike, bizarre, ungrounded, unreal. It will all just sound completely crazy, right from the start My sense of disconnection, all the blackouts, whenever I get a whiff of my past, I get a mixture of outrage, excitement and dread! When those rare whiffs do happen, I journal or write and just go on a spree writing all those things down. Almost like I'm trying to slap myself awake with all these things from the past! Slap myself awake that this disconnection exists! How shocking and bizarre!

Did you have permanent shifts that lasted after the trip? Like feeling more, love bliss etc?

I've always viewed metal as a genre that personally raises my consciousness. Often the heavy, high energy instrumentals are a catalyst for emotionally charged and provocative lyrics that I find super inspiring. Here are some of my faves, I would love to hear any recommendations that y'all have! Silvera - Gojira Time to open your eyes to this genocide When you clear your mind you see it all You're receiving the gold of a better life When you change yourself, you change the world Mastodon - Tread lightly Open your eyes Take a deep breath and return to life Wake up and fight Fight for the love and the burning light Oroborus - Silvera On the peaks of radiant mountains This truth is growing before me My attention fixed on the silence Rediscover life while I'm breathing A National Acrobat - Black Sabbath Just remember love is life And hate is living death Treat your life for what its worth And live for every breath Looking back I've lived and learned But now I'm wondering Here I wait and only guess What this next life will bring Quantum Flux - Northlane Can't you see the joy of life is right before your eyes? Infinite bliss, infinite love Take a chance, close your eyes and just dream It sets me free Why can't you see the joy of life is right before your eyes? Infinite bliss, infinite love Take a chance, close your eyes and just dream We walk around blinded like children in the dark So cold and so empty, how did this even start It's time to remember what it's like to feel alive Reflection - Tool So crucify the ego, before it's far too late To leave behind this place so negative and blind and cynical And you will come to find that we are all one mind Capable of all that's imagined and all conceivable Just let the light touch you And let the words spill through And let them pass right through Bringing out our hope and reason Majesety - Ghost Old One, Master All beauty lies within you Come What May - Iced Earth Can't you see what's plain as day It's always been there inside of you One saving grace that's hard to face Embracing the truth will change your fate It's up to you and the path you choose To be led to the slaughter or lead the way The quest for light, a worthwhile fight Will you have what it takes? Come what may If you'd just look Look inside yourselves You'll find the answers to your pain The hardest road The hardest road to enlightenment Presents a constant test Of your resolve Time for you Time for you is running out The human race must evolve Must evolve Apocryphon - The Sword Darkness and light entwine Everything is all the time All around you points align Everything is all the time You want to live for eternity To see behind the veil Everything comes around again The serpent eats its tail Empty Temples- The Sword We must give up the old ways Though they've served us well The rituals havelost meaning What were temples are shells But there is a new path That always has been As we set foot upon it Let us fear not the end Let go of all that binds you Your kind will always find you An endless series of meaningless tasks Each one distracting us all from the last Look all around at the things you've been given What do you see? Beauty and splendor, destruction and ruin All in your memory The Motherload - Mastodon If you want you can will it You can have it I can put it right there in your hands Roots Remain - Mastodon The end is not the end you see It's just the recognition of a memory Explosia - Gojira Jealousy will crush you to the bones Unless you open up and let it go I've only seen too much of it I'm bursting open while you set the tone You ignored this fury too long, I explode Bring back to life this anger, let it grow Put aside mind traps and false beliefs These heavyweights created pull you down

@Flim I actually don't want anyone to believe me on faith. But you can entertain the thought just for fun. Death is actually incredible for consciousness. Not last experience while in the body and whatever physical pain that entailed. The liberation from form and reunion with Source. Our language is woefully ill equiped to provide a description. Its peace, bliss, beauty, extreme lightness, complete absence of any concept of the slightest concern,. there is no such thing as concern because nothing can go wrong. divine perfection

@neovox "What isn't so common is the peaceful bliss that is experienced upon release of form. The pain the physical body endures leading up to the moment of death is not pleasant obviously,. but the release of consciousness is a divine transfer. Consciousness time physical bodies is the more difficult. unlimited consciousness taking up residence in the experience of a limited physical form." But how do you know this?

Nothing actually dies, but I think that's common knowledge round these parts. What isn't so common is the peaceful bliss that is experienced upon release of form. The pain the physical body endures leading up to the moment of death is not pleasant obviously,. but the release of consciousness is a divine transfer. Consciousness time physical bodies is the more difficult. unlimited consciousness taking up residence in the experience of a limited physical form.

This is amazing. I read your dream board thread thingy and intially felt a light, felt more tapped into this infinite source of light or being or whatever then I felt kinda dread and discouragement of how unaligned i am. How out of sync I feel. And how that out of syncness feels infinite. But its a subtle feeling, nothing big and profound which makes it all the more depressing haha. I felt drawn to your website and filled in a form for a skype chat, hoping that'll help with this empty sad feeling. I love your posts though, they're beautiful. Anyhow, I am confused how exactly one makes this dreamboard? What do I write on this dreamboard? Whatever I feel the most bliss towards? Whatever I desire the most? I found an old dry erase board and some markers, but I'm kinda lacking direction. What do I write?

TL;DR The Witness has dissolved into nonduality, leaving only experience. There is no more sense of Witness experiencing Form, only the experience itself. There is a dramatic reduction in suffering. It is almost non-existent. The speed of recognition of nonduality has increased. As soon as some experience happens, it is almost immediately recognized as nondual, through all six doors of senses. It feels like falling. There is nothing permanent to cling to. But the good thing is, there is no ground P.S. Desire to jerk off has ceased What happened First prolonged nonduality experience Got a prolonged (but temporary) experience of nonduality. The Witness dissolves into nondual state, leaving only experience. There is no more sense of me experiencing the Form, only the experience itself. There is a dramatic reduction in suffering in nondual state. It is almost non-existent. You can taste the sky, just as Wilber has pointed out. There are peace, tranquility, and joy. When duality creeps in, there is a subtle contraction. When looking for a Witness, it is recognized, and dissolved with effort. A walk in the park I had a walk in the park with an intention of sustaining nondual state. As a result, there was no suffering. Although the threshold of pain level when resistance and ego start to kick in is dependant upon the degree of realization, it is clear that when pain (sensory/mental) is below it, there is no suffering. This is the case because there is no resistance to pain or clinging to pleasure in this state. Cold, bliss, pain, beauty, ugliness. There is just experience, and it is neither good nor bad when seen as it truly is. Moments of compassion for other beings arose, though not that strong yet. It is still hard to realize that I am not separate from other beings. Understanding of suffering Experience is only good or bad in relation to that with which you identify. If you identify with the body on some level, then bodily pains (injuries, aches, tirededness) are seen as bad and bring suffering, and bodily pleasures (relaxation, sex, food) are seen as good and bring clinging, which brings desire for permanence, and thus suffering when they disappear. If you identify with the ego, psychological pains (humiliation, fear, sadness, boredom) are bad, psychological pleasure (domination, achievement, wealth) is good. All that is viewed as bad brings suffering, resistance, and desire to run away from it. All that is viewed as good brings clinging and desire to prolong it when it is there, and suffering when it is no longer there. When every experience is viewed as neither good nor bad, and viewed instead as it really is - that is True Liberation and True Freedom. Right now, I struggle with falling back to judgement, opinions, hatred, demonizing, lust, idolising, and general ego-related stuff. But, with time, it fades away, as nonduality takes over. Work day I struggle with separation when: - reading - thinking - speaking - communicating Have noticed that clinging to good or resisting the bad produces state of duality. I wonder if that recognition will lead to a more total liberation. Intention: Be mindful, and see experience as it is, without clinging or distraction. Going deeper When in nonduality, every phenomena is seen to be permeated by Spirit. More and more phenomena are recognized as nondual, faster. Though only after they have happened, yet. The big contractions and falling back to Witness happen when I think, read, or there is a lot of movement of Form. By reflecting on my own ignorance 3 years ago, compassion to others arises. Intention: Sustain the flow of mindfulness and recognizing nonduality without distraction or grasping. Nonduality breakthrough Had a series of convulsions in the middle of a day, for around 5 minutes, and then hit a plateau of stillness. Since then, the recognition of nonduality has become much swifter. Thoughts, sights, sounds, emotions, touches, bodily sensations, emotions, intentions, actions, pain, pleasure - virtually every phenomena is mindfully seen as nondual, and not giving birth to either clinging or desire to run away (tanha). The state is indeed very much like a mirror. Seeing intentions and actions as nondual is also very interesting. It is like being in tune with the flow of life. I have fallen back to the Witness maybe 2-3 times this day. All of the rest has been recognized as nondual. Current problems I don't know what to do with my life except for practice. Maybe I should practice more, and see what I can do after deeper realizations. Are other sentient beings conscious? How does their consciousness relate to mine? Can I become conscious of what they are experiencing? In what way am I not separate from them, beyond seeing, touching, smelling their bodies? Following practice Read books. Abide in nonduality throughout everyday life, and see what happens.

35th cold-bath this season The temperature is below zero Celcius again, and there is slush on the water. Yesterday I was so inspired by rollerblading. Like, things just clicked yesterday. I was getting into such a flow-state. And now I don't feel like I have to get anywhere with my rollerblading anymore. I feel secure about the platform that I have achieved. I know enough tricks to feel confident that things will just continue to naturally unfold in whatever pace is natural for me, and I can totally enjoy it right here right now without worrying about getting anywhere. Maybe this flow state comes when I don't feel stuck in a rut, but I'm satisfied with where I am because the creative potential is open and available to continue to naturally grow. Everytime I have rollerbladed lately I've learned new things. Well, so anyways. I sometimes feel that I'm without purpose and direction, and I'm just jumping around like a kid from one hobby to the next, but then when I get into these flow-states that all my cool hobbies tend to trigger, everything feel so totally right about my life. And today the same thing happened. This was just amazing. I have this friend from a long time back when I studied to become a social worker, and for one year now she has been posting videos on facebook of herself out flying in her own small little airplane. It is fucking amazing. So I wrote her half a year ago: "Hey, that flying of yours looks totally awesome, can I join you?" and she replied: "Sure!" and I just answered: "Cool!!" But then we just left it at that. But when I woke up this morning I woke up to a message from her which said: "Fly?" and then an hour later we were out flying. I haven't seen her in almost 10 years. Turned out she and her husband had bought a plane together, and both have the flying certificate. It was so much fun, and I was live-streaming 5 minutes of it on facebook sharing my pure joy, and so many were getting a kick out it. I'm still very high from the whole experience, so I had to go take an ice-bath again tonight. Sometimes I think life is about this for me, just getting as many cool flowing experiences as I can possibly get. Maybe this is what "follow your bliss" means to me. Seems like I'm following my bliss, even though it sometimes seems like without direction, but my life is very much about being a student of joy, creativity, bliss, fun and expansion. And I'm also having a very important job as a social worker, that is very much about being as social as I can possibly get, so whatever I do of cool activities outside of my job really helps me in my job.

What's your kink? Patent pink leather high heeled shoes. Black opaque tights. Long striaght black hair. Blue eyes. Gold in abundance. Tights? I mean stockings, thigh high. Enough for a handful, C or D. Confidence and knows their own mind. Skin colour optional. Must have energy and verve somwhat sill humour. Ablilty to laugh easily and show some teeth. Good with tongue. No pouting. No horses, pets, or familiar exes. If can speak several languages or can sing or play an instrument or all of those, then that makes me intellecutally wet. In fact anyone that can outdo me in the word department. Must be able to run hand through hair and it just flows. Vertical length has varying different effects. Acreage and smoothness is something to get lost in. Compactness is better for enveloping and sending to ecstatic bliss. Curly haired can be kink too, but must be wavy for best effect. Sensually wavy like actual ocean waves. Dress wearing, everything flowing as one, no dijoint aspects. Enjoys sunshine water sand surf exhibitionism. High maintenance exterior low maintenance interior. Must travel must wield a hammer or power tools must be able to change a bulb or a plug without assistance. Not bitter, a bitch, unhinged, neurotic, astrological, new age or offwith the faries. Dark and heavy eye liner with a flick. No eyebrow plucking whatsoever. Tatoos must be strategic or everywhere. Did I mention smooth and translucent skin? Must enjoy makeup as a form of expression rather than a mask. Must be able to go completely natural. Intelligence is a bonus, especially if can outdo me. And a bit of kink goes a long way. @Leo Nordin how did I do? Marks out of ten please. Categories are Letting Loose, Intellectual Disection, and Attachment to Patterns of Thinking. P.S. Fuck I forgot, must love pink.

@studentofthegame Thank you buddy, as always your feedback is precious. I love writing and I know I will be doing it one way or another. I wouldn't say creativity is compulsory for everyone though. Following your bliss also means switching careers like you did. Cheers!

I feel you are attached to having to solve your attachments This. Plus you're 19, what the hell is this "surrender all your attachments" talk? Just follow your passion, follow your bliss.

TL:DR Received Dzogchen oral transmission. Became aware of Awareness itself, which is Empty, Boundless, Vast and ever-present. Started entering nondual state of consciousness. Progression Received Dzogchen oral transmission. Turned on the music, and started ascending. After the first plateau, there was no sense of self. I tried to sense IAMness, but in vain. This may correspond to the stage of "Self and Ox transcended". There were 6 more, radically increasing in intensity. Then, after focusing awareness on itself, realization came. I have become aware of awareness itself. This realization is in fact so incredibly obvious, but, paradoxically, it's hidden in plain sight. Very hard to speak of this. Awareness of Awareness is now only available when things are relatively still, but it is clear that this is trainable. Now I know what I am, and what I have always been. Empty, Vast, Open Awareness. It is indeed Nothingness. It is also not located anywhere in space. The mind is still. I do not experience any intense bliss, or feel an alternation of consciousness in the previous sense - this is not necessary. This is a place of no desires, no needs, and no suffering. This is the first fruit of Dzogchen. Now, this state of knowledge has to be explored and sustained throughout movement of Form. This to me is the ultimate path. This is a place of true happiness, peace, and tranquility. How do you go from realization to confidence? It's by entering into that flow of pristine awareness knowing itself, and then sustaining that. Sustain the flow of mindfulness and awareness without distraction, without grasping. Maturity and confidence arises as the practice continues. Awareness is open like the clear sky. The moment I try to conceptualize or grasp it, it is contracted. But when I looked at the sky, it became clear that this Vastness is the true attribute of Awareness. Sometimes, I get spontaneous bliss, arising from moments of clarity and equanimity. Every experience is arising in this Emptiness. Awareness is not located in space, much like emotions and thoughts. There is often a strong knowledge that reality is a dream. When you identify with Awareness, there is no suffering. Pain and pleasure are seen as the are - without labelling them as good or bad. They are just what they are. There are degrees to this knowledge state - the more you practice sustaining rigpa, the less suffering you experience. Way to enter this state Relax into the Vast, Empty, sky-like Awareness, which is IAMness. Rest in IAMness without grasping or clinging. Further investigation Rigpa brings inner stillness, peace, equanimity, confidence, and freedom. I am slowly starting to disidentify with the mind and body, and identify with Empty Awareness. Because I know that this is my True Self. It is so fucking vast. You can take as much bliss as you want from it, but it is not that desirable anymore. When in rigpa, good and bad fade away - there is just a play of Form. Every experience is seen for what it is, without background conceptualization and labelling as good/bad. Old egoic habits are seen through, and slowly dismantled. That includes self-image, judging, resisting and looking away, demonizing, grasping/clinging. Every Form is, and has always been impermanent. On the other hand, Emptiness is unchanging and ever-present. Obstacles BUT, currently: Awareness is still restricted by individual consciousness There is a duality of Emptiness and Form This state does not arise in sleep. That will come later. For now everything given is more than enough, and the practice continues. Dzogchen could be defined as a way to relax completely. And this is true. This is the way to the ultimate relaxation, under all circumstances. Pristine Awareness is much like a mirror. A mirror reflects objects, but it is not affected by them. Pristine Awareness can be aware of an infinite number of forms, and it remains unchanged. I also realized that reality I experience is completely arbitrary. Over the last week, when abiding in rigpa, when I am aware of thought, sight, feeling, it is seen it for what it is - a form - and it doesn't move me, because it is neither good or bad. Glimpses of nonduality There is an ability to see Awareness as clearly as ever before. Now its effortlessly seen as Vast, Empty and present in every experience. Also, it is clear that every Form is reflected in it. What is different is that now, the boundary between Emptiness and Form can be dissolved. In this state, instead of awareness of form, there is just seeing/hearing/touching. There is an experience, but no experiencer. In fact, this duality is constructed by the mind, an can be stopped. Woke up and immediately relaxed into awareness of Awareness. And then slipped into nonduality, by stopping producing duality. Next steps Abiding in nonduality, and seeing what happens. By now, it is rather restricted in the sense that I am one with what I currently experience, and the knowledge comes after experience. But there are further stages to this process. The main practice is to explore nonduality, and look where it leads me.