Search the Community

Habits-Transformation - Day 8: little internet time - Streak 1 I was on the internet in the morning and now and the stuff I did was quite productive. Today was a good day. I had no school and tomorrow neither. After waking up I did 68 minutes of sds and visualized the future. So in the morning I was a little bit outside. It was cold but sunny. I did some deep breathing exercises and I felt alert. I stretched and mobilized my body for about 1.5 hours and listened to Alan Watts at the same time. Then I had a cold shower. I felt amazing. I had no homework to do but studied history because I wanted to. I found it really interesting how Hitler became a dictator. I also had some fun with maths. Later my best friend visited. We went for a walk, made pumpkin sup and had a nice deep conversation. I noticed how much I projected on her... Now I will turn off the computer and do some inner work or meditate. Life is good. - Let go of everything you fear to lose

Habit-Transformation - Day 7: little internet time - Streak 0 just watched a lot of videos Mindfulness: For most of the day I was pretty unconscious. I just had a few glimpses of mindfulness e.g. while working out and having a longer colder shower. At about 12 o' clock I was done with the workout, the school stuff, shower and had just prepared my lunch. I was looking forward to watching Leo's new video while eating. But then my sister came into my room and said that I should help my father right now. I was so pissed of, got so angry and furious. The ego wanted to just watch this fucking video and eat. Eventually I got outside and helped him for an hour. But while I was so angry I was still relatively mindful about the ego's reaction. This showed me how attached I am. I had the expectation to have time to watch the video and eat. But then my expectation got ruined... Afterwards this reaction seemed so silly to me. I meditated for one hour in the morning and did 88 minutes of sds in the afternoon. Later I will contemplate for a bit and do some shadow work. Food: I had two meals but one would have been enough. After this second meal I feel so full and tired right now. But I have met almost all of my nutritional targets. The new video "The Trap Of Projection" taught me that I need to work on my projections/judgments and self image more. I also realized that I should learn from other spiritual teachers more.

Habit-Transformation - Day 6: little internet time - Streak 0 It worked good all day, but now I found myself here watching videos which were quite informative but not relevant. I have to be honest with myself. Today I failed. Thats okay. Mindfulness: Sometimes I was mindful but most of the time I wasn't. When I was on a bike ride I wanted to look at the beauty of the trees in autumn but the monkey mind interrupted me. I wanted to eat mindfully but I wanted to eat faster. In the afternoon I did 68 minutes SDS and afterwards for about 60 minutes a death contemplation. I still wasn't really mindful but my brain got into this meditative state. Death contemplations are powerful, really powerful. Food: I did again this one meal a day thing. This time I feel much better. I ate for 90 minutes. Firstly a few nuts, then a big green salad, then another salad from yesterday, then a green smoothie, then apple with beet root and finally another apple, pear and half a mango. I think this time limitation which people on the internet talk about made me eat faster and less mindfully. I would really like to eat now and have little temptations to eat fruit. But I can handle it right now, probably because of the meditation. I feel very calm and happy with much mental clarity. - Let go of everything you fear to lose (I think this is my new affirmation)

For as long as I can remember, I was planning for the "BIG TRANSFORMATION". when I would become my best self. It was always tomorrow or the 1st of the month or New Years Day ...thinking it would be a magical thing. Leo's teachings have given tools to help with the gradual process of transformation. Tools that can be applied everyday. He's a necessity,and his videos just keep getting better.

Habits-Transformation - Day 5: less Internet - Streak 0 I simply was often on my phone and watched quite a few videos. I noticed that I have been tricking myself. The ego thought "I only wrote 'less Internet' in the journal, so I could quickly look on my phone". I have done this quite often and that is a distraction. I will make strict rules for this habit: Looking on my phone or computer only twice a day for maximal 10 minutes for not productive reasons. For productive reasons like school work, studying, researching and writing in this journal I can use the Internet freely, but while still watching out that I don't distract myself. I didn't made strict rules in the first place because it would be neurotic, but the ego is tricky. Every addiction is the avoidance of emotional labor. Surrender to the purifying fire of emptiness. Sit there with emptiness and do nothing. Mindfulness: I wasn't really mindful in school, while eating, nor while working out. After school I cracked nuts and tried to stay mindful and went for an 1 hour walk with the intention of being mindful. Especially in the walk I recognized how stupidly unaware I am and how easily I get distracted by thoughts. A lot of work... Still mindfulness is a beautiful thing, and in the moments of mindfulness there is a connection to the infinite. I ate a lot and snacked a lot today. I even ate chocolate which I probably didn't eat since spring. This will be my next habit to tackle in 21 days. I read some pages in the "age-inhibition regiment." I brilliant man. I noted some quotes:

Habits-Transformation - Day 4: less Internet - Streak 4 I needed help from the Internet for my chemistry homework and was for a few minutes on this forum. Mindfulness: In comparison to yesterday I was relatively unconscious, especially in school. I ate relatively unconscious and relatively fast. I ate relatively much and snacked a lot. I sign for unconsciousness. After school I went on a bike ride and listened meanwhile to Alan Watts and Leo. They made me again and again aware of my unconsciousness while biking. But in the end I was a bit in touch with infinity while listening to the "What is god" video. A few days ago my intuition told me that I should try to play Minecraft again. When I was about 12 to 14 years old I was very addicted to this game and spent all of my free time in front of the computer. Today I just wanted to look what its like to play it again, I wanted to stay mindful. After 20 minutes I was bored and quited. Why did I spent so many days of my life playing this game

Habits Transformation - Day 3: less Internet - Streak 3 I watched two relatively informative YouTube videos and researched diet stuff while reading a few pages of the "age-inhibition regiment". And I used my phone for school related stuff, and was for like 5 minutes on this forum. Mindfulness: I was relatively mindful throughout the whole day, especially in the morning. I waked to school while listening to Alan Watts (The Taoists Way). Just by listening to him I became very mindful. I stayed relaxed and calm all day. But I noticed how hard it is in school to stay mindful. I have to do tasks relatively quickly and just lose touch with the present moment. I notice that almost everyday since I am back home I sit in the evening on my couch and ponder life. I meditate, journal, do self inquiry or spiritual autolysis, strategize, contemplate, examine my beliefs and ego identifications, listen to my intuition... I write a lot of useful stuff in this time. I love this part of the day. When I have the time I do the same in the morning. I think I will call this "sitting and writing in solitude". Afterwards I always feel very calm, peaceful, present, happy... It becomes a good habit. Two good videos I found today: - Life is...

Habits Transformation - Day 2: less Internet - Streak 2 It was more than yesterday, but thats okay. In the morning I listened to Alan Watts while stretching and after lunch I did homework with the help of the internet and watched some history videos. Legit. I had only three maths lessons today, so I had time in the morning to mediate for two hours, to stretch for one hour and to contemplate life. In the afternoon I made homework, worked out and summarized the latest video. I was less conscious than yesterday.

Habits Transformation - Day 1: less Internet - Streak 1 I was on my phone only for 5-10 minutes in the morning, once in the afternoon, and now I am writing here. Then I will turn my computer off. I got 12 points (between A and B) in my chemistry exam, and 15 points (A*) in my maths exam. In maths I was the best and in chemistry the second best. My ego didn't really got attached to those numbers, even not after my maths teacher has complimented me. Cool. After sports class my father was supposed to pick me up, but I didn't saw him. So I had to walk home in the dark and in the rain, for like 30 minutes. A few years ago I would have gotten really upset. Now I was rather happy and mindful. I enjoyed it to walk. Movement This morning in chemistry class I was relatively conscious. I watched my teacher talking and talking and talking. She is so attached to these models. Everything has to be this way and everything else is bad..... - Life is a game.

No, don't be a masochist be playful about it, otherwise it will turn it into another ego trip; it will make you very serious. That's what has happened to thousands of so-called saints, moralists, puritans: they are just playing ego games, subtle ego games. Life as such has to be taken as a cosmic joke – and then suddenly you relax because there is nothing to be tense about. And in that very relaxation, something starts changing in you – a radical change, a transformation. Only when the mind recoils from a fact or reality, is there pain. You are recoiling from the facts of cowardice, fear, anger and sadness. Psychological pain is part and parcel of the process of escape and resistance. Pain is not inherent in any feeling, but arises only after the intent to reject it arises. The moment you decide to reject something, pain arises. It is not really sadness that gives you pain. It is the interpretation that sadness is wrong that gives you pain, and that becomes a psychological problem. Don't invite pain, a posture should be such that you can forget your body. The posture should be steady and should be very, very blissful, comfortable, and never try to achieve postures which are uncomfortable.

I'll just address point 1 at this stage. Firstly seven months is a blip. One of the very first things you need to cultivate if you are going to continue is patience. Rome wasn't built in a day. How are you going to make this a lifelong practice if you're complaining as soon as you're out the gate? Or maybe you had no intention of doing this your whole life but is instead just wanted a quick fix like most people? Second, sitting meditation is only the beginning. You don't just sit there on the cushion for an hour and then carry on with your day as usual. Sitting is formal practice but then you need to bring mindful awareness into every aspect of your life as an informal practice. Cleaning your teeth, eating, getting dressed, driving etc etc. Its very hard to maintain awareness in our daily life because we have so many distractions but you keep trying and slowly it builds. You need to abide in awareness all day every day. Ive said before and I'll say again Meditation is not some kind of magical quick fix or shortcut to zen monk heaven. Sometimes it feels crap and pointless and other times it can be very blissful but trying to feel something is not the point. What you need to do is learn to accept what it is. The very fact that you are expecting something from it, wanting it to be something other than what it is shows that it's working because you can learn from it how this craving and aversion in the mind causes you to suffer however subtle that suffering may be. This is an insight into Dukkha (the unsatisfactoriness or suffering inherent in all things). Keep sitting and letting go. Watch how you want it to be a different way, notice that. Ask yourself "who or what is it that wants it to be different?" See how these thoughts effect your mood and emotion. How does that feel in the body? For me the change has been very subtle over 5-6 years of sitting twice daily and doing silent retreats. I too expected a penny to drop and craved some big profound experience and on retreat I had some profound experiences because I was mindful all day everyday with no distractions but in my daily practice it is a much more subtle transformation. Our society conditions us to crave for pleasant or even extreme peak experiences. We want to take a pill or shortcut but there isn't one. Be patient and gentle with yourself. Don't strive too hard. Read some dhamma books and Just be wherever you are on the path.

Hey, everyone. I've been neurotic pretty much my entire life, and I've accumulated a lot of anxious and fear-based thinking habits and irrational beliefs and fears. Pursuing enlightenment has just compounded it all and I feel like I'm stuck with nowhere to go, no way to move forward. I practice remaining as awareness as often as I can, but the conditioning is just so powerful. I've watched Leo's video on neuroticism and have learned a lot from other sources as well, but it just feels like my cup is just way too damn full. I think part of the problem is that I want answers to all of my questions, but I have absolutely no answers and it's hard to be comfortable with that. Maybe being comfortable with all of the unknowns is the answer and if it is I need to find a way to start practicing that. At this point I'm questioning everything. If enlightenment is real, if self-transformation is possible, etc. I am just so confused about what I want and how to go about achieving it. Side note: I've been doing a lot of work on the nature of the separate self for the last several months, and suffice it to say that the separate self does seem to be completely illusory. It seems like the more of the illusion I become aware of, the more fearful and anxious and depressed, etc. I become. I'm just sick of being stuck in limbo. I don't know how to progress forward, and it's laughable at this point to even consider the possibility of turning back and trying to pretend I can find peace, happiness, and all of the deep meaningful things that humans want out of life by getting a career, family, more money, etc. To sum it all up: I'm confused as shit, don't know how the fuck to progress on the path, and don't know how to deal with my neuroticism. I have a deep desire to start working on the neuroticism and would love to know if anyone knows of a framework I can use to go about doing it. Any other helpful suggestions are also welcome.

"Enlightenment is not something to be achieved, it is just to be lived. When I say that I achieved enlightenment, I simply mean that I decided to live it......Consciousness coming back to the original source is what I call enlightenment. This blissfulness happens here and now." Osho My suggestion is stop looking for shortcuts and quick fixes. You're wasting your time and energy focusing on some abstract future idea which you see as better than where you are. Be here now. It's all there is. Nirvana is not in the future. Not a place you are going to get to or something to achieve. Start asking yourself why you think that so called "enlightenment" is better than where you are now. Our consumer society have conditioned you to believe that there is a quick solution for everything. There isn't. They do this because it makes money. There is no quick way to get abs, shiny hair, white teeth, skinny. No pill that will make you permanently happy. No enlightenment to achieve, attain or accomplish. Just be present and you will see that you are already that which you seek. For further information on this subject - What is enlightenment Points to consider - ...within Buddhism a teacher who assertively advertises himself as enlightened -- especially "fully enlightened" -- is to be regarded with great suspicion.... ...try not to be impressed by self-proclaimed enlightened masters who perform miracles as proof. Even assuming the guy can walk on water and conjure rabbits out of hats, a great many Buddhist scriptures warn that practicing to develop magic powers is not the same thing as enlightenment. There are many stories in many sutras about monks who practiced to develop supernatural powers who then came to a bad end... ...Claims that an allegedly enlightened being has undergone some sort of bodily transformation ought to be regarded with several large grains of salt. Several years ago an American teacher in a Tibetan lineage tested positive for the AIDS virus but remained sexually active, thinking that his enlightened body would transform the virus into something harmless. Well, he died of AIDS, but not before infecting other people. Apparently he never explored the question who is the being that is enlightened deeply enough.... ...The Diamond Sutra in particular is full of admonishments about claims of and attachments to individual enlightenment, attributes or merits... ...Enlightenment is the essential nature of all beings; "individual enlightenment" is an oxymoron.... ...An enlightened being may be free of sickness, old age and death, but the physical body even of the Buddha succumbed to these things... ...Spiritual seekers often think of enlightenment as something we might obtain that will make our present self into something better...

@John If you expect meditation to fix all your problems, A) that itself is a problem because obviously you're looking for an easy way out, B) it is possible but will require MASSIVE amounts of meditation. I would suggest two things: 1) Try meditating 1 week straight for 10 hours per day. Just so you get a true sense of what real meditation is about. 20 minutes per day is nothing. At 20 mins per day, meditation will not solve many of your real world problems. But at 10 hour per day, in a few years, your entire life could transform in unimaginable ways. 2) If you have tangible life goals like buying a house or getting a girlfriend, you work on those IN ADDITION to meditation. Notice how you are looking for an easy way out. Meditation is not such a way. But it is a very powerful way. If you want a remarkable transformation in your life, expect to pay for it with emotional labor. The reason you're depressed in the first place is because you keep avoiding emotional labor.

Fuck, I have no idea how I'm going to structure what I'm about to say, so I'm just going to start throwing stuff out there about my life story. It may be long, but please follow. I just need some kind of reassurance or something, I have no idea. If you don't want to read my whole life story and want to skip to the bulk of the problem, then go to the next bolded line I grew up in a somewhat emotionally abusive household. My dad was always a very angry person, my mom was very out of touch at the time, yada yada you get the point. They got divorced when I was 13, and I would primarily stay with my mom from that point on. While she never did anything bad per se to me and made me feel like she cared, she was also very much out of my business, so I was kind of left to do whatever on my own.(Not sure if this is even relevant but whatever) I would say I hit my rock bottom of my life so far around when I was 15,16. I had a fair amount of social anxiety, hardly any friends, played video games all day, and was watching porn every day 3 times a day. One day, I decided I had enough and wanted to change myself. So I turned to the only thing I knew where to get answers from, the internet. I started with simple self help videos such as "fake it till I make it" in regards to curing my social anxiety. It seemed to be working pretty well. Around this same time I had been going to Confirmation sessions for the Catholic Church (I had been an atheist at this point, but I went because i didnt want to tell my mom). During March of 2014 (still 15), One of these sessions was a weekend retreat which I went on. I opened up for the first time in my life and told people about the problems I was going through, and a whole bunch of other positive things. I felt a sense of inner love and peace that I hadn't been able to experience prior to that. I felt like a brand new person after that retreat. I somehow quit porn cold turkey, not for a religious purpose but for my own well-being. I started being more attentive and loving in my everyday life, and a girl actually approached me and started dating me (I had tried desperately to get with any girl up to this point). While I never actually attributed any of these positive effects to Catholicism itself and still basically considered myself an atheist, I started volunteering extra time to the church just because the community was so loving and kind. And honestly, I was able to get behind a lot of what they were saying. So for the next year, my lifestyle totally changed. I started volunteering for many different local activities, I started a strict gym routine, and I cut my video game time in half. I also got into pickup around that time, coupled with the fact that puberty was pretty nice to me, I became pretty good at attracting girls. I was always able to get them super into me, but always failed to keep them interested for longer than a month because I was still pretty needy. I had my first actual girlfriend from december 2014 to february of 2015. She broke up with me a week before prom, and I came home and binged on a bunch of self help videos. AANNDD this is the day when I first discovered Leo. He was more into basic self help stuff that I was still into at the time, so it really appealed to me. I also started to take my new hobby of competitive super smash bros more heavily around this time too. So the next few months or so were pretty great minus the occasional bad feelings from the break up. I was able to flirt with a lot of girls, learn a ton from leos videos, and met a ton of new friends through smash bros. Then one day, out of nowhere, I relapsed on porn. I didnt think it was that big of a deal, just once, but it quickly became a habit once again. Not as bad as before, but still about 4 times a week. (I promise Im getting to my point soon) That summer of 2015 consisted of me working two jobs, and getting better at smash bros. My goals sorta took a backseat. When my senior year started, i took a leap and joined the school choir, even though singing in front of others is one of my biggest fears. It went well for awhile, and I met my ex girlfriend early in the year. I knew in the back of my head the whole time that she wasnt right for me, but i kept at it anyways. I started getting into more of the Enlightenment part of leos videos around this time. The concept really fascinated me, and I started to study it pretty heavily through other sources as well. The rest of senior year was very VERY comfortable. Although I still had quite a few things going, I was still devoting most of free time to leisure and dicking around. TL DR: Grew up in not the best household, hit my rock bottom at 15. Mix of self motivation and spiritual experience at Church Retreat brought a transformation within myself that I was able to carry on for about a year. After the year, relapsed into many of my old habits, but still retained a comfortable borderline happiness up until this summer. So here is where the problem comes in. At the beginning of summer, a lot of the activities I was involved in, helpful to me or not, stopped either voluntarly or it ran its course. I pretty much only had my girlfriend, my #1 hobby competitive smash bros (a video game), and enlightenment work. However, I still felt very comfortable and happy with my life, which I attributed to my frequent but not yet daily mediation habit and self improvement work. I knew I had to overcome a few things, like kicking my porn habit again and deciding if keeping my girlfriend around was the best choice, but I thought it wouldnt be too hard. I went on a roadtrip with a good friend of mine and it was a good experience. I was away from stimulation for about 4 days and came back feeling a lot more loving, much like the church retreat, but on a lesser scale. As soon as I came back, I hung out with my girlfriend then went to a tournament for smash bros and just had an amazing week. She then went on vacation too, which I was fine with as I didn't have needy issues as long I knew she was still into me. I went on a second roadtrip, this time twice as long and with family that I dont see too often. Although the trip was rather painful at first, I had become an emotion machine by the end. I experienced the highest highs and lowest lows that i had in a long time. I came back and was super social with my family which is still an oddity, and i felt more attentive with my girlfriend. I hung out with her once after my trip before she had to leave again till basically the end of summer. Long story short, she definitely lost interest over this period, and I experienced anxiety over it. This shocked me, because i honestly though i had some sort of mastery over my emotions at this point, but i let the anxiety get to me. I broke up with her a month ago, and here i am. Im actually sorta over her now, but that is not the point at all. Im 18 and just started community college. Ive now come to two major realizations over the last month or so 1) I am still very low consciousness 2) Im being a total fuckup in my everyday life. All I do during my free time now is play smash bros, which I justify by telling myself that since it is competitive, it has potential to be fufilling. Ive tried to quit a few times now, but I couldnt do it, Im addicted I guess. Today for example, I got off school at 2, played smash with friends till 7. surfed the internet till 9, practiced singing/mediated til 1030, then surfed the internet again/watched porn till 2. But here's the thing, I still feel "happy". I dont feel like im suffering. Despite the shitty external circumstances, I feel like ive made some progress with my psyche. But in the back of my head, I know I have to make bold moves soon. I want to transform my life again: I want to stop watching porn, I want to stop craving sex, I want to start a band, I want to find my life purpose, I want to be loving, I want to live to the fullest. But I feel happy now. I have so much more to say I think, but there is already enough to digest here. Please give me any feedback you have, ask me to clarify things, anything. I need some sense knocked into me or something.

Female energy (now, don't read 'woman') has created the path of love and devotion. Even a divine lover will do – there is no need to find a physical lover. Krishna will do for Meera, there is no problem, because for Meera the other exists. He may not be there, Krishna may just be a myth, but for Meera he is, the other exists – and then Meera is happy. She can dance, she can sing, and she is nourished. The very idea, the very notion, the very feeling, that the other exists and there is love, and a woman feels fulfilled. She is happy, alive. Only with this love will she come to a point when the lover and the beloved become one. Then meditation will happen. For female energy, meditation happens only in the deepest merger of love. Then she can be alone, then there is no problem – now she can never be alone – the beloved has become merged, now it is within. Meera or Radha or Teresa, they all achieved through a lover – Krishna, Jesus. One of the Jaina (Jain sect in India) tirthankaras (omniscient Teaching God) was a woman by the name of Mallibai. The Swetamber sect of Jainism calls her Mallibai while the Digamber sect of Jainism calls her Mallinath; they take her to be a man. Jainism path is such that any woman who goes through it is bound to become a man. His path is not of devotion but of knowledge, and so it is completely aggressive. His path is not one of receptivity. In Bengal, in India, there is a small sect which believes that only Krishna is male and everybody else is female.They sleep with a statue of Krishna in their bed. If any man begins to sing and dance like Meera for years on end, sleeping with the image of Krishna on his chest and considering himself his beloved, he will remain a man in name only. His consciousness will undergo a complete transformation. Mystics say that after crossing the fourth plane (mental body) the meditator is neither a male nor a female. After fifth or spiritual body , there is no difference, there is nothing like male and female there. So, when you become enlightened, in that moment you are no more man or woman. In that moment you transcend all duality.

@Tron Most of modern Buddhism is spiritually corrupted Buddhism The Anti Spiritual Scam On Humanity Theravada Buddhism is stated to be the original sect and doctrine of Buddhism. What is obvious is there is a lot of talk about Buddhism and its becoming the new trendy, trend. But no actual mention of what Buddhism is as the core of its system and meaning. Just buzz words. The Buddhist Theocrats are also purposely pushing the trendy buzz words and feel goodism. Without telling anyone what Buddhism actually is. Read on to understand why. Its simple Buddhism states existence is suffering and suffering has an end which sums up its four noble "truths." Which sums up the whole system. Suffering is existence....what is the opposite of existence? Extinction, what does Nirvana mean in Pali: EXTINCTION. Buddhism states there is no soul nor eternal I or self. The person is a collection of only five aggravates or elemental forces of a consciousness that simply reform into each new incarnation according to what karma has ripened a restacking of the same deck. These forces are held together by a karmic glue and desire is what causes karma to continue on and solidify the aggravates together keeping one in the wheel of suffering which is existence. The Buddhist meditation system is basically void mediation and nothing else. Its a form of introspection that allows one to trace the roots of desire and dismantle them within the psyche. So that eventually when they die. The five aggravates will dissipate and they will cease to exist and become totally extinct. This is obtainment of Nirvana which means EXTINCTION. Buddhism states the biggest illusion and desire that causes one to stay in the cycle of existence thus life. Is the belief one has a soul an eternal I that goes on. Enlightenment in Buddhism is totally accepting the ridiculous belief that there is no self and one does not exist. Ones existence as a self is maya. This belief acceptance is believed to be the switch hit that dissolves the karmic bonds totally and allows for them to reach total Extinction, Nirvana upon death. Buddhism is a materialistic, annihilationist death cult. That preaches a strange sentimental, radical egalitarianism which is why the current Liberal West finds it so appealing. The ideology preached in the Buddhist Dhammapada is identical to the Sermon On The Mount of Christianity. Which is an enemy program. Which points to who is behind Buddhism. Who benefits from removing spiritual knowledge and replacing it with a paleo, Communistic system. Now the Buddhist system furthered laid down the following. The science of mantra and astrology was banned. And the practices of Yoga [Kundalini Yoga is Yoga] where also banned from being taught. The original eight fold path which survived in Tantra which is the esoteric knowledge of the Veda. Was replaced by the Jainist eight fold path. Which leads to nowhere spiritual. The Tantra texts uniformly agree Mantra is the number one most important tool for enlightenment which Buddhism by order removes. Its obvious what went on here. They removed the actual spiritual knowledge needed for enlightenment which is defined in the East and West as the ascension of the serpent [Kundalini Yoga] a large part of the Magnum Opus is based on astrology which in Vedic means the science of light. And replaced it with meaningless materialistic nonsense which leaves a person trapped in the cycle of suffering and does not free them from anything. They stay in a spiritual dormant state and hope for extinction of their being from all existence. As Nirvana. With the technical or symbolic language of Buddhism its stolen from the original Vedic tradition and corrupted into the opposite meaning. They changed the wine but kept the bottle. Its well established Siddhartha never existed. He is a stolen and rewrote Sun God. Something at the locus of this reveals itself quick. The Jewish Therapeutae in Alexandria are the known actual creators of Christianity which as system imposed the same ideology and removal of spiritual knowledge by corruption and alteration of the technical language in the manner found in Buddhism but within a Judaic package. It shows the same behaviour and criminal motivation. As is known the Jews have been in the East for thousands of years. Primordial Buddhism Dedicated to Otto Rahn. This article is meant to highlight what can be termed: "Primordial Buddhism." That is Buddhism that existed before the corruptions where made. The corrupted paradigm which is now the standard. I have already discussed this: "Bogus Buddhism." Elsewhere. In the ancient world the Arya's worshipped a Creator God by the title of Buddha. The Aryish Druids religion was based on the worship of a crucified and reborn God man, named: Wod, Wodan, Bud, Budh, Buddha. As DM. Murdock cites in her book: "Suns of God." "They gave [the Sacred Island] two other names, viz, Phus Inis, and Inis=na-Phuodha-which, at once, associate the "worship" with the profession of the worshippers-for, Phus Inis, is Dudh Inis-Ph, or , F, being only the aspirate of, B, and commutable with it-that is, Budh Island; and Inis-na Phuodha is Inis-na-Buodha, that is, THE ISLAND OF BUDHA." So we have ancient Ireland being titled: "The Island of Budha." Also from the same work: "The ancient Irish and Hindus used the name Budh for the planet Mercury. The stem Budh appears in all the Celtic languages as it does in Sanskrit, as meaning "all victorious" "gift of teaching" "accomplished" "enlightened" "exalted" and on." From here we see Buddhaya the Sanskrit title for Mercury. The Indo-European languages all come from Sanskrit. "The Druidic and Vedic priesthoods, language and culture are one at root, separating perhaps three millennia prior to the Christian era."- Ellis The round towers of Ireland: "O' Brien relates the words of an ancient Irish bishop Corma, "the celebrated bishop of Cashel" who in "defining the Round Towers in his Glossary of the Irish Language, under the name of Faill, wrote the following: "Carth cloacha is aire bearor fall desucedr Fo bith ro ceata suighedesat en Eire"- that is, stone-built monuments, within which noble judges [my note Druids] used to enclose vases containing the relics of Fo [i.e. Budh] and of which they had erected hundreds throughout Ireland!" More: "O'Brien cites the Dagoba's of Sir Lanka often lofty buildings in which Buddhist relics have been deposited. The towers are also symbols of fertility their phallic nature obvious to the eye. Concerning these phallic symbols, O'Brien remarks: Such was the origin and design of the most ancient Indian pagodas And that such, also was the use and origin of the Irish pagodas is manifest from the name by which they are critically and accurately designated, via, Budh, which in the Irish language, signifies not only the Sun, as the source of generative vegetation, but also the male organ of procreative generativeness. Clo. Vallancey states that Krisna also means sun in ancient Irish. "O'Brien provides an image of a round tower with a crucified man above the door, between two standing human figures and below them two bizarre animals lying down. Concerning this image, O'Brien relates that Christian authorities naturally want to make of it a Christian crucifix. However, our Irish writer disagrees, first commenting on the strange animals and linking them with the elephant and bull on a Buddhist temple in Sri Lanka." Tertullian, as late as 211 CE, wrote: "The Christians neither adored nor desired crosses, and criticized pagans for doing so and for putting a man on the cross, too. For pagans a cross was a sign of eternity.It was not until the 6th synod of Constantinople that it was decided that the symbol of Christianity, which was confirmed by Pope Adrain I, would be represented from that time on as a man crucified on the cross. In fact, the earliest instances of any artwork that illustrates Jesus on the cross can be traced back only to the eight or ninth century. Thus, the Christians adopted the crucifixion as a symbol from the pagans." Its also no mistake the ancient Europeans would dye their bodies with a sacred blue paint. Called "Wod." More on the Druids: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JoSNewsletter/message/239 On the European continent where the same God who is hung on the sacred tree and reborn again is worshipped. We had the major spiritual center of the Irminsul Pillar. Which holds the same meaning of the Tet Pillar of Ptah in Egypt. Or Mount Meru column. Of which the Round Towers are a symbol for as well. This is the meaning of the Buddhist Stupas in the East as well. Budha is depicted as the sacred tree in the East as well as the West. We have these same towers being called; "Fish Towers." As the Fish is the symbol of the perfected life force following up the spine and the rebirth. It's the Yoni symbol in which the reborn God is shown emerging from. We have the same round towers or Benben towers being built by the Egyptians as well. Also noted in Sri Lank Buddha is still called Wod or Woden to this day. As D.M. Murdock notes: "The word "Buddha" is related to the Egyptian term for the sky-god father-figure, "Ptah" and "Puttha," as well as to "Pytha," as in Pythagoras ("Buddha" + "guru"). " Churchward also stated: "Buddha is their representative of Ptah of the Egyptians." As mentioned the same themes are found in Egypt as in Ireland/Europe. And the East. Ptah and Osiris as mentioned before are the same God. Osiris name translates out: "The eye of the throne of God." This Throne is Isis's. Isis is linked to the star Sirius as is Ptah's staff. Hence Osiris is the union of the this power and its full activation. The Throne is the illuminated or perfected consciousness. And Isis rules the Sophia or Shakti aspect. Which what Ptah's staff contains in symbol. The two are the same God. Just as Wod/Buddha in Europe is symbolically depicted as being blue so is Ptah-Osiris as well. As I mentioned here: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JoSNewsletter/message/418 The religion of Ptah-Osiris and the crucified and reborn Hari Krist[na] or Horus Krist. Are the same as Vishnu and Hari Krisna of India. And that Vishnu originally is a title of Surya. Hari is the symbolic title of our God. And the source of the term Aryan. The term Aryan in the ancient world was also spelled Ari or Hari we also have the Arya or Haraya [People of Hari]. This term is in Egypt as the term of the founding race. The H of Hari denotes the Serpent [Mercury-Budha]]. And the God Himself. Ptah-Osiris staff is the same as Woden's spear. "Another title for Surya is "Budha."-Suns of God Originally Buddha was a major title for the Agni/Surya the Vedic Sun God. And symbolic mythos goes back to this period. Tvashtar [ a title of Surya] is the father of Agni. Surya is titled the world modeller or skillful smith [Ptah]. As I have stated in another article Surya is known to be Ptah-Osiris of the Egyptians and Heru [proper title Hari]. Or the resurrected/perfected or reborn Ptah-Osiris. Agni in India. This is symbolic Osiris and Isis unification generates the reborn or perfected soul. Hari. As noted before Ptah-Osiris is identical to Agni/Surya. As this is the same Primordial Tradition. The Egyptians stated they came from the East and this is seen in their culture. We can see that Agni also represents the perfected Surya. We have an ancient inscription at Buddha Gaya that calls Buddha: "This deity Hari." Hari is one of the most ancient names of our God. This is why there are images of Surya at Buddha Gaya as well. Budha is another title of Surya. Who as stated is Ptah-Osiris [Hari ]in Egypt. This also gets into Helios. Which means the same as Hari. As stated before: "Horus bears the title proper of Hari Krist but in all reality going right back to the Sanskrit it would be Krisna. Krisna was in this region as the title for the sun god among other spelling. So we have Hari Krisna of Egypt. Further images of him in Egypt found in some regions show him to be identical in appearance to Krisna of India. In Egypt he is shown as the blue coloured child, holding his finger to his mouth and a clay pot in the other. Same as Krisna of India. The Greek version of him as Harpocrates from the Egyptian Har-Pa-Khered: "Horus The Child." Shows him sitting with the clay pot [like Krisna's butter pot] feather in his hair and all. Identical to the images of the God in India. This God also rests upon the serpent or lotus flower. Identical to Krisna of India once again The eagle and Falcon are interrelated as well. Just as the Peacock is the Phoenix in Egypt. The eagle plays prominently in the avatar tradition in India. As DM. Murdock points out in the earlier traditions of Krisna. He like Horus[Hari] of Egypt is crucified , in this case upon a tree by being pinned or pierced to it by arrows and later resurrected or ascends. Upon this the tree which is next to the river, regenerates and grows and rains lotus blossoms and gives off fragrances." She further states: "Like Krishna Buddha has been deemed an incarnation of Vishnu, an aspect of the God Sun. Among other symbols depicted in images of Bodhisattvas and Buddha's, as well as Vishnu. According to Pandey, "The girdle on the waist is a necessity when smartness and valour are ascribed to a deity." Which means additionally that Buddha is clearly portrayed as a God. The insight that Buddha, like his alter ego Vishnu and preceding avatar Krishna." This is why in India we have inscriptions to Buddha calling him an incarnation of Vishnu [Surya-Agni] and the savour of the world, the way of immorality. Its no mistake the statues of Buddha in the East are the same as statues of Surya in many areas. As mentioned Krishna/Hari the perfected Vishnu. This is why the tales of Krishna and Buddha are identical from the divine births to the same birthday. And on in their tales. Including Buddha like Krishna in the early texts being crucified on a tree. In the case of both Buddha and Krishna by being pierced by arrows. And then being resurrected later: The scholar Titcomb states: At the death of Buddha the earth trembled, the rocks were split and phantoms and spirits appeared. He descended into hell and preached to the spirits of the damned. When Buddha was buried, the coverings of the body unrolled themselves, the lid of his coffin was opened by supernatural powers and he ascended bodily to the celestial regions.". We have Buddha resurrecting and ascending boldly into heaven. This is the same as the traditional Sol God of the Primordial Tradition. We also have Buddha transfigured as bright as the sun. On the mountain top. As we see later this is important as it connects to Adi Buddha. Which shows us the same God from the original Tradition. Originally the concept of Nirvana is not extinction. But enlightenment and immortality: "Nirvana is identified with "the opening of the pure ways of heaven." Of the "gates of eternal life," and is actually called the sun and "the center of supernatural light." -Suns of God This is why there are 13 full steps to full enlightenment or Nirvana in Buddhism. The 13 steps of the Magnum Opus. Images in the East of Buddha's death show the Mount Meru column falling. This is the same theme in Egypt with the "blessed land." Of which sit the Tet Pillar of Ptah [Meru Column]in the center of. Of which atop the Phoenix [Peacock in the East] sit. After a great destruction the Tet pillar is reborn with the land into the pure state. The stories of Buddha's cremation in this light is also symbolic of the Phoenix of rebirth thought flame. This is why Buddha dies at 84. 8=4=12, with the hidden 13th step within. the 13 steps of the Magnum Opus. The Phoenix's other symbol is the Grail. Of which also features in Buddhism as well. We can also see in ancient India Buddha being depicted as a linga, tree, white horse and the Kalachakra. There are all symbols of the life force energy. The linga the same symbol as the Tet Column or Round Towers, Stupa's, etc. We will come back to the Kala Charka in a bit. Looking into the earliest Pali texts its still possible to see remnants of the original Tradition that where wrote over with enemy corruptions. We find mention of awakening the seven centers of consciousness and opening the eye of wisdom. Along with Buddha having obtained the literal "deathless state" and bearing all the marks of the perfected man, along with all the supernormal powers or Siddhi's. His victory over Mara [Mara is the god of death in older spellings[ under the tree being the symbolic of having gained immorality and illumination. Mara and his forces represent originally the titanic or dross element that has to be purified from the soul. And with this the morning star appears and the tree rains down lotus blossoms etc. The same as the tree Krishna was crucified upon. And we have Budha/Woden crucified in the European branch and originally in the Eastern branch. The references to the 5 wisdoms, the Jana's and such are taken from the purification of the elements of the soul. There are still some meditations upon the "four great elements" and their functions in the early texts. The principal of samsaric aspects being a corruption of the unperfected state. The nine realms of the Deva's an allegory for the Charka's, etc. Samsaric states also originally refers to the dissolution process of alchemy. We also find Buddha's performing miracles and such. His life in the mythos is identical to that of Hari of Egypt. And as mentioned Hari of India in many places. Originally the Aryans lived across Asia all the way to Northern China and the regions of the now Gobi desert. The pyramids found in Northern China are from this period. And the Chinese admit they are not part of their civilization. National Geographic and others have done large stories on the excavation of the silk road and general Far East. In which cities larger then Babylon at its height have been found. Along with perfected preserved bodies of White people dressed like they belong in ancient Ireland and the Scottish highlands. The female hair is braided in a specific fashion that only remains in the folk culture of Denmark. There are also over five thousand ancient Vedic temples in parts of China. Along with the fact China's name comes from a Sanskrit word for Lion. Ch'in is the Chinese spelling of the Sanskrit "Simha." The ancient Chinese records state about the rule of Aryan Emperors with blonde hair, green/blue eyes, etc. And the Mongols record a race of blue eyed, Aryans living in their region many of whom their ruling caste was descended from. Genghis Khan [Great Serpent] was described as having red hair and light eyes. Along with many upper caste Mongols of the period. The Mongoloid races where not in the area of Northern China and other Asian regions, till around several thousand years ago. Where the Aryans had already lived there for thousands of years before. The Tibetans also state they received their original culture of Bon. From a race of Aryans thousands of years ago. The anthropological studies conducted on the Tibetans by the Germans, found the upper class of Tibet where also of Aryan origin, mixed with Mongolian . In the far east they traditionally worshipped a Creator God named Fo/Po or Futi. Also spelled Buddha. And this brings us to BON PO. With BON PO we have the title for Buddha of PO. Bon was the religion across Asia and as we will see Europe as well. The findings from Bon in Nepal and Tibet such that before the Gautama or Ashoka period. BON images show the classical images of Buddha seen in Mahayana sects. As well as ancient BON texts mention their perfected masters have the title of Buddha. We also have images from Europe found of Yogi's in the full lotus position. Which identical spiritual symbolism upon them. BON was repressed and almost wiped out by the Ashoka corruption of Buddhism or bogus Buddhism. Bon temples and sacred sites and texts where destroyed along with many Bon's. This period is still called: "The dark times." By the people in the regions of Nepal who are Bon's. We also have records of Ashoka putting up to eighteen and more thousand people to death as part of the repression of this Imperial Ideology of his. We are seeing with Mahayana. Ashoka Buddhism which is a inversion of the original, grafted over the original Buddhism in these regions openly. In the regions of Nepal we still have the Bon Stupa's painted in the same way. The traditional or Ashoka Buddhist ones are. So we can see this is a copy of the original Buddhist style. In the region coming from the BON tradition. Are Chortens. Which are Stupa's which are based on the classical temple building of the East and the West. The base represents the circle within the square and the Mount Meru axis with 13 steps or representing the 13 steps of enlightenment. Mentioning the hidden 13th within the 12. And 1+3=4. The perfected elements coming from the 5th of ether within. The Vishnu [Surya] yantra is designed upon the 64 square grid of the Mer-cury square. Enclosed within a circle with symbols for the cardinal points. We see Buddha originally being a title for Surya[Vishnu]. The circle and square represent the unification of the male and female aspect of the soul into Godhead. This style is the bases of many ancient statues of the Sol God in the East. The God as the Linga standing upon the square base. Representing what is encoded in the Sol Gods yantra. The same symbolism is found on the Medicine Buddha's yantra as well. The heart of the BON PO system was a system called the: "Great Perfection." And was based on creating: "The Immortal Rainbow Body." The center of this being the Kalachakra Tanta. In India we have Buddha depicted as the God Kalachakra as well. This is the core of the original Buddhist tradition from East to West here. The God Kalachakra rules over this process. The Kalachakra is based upon the unification of the male and female parts of the soul . Even openly describing the meditations for the production of the male and female elixirs . Along with the purification of the elements or great lights of the soul. As part of this upon the Kalachakra mandala we have the image of the Black sun. Of which Adi Buddha the perfected human comes forth from. Within the Kalachakra we have the same themes found in the Eddas. The Western branch. Budha in India was depicted as the Kalachakra Lingam. Which is the sacred phallus of which is seen in the shape of the rune stones. This is also as mentioned before what the tree represents. The illuminated soul. Wodan is also shown in direct imagery with the sacred phallus upon the horse. The symbol of the perfection and rebirth of the soul. The final product being the creation of the Adi Buddha. Adi means "Lord of the Mount." And is identical in meaning to Dionysus" "Lord of the Mount Nysa." The Mount Meru Axis. Which we see Ptah [spelling of Buddha] in Egypt with the Tet pillar and Woden[Buddha] in Europe with the Round towers. And Adi Buddha in the East. In the origin Tradition of BON. We have The Lord of Time [Kalachakra] another title for Primordial Buddha. Our God. Another title for Dionysus was Hu another spelling of Woden. Dionysus also carries the grail. And is the eternally young, crucified and reborn youth. Who's sacred animal is also the Peacock. Ichthys, or the Fish, was one of the names of Dionysus and the divine phallus was also shown in the shape of fish. The phallus is the spinal column with the kundalini full risen. EA [Oannes] is also shown as a Fish cloaked God in the ME and Lord of the Water for the same reason. The life force. Lord of Time or Kalachakra: In Sanskirt SAT means Truth. Truth in the ancient world was another name for illumination and transformation of the soul. When the kundalini power rises it brings a person to SAT by illumination of the consciousness it brings which is what they where depicting by the title of Truth...... This is why the strength of the soul is its ability to reach levels of truth in the Egyptian texts. Levels of empowerment. An as the prefix of Ananta Shesha which is the primordial serpent. Depicted as a serpent in a golden circle clutching its tail. The sign of the Magnum Opus. This golden serpent Is given the title of "Eternity" [Ananta]. And refers to the title of "Lord of Time." As time in this sense relates to the perfection of the soul. Sat also meaning: Shining. And , An: Serpent. Hence Satan translates out to: Shining Serpent. This is why Woden [ Budha] has a golden ring that replicates itself. This is also why Woden has the sacred mead drunk from the horn [grail symbol]. One of these sacred horns found in Europe show it made of gold with alchemical symbolism all over it. Remember Woden also rides a White Horse another symbol of Budha. He rides it thought the different worlds in the eight different directions. This is the circulation of the life force through the soul. As Gardiner points out. Wodan was the name of the Kundalini in North, Western Europe. And his spear represents the spinal or Meru column which the serpentine energy is channeled thought. It's a Caduceus symbol. The An sound on the end of Wod-an denotes the serpent. And the perfected life force. Hence the spelling of Wod the mercury plus An of the serpent. Same with Sat-An. Wodan's symbol of the valknut is the trine symbol of the soul. Wodan is called the unfastener of knots or bindings. This refers to the opening of the three granthis or knots of the soul. This is the one God in three parts. Which is represented by the AUM formula. Wodan being the Kundalini power among the Teutonic branch of Europe. This is always represented as the three in One. V,P and B's are interchangeable. Val, has the V that denotes the mercury or Serpentine life force. The W on Wodan is properly pounced as a soft V. The Valk-yries are also the Shakti aspect of the soul. The nine Daughters of Wodan. All of this relates to the soul and its structure and purification. The warrior must die pierced by a blade[sword mainly] in battle to go to Val-halla, Its an allegory for the chaos stage and the ascent of the kundalini and its piercings aspect. In the ancient world the sword, spear and dagger where also symbols of the serpent power. The Valkyrie takes him over the rainbow bridge [up the spine of the charka system] to Valhalla we are looking at the shaki rising up the spine to the crown chakra. The Veda's hold the same images of the Rainbow and so did the Hellenic schools. The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow comes from such schools. Its an allegory that lived on in folktales. The horn of Wodan's sacred Mead as a grail symbol comes from the sacred Bull: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JoSNewsletter/message/448 The Bull was so sacred to the ancient Aryans from Europe to India. The word God comes from the ancient word for Bull. Go, and the Bull and Goat where used interchangeable Hence the German Got. The totems of the God Satan. The G is also a serpentine symbol in sacred lettering. And the O the union of the masculine and feminine. This is all of Satan. In the East we have the Bull of Dharma for this reason. The four legs represent the four elements and the horns the symbol mercury. The Bull was used as the symbol of the Sun [spiritual sun] for this reason. And the ancient texts stated: The Bull is the serpent and the serpent is the Bull. It's a serpentine symbol . Wodan also has the Golden Helm which represents the Halo or Gold in the Work. The Gods in the East are shown wearing an identical helm. Which represents the capstone in the work. The conical stone on the top of the Meru Column the completion of the great work. Also seen in the Wizard hats. Wodan is the All Father as this represents the ether element that the elements and property of the soul manifests from. And the All is when all the charka's are made into one via the Magnum Opus which prefects this principal. Hence Zeus being Zan meaning the All. This is what Narayana represents. Narayana wears the sacred Golden Helm. Wodan's main rune is the OSS rune. Which is the ether element. Or Mercury. For this reason. And Wednesday is named after the day of Wodan. The day of Mercury which is the holy day of Buddhists in the East. Many of the rune stones are phallic shaped for this reason. As the phallus, fish and Meru Axis all meaning the same. In the East We have Buddha also carrying a sacred Grail in the image of bowl and sometimes a mixing bowl made of lapis lazuli which as Philip Gardner states is an ancient Grail symbol. The Lapis lazuli or blue stones are the grail symbol in Sumeria and also depicted in the Dionysus branch as a cluster of grapes. We have tales of Alexander the Great climbing the sacred tree and meeting the Green Man who them gives him a cluster of grapes which lead to immorality, etc. The Lazu-il denotes illu or the illuminated. And we have Ra or the Ra's bow [Rainbow] Ra's bow is Ra's celestial ship he journeys through the 12 stages of the Magnum Opus upon. The Egyptians called the Great Work. Creating the body of Ra. Or Rainbow body. Within this we have the holy: "G-ra-il." The G in the ancient script denotes the serpent. In Egypt we have Ptah, Amun, Ra. Being the original three in one trinity. With the Ra-m, being the symbol of Agni. And EA as scholars note PTAH in Sumeria has a staff with the rams head at the top of it. We have the fact the hero travels over the Rainbow bridge to enter Valhalla and sit with Woden [ Budha]. And thus obtain immorality and perfection. The Blue color is the symbol of the Great Perfection. It symbols the purified soul. Of which the purified Mercury relates to. As we see with Ptah-Osiris, Woden and Votan in the American's. In the East Buddha was depicted as the sacred Tree which is of Wodan in the West. From this we also have the famed Medicine Buddha who is depicted as blue and holding a pot full of a healing substance from the Myrobalm, a tree used in Ayurveda healing arts. In the Primordial Tradition. The Healing God is the symbol of the Magnum Opus we can see this in the West. Especially with Asclepius the serpent God. And with all the tales of the Serpent. The body is considered a medicine bowl [grail] in the East capable of generating the needed elixirs or medicines which heal the body fully. But the medicine has to be taken daily. Meaning a daily spiritual practice, that transforms the soul to the perfected state. It's the same in the West. Old age, sickness, death and such issues where all known as sicknesses . That could only be cured as they stated by the Great Working. To be healed literally meant to be made whole. The popular term for this in ancient Greek was SOZO. Meaning Saved or salvation by being made whole [Holy]. This is why you had orders calling themselves the Spiritual Physicians. And this why Ayurveda texts at the heart where based on achieving the Perfected and immorality state. The Grail legends primal source is Sanat Kumara [ Sanat is an anagram of Satan] who rules the kingdom of Shambhala which depicted in the shape of a city in the shape of the eight pointed star. Identical to the Grail castle in the West. Who's king is shown with the image of the Peacock. And legend is a repeat of the Ptah-Osiris, Hari [Horus]. Symbolic mythos. Kalachakra [Sanat] is the ruler of Shambhala. Just Woden is ruler of Valhalla in the Western branch. It's the same God with the same meaning. The banner of Shambhala is a peacock feathered one. As we see this God rules the Grail. And the title of the perfected adept is Adi Buddha [also Wod, Woden, Budha],etc. Its no mistake the Buddha Amitibha [who is connected to Bon/Kalachakra]in Tibet is depicted as a forever young boy. Surrounded by Peacock imagery. Is Sanat Kumara. In the Eastern texts Siva is stated to represent Mercury [Budha] as well. The letter H denotes and represents Siva in the eastern texts. And the serpent. And how this relates to the Mercury or serpentine light [life] force. Hence why Siva main bija mantra that represents him is HA-UM. Bud-HA. The famous Siva mantra that translates to: I am Siva. Sivoham. Has the Haum properly spelled. Siva is the serpentine life force. And what the O represents. In the Vedic world the Trinity was Agni, Surya, Indra. And within this Surya is the perfected or White stage. Within The Veda we have Siva as a title applied for these Gods. Hence Siva originally is another title for the One in three. Si represents fire [male] and Va water [female] hence the polarity in union. And the symbol of the lingam and Yoni. And the six pointed star of Visnu [Surya] also used for Siva, which represents the union of the polarity of the soul into the perfected state. As stated in the: Supreme God. Article, the Jews simply stole this symbol much later on. As I wrote before Surya is Ptah-Osiris in Egypt. The sacred Bull , Phallus, world column and Serpent, Trident [staff] are symbols of the same God in Egypt as is still of Siva today. Surya is also depicted in the Vedic tradition as being four armed and blue, Lord Narayana. Which Siva is traditionally depicted as well. As I stated before Visnu originally is a title for Surya in the ancient world. Hence his depiction in the same. Because it's the same God. This is why Osiris and Vishnu-Siva have the six pointed star as their symbol. As the scholar and Sivaite, Danielou points out during the period of the Indus Valley civilization. Siva was the holder of the title Lord Brahma. And originally as Lord of the Animals the avatar of the Boar and Matsya or Fish avatar, Lion avatar, etc. Belongs to Siva. As does Krisna, etc. This is because at the core this is simply Surya. Of which Budha is another title. Another title of Siva is Kalachakra. And the Kalachakra Lingam is the sacred Phallus which denotes the mercury life force. Siva's trident is the same as Wodan's spear. In his image in the West. Siva and Budha are the same. This is why as noted: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JoSNewsletter/message/426 Mount Kailash the sacred mount of Siva [also to Bon] and Vajra Buddhism. From a UN report shows strong evidence of being man made on some level. And could be a vast human built pyramid. That was the central focus of a larger world wide system of such sites. Its noted to be a center of a region of a hundred smaller pyramids in total. And the Bon's mention it as being the nine-story Swastika Mountain and the seat of all spiritual power. It's the same God hence the same sacred site. Danielou points out in his works that Vajra Buddhism [glossed over Bon]. At the core is actually the worship of Siva and the transformation process. Before being glossed over by the Gotama corruption. Which seeks to basically Christianized the original religion. The great scholar and researcher Otto Rahn proved that the Cathar's where the Western branch of Bon. Both had the same Grail legends of the Mani Jewel. And both bear the same title. The Cathar's called themselves the Bon's. And have the fact Bon means Good. Which in the ancient world is term meaning: "Shining or Shining Ones." Baron Evola also points out the Cathar's connection to Eastern Buddhism. The Aryans in the A-mer-ca's or Amaru in Sanskrit . The mainstream tale of Amerigo Vespucci, turned out to be a fraud upon investigation. Also worshipped Votan [Wotan/Woden/Budha]. And had the same symbols and culture the Cathar's of Europe did. The evidence shows the Aryan civilizations in the America's [even by the Amerindian records] predate the Amerindians by thousands of years: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JoSNewsletter/message/181 Votan is also called the: "Morning Star." The Cathar's are the major source of all Western Grail legends and chivalry . And hence why their tradition has a knight joining with his Lady and thus being giving a golden ring. The symbol of the Grail. It represents the union of the male and female aspects of the soul. And the golden ring the symbol of Eternal life. The same ring Woden rules. Rahn and others mention the Cathar ideal of love as Amour not the "love" being pushed by the Vatican program of Jewish-Christianity. Rahn mentions this term Amour is equal to the concept of the Magnum Opus. Our concept of love and spirituality in the current world comes from the program of Christianity. The enemy pushes sentimentalism as spirituality. This Amour term connects back to MR which in Egypt is means bright or shining. The sacred tower [ seen across the world and related to Buddhaya] was also called MER. And the original name for the Pyramid is MER. Meaning the place of ascension. This connects back into Meru. And Isis as Isis Meri or Meru. The Cathars worshiped Mary. Mary was another spelling of Meri [Isis-Meru]. Christianity stole this later on. The Cathars where Germanics and directly connected to the Pagan, Mero-vingians. This is where much of our Grail lore comes from. Amour=Mero=shining/brightness, and in French still means love. MR or Mer, Mer-cury means: "Eternal." In the sense of perfected. The Cathar title of Amour or MR translates to Buddhaya. The title of Bodhisattva predates the current Mahayana and its altered meaning. It means " the essence of enlightenment or wisdom." Wisdom being Sophia the super conscious state, from the risen serpent. This is why the Bodhisattva is depicted with a flame upon their head or halo. They have been baptized in wisdom or the serpentine life force and reborn from this sacred baptism. Hence the meaning of Gnosis as from Oannes / OANA. Which brings us to Jana's. An representing the serpentine energy. And its perfection of the being. The four J-an-a's are taken from the purification of the four elements of the soul via the serpentine life force. Jana Pandita is another title of God in the east. From Jana we get O-AN-a, O-AN-nes and the word Gnosis. All titles which are of our God Sat-AN. Ichthys, or the Fish, was one of the names of Dionysus and the divine phallus was also shown in the shape of fish. The phallus is the spinal column with the kundalini full risen. EA [Oannes] is also shown as a Fish cloaked God in the ME and Lord of the Water for the same reason. The life force. This is why in the Western Pagan tradition after being baptised the individual was given a lit candle and called the illuminated As Evola states: "It has been noted the Grail.resembles in a specific way the frontal stone (urna)..That especially in Buddhism often represents the place of the third eye.. This is an eye that is endowed with both a transcendent or "cyclical vision (know in Buddhism as Bodhi, or SPIRITUAL ENLIGHENMENT)." This stone that represents the enlightened or Bodhi state is an emerald stone. And is called the Mani Jewel. This emerald stone is another symbol of the grail in Traditions in both east and west. As stated both the Bon's or Cathars of the West and East held this sacred. And it is ruled by Budha. Emerald in the East is the stone that rules the planet Mercury. This brings us full circle to understanding what does Budha mean as a title. The Budha is enlightened upon the Bo tree. Among the ruins of An-arajapura. Its mentioned in the book Ophiolatreia by H.Jennings. Of nine templesgroups of pillars. That consist of an enclosure, in which there are sacred trees called Bo-gaha. So we see the sacred pillar's like the Irminsul or Tet, Meru, column. Along with the sacred trees common to the worship of Woden in Europe. The hill of Tara alone had three hundred oaks planted around it. And the Germanic s had a habit of wrapping a golden serpent image around trees and making them sacred spots. Woden[Buddha] being crucified [fixing the power] upon a tree. Which represents the spinal [meru] column with the branches being the 144,000 nadis. As stated before in the East Budha is depicted as the sacred Tree. Or world Tree. Buddha is pronounced [seen with Fo or Po] and in many cases spelled with an O sound. Which denotes the serpent. Such as SO-phia, Opis, Orpheus. The P, V,B sound are interchangeable. In the texts the O denotes the Mercury and is the symbol of the union of A and U that create the M. The third power. The M is the symbol of the reborn soul. The O which the symbol for the Gold in the work comes from. Is popularly denoted by the Ouroboros. Mer-cury is a horned glyph representing the perfection of this power. The horned serpent or halo is humanized in the Sol God. Hung upon a tree and reborn via the perfection of this life energy. Gardner states in his book: "Secrets of the Serpent." "Dionysius who is equated to the other horned GodsIs the same Dionysius I found elsewhere to hold the chalice or elixir." The title of this sacred cup of Budha/Dionysus was the Agathodaemon or "Good Serpent." And Good translates to Shining. The Cathar's worshipped Lucibel which is another spelling of Hu which is another spelling of Woden/Budha. And the Cathar's called their God Agathodaemon meaning "The Good Serpent." An ancient title of our God. And Woden [Budha] was the title of the Kundalini or serpentine energy . Budha means the: Shining Serpent. Hence Budha is the literal term for the kundalini energy. So the Cathar's or Bons. Worshipped Budha/Woden. And they where the last known Primordial [original] Culture of Race in Europe. As part of this the Cathar's understand the sacredness of racial purity and the godly essence of the Aryan blood and their descent from the Gods. This is why Buddhism in the East has been stated to be over 15,000 years old. Its mentioned the original or Primordial Budhism. Satan is the original and only Budha. This wisdom lived on in the Dharmic texts in the East: "It is imperative to respect the lineage of one's ancestors and avoid the mixing of races through procreation. This alters the divine order and provokes regression of the species. Marriage rites or procreation must be accomplished of the responsibility of the transmission of life, having solely in mind the quality of the product of the child. According to the rules of genetic selection defined by the texts of the Agamas." -Advice to a Mleccha [one born outside of Bharat] by Sadhu Shambhudasa The Agamas are from the Vedic [Aryan] religion. Notes on Buddhism The original God that Gautama is a stolen and corrupted version of is Surya who is Visnu. This is evidenced [of the primordial Buddhism article] and in the fact the famous Buddhist statues are images of Visnu and how he was traditionally shown. And the further fact the Mahayana sects all emerged from the major Vaishnava temple centers in India. This is because this was the traditional religion still at some point in the past. The Mahayana or Tantric Buddhism came up from the Pala Kingdom of northern India. So I don't believe the Theravada sects claims theirs is the original either. As they are nothing but a atheistic, soul denying, humanist cult. In the earliest Pali texts Siddhartha states that Buddhism is purifying the Chita. Chita and Atman used interchangeably as they are the same. Which is the soul. Buddha and Brahman are also interchangeable terms. The fact Siddhartha affirms the existence of the self/soul and its purification as the heart of Buddhism. Defeats the central doctrine of which all Theravada is built upon which is no soul/self. Theravada is a horrible, Christianised corruption of the original Solar Tradition. The technical language in the Pali is from the Upanishads. And one can note such texts are full of instructions on activating and rising the kundalini. And open declarations this is the task's monastics are engaged in. The evidence all shows at the core the system of Buddhism was the Magnum Opus. The tales of Buddha's crucifixion and resurrection from the tomb and bodily ascension to Nirvana state it all. This is the traditional symbol of the soul rising from the Saturn sphere of time, karma or samsara and to the solar sphere of luminous immortality. Depicted as the sun of which Nirvana is depicted as. At some point this was altered to the poison bowl of Kunda. But not by much. The poison is the final dissolution of the gross material aspect, poison is corrosive it burns and breaks down. This is why traditionally snakes venom was used to depict this. Kunda the metal smith is Kundalini or serpentine energies in his destructive aspect the power of time. Kundry in the surviving Western branch of this tradition is the European version of Kali. Who causes the final transmutation of the soul to perfection. This is the black stage. Kunda is also the title for the kunda-lini energy in India and is depicted as a Goddess dwelling a cave. From here Buddha obtains the highest Jhana and enters into Nirvana. Which is a toned down rebirth into the white or final stage. Its life number is 84 and this adds into 12 and himself is the 13th step of the Magnum Opus. Tathagata a common used title of Buddha does not mean "One who has come." It means "Become Brahman." The Upanishads and many other Vedic texts state over and over again one becomes Brahman when the serpent is risen. Buddha's tale under the Bodhi tree which is the mystic tree at the navel of the earth is obvious to this allegory. Bodhi is the same element of that Buddha is relating towards and thus Brahman. So we have the spinal column and the risen serpent. Its very obvious when the morning star appears at this moments as its the age old symbol of kundalini rising. Buddha never stated anything about a middle path. He called it the lighting path. Which is this power again. Nagarjuna who is considered to be the creator of Mahayana stated that everything is nothingness and the Mahayana Buddhist's strive to become empty thus achieving Buddhahood. Its obvious this emptiness is the Akasha or ether. And obtaining emptiness is purifying the soul into the primal element of the subtle ether which is the Magnum Opus. This is mentioned to create the Diamond thunder bolt or rainbow body. Which Tantric Buddhism states is done by Kundalni energy. Laya Yoga is equal to Nirvana in its meaning. LA=earth element the body, YA=ether element. The purification process. Which bring union of the trine being into the ascended form. This is what came up from the Maha Siddha's of the Pala Kingdom. The arrows all point to originally Buddha was the reborn Visnu [Surya] who was called Buddha, Krisna, Agni, Hari,, And Brahma towards the Hindu period and Siva in the South. which was the religion of over 15,000 years. And was Regraphed at some point by taking over the cultural language and putting new meanings behind it. Which corrupted into the mess of today. The point the Theravada's believe the opposite as their core truth of what this Siddhartha character actual stated as the core truth of Buddhism. That's an extreme level of corruption. And had to be deliberate. This Siddhartha is paraded as the reborn God, born from immaculate conception and emerges from his mothers left side, and dies and is reborn, who has incarnated to purify the Veda's of all the corruptions thus the gate way to assign new meanings. Which removes all spiritual knowledge looking at what Theravada amounts to, then replaces it with Communism with spiritual pretense. Sources: The Mystery of The Grail J.Evola The Serpent The Eagle The Lion and The Disk. B.Parker The Shining Ones. P. Gardiner and G.Osborn Guardians of the Holy Grail, Pinkham Mark. Suns of God. D.M Murdock Starwalkers. W.Henry Gnosis, Philip Gardiner Secrets of the Serpent, Philip Gardiner The Doctrine of the Awaking. J.Evola Lucifer's Court, Otto Rahn Guardians Of The Holy Grail, M.Pinkham While The Gods Play. Danielou Source:https://josministries.prophpbb.com/post40723.html#p40723 Most of the chakra opening stuff has worked for me, so I know it's not fake

So, I got myself involved in 5-MeO-DMT. But before I start this post, I'd like to point out that if you wanna know a little bit about my psychedelic background and another fun trip report, you might wanna read my report on shrooms first - if you haven't. There I describe my background with this etc. You can find it here. +++ Research, Planning And a Fun Experiment +++ So, how did it all start? Let's go back in time. Roughly two months ago when Leo released his mushroom videos I wrote with him here on the forum about my experiences with psychedelics, told him about one bad trip that I had and so on. In this conversation he said I should checkout 5-MeO-DMT and that nothing really compares to that. I gotta say I was kind of skeptical at first. I had done regular n,n-DMT and thought that this would be as "high as it gets". Little did I know. So I did some research over the weeks into MeO, asked some friends who had done it and read a lot. After a few weeks I forgot about it mostly because I had exams to learn for and interesting projects at work. Then Leo released his video about becoming God. I still remember how I listened to that in the morning while eating breakfast and I'm like: "This can only be MeO." So I waited a week until he made his video about it. So I thought, I better get involved in this. This sounds transformational and scary and I'm up for super-charging my progress. I did some more research and got me 250mg of 5-MeO-DMT, lab-tested with a minimum of 98% purity in HCL form. Don't ask me where I got it, if you can't do the research, don't do it. Onions might have been involved in this process, one rumors. So, I basically set up an experiment that I was going to undertake. The question I want to solve is: "Can a habitual use of 5-MeO-DMT used 1-2 a month raise my awareness permanently if used for 6-12 months?" This is the question I wanna investigate with this. To do that, I will do the tripping and document what happens with me. I plan to release I'd say at least 1 post per month here on the forum on my experiences - but more importantly on the development that happens in me. This is why I do this. I am actually thinking about making this in a video form (me telling this to you instead of writing). I might do that if the changes that occur are as deep as I expect them to be so that the cost of exposure and the investment in time and effort will be worth it. We'll see. If you like this whole experiment, like the posts and comment, ask questions and so on, so that I see that you guys are interested. If not, I'll document this just privately for me or later purposes. So, I got all this down and last Thursday, the 6th of October was the day it should all begin. So let's jump right into it. +++ The First Two Dosages: Light and Medium +++ How do you prepare to die? That's the question I asked myself before I did the first trip. And you really can't. You can just try to be at peace with whatever happens as much as you can be. This is rather difficult, because your mind can simply not come up with any framework that brings it at peace with non-existence. You have to let that go. I was pretty scared and nervous before the first trip, to be honest with you. I did all the stuff I had to do on that day, so that I had time to prepare, to do and integrate the first experiences with this beast of a drug. Before I started, I laid on my bed, closed my eyes and went deep inside. I talked to my unconscious and asked it whether it really wants to do this kind of experience and whether I could accept to die into it, so that it could become everything. I listened to my intuition that was in for it. That calmed me down a lot and was the basis for the surrendering I had to do here. I would've quit the whole thing if something in me would've not wanted this authentically. The following is a sum-up of three light-to-medium trips I took on Thursday and Saturday. They are based on 1x 15mg and 2x 20mg of MeO and had similar effects. I weighted the dosage on my scale, made two halves out of it, turned on my tripping music very quietly and snorted the powder in with a third of a straw. You basically wanna sniff it in with the least energy to get it inside, so that it stays in the nostrils. Then you hold a finger on the nostril opening, do the other nostril, cover that and sit down on your couch / bed. I sat down on my bed, tilted my head upside down and massaged the MeO into my nostrils. It burns a little bit but not very much in my experience. After 3-5 minutes my reality would get wanky and I would lie down on my bed very openly. I tried to focus on my breathing that got slower and slower while my pulse would be shooting through the top. And I mean through the the motherfucking top. You have not experienced this kind of pulse ever before in your life (if you weren't confronted with a death-like situation). I knew this would be coming, but man. You begin to worry a little bit if you can even physically take this. Then my bodily tensions and pressures slowly vanished, I closed my eyes and all I could feel is my pulse, a feeling of terror in my abdomen and a very slow breath. I mainly focused on keeping my breath going because it felt like it would stop any second if don't consciously breathe. (This is a known feature of the MeO-experience that it feels like your breath stops, however it doesn't. One does not have to be afraid of this. However, if you feel this the first time it is very heavy to say the least. Me whole body gave me signals that I'm going to die right now and it felt like I was on the edge for a good twenty minutes. So what did I do? How do you face such a situation? With eyes closed I just tried to get in contact with this force that birthed me into life and that makes and shapes me every moment. I actually kinda got hold of this and it felt very much like home and that I could just surrender into it. I was on the verge of psychological death. I totally gave in. In these 20 minutes it felt like I purged 10 years of emotional baggage. Every fear and every fight that I ever had with myself just vanished and disappeared as I faced my own death here. It is - to say the least - transformational and scary. After 30 minutes the terror kind of went away, I opened my eyes and was just bathed in this clearness. I laid on my bed for I don't know how long and was just there. No thoughts, no interpretation, no worries, no hopes, no fears. Just stillness and clearness. It was sick, I gotta say. After it, a lot of the heightened awareness actually stayed and is still present. It cut out in the last couple of days a lot of unnecessary thoughts. My meditation practice feels super-charged and my unwanted desires mostly went away. I'm not in a meditative state, but just really grounded and authentic. I don't resist myself anymore - at least in the last few days - and every kind of conflict or negative association just melts because of what happened there. Like, you don't have to do anything to stay grounded and aware, you just are because even if a earthly worry would come up it just is not equipped to hypnotize you anymore, because you have faced your own death. And nothing is greater then that. You faced your personal ever-nearing apocalypse - and nothing else compares. That's it. But that should just be the beginning. +++ The strong semi-breakthrough dosage +++ For Saturday evening I had planned the last initial dosage. 30mg. Boy, I wouldn't have dreamed in my wildest dreams that 10 godly milligrams could do such a difference. I had expected that I would go from near-death to a kind of void and that this is it. Yeah, think again. So I followed up on the normal procedure I described above, sat down on the bed massaging my nostrils. 3 minutes in the reality would get wanky again. So I laid down on my bed and expected the upcome to take at least a few more minutes. I don't know how long it actually took but I suspect 5-10 seconds when I laid down and opened up I was just gone. My mind just started collapsing in on itself. Indescribable. Pulse through the top, breath on the verge of being existent, bodily tensions and feelings not there unless a big, mother... god-fucking big existential terror in my abdomen. It felt like my whole nervous system collapsed in on itself, my mind tried to wrap its head around it and just every frame of reference vanished. You don't even remotely suspect how deep your ego shapes your perception. Every experience you have, everything you take in and make sense out of is combined with your web of beliefs. Even the most little thing like taking a breath is carrying years and years of your ego in it. Every little cell in your body. And now imagine all of this goes down to zero, nada, nothing. Just collapses in on yourself. It is by far the deepest kind of transformation you could ever experience. You are just blown away and every tool that your mind uses to come up with a calming solution of "you can handle that in a certain way" just isn't there. You're basically going insane while you are dying while it feels like every two seconds you are flushed with the doubled amount of awareness you just had. Very, very intense experience, guys. Very intense. This is such an physical experience that I actually thought I gotta vomit. It felt like my body would explode and implode every few moments. So I ran to the toilet, put a finger in my throat and tried to vomit. Nothing happened. And I'm like: "What the fuck?" I never in my life was so certain that I gotta vomit and I never put my finger so deep into my throat to get me to do this. But I just didn't. So I laid back down in my bed for about 10 seconds and then got up because I thought I gotta vomit again. Didn't happen. The second time hanging over the toilet I realized that I'm completely transforming right now and that this is probably the cause of me thinking I gotta vomit. This was one of the only thoughts I had in these moments. Dear, dear thought. I was happy that you were around, buddy. At least a little calm. So I got back to my bed, laid down again, opened up, massaged my navel a little bit (which a friend of mine - a Qigong practitioner - recommended to me to get my awareness from my head into my abdomen which calms you down) and closed my eyes. In that moment all tensions, the existential terror and the complete shock I was in just exploded in this ever-still moment that expanded in all directions while not moving at all. I was that for a brief time and then were birthed again into my ego, were ripped out of again and then were the stillness again. This occurred for some time. God is a beast, man. A fucking beast. After having this for some time I managed to surrender into this birthing and dying every few moments and flowed with it for a few moments. It was the most majestic, horrifying, loving, still and moving I don't know what to call it that I have ever seen. Completely impossible. In the process I actually thought I died because there was no indication left that I was alive. Having done that it birthed and destroyed me for some more time, like 10 minutes and I opened my eyes and surrendered to the process. I merged with everything I could see, I was the room, the thing itself and the viewer of it. I was still being pumped with tremendous amounts of awareness every few seconds. Fuck me man, this is nuts I thought. By looking at the things in my room they changed their boundaries like every few seconds. Like the shelve and the wall would now be one thing, then everything would blur out and then they formed a different object again. No hallucinations, but just every kind of way you could perceive an object in like 30 seconds. I didn't even try to understand this. After 45 minutes I slowly came out and by that time didn't even care anymore whether I was breathing, my pulse was going through the top or whatever just happened. I was completely wiped clean, bathing in this stillness and nothingness and slowly saw how my ego began to put my world together again. After that I smoked a cigarette and took a walk. My head was surprisingly still and cool with what just happened and was happy to have even greater amounts of awareness and stillness, no bad thoughts coming up, feeling very authentic. I asked myself whether I wanna do this again for 6-12 months on a bi-weekly basis and my intuition was still in for it. Why do I call this a semi-breakthrough and not a genuine breakthrough? I think that if I do this a couple of times and increase the dosage 3-5mg I would be leaving most of the terror behind and bath more consistently in the absolute. I was kind of going in and out here the whole time which was kind of crazy. So we'll see next time. +++ The Aftermath +++ So, I guess you read all of this and just think: "What the fuck, how could anyone ever do something like that to himself?" Let me tell you why. In this moment of complete shock, terror and then dissolving into the absolute you are shown your own birth and death. You actually see how you die every few moments and then are born again a moment later. You see how you are this collection of thoughts, perceptions and emotions and how they spontaneously arise out of an infinite pool of possibilities. I'd guess that if you do that for a few times you can surrender so deeply into it that most of the terror dissolves and you just die into the beauty and majesty of it. Of your own divine nature. I also guess from the aftermath that I experience right now that your own mind has to rebuild itself in a higher order after these experiences because it has no framework to handle it with your limited view. Besides that, I guess that this will lead to the most mature emotionality a human being can have because you learn to accept dying here. That means that over some time nothing really can bug you anymore, because you have experienced and surrendered to your death and have seen beyond it. This I would conclude can lead to tremendous psychological changes that could cause an permanent awakening because nothing else can really handle such an experience. No framework of a normal sleeping mind can do that. Also, the feeling and awareness you get after these experiences are amazing. It feels like being reborn again, clean. It feels like I have done 3 years of daily meditation in 45 minutes, 3 years of talking and fighting and adjusting myself. It is that powerful. I think that it just gets more powerful the more you do it, although it is scary and horrifying to a degree. But you also see that there is really nothing that can really destroy you. And that itself is transforming. So yeah, that's my take on the first experiences. If you are interested in me posting more of this and documenting my journey here on the forum, like this, comment and let me now. I'll go through that and see where I end up. I think it's gonna be a good place. The last few days were the most exciting, refreshing and calm days I had in my entire life. Cheers to 5-MeO-DMT, Azrael

Brother, listen. I was in a similar state of mind this year for about 6 months. I would wake up in the morning and the first thing that happened was that my mind began racing, negative thought patterns would come up, emotions were triggered. I would get up and do my daily stuff and I was in constant fear all the time. I was in fear when I met people on the street, I was in fear when I went to university, I was in fear even when I was home alone because I thought that my family and friends thought bad of me (...which of course they don't - at least not in such a dramatic way one spins it.) My meditation was basically me sitting while being screamed at by my inner stream of thoughts. I briefly had moments of silents or peace. These 6 months were covered with 3 major awakenings that I had which mostly resulted in 1 week of bliss per awakening and then the terror would even worsen. In the last weeks I would sit in the bus and my head would be spinning scenarios of me killing myself (and I'm not at all, not even fucking remotely suicidal, never was) but it just felt very good to spin these scenarios. That this happened made me then even sicker, that I thought about this. It was all very twisted and I was totally lost. This had to happen to purge my whole childhood / youth drama out of my brain. I knew that this was happening at the time - but still it didn't really help because it was so bad. And I would be having all of this while becoming more and more aware of how I was one with the universe. My awareness expanded a lot in this time which is in retrospect the reason why I felt so shitty. It shined light on so much neurosis that was covered in the dark that it just needed time to burn out all of this shit. So, how do you go about it? Look Matt Khan videos and begin to reconnect with your shadow, your inner child. Don't deny one side of yourself as being bad and responsible for this fuck-up, but see it as a little five year old inside of you who is completely lost and makes you crazy. How do you talk to a five year old? You say that you're sorry that he has to go through such deep and transforming times. You say that your are sorry what happened to him in the past and that your only wish is to make him happy and enlighten him. Actually, really say this to yourself on a daily basis and come in contact with all of this emotional baggage - not trying to get away from it, but care about it. You'll see, it'll magically dissolve because you stop resisting it. Build a daily routine. Sleep 7-8 hours, eat regularly, take a shit, take a daily walk, see nature at least once a day, and don't meditate too much and too hard in times when you are completely off. Meditation is great and you should still be doing it daily, but if you don't even have the power to handle yourself, you don't wanna make you bleed out faster. Take your time. In my worst times I did 30 minutes of a Daoist breathing meditation. Do your HoloSync. You do that, right? This will probably solve most of your problems very fast. Give it some time, but it did and does wonders for me. I love it. Do sports once a week. This is extremely important. If you are not a sporty guy, do at least once a week 10 push-ups. That could be a start. You wanna get rid of all this adrenalin that builds up. I did swimming for two years once a week, now I do a workout with a kettle-bell. Give in on some old ruts. If you wanna smoke, eat some ice cream, watch netflix marathons, do that. You are not in the position right now to work all of these out and thats fine. I binge on way to much stupid shit as for example very delicious spicy food, cigarettes, drugs, whatever I want. I would not restrict myself because I trust my intuition fully. From time to time it kicks one of these old ruts out just naturally. I'm just making sure I'm feeding it with more and more awareness, the rest happens for me automatically. Also, way more important then living the healthy vegan-yoga-idealistic lifestyle is that you accept your desires, find your authenticity and root yourself in that. Then no problem or habit can even remotely bug you. You can consciously cut on those things (if you want) when you have the power and inspiration to do so, not when you are carrying this heavy corpse around every day that is sad and unmotivated. This leads just to disaster. Stay at home if you like or connect with some friends here and there that give you good vibes and just follow through on that. In reality, all of this takes some time but eventually will make you the most rooted, clear-thinking and on-point person that you can think of. Keep remembering what I said in my shrooms post: All pain simply comes from the fact that at some point you started to believe your own story. And if I read your story, I see that you do that a lot and suffer from that. Now, probably this is all happening automatically and you can't do nothing about it. It was for me at that time. That's fine. Nature sometimes just wants to be in deep, deep pain so that the fun after it is even way better. Nature is a beast, trust me. And lastly, if it gets too hard, you can always write me. You know that. I help you man. Peace will come and knowing as well. In retrospect to my own fuck-up purging time: I am now as authentic, confident, happy and rooted in what I do more then ever in my life. I have to this point experienced every possible emotion I can think of in every extreme, from the complete non-duality of things to the worst nightmares of fear and anxiety. I am so intimately bounded to me as an individual that nothing normal can really shock me any more, because I went through all of it. And you will be, too. So in the end this builds the most important and intimate foundation you could ever ask for. You just don't know it yet. So, cheer up. Nature is just building your strongest version and this needs some transformation. Cheers

yes and no. yes because it will help a lot. no because it's not enough. what we call "addictions" are just habits that we judge as being harmful for us and/or for people around us. you have to go further. you have to fill your life with habits that you judge as being healthy for you and/or for people around you. meditation is just one habit, but you cannot live by sitting forever. this section may be useful for you. if you feel like doing it, let us know of your transformation. use your determination to inspire.

celibacy is not a discipline, it is a consequence. You put your total energy so you don’t have any energy... and it happens in ordinary life also. You can see a great painter: he forgets women completely. When he is painting there is no sex in his mind,because the whole energy is moving. You don’t have any extra energy. A great poet, a great singer, a dancer who is moving totally in his commitment, automatically becomes celibate. He has no discipline for it. Sex is superfluous energy; sex is a safety valve. When you have too much in you and you cannot do anything with it, the nature has made a safety valve; you can throw it out. You can release it, otherwise you will go mad or burst – explode. And if you try to suppress it, then too you will go mad, because suppressing it won’t help. It needs a transformation, and that transformation comes from total commitment. A warrior, if he is really a warrior – an impeccable warrior, will be beyond sex. His whole energy is moving.

Psychology cannot transform you. It can certainly give you a few insights into the mind, but those insights are not going to be transforming, because transformation always happens from a higher plane. Transformation never means solving problems — remaining on the same plane — that means adjustment. Psychology is still trying to help you adjust — to adjust to the society which is itself insane, to adjust to the family, to adjust to the ideas that are dominant around you. But all those ideas — your family, your society — they themselves are ill, sick, and to adjust to them will give you a certain normality, at least a superficial appearance of health, but it is not going to transform you. Psychology can give you a few insights into the mind, but because it cannot take you beyond the mind it can’t be of any help. Be a light unto yourself. Do not follow others, do not imitate, because imitation, following, creates stupidity. You are born with a tremendous possibility of intelligence. You are born with a light within you. Listen to the still, small voice within, and that will guide you. Nobody else can guide you, nobody else can become a model for your life, because you are unique. Nobody has there been ever who was exactly like you, and nobody is ever going to be there again who will be exactly like you.

Youth is the best time for inner transformation because youth is the most flexible time. Children are more flexible than young people, but they are not so understanding. They need a little experience. Youth is exactly the middle; you are no longer a child, no longer ignorant of life and its ways and not yet settled as an old man. Youth is the most significant time to take any jump, because the jump needs courage, it needs energy, it needs risk, it needs daring. You will not be able to make a successful career in politics. A politician cannot have any spiritual experience. You will loose desire to dominate others.

You can have nothing and still be materialistic. I think solution lies more in sorting out the need for all these things. Material goods I think are fine in themselves, I don't see society manipulating us to go for these things, I observe that it's more a case of we created society to conform to our nature. It has gotten a little out of hand in recent times since Freud and his "unconscious aggressive desires" theory, but our basic apparent nature is always been to look outside ourselves for comfort and security. That seeking is the structure which is present, but the content of the structure changes as technology advances. So it's a little bit more tricky than assigning the blame to society at large for manipulating is. If you want to delve deeper I could suggest you are being manipulated in some ways by the literature you are reading regarding this phenomena (which in my experience does not solve the actual problem, but merely displaces it to something apparently "outside" oneself in the culture and therefore outside of one's responsibility to deal with. The only realistic solution I am aware of is meditation and a spiritual education, and by spiritual I don't mean a spirituality of attempting to transform society at large to serve the emotional needs of the species (a careful analysis of your experience will reveal that this is already the case because we are all already getting our 'emotional' needs met), but a personal transformation, because that really is the only control you do have in this life. You can't change the collective causal body, you can only change your part of it.

@Lawrence Yes it has to be involved in a sense, because the scientists creating this super AI will most certainly be conscious. And also the people who become robots will most certainly be conscious both before and after their transformation. Even the AI we create on a computer might become conscious at some point. But what I mean is that developing those technologies doesn't require to understand consciousness at all. There is no need to model it. No need to master it. No need to talk about it. Neurons are basically all you need to understand. Once you understand neurons, you can play with them. And once you play with them, the universe is at your fingertips.