Search the Community

@ajasatya I could not agree more with you. I need to do a lot of forgiveness work, which is what I've been putting my primary focus on. And it's great because I'm seeing a really fast transformation within myself. It's like I don't even recognize myself anymore. I've mentioned recently in another post that my dad passed away a few months ago, and how I had a lot of anger and frustration towards him because of how he treated me in my past. It is NOW my time to show compassion and send him love and let go. It is only my ego and my thoughts that think there is a problem. Parents play a huge part in how you view relationships and the type of relationships you attract. I've noticed the pattern that I have created in my life. I've been single for the last 8 going on 9 years and for a great reason. And I went on a wild journey where I got involved in adult entertainment for several years. I've learned so much from my mistakes. After walking away from the sex and becoming more celibate I've noticed a huge shift. Sex is indeed an addiction. And people...a lover can be an addiction if we are not careful if our thoughts are not in the right place. I've learned to give back to others and show compassion for other people while working with people using hypnosis, reiki and life coaching. I have found my life purpose. I just KNOW I need to create a Burning Self Love within myself. That is my next step. I've been seeking TRUTH since I was 16 years old so I know it is definitely my top value. And health has many aspects to it....spiritually, mentally, and physically. There is indeed a balance that needs to be kept so that we can thrive. I've taken it upon myself to drastically change my diet, which has in turn affected me mentally and spiritually. The food we eat effects the way we think. The thoughts and affirmations in our mind impact our actions, and that effects our SUCCESS! You are what you believe yourself to be! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, experiences and advice. It really does help! I'm so happy for you that you have found someone that lives and shares this TRUTH and Love. I know I will find my soul mate with patience. But right now I have more important things to work on!

Everyone at some point in their practice, probably sooner than later, will get in touch with their deep suffering they have been carrying around, and which we generally have learned to let out but to stuff up: 'be happy, tough up, don't cry, be a man, don't be selfish, don't be a drama queen' etc. But crying is a big part of the path and it will happen, and if you block it you are bringing yourself to a halt if, if you honestly seek to feel it you will fasten the transformation, either way, the dam should break at one point or the other. And if there is one thing that feels good, lightens the burden and in so literally enlightens you, it's getting in touch with our emotions and crying, it brings you to yourself, you can feel it. And paradoxically, when you feel the sadness, you don't get more attached to the 'drama' but less, you get closer to the still self and actually become more detached and at peace. So it's important and it's beautiful, always. The despair drama that is often associated with sadness does not come from the sadness but from suppressing it and not letting it all out and thinking there is no way out , and also because the belief that death is the total end and thus bad, however I know from my experience it's not, and anyone can come to the same conclusion through direct experience and or research (www.evidenceforthesoul.weebly.com). - So aside from meditation, which is always the key and path to inner fruition, what helps me also is a lot consciously connecting with a passed loved one, feeling the beauty of their return to their true self and the presence of it (either in dreams, meditation and or in an attuned regular state of being), but also the sadness that you might not feel them completely and also the strong emotion that comes from realizing the pain you have been carrying around and the lack of knwoing and being your true self as pure clear consciousness without suppression and delusion of separation. And also, watching people cry and looking at the suffering of the world head on. I always avoided these things because I thought i could not bear, but I found out that truly getting to the depth of the pain and compassion you see actually is what makes it also profound and beautiful in it's own way, that one can go so so deep (but also knowing that all eventually know the light as well). So if you feel like it, I would recommend looking at the suffering head on, look up the crying people from Syria or even people putting out their true selves in singing contests and getting recognized for once in their life. Don't be afraid, what you get in touch with you integrate and it feels good, whole and safe, but what you resist persists and that actually feels uncomfortable. Thanks for listening I hope it helps. God bless.

I'll never forget the time I stuck a fork in a live 240v socket - my transformation & enlightenment was instantaneous.

Have you read Being Human? That's the one he wrote shortly after his awakening (I think). I thought that would be the one going most into detail about his transformation. I haven't read it.

I am going through the same thing. Transformation tends to be an ugly process, but it leads to something greater.

Hey, everyone. I've been neurotic pretty much my entire life, and I've accumulated a lot of anxious and fear-based thinking habits and irrational beliefs and fears. Pursuing enlightenment has just compounded it all and I feel like I'm stuck with nowhere to go, no way to move forward. I practice remaining as awareness as often as I can, but the conditioning is just so powerful. I've watched Leo's video on neuroticism and have learned a lot from other sources as well, but it just feels like my cup is just way too damn full. I think part of the problem is that I want answers to all of my questions, but I have absolutely no answers and it's hard to be comfortable with that. Maybe being comfortable with all of the unknowns is the answer and if it is I need to find a way to start practicing that. At this point I'm questioning everything. If enlightenment is real, if self-transformation is possible, etc. I am just so confused about what I want and how to go about achieving it. Side note: I've been doing a lot of work on the nature of the separate self for the last several months, and suffice it to say that the separate self does seem to be completely illusory. It seems like the more of the illusion I become aware of, the more fearful and anxious and depressed, etc. I become. I'm just sick of being stuck in limbo. I don't know how to progress forward, and it's laughable at this point to even consider the possibility of turning back and trying to pretend I can find peace, happiness, and all of the deep meaningful things that humans want out of life by getting a career, family, more money, etc. To sum it all up: I'm confused as shit, don't know how the fuck to progress on the path, and don't know how to deal with my neuroticism. I have a deep desire to start working on the neuroticism and would love to know if anyone knows of a framework I can use to go about doing it. Any other helpful suggestions are also welcome.

Sorry for the length of this post, I just had some stuff to get out of my chest, so I don't feel bad after . Legend goes Taurus wrote his first book on a Leo Comment section as his first post in the community. Since then everyone both loved and hated him for he was the Taurus. Reading is a function. You can call that function. Or you can choose to run another function. But stick all your attention in one function, like reading, because that's the only thing you're doing right now. Or breathing. I mean, right now you are breathing AND reading this. because if you weren't reading it, you wouldn't know I said it, and if you're reading it, you definitely must be breathing, otherwise you'd be dad. Let the body control the breath, because it is vital. Don't let your monkey mind close you your breath ever. You dont want to give the tail of the snake to the snake, because it will hurt the snake. Give out LOVE to receive LOVE. Love is the best story, love is the best life. Love is when your life works out perfectly, exactly how you want it, because in every moment you want exactly this. The thing that is happening to you. You want to be reading this and you are enjoying your body, as if you are consuming energy all the time and receiving the pure joy of having a position and the thought that you are something and that you matter to someone. Like getting reputation on Actualized.org or becoming a dragon with wings and burning the entire existence just for the LOLS, because you are a keyboard warrior and you can say what you wanna say and do what you wanna do, because life is too precious to waste it on typing slowly. Type as fast as you can, and you can never bee spoken down upon. Cause nobody's reading that far, who am I kidding [Reply by Anonymous Keyboard Warrior] lol that kid cares -Taurus [+1B reputation] because Yeah, I am a keyboard warrior, but there is a reason for it. And that reason is South park. They make me into a keyboard warrior with the ideas that they allow my mind to think is possible. And that's fucking possible, because it's happening. I can say anything. It's art. It's drawing. Drawing something into nothing in a virtual space that will soon be gone and forgotten never seen by anyone, nobody noticing what is right infront of their face. The beauty of life itself, not finding a truth, because one has to see the truth is all around them and be satisfied with what they have and actually be truthful that everything around them is beautiful. It's like the prettiest girl being in-love with you, but you are too honourable to leave your station as keyboard warrior. That's how ready I am for this. My ships of freedom of speech are vast and of many varieties. The first variety I need to specify is the variety of chance. When I am not thinking, I am thinking that there's 0 chance of something happening. But then reality proves me wrong, by showing me, look, you were wrong. Now learn. You are an awesome machine. But you gotta stop trying to control it, because it has a momentum of it's own, we are the master of ourselves. We are the puppetmasters of our selves. We are high above, controlling ourselves from as high as we want. And if we're eccentric freaking maniacs we will go so deep, that we become the servant. The real master serves to the servant. Because it's a friendship - You do something for me, I have to do something for you. Certainly that's how Thesis: Nobody will read this, even though reading is the most amazing activity. By itself in itself, you become the page. The empty space... Because when you write something that you wrote you create the 3d space in which intelligence to shine. Nobody can move your muscles but yourself. Feeling relaxed is better than feeling good. You can be in grave danger, and still be calm, because if you show fear, the enemy will know. You gotta be fearless. Like a cat that has to be a Lion to protect it's kittens. So I can say anything I want..! Oh My. I decided to edit and made this post into a ritual, so I strongly urge people not to read this, because it's my own secret private place that I don't want anyone to see. And you are going to see it - reading is the best thing you could be doing at this moment. Not even that, reading this will be the most enjoyable thing to you, because it is so unlikely to be happening, that it is a universal experience, one of a kind, one that cannot be replicated and yet it has been replicated, and we are the ssame, but freekidi doo dah. +....@ <-We all got issues like this guy, but that doesn't mean we can't let them go. Letting go. Reading on like a feather being pushed slightly in a single direction and then the other. You are surfing on my words. Please pop on. You are reading only the tops of each letter and you know the letters in 3d form. You are the most amazing code. Too bad it can't run the function. A prayer and a meditation are functions. Everything else is brushing with white. The only important thing is hidden in the junk. Sometimes you have to really deep dig in the dirt to find the gold. We can fail. But we do it anyway, because who cares, we are still reading and we are training the mini intelligence within. Actually fuck that scratch that I can give less fucks? Nobody's reading this junk, someone might even think it's spam, cause they will be freaked by the amount of letters coming their way. But if I say Sorry for the length of this post, I just had some stuff to get out of my chest, so I don't feel bad after. I am saying secrets that can bring joy and beauty to this word through complete transformation of your thought to be just light, screen. The empty page in front of you, which you want to fill with the present moment and the filling of the empty space. While only thinking about the empty space, you are going to be able to say or do anything you want, because you are free to do so. This is a state of thought so amazing, because every single little decision seems like is coming from you, while in fact it is coming from the mother god who is the motherboard to existence, a mountain so huge and beautiful, it has cast us away for being too simple. Until we jump forth and do what we had forgotten we can do. This is filling the nothingness with something. You are doing that just by being and this is your golden form, just being yourself, relaxing and letting your body take care of the work, while you are drifting off into fairytail land where you meet god and all his angels and you go into all that deep stuff you know. The deep shit. But the SIMPLE reality is that you change conciousness all the time. Conciousness is just your state of mind, state of conciousness is state of mind looked through the prism of the mind. the mind is like a snake chasing it''s tail cause it has nothiing else to left. It's playing cat and mouse, so it spun and spun, faster and faster until one day she realized she was alone, the black colour alone. The feeling of intense joy and aliveness that I feel when I am in front of the blank page. It gives me all the freedom in the world to type big scripts and incredible stories, if only I switch the music on. I'm gonna do Yoga and return. I am the only one in the room. I am typing these words. At this moment this is what I want to say the most. It's me again'ts nothing. There's no thing on the page. It's just me and the page. Ok. We have established connection to headquarters. We are here and now, ready to type away. We are incredible machines of vast superpowers to use the keyboard of a device that can grant wishes. You can play with it, it's just another wave. Ok. Too Deep. Let's bring it back to the beginning. In the beginning there was time? Wait, what time is it? 23:57. I must be in another state of consciousness because of my meditation sessions earlier. Either my mind is playing tricks on me, or you're still reading it at this point. What I am about to say, you are not going to skip. And even if you skip them, I wouldn't mind, because if you skipped these words, then I know you did not even read them, so I am safe to write, because it is illogical for anyone to ever be watching what I am saying at this moment. It's about waves really. ~What is a wave? A structure perhaps, but listen. This is my presentation. I put forth to you the power of the waves. It's not me tho,, I am learning too The hands are doing all the work, ALL I have to do was sit myself in front of the blank screen and allays look at the blank. We don't even need to think about how we write because we are doing it automatically. I can safely say that if you are reading at this point, you are really loving this because otherwise you wouldn't even be doing it. My mind does this by itself, and it does it because it doesn't matter if anyone else experiences this text, the speed with which I am typing it and the very concentration I have over this activity is taking me out of my usual state of nothingness and puts me in the field of large texts and big numbers. The numbers make no difference, because there is infinity between 0 and 1 and they are not even that big of numbers, in FACT they are the primal numbers, the white and the black were their ancestor. The computer is humanity's child yet to be born. It's our canvas. Our art is waiting to be born in it's amazing saving and sharing potential. Man, the internet is awesome. For expression. But I am straying away from what is primary. The primary thing is that we are both experiencing this text in a certain way. And we can only experience it in the human way, the real human way, is to be in front of the screen, completely encapsulated by what you are doing in the online world, defeating dragon code at work. Now comes my choice. I am literally doing training for my hands. My hands are teaching my body. They are dancing on the keyboard my typing is really sexy Any girl will fall for a keyboard warrior like me because I am not going to let her attention go. I will alllways add another line and be the perfect human being for her, because that's what she wants. She wants me to be a real human. Not some superhuman freak with 100 abilities like reading minds or astral projecting into other realms. Other realms can fucking wait, because my conciousness is completely absorbed with the screen, and the virtual reality of the empty space that I am filling with my black ink of art. On a FREAKING AWESOME Friday night. A night so memorable I can already see. Behind me as the story of being a human body. And boy, I love water so much, because it gives me pure white energy from the source and is giving me gold on the inside that is pouring over my internal and exteral reality. It can do things on it's own better than if I control it I understood, that when nobody has the ultimate rules, you can be anything, because you set the rules. Being an atheist is the best blessing, because they are not expecting anything from anyone, and therefore taking things into their own hands. And use the power of the present moment... Fuck that. It's not even the present moment. I just am myself. And when someone is themselves they have impecable word and what they say is what it is. It's solidified, so nobody will tell me that I can't say this or this or this. Well. I need to relax. I am still the master owner of this white little space of nothingness. Nobody else can reach the fast speed that I am achieving at this moment as two spiders jumping on top of a laptop. This is my reality at this moment. I had forgotten nay, I have forgotten. Why Am I doing this? I am going to do Yoga. Look at the top. It's like you've travelled through time, look at the start of this. You used to be a peasant to the nothingness, but now you are filling it with something. That's the power. We are making something new here. Those pixels in infinity wouldn't have existed in this order unless I put them there at this exact same order. This feels fantastic and I am not one to lie about this. We have to admit our body knows more than us and we are the body. Lol that kid thinks he's enlightened? No. He is exercising his finger muscles to move around the keyboard in a sense of I don't even care. Just don't even care about what you have to write and see how smart your body is ;o.

@Bebop jup, the Point is that we don`t know how far away this Realisation is for us. We might hallucinate about just being one tick away and being in fact the farest possible distance away. but at some Point a Quantum leap into that or Transformation should happen. For sure we cannot force that ourselves. It is also some kind of grace that is always there but we are not yet receptive for it to happen.

I actually read up about this and followed the four steps. The transformation I experienced is surreal, I think it's really like a spiritual transformation. For example, I used to have confidence and self-esteem issues, and now they're just all gone because I know they are not logical and since logic is my core value I just let go of them immediately. I also feel super clear-headed, present in the moment, and have total peace of mind all day long since I followed these steps earlier this day. Ego has vanished completely, I have no sense of identity any longer, I just am. However, I'm still a bit skeptical because maybe this is just a placebo and I will stop being in this state of absolute peace and joy tomorrow or sometime soon. I will do some more research into this and report back to you guys in a few days. @nolenjoney Logic is not cold. Think about it, if it wasn't for logic – the mathematical patterns that govern our universe – you would not be able to experience anything that you experience. Since the laws of nature are what bring about everything that we can perceive we have them to thank for things such as pleasent emotions, etc. Also, I think that logic can be used to solve humanity's suffering, and there are two reasons why I think so: i) Every major advancement in human history has been made thanks to our ability to understand logic and apply it to reality (e.g. medical system, houses, the Internet, computers, and so on); ii) Since I change my core value to logic (or at least I think I did, but we'll have to see) all my problems vanished from one second to another as it was just not logical to have them (e.g. low self-esteem, lack of confidence, procrastination). PS: Sorry for the messy post, I am in a really excited and tired state while writing this. (Excited because of the effects of following the steps that were outlined in the documentary.)

Modern folks tend to re-invent the wheel a lot in ignorance when it comes to psychology or spirituality. It's ironic because psychology and spirituality have been fully understood by humans since over 5000 years ago. It's very simple and it's virtually unanimous. The core problem is simple: ego The core solution is also simple: realize that ego is an illusion God is what remains when ego is realized to be an illusion. There cannot be true freedom until this is realized. God is not a set of patterns or universal laws. God is not logic. God is indiscriminate and unbounded, whereas patterns and laws and logic are limitations, facets of Absolute Infinity. This technique they share may be helpful on a practical level, but remember, there are much deeper and more profound things to discover. If we're gonna boil down reality to one thing, it should be CONSCIOUSNESS, not logic. What this video is doing is sorta making a weak version of spirituality palatable to rational-minded people who normally dismiss spirituality and religion because of its packaging. But actually these people do not understand the deep core of all religious and mystical traditions and how practical and therapeutic it is. Modern culture needs things packaged in "logic" in order for people to swallow it. Which is actually a big part of the problem because logic is a tool of the ego. The problem with trying to rationalize nonduality/reality is that it will always ultimately fail, because rationalization is conceptual in nature, and reality is beyond concepts. What would really help people watching this video is to let go of their need for logic, concepts, thinking, rationality, science, and evolution. Now that would be a really counter-intuitive move, and lead to an amazing transformation!

@ChimpBrain You're on the right track, but your thinking it still too small, and you lack deep research. Study the hell out of this field. There's so much potential here. But you're gonna have to do research. And remember to think BIG. Ask big questions like, "What does humanity need in this field?" Worm gardening? Is that really important? Or maybe humanity needs environmental education and awareness? Or an organization that promotes these concepts? Etc. Don't think of this issue as, "How can I make a living doing something Earth-friendly?" No! That's too selfish and small. Instead think of the issue as, "How can I transform how humanity relates to the Earth?" Now that would be you thinking in terms of providing VALUE to the world. And then it would only be a matter of research to discover what that WAY should be. Do research by reading dozens of books, studies, and magazines on this topic. Go to some seminars/conferences/expos. Go meet people who work in this industry. Find out where the opportunities are and why people are so unconscious when it comes the environment. Then you'll have tons of ideas for how to solve these real-world problems. A life purpose must be grounded in helping people overcome real-world challenges. That's what generates both IMPACT and MONEY. To create a career, you need to find a way to meaningfully impact others in practical ways. Then they will gladly pay you for it. What transformation do you want to see in terms of humans and environment? What change would be immensely valuable? Maybe it's saving the polar bears. Maybe it's getting people to stop littering. Maybe it's raising awareness about the threat of global warming. Maybe it's planting new rainforests. Maybe it's developing a new type of solar panel. Etc. Now find YOUR thing! The thing YOU'D really be passionate about.

Documenting more insights... I've come to sort of an understanding as far as why enlightened people describe this world as a "dream". There's really no way of distinguishing it from one and if we compare it to actual dreaming, there are striking similarities. I know that wherever it is I came from was some sort of void. I've known for some time that I more or less "faded" into existence. Sometimes when I sleep, I go periods of time without even dreaming of anything. I imagine this is the same phenomenon as the life-death cycle. What's really quite frightening is that if this is a dream world then that means "I" could very well end up anywhere else in the universe randomly upon my "death". The possibilites are limitless. I suspect that this is why Jed McKenna describes leaving the dreamscape as a foolish idea similar to exiting a submarine or spaceship. How I ended up in this realm, I don't know. Where I'll end up next is beyond me. Over the past months, I've been haunted by intense suicidal urges. Part of me still kind of wants to die but now I see that that might be pretty dumb. I started thinking more about how Japanese people have certain emotions that they can only feel when they think in that language which leads me to believe that maybe I've been tricking myself into thinking that I'm depressed. Maybe anytime I feel emotions for an extended period of time, I'm playing a trick on myself. If the language we use determines how we perceive and interpret reality that maybe emotions are as fictional as the concepts we use to identify them. Yesterday I thought I was done. Enlightened but it seems like theres still further to go. On the other hand, I've also suspected for some time that I have been enlightened since high school since thats when I gained self-awareness, shed most of my ego, began looking at life as a "movie", viewing most people as "characters" or "actors", and I also underwent a noticeable transformation. I just didn't have the knowledge with which to interpret and integrate those experiences before. Maybe that was the beginning of the death of my ego and now I'm finishing the job. The way all the gurus describe enlightenement, they say that it's completely obvious and there will be no doubt when it happens. Lots of people seem to also describe it as the dissolution of the barrier between you and the environment. I don't know if I should follow that especially since killing all Buddhas is part of the process, allegedly.

<11-21-2016> Inventions Begin With A Blueprint I've re-stumbled upon Leo's Personal Development Blueprint. It's basically Personal Development For Dummies. I don't know why Leo hasn't been promoting it more recently. Anyway, I've decided to read each entry one-by-one in order and actually learn and take action on the blueprint. I've gotten to the part about resistance and also connected it with the entries about mastery and life purpose and it really helped me to stay focused today. I'm not sure if it will last in the long term but I have to make sure that it does. Consistency and Discipline are very important for life transformation. However, it was not easy. I kept having urges to stop working and go do something easy and fun. In the end, I got a lot of creative work done and I hope to keep increasing my level of productivity throughout the week if not at least consistent. After reading what I've read so far, I think it's also best I make a Mission Statement as soon as possible. I don't know yet when I'm going to do it because I want to read more on the blueprint first before writing such an important document. When it's done, I am to read it every morning after waking up, no exceptions. That's all for today. Man, today was rough. Emotionally rough. But I did what I wanted to do today. Yippee.

Celibacy is not a discipline, it is a consequence. If your whole energy is needed, sex disappears automatically because you don’t have energy to waste. You put your total energy so you don’t have any energy... and it happens in ordinary life also. You can see a great painter: he forgets women completely. When he is painting there is no sex in his mind,because the whole energy is moving. You don’t have any extra energy. A great poet, a great singer, a dancer who is moving totally in his commitment, automatically becomes celibate. He has no discipline for it. Sex is superfluous energy; sex is a safety valve. When you have too much in you and you cannot do anything with it, the nature has made a safety valve; you can throw it out. You can release it, otherwise you will go mad or burst – explode. And if you try to suppress it, then too you will go mad, because suppressing it won’t help. It needs a transformation, and that transformation comes from total commitment. A warrior, if he is really a warrior – an impeccable warrior, will be beyond sex. His whole energy is moving.

@Alex K So, the qualifications: Discrimination ( which is covered above) Dispassion for objects (happens naturally once student can discriminate ) A shubda pramana (means of knowledge - Vedanta) A qualified teacher who can wield the knowledge. Self acceptance (warts and all) Devotion ( bhakti - devotion for the self's reflection (Isvara, the cosmos) Foreberance Single pointedness of mind (a mind capable of contemplation on the teaching and being able to stay on course. A mind easily distracted won't assimilate knowledge of the self.) Faith in the teachings pending the results of your inquiry. Curiosity and open mindedness transforms into knowledge upon seeing the truths revealed from the scriptures. The point is not to change onselsef as a person, just to gain qualities of mind capable of assimilating the knowledge. The end result is that the person and the world is all perfect as is. No need to change it because there is no desire to change it . Freedom is the goal. Now the saintliness of the person will depend on what his or her role is here, not their choice. Because once you know you are not the doer, the doer can't be changed, it is left to get on with its purpose here. Vedanta teachings are free of charge, they belong to humanity, not to a person. Of course, the modern self help guys want you to think it's about personal transformation because it keeps them in business.

Habits: I think I will not continue this "Habits-Transformation"-thing. I found out that the key to all these habits is consciousness. Consciousness alone. Bad habits are an indicator for low quality consciousness and the only solution is raising your consciousness. I found that visualizing the consequences and listening to this quiet voice inside is helpful. http://www.osho.com/read/featured-articles/body-dharma/the-art-of-eating This will basically be the solution to my overeating. The solution to my excessive internet time is sitting on my couch, meditating and doing exercises from the books.

@Schulzy @Gavalanche do what you love and what your passionate about is what I have learnt from this course so that would be true learning of self actualization wich means mastery which means practice... I don't know about helping others, now its all about just learning all this material seriously, but no idea yet of transformation of this into business. Detachment from outcome needs to be practiced lets see now I will not go to the part of making it real (I've just now got this idea) like right now that I'll just apply one by one all these core concepts to self actulization carring out my normal job and usings leos strategic motherfucker fucker video and many other such vedios..I sence that my life is going to transform radically I have many interesting ideas. Tomorrow morning I've decided to break free from homeostasis and go all in. this thought also just arose now.

<11-10-2016> Emotional Crutches and How Things Have To Get Worse Before They get Better This idea of things getting worse before they get better still hurts my ego a lot. I a struggle with a personal development obstacle that I'm sure a majority of other people with personal development habits also do, which are emotional crutches. For me, I commonly use various forms of entertainment as a means to hide from my problems of fear and anxiety. I really want to put in the effort to remove all carnal cravings and aim straight for my life purpose and enlightenment but the difficulty is just far too strong. I surely hope that awareness really is curative because that's all I've got right now. Be fucking patient, I tell myself everyday. You can see how my daily life has been affected by Leo's content. As I continually work on my consciousness and emotional crutches, I begin to get a sense of what true misery really is and why so many people in the world are not happy. Simply because life transformation takes time and most people are not willing to actively enter long periods of high difficulty to achieve growth. On a positive note, I'm working on another comic strip. It's been a while since I've made one and I've been itching for a while to get back to it. Probably should focus more on them because they are really fun to make. On a negative note, I noticed that I've accidentally been placing 10 instead of 11 on the month section of the dates on my past few journal entries. Not a big deal but kind of lame, really.

Habit-Transformation - Day 16: visualization internet usage - Streak 3 Mindfulness: I had only 6 hours of sleep. I tried to meditate in the morning but quited after half an hour because I was so tired. I almost fell back to sleep. My maths teacher borrowed me an old book of her for first semester maths. I could try to understand the book sometimes in the normal classes because its too easy for me. I just tried to understand the first pages. I did it for about 1 hour and got to the third page... I am doing this to look if I really want to study maths. My tics are coming back again... One of my book orders will arrive tomorrow (Neti Neti Meditation by Andre Doshim Halaw).

Habit-Transformation - Day 15: visualizing internet usage - Streak 2 works out well. I intended to use the internet after waking up but I didn't

Habit-Transformation - Day 14: visualizing internet usage worked out well, just 2 minutes seem like a lot of time Mindfulness: Meditated for 2 hours in the morning and 1 hour in the afternoon, including 70 and 48 minutes of sds. Already a long time ago I have recognized that I have this limiting belief that I am unable to meditate much longer than 60 minutes or 90 minutes. There have only been a few instances where I did one session longer than 90 minutes and only one session longer of them has been sds. I think that I don't have the willpower/mindfulness/equanimity to deal with this pain. 60 and 90 minutes are these magical borders where it becomes emotionally more challenging just because of this belief. So what should I do about this? Maybe being mindful about this limiting belief and watching what the ego is doing with this belief. Sitting and watching. Nice Routine: I love Sundays. On Sundays I have the most free time and the new video comes out. Today I had a really nice routine, just with a bit too much internet. I think this would be a good routine for the time after school or in the holidays. waking up at 5am meditating for about 3 hours studying / working working out / moving outside eating meditation inner work Quick calculations: I just had a thought. There are 177 books in Leo's booklist. I am 17, Leo is 31 years old. There is a difference of 14 years. If I want to read all those books until I am as old as Leo now, I would have to read 12.6 books year, so about one book a month. 60 of those 177 books have a 5/5 rating. With this reading speed I would have read the most important books in about 5 years. But some of those books are uninteresting for me, like the categorys life coaching or sex. For me currently interesting are the categories... Emotional Mastery (14) Happiness (6) Life Purpose (7) Dealing with People (7) Consciousness & Enlightenment (34) Metaphysics & Epistemology (3) Paranormal (3) Psychedelics (5) Science & Life (14) Biographies (17) Physiology (1) Philosophy (4) That are 115 books. I could read them all in 9 to 10 years. But Leo has read much more books than those on the list... In 10 years I will already be enlightened

Habits-Transformation - Day 13: visualizing internet usage - Streak 0 slow mindful eating - Streak 0 Why am I lying to myself? I said that I would visualize my internet usage for 2 minutes every time that I intent to use the internet. I never did that, I just thought about it quickly. Therefore it had no real effect except from yesterday. If I continue being so sloppy with transforming my habits, I will have no results / very few like in the last years. I know how to change habits, but I don't apply my knowledge. I know that one should only change one habit at a time -> I will only focus on the internet habit I know that it is effective to use 100% commitment -> "I commit on visualizing the internet usage everytime before I intent to use the internet for 2 minutes. REALLY!" I know that every addiction is the avoidance of emotional labor. The ego is trying to avoid the purifying fire of my existential emptiness -> while visualizing I will get clear about this fact I know how effective positive and negative visualization is -> I will firstly negatively visualize what will happen if I avoid emotional labor. I will have no results. Then I will positively visualize how my life will look like when I have no internet addiction whatsoever I have read "The Power of Habit" and know that there is a guide to change habits -> I will apply this guide in the next post in a few minutes Mindfulness: In the morning I meditated a lot. Firstly 90 minutes of sds and afterwards about 60 minutes of self inquiry and do nothing standing and sitting. Now in the afternoon/evening I did another 58 minutes of sds and 50 minutes of self inquiry and do nothing standing and sitting. That are more than 4 hours, jey! In the self inquiry session I got a little little sense that I am more than this body-mind-identification-thing. For the rest of the day I again was pretty unconscious, but I will not go into details here. Why should I talk about all the negative stuff? But what was positive that I again was working in the garden for 1.5 hours. And I found it enjoyable again and was a little bit more conscious.

@Jonson Affirmations are still good, especially for basic success/achievement related goals. Just don't let them be your only tool. And realize that there are more powerful tools available, especially if your objective is very deep personal transformation. The nice thing about affirmations is that they're so easy and simple. You don't have to spend 100s of hours racking your mind the way you do with something like contemplation.

Habits-Transformation - Day 12: visualizing internet usage - Streak 2 it starts working. I didn't was on the internet after school although I firstly wanted to. Then I just did my homework without distraction. slow mindful eating - Streak 0 ate only lunch slow and mindful Mindfulness: 52 minutes of do nothing in the morning. Unconsciousness in school because I had to write an English exam. I liked writing the exam, I liked the text, I liked my summary, analysis, mediation and comment, a good exam. Did my homework unconsciously, ate relatively mindfully, was doing research unconsciously, was biking sometimes mindfully, worked in the garden sometimes more mindfully, ate unconsciously, was on the internet unconsciously. Somehow I am such a hurry and hectic. Why? I am acting so fast. Why? Slow down! When my mother told me that I should do all the work in the garden I got upset. I had planed to do something different today. The ego had different expectations. But then when I actually did the gardening work it was quite enjoyable. I often just had to laugh. I was thinking about reality. I am the only one in this consciousness. I don't even know whether other people exist or not. Why should I care about them? Absurdity. Just happiness, while my father was in rage.

Habits-Transformation - Day 11: visualizing internet usage - Streak 1 slow mindful eating - Streak 0 After 10 hours of school I completely forgot this Mindfulness: 81 minutes of sds in the morning. In school I was completely unconscious and still am now. I ate nothing until 6pm, so I ate very fast and unconscious. I am still very hectic now. I bought the booklist with the help of my best friend. I am too excited. I have to read sooo much. I also had to learn for the English exam tomorrow. Now I will slow down. Become mindful again.