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@Schulzy @Gavalanche do what you love and what your passionate about is what I have learnt from this course so that would be true learning of self actualization wich means mastery which means practice... I don't know about helping others, now its all about just learning all this material seriously, but no idea yet of transformation of this into business. Detachment from outcome needs to be practiced lets see now I will not go to the part of making it real (I've just now got this idea) like right now that I'll just apply one by one all these core concepts to self actulization carring out my normal job and usings leos strategic motherfucker fucker video and many other such vedios..I sence that my life is going to transform radically I have many interesting ideas. Tomorrow morning I've decided to break free from homeostasis and go all in. this thought also just arose now.

<11-10-2016> Emotional Crutches and How Things Have To Get Worse Before They get Better This idea of things getting worse before they get better still hurts my ego a lot. I a struggle with a personal development obstacle that I'm sure a majority of other people with personal development habits also do, which are emotional crutches. For me, I commonly use various forms of entertainment as a means to hide from my problems of fear and anxiety. I really want to put in the effort to remove all carnal cravings and aim straight for my life purpose and enlightenment but the difficulty is just far too strong. I surely hope that awareness really is curative because that's all I've got right now. Be fucking patient, I tell myself everyday. You can see how my daily life has been affected by Leo's content. As I continually work on my consciousness and emotional crutches, I begin to get a sense of what true misery really is and why so many people in the world are not happy. Simply because life transformation takes time and most people are not willing to actively enter long periods of high difficulty to achieve growth. On a positive note, I'm working on another comic strip. It's been a while since I've made one and I've been itching for a while to get back to it. Probably should focus more on them because they are really fun to make. On a negative note, I noticed that I've accidentally been placing 10 instead of 11 on the month section of the dates on my past few journal entries. Not a big deal but kind of lame, really.

Habit-Transformation - Day 16: visualization internet usage - Streak 3 Mindfulness: I had only 6 hours of sleep. I tried to meditate in the morning but quited after half an hour because I was so tired. I almost fell back to sleep. My maths teacher borrowed me an old book of her for first semester maths. I could try to understand the book sometimes in the normal classes because its too easy for me. I just tried to understand the first pages. I did it for about 1 hour and got to the third page... I am doing this to look if I really want to study maths. My tics are coming back again... One of my book orders will arrive tomorrow (Neti Neti Meditation by Andre Doshim Halaw).

Habit-Transformation - Day 15: visualizing internet usage - Streak 2 works out well. I intended to use the internet after waking up but I didn't

Habit-Transformation - Day 14: visualizing internet usage worked out well, just 2 minutes seem like a lot of time Mindfulness: Meditated for 2 hours in the morning and 1 hour in the afternoon, including 70 and 48 minutes of sds. Already a long time ago I have recognized that I have this limiting belief that I am unable to meditate much longer than 60 minutes or 90 minutes. There have only been a few instances where I did one session longer than 90 minutes and only one session longer of them has been sds. I think that I don't have the willpower/mindfulness/equanimity to deal with this pain. 60 and 90 minutes are these magical borders where it becomes emotionally more challenging just because of this belief. So what should I do about this? Maybe being mindful about this limiting belief and watching what the ego is doing with this belief. Sitting and watching. Nice Routine: I love Sundays. On Sundays I have the most free time and the new video comes out. Today I had a really nice routine, just with a bit too much internet. I think this would be a good routine for the time after school or in the holidays. waking up at 5am meditating for about 3 hours studying / working working out / moving outside eating meditation inner work Quick calculations: I just had a thought. There are 177 books in Leo's booklist. I am 17, Leo is 31 years old. There is a difference of 14 years. If I want to read all those books until I am as old as Leo now, I would have to read 12.6 books year, so about one book a month. 60 of those 177 books have a 5/5 rating. With this reading speed I would have read the most important books in about 5 years. But some of those books are uninteresting for me, like the categorys life coaching or sex. For me currently interesting are the categories... Emotional Mastery (14) Happiness (6) Life Purpose (7) Dealing with People (7) Consciousness & Enlightenment (34) Metaphysics & Epistemology (3) Paranormal (3) Psychedelics (5) Science & Life (14) Biographies (17) Physiology (1) Philosophy (4) That are 115 books. I could read them all in 9 to 10 years. But Leo has read much more books than those on the list... In 10 years I will already be enlightened

Habits-Transformation - Day 13: visualizing internet usage - Streak 0 slow mindful eating - Streak 0 Why am I lying to myself? I said that I would visualize my internet usage for 2 minutes every time that I intent to use the internet. I never did that, I just thought about it quickly. Therefore it had no real effect except from yesterday. If I continue being so sloppy with transforming my habits, I will have no results / very few like in the last years. I know how to change habits, but I don't apply my knowledge. I know that one should only change one habit at a time -> I will only focus on the internet habit I know that it is effective to use 100% commitment -> "I commit on visualizing the internet usage everytime before I intent to use the internet for 2 minutes. REALLY!" I know that every addiction is the avoidance of emotional labor. The ego is trying to avoid the purifying fire of my existential emptiness -> while visualizing I will get clear about this fact I know how effective positive and negative visualization is -> I will firstly negatively visualize what will happen if I avoid emotional labor. I will have no results. Then I will positively visualize how my life will look like when I have no internet addiction whatsoever I have read "The Power of Habit" and know that there is a guide to change habits -> I will apply this guide in the next post in a few minutes Mindfulness: In the morning I meditated a lot. Firstly 90 minutes of sds and afterwards about 60 minutes of self inquiry and do nothing standing and sitting. Now in the afternoon/evening I did another 58 minutes of sds and 50 minutes of self inquiry and do nothing standing and sitting. That are more than 4 hours, jey! In the self inquiry session I got a little little sense that I am more than this body-mind-identification-thing. For the rest of the day I again was pretty unconscious, but I will not go into details here. Why should I talk about all the negative stuff? But what was positive that I again was working in the garden for 1.5 hours. And I found it enjoyable again and was a little bit more conscious.

@Jonson Affirmations are still good, especially for basic success/achievement related goals. Just don't let them be your only tool. And realize that there are more powerful tools available, especially if your objective is very deep personal transformation. The nice thing about affirmations is that they're so easy and simple. You don't have to spend 100s of hours racking your mind the way you do with something like contemplation.

Habits-Transformation - Day 12: visualizing internet usage - Streak 2 it starts working. I didn't was on the internet after school although I firstly wanted to. Then I just did my homework without distraction. slow mindful eating - Streak 0 ate only lunch slow and mindful Mindfulness: 52 minutes of do nothing in the morning. Unconsciousness in school because I had to write an English exam. I liked writing the exam, I liked the text, I liked my summary, analysis, mediation and comment, a good exam. Did my homework unconsciously, ate relatively mindfully, was doing research unconsciously, was biking sometimes mindfully, worked in the garden sometimes more mindfully, ate unconsciously, was on the internet unconsciously. Somehow I am such a hurry and hectic. Why? I am acting so fast. Why? Slow down! When my mother told me that I should do all the work in the garden I got upset. I had planed to do something different today. The ego had different expectations. But then when I actually did the gardening work it was quite enjoyable. I often just had to laugh. I was thinking about reality. I am the only one in this consciousness. I don't even know whether other people exist or not. Why should I care about them? Absurdity. Just happiness, while my father was in rage.

Habits-Transformation - Day 11: visualizing internet usage - Streak 1 slow mindful eating - Streak 0 After 10 hours of school I completely forgot this Mindfulness: 81 minutes of sds in the morning. In school I was completely unconscious and still am now. I ate nothing until 6pm, so I ate very fast and unconscious. I am still very hectic now. I bought the booklist with the help of my best friend. I am too excited. I have to read sooo much. I also had to learn for the English exam tomorrow. Now I will slow down. Become mindful again.

Habits-Transformation - Day 10: I've changed my mind. Yesterday evening my subconscious came up with the idea that strictly limiting internet time isn't the best way to approach this problem but a neurotic one. Let's rather take the 'Awareness is curative'-approach. It's rather about being mindful what I am actually doing on the internet. So now I want to implement the habit of firstly visualizing what I am going to do on the internet. Thinking about the long term consequences (distraction, lack of focus) and in which way I can use the internet usefully. Let's say I will use a timer and set it on 2 minutes. In these 2 minutes I will do this visualization and afterwards I will be allowed to use the internet. I am happy with this conclusion Mindfulness: After waking up at 5:30 I did 90 minutes of sds! This was a goal of mine for quite a while. Now I think I will increase the time in 5 minutes steps if possible. I remember than about one year ago I did a 2h sds session. Today after the sds I did self-inquiry for about another 40 minutes. It is hard to really question my existence when all the time the monkey mind is present. In school I was very unconscious. In the lunch break I did another sds session for about 50 minutes and without real focus. All of the food of today I ate relatively fast and unconscious. And therefore I ate very much. I think I will implement a slow and mindful eating habit as well. I hope this will not the too much.

Drugs are as old as humanity itself, and they certainly fulfill something of immense value. The drugs are capable to give you a hallucinatory experience beyond the mundane world. Meditation brings you to the real experience. To meditate is difficult. The drug is cheap. But the attraction for drugs is spiritual. And now we have more advanced drugs, synthetically made, and we are capable to purify them more. We can make drugs which have no bad effects at all. We can make drugs which are not addictive. And we can teach people how to move from drug to meditation. Just to talk about meditation remains simply verbal. There is no way through the words to give you any experience. But drugs are immensely useful. The words can explain to you what meditation is, the drug can give you an hallucinatory experience of it. And then you can be initiated into a method. And now you will not be moving in darkness. Now you know that something… if an ordinary drug can do so much, then there must be some way to find an authentic transformation, to experience it without any dependence on anything. Under proper guidance drugs can be of immense help. I am against drugs because if they become addictive then they will be the most destructive for your journey towards the self.

Habits-Transformation - Day 9: little internet time - Streak 0 well this seems harder than I thought. When I have no school there are so many times when i am attempted to use the internet. Tomorrow is school again, so it will be easier. Maybe I will make myself question what I want to do on the internet and why before using it and visualize the long term consequences. Mindfulness: After waking up I did sds for one hour. Later in the morning I went for a one hour bike ride. At one place I became conscious very frequently but just for a very short time (roughly 10-30 seconds). This happened very often because I observed the trees and nature around me. A few times I was conscious for about one or two minutes. After the bike ride I did another sds but only for 31 minutes. I spontaneously stopped and started preparing lunch very consciously. While preparing and eating the lunch I tried to to self inquiry. I recognized that very slow action is necessary for this. Otherwise I get lost in the action very easily. In the afternoon I had a lot of free time. So I let my intuition guide me. The intuition wanted to crack walnuts very consciously. I enjoyed that. Then the intuition wanted to puzzle. In the past I really enjoyed that too. But the ego interrupted. The ego rather wanted to learn history or stretch because that would be more productive. But I had the 'magnetic pull' towards puzzling. The ego just wanted to study or stretch because of my identification of being a good student and healthy. So I puzzled. Meanwhile I wanted to stay mindful and listened to Shinzen Young (Organizing Your Practice). Later I went to the graveyard with the family. I thought about the absurdity of the anthropological Christian picture of god and how much suffering the people create for themselves. - Mindfulness is key

Habits-Transformation - Day 8: little internet time - Streak 1 I was on the internet in the morning and now and the stuff I did was quite productive. Today was a good day. I had no school and tomorrow neither. After waking up I did 68 minutes of sds and visualized the future. So in the morning I was a little bit outside. It was cold but sunny. I did some deep breathing exercises and I felt alert. I stretched and mobilized my body for about 1.5 hours and listened to Alan Watts at the same time. Then I had a cold shower. I felt amazing. I had no homework to do but studied history because I wanted to. I found it really interesting how Hitler became a dictator. I also had some fun with maths. Later my best friend visited. We went for a walk, made pumpkin sup and had a nice deep conversation. I noticed how much I projected on her... Now I will turn off the computer and do some inner work or meditate. Life is good. - Let go of everything you fear to lose

Habit-Transformation - Day 7: little internet time - Streak 0 just watched a lot of videos Mindfulness: For most of the day I was pretty unconscious. I just had a few glimpses of mindfulness e.g. while working out and having a longer colder shower. At about 12 o' clock I was done with the workout, the school stuff, shower and had just prepared my lunch. I was looking forward to watching Leo's new video while eating. But then my sister came into my room and said that I should help my father right now. I was so pissed of, got so angry and furious. The ego wanted to just watch this fucking video and eat. Eventually I got outside and helped him for an hour. But while I was so angry I was still relatively mindful about the ego's reaction. This showed me how attached I am. I had the expectation to have time to watch the video and eat. But then my expectation got ruined... Afterwards this reaction seemed so silly to me. I meditated for one hour in the morning and did 88 minutes of sds in the afternoon. Later I will contemplate for a bit and do some shadow work. Food: I had two meals but one would have been enough. After this second meal I feel so full and tired right now. But I have met almost all of my nutritional targets. The new video "The Trap Of Projection" taught me that I need to work on my projections/judgments and self image more. I also realized that I should learn from other spiritual teachers more.

Habit-Transformation - Day 6: little internet time - Streak 0 It worked good all day, but now I found myself here watching videos which were quite informative but not relevant. I have to be honest with myself. Today I failed. Thats okay. Mindfulness: Sometimes I was mindful but most of the time I wasn't. When I was on a bike ride I wanted to look at the beauty of the trees in autumn but the monkey mind interrupted me. I wanted to eat mindfully but I wanted to eat faster. In the afternoon I did 68 minutes SDS and afterwards for about 60 minutes a death contemplation. I still wasn't really mindful but my brain got into this meditative state. Death contemplations are powerful, really powerful. Food: I did again this one meal a day thing. This time I feel much better. I ate for 90 minutes. Firstly a few nuts, then a big green salad, then another salad from yesterday, then a green smoothie, then apple with beet root and finally another apple, pear and half a mango. I think this time limitation which people on the internet talk about made me eat faster and less mindfully. I would really like to eat now and have little temptations to eat fruit. But I can handle it right now, probably because of the meditation. I feel very calm and happy with much mental clarity. - Let go of everything you fear to lose (I think this is my new affirmation)

For as long as I can remember, I was planning for the "BIG TRANSFORMATION". when I would become my best self. It was always tomorrow or the 1st of the month or New Years Day ...thinking it would be a magical thing. Leo's teachings have given tools to help with the gradual process of transformation. Tools that can be applied everyday. He's a necessity,and his videos just keep getting better.

Habits-Transformation - Day 5: less Internet - Streak 0 I simply was often on my phone and watched quite a few videos. I noticed that I have been tricking myself. The ego thought "I only wrote 'less Internet' in the journal, so I could quickly look on my phone". I have done this quite often and that is a distraction. I will make strict rules for this habit: Looking on my phone or computer only twice a day for maximal 10 minutes for not productive reasons. For productive reasons like school work, studying, researching and writing in this journal I can use the Internet freely, but while still watching out that I don't distract myself. I didn't made strict rules in the first place because it would be neurotic, but the ego is tricky. Every addiction is the avoidance of emotional labor. Surrender to the purifying fire of emptiness. Sit there with emptiness and do nothing. Mindfulness: I wasn't really mindful in school, while eating, nor while working out. After school I cracked nuts and tried to stay mindful and went for an 1 hour walk with the intention of being mindful. Especially in the walk I recognized how stupidly unaware I am and how easily I get distracted by thoughts. A lot of work... Still mindfulness is a beautiful thing, and in the moments of mindfulness there is a connection to the infinite. I ate a lot and snacked a lot today. I even ate chocolate which I probably didn't eat since spring. This will be my next habit to tackle in 21 days. I read some pages in the "age-inhibition regiment." I brilliant man. I noted some quotes:

Habits-Transformation - Day 4: less Internet - Streak 4 I needed help from the Internet for my chemistry homework and was for a few minutes on this forum. Mindfulness: In comparison to yesterday I was relatively unconscious, especially in school. I ate relatively unconscious and relatively fast. I ate relatively much and snacked a lot. I sign for unconsciousness. After school I went on a bike ride and listened meanwhile to Alan Watts and Leo. They made me again and again aware of my unconsciousness while biking. But in the end I was a bit in touch with infinity while listening to the "What is god" video. A few days ago my intuition told me that I should try to play Minecraft again. When I was about 12 to 14 years old I was very addicted to this game and spent all of my free time in front of the computer. Today I just wanted to look what its like to play it again, I wanted to stay mindful. After 20 minutes I was bored and quited. Why did I spent so many days of my life playing this game

Habits Transformation - Day 3: less Internet - Streak 3 I watched two relatively informative YouTube videos and researched diet stuff while reading a few pages of the "age-inhibition regiment". And I used my phone for school related stuff, and was for like 5 minutes on this forum. Mindfulness: I was relatively mindful throughout the whole day, especially in the morning. I waked to school while listening to Alan Watts (The Taoists Way). Just by listening to him I became very mindful. I stayed relaxed and calm all day. But I noticed how hard it is in school to stay mindful. I have to do tasks relatively quickly and just lose touch with the present moment. I notice that almost everyday since I am back home I sit in the evening on my couch and ponder life. I meditate, journal, do self inquiry or spiritual autolysis, strategize, contemplate, examine my beliefs and ego identifications, listen to my intuition... I write a lot of useful stuff in this time. I love this part of the day. When I have the time I do the same in the morning. I think I will call this "sitting and writing in solitude". Afterwards I always feel very calm, peaceful, present, happy... It becomes a good habit. Two good videos I found today: - Life is...

Habits Transformation - Day 2: less Internet - Streak 2 It was more than yesterday, but thats okay. In the morning I listened to Alan Watts while stretching and after lunch I did homework with the help of the internet and watched some history videos. Legit. I had only three maths lessons today, so I had time in the morning to mediate for two hours, to stretch for one hour and to contemplate life. In the afternoon I made homework, worked out and summarized the latest video. I was less conscious than yesterday.

Habits Transformation - Day 1: less Internet - Streak 1 I was on my phone only for 5-10 minutes in the morning, once in the afternoon, and now I am writing here. Then I will turn my computer off. I got 12 points (between A and B) in my chemistry exam, and 15 points (A*) in my maths exam. In maths I was the best and in chemistry the second best. My ego didn't really got attached to those numbers, even not after my maths teacher has complimented me. Cool. After sports class my father was supposed to pick me up, but I didn't saw him. So I had to walk home in the dark and in the rain, for like 30 minutes. A few years ago I would have gotten really upset. Now I was rather happy and mindful. I enjoyed it to walk. Movement This morning in chemistry class I was relatively conscious. I watched my teacher talking and talking and talking. She is so attached to these models. Everything has to be this way and everything else is bad..... - Life is a game.

No, don't be a masochist be playful about it, otherwise it will turn it into another ego trip; it will make you very serious. That's what has happened to thousands of so-called saints, moralists, puritans: they are just playing ego games, subtle ego games. Life as such has to be taken as a cosmic joke – and then suddenly you relax because there is nothing to be tense about. And in that very relaxation, something starts changing in you – a radical change, a transformation. Only when the mind recoils from a fact or reality, is there pain. You are recoiling from the facts of cowardice, fear, anger and sadness. Psychological pain is part and parcel of the process of escape and resistance. Pain is not inherent in any feeling, but arises only after the intent to reject it arises. The moment you decide to reject something, pain arises. It is not really sadness that gives you pain. It is the interpretation that sadness is wrong that gives you pain, and that becomes a psychological problem. Don't invite pain, a posture should be such that you can forget your body. The posture should be steady and should be very, very blissful, comfortable, and never try to achieve postures which are uncomfortable.

I'll just address point 1 at this stage. Firstly seven months is a blip. One of the very first things you need to cultivate if you are going to continue is patience. Rome wasn't built in a day. How are you going to make this a lifelong practice if you're complaining as soon as you're out the gate? Or maybe you had no intention of doing this your whole life but is instead just wanted a quick fix like most people? Second, sitting meditation is only the beginning. You don't just sit there on the cushion for an hour and then carry on with your day as usual. Sitting is formal practice but then you need to bring mindful awareness into every aspect of your life as an informal practice. Cleaning your teeth, eating, getting dressed, driving etc etc. Its very hard to maintain awareness in our daily life because we have so many distractions but you keep trying and slowly it builds. You need to abide in awareness all day every day. Ive said before and I'll say again Meditation is not some kind of magical quick fix or shortcut to zen monk heaven. Sometimes it feels crap and pointless and other times it can be very blissful but trying to feel something is not the point. What you need to do is learn to accept what it is. The very fact that you are expecting something from it, wanting it to be something other than what it is shows that it's working because you can learn from it how this craving and aversion in the mind causes you to suffer however subtle that suffering may be. This is an insight into Dukkha (the unsatisfactoriness or suffering inherent in all things). Keep sitting and letting go. Watch how you want it to be a different way, notice that. Ask yourself "who or what is it that wants it to be different?" See how these thoughts effect your mood and emotion. How does that feel in the body? For me the change has been very subtle over 5-6 years of sitting twice daily and doing silent retreats. I too expected a penny to drop and craved some big profound experience and on retreat I had some profound experiences because I was mindful all day everyday with no distractions but in my daily practice it is a much more subtle transformation. Our society conditions us to crave for pleasant or even extreme peak experiences. We want to take a pill or shortcut but there isn't one. Be patient and gentle with yourself. Don't strive too hard. Read some dhamma books and Just be wherever you are on the path.

Hey, everyone. I've been neurotic pretty much my entire life, and I've accumulated a lot of anxious and fear-based thinking habits and irrational beliefs and fears. Pursuing enlightenment has just compounded it all and I feel like I'm stuck with nowhere to go, no way to move forward. I practice remaining as awareness as often as I can, but the conditioning is just so powerful. I've watched Leo's video on neuroticism and have learned a lot from other sources as well, but it just feels like my cup is just way too damn full. I think part of the problem is that I want answers to all of my questions, but I have absolutely no answers and it's hard to be comfortable with that. Maybe being comfortable with all of the unknowns is the answer and if it is I need to find a way to start practicing that. At this point I'm questioning everything. If enlightenment is real, if self-transformation is possible, etc. I am just so confused about what I want and how to go about achieving it. Side note: I've been doing a lot of work on the nature of the separate self for the last several months, and suffice it to say that the separate self does seem to be completely illusory. It seems like the more of the illusion I become aware of, the more fearful and anxious and depressed, etc. I become. I'm just sick of being stuck in limbo. I don't know how to progress forward, and it's laughable at this point to even consider the possibility of turning back and trying to pretend I can find peace, happiness, and all of the deep meaningful things that humans want out of life by getting a career, family, more money, etc. To sum it all up: I'm confused as shit, don't know how the fuck to progress on the path, and don't know how to deal with my neuroticism. I have a deep desire to start working on the neuroticism and would love to know if anyone knows of a framework I can use to go about doing it. Any other helpful suggestions are also welcome.

"Enlightenment is not something to be achieved, it is just to be lived. When I say that I achieved enlightenment, I simply mean that I decided to live it......Consciousness coming back to the original source is what I call enlightenment. This blissfulness happens here and now." Osho My suggestion is stop looking for shortcuts and quick fixes. You're wasting your time and energy focusing on some abstract future idea which you see as better than where you are. Be here now. It's all there is. Nirvana is not in the future. Not a place you are going to get to or something to achieve. Start asking yourself why you think that so called "enlightenment" is better than where you are now. Our consumer society have conditioned you to believe that there is a quick solution for everything. There isn't. They do this because it makes money. There is no quick way to get abs, shiny hair, white teeth, skinny. No pill that will make you permanently happy. No enlightenment to achieve, attain or accomplish. Just be present and you will see that you are already that which you seek. For further information on this subject - What is enlightenment Points to consider - ...within Buddhism a teacher who assertively advertises himself as enlightened -- especially "fully enlightened" -- is to be regarded with great suspicion.... ...try not to be impressed by self-proclaimed enlightened masters who perform miracles as proof. Even assuming the guy can walk on water and conjure rabbits out of hats, a great many Buddhist scriptures warn that practicing to develop magic powers is not the same thing as enlightenment. There are many stories in many sutras about monks who practiced to develop supernatural powers who then came to a bad end... ...Claims that an allegedly enlightened being has undergone some sort of bodily transformation ought to be regarded with several large grains of salt. Several years ago an American teacher in a Tibetan lineage tested positive for the AIDS virus but remained sexually active, thinking that his enlightened body would transform the virus into something harmless. Well, he died of AIDS, but not before infecting other people. Apparently he never explored the question who is the being that is enlightened deeply enough.... ...The Diamond Sutra in particular is full of admonishments about claims of and attachments to individual enlightenment, attributes or merits... ...Enlightenment is the essential nature of all beings; "individual enlightenment" is an oxymoron.... ...An enlightened being may be free of sickness, old age and death, but the physical body even of the Buddha succumbed to these things... ...Spiritual seekers often think of enlightenment as something we might obtain that will make our present self into something better...